A Limerick & An Announcement

I've often been called peripatetic
With a serious thing I'd forget it

But there'd be hell to pay
If I forgot to say

I have a new blog with a nicer aesthetic.


That's right folks, I have a new blog. So if you want to keep up with me, please check out www.fullstinahead.com. I know, I know. I am just powerless when it comes to cheesy puns. So, thanks, Blogspot, but I think I'll take my leave of you now. It's been fun, but I need to move on.

Update your browsers! Hopefully by the end of the weekend, I'll be caught up on setting the thing up.

Thanks for reading!

A Running Stream of Consciousness

Yesterday (ETA: Two days ago. I didn't get this up in time, as I lost interest yesterday. Today will be another running day, so we'll see how that goes) I ran for the first time in weeks. Aren't y'all proud of me? I had gotten to the point where I'd be fine doing weight-lifting with minimal cardio, but had gotten into some kind of mental block when it came to running. This seriously needed to end, since I was bulking up on muscle, but not cutting fat. Not the most flattering set of circumstances. So I drank half of a Venom Energy Drink that I had in the fridge, hoping beyond hope that it would energize me enough to quit stalling. It, uh, worked?

And now a minute-by-minute breakdown of the run, on Wednesday June 22, at FFC on Halsted, circa 9:15 PM.

Min 1.--Tank top! Woo! Now I know that I'm serious about running. Gotta go stretch. Stretch stretch stretch.

Min 3.--Stretch stretch stretch. Wow those thigh exercises really worked yesterday. The groin stretch hurts. Heh, groin.

Min 5.--Stretch stretch stretch. Okay, maybe now you're stalling. The treadmill can wait all night for you, ya know.

Min 6.--Okay! Treadmill. Ooh, first I have to find Bravo, 'cause Top Chef: Masters is on. It's a tradition to run to the sweet sights of gourmet food and overly dramatic chefs. I need to be in my comfort zone. Speeds 1.0 & 1.5.

Min 7.--Speeds 2.0 & 2.5. We're walking, we're walking. Come on, I'm ready to go! Symphony this weekend. I wonder what I'm going to wear.

Min 8.--Speeds 3.0 & 3.5. I should buy a skirt or something. What? You mean not pants? I know, what's up with that? What is this boy doing to you? Maybe you should wear an aporn and bake a pie. Hey, let's not get ahead of ourselves now. I'm far from domestic, coaster obsession aside. But seriously, coasters are necessary on wooden tables like ours. Rings look horrible in the wood. JUST USE A COASTER.

Min 9.--Speeds 4.0 & 4.5. Woo, speeding up. This is more like it. A light jog for my little legs. Ooh, I'd like a mandarin orange right now. Thanks Top Chef. Who are these people? And that is just not Padma. I'm not sure how much I care about these "Masters." They're too respectful of everyone, and the critics just aren't as mean. Where's the fun in that?

Min 10.--Speed 5.0. Aaaand we're running. Hurrah! Ow. No, seriously, OW. I, uh, think I need a new sportsbra. Dang. This really hurts. Will I look like a complete dork if I just hold my chest for a little while? Until the less bouncy speeds. I mean, I'm running next to girls. They'll understand.

Min 11.--Speed 5.5. Aww, yeah. Here we go. Ow, still hurts, though. What was the name of that thigh exercise I did yesterday? What muscle group is that? Not the Quads. That other muscle. Well, whatever, those muscles are still kinda sore.

Min 12.--Speed 5.5. Doo doo doo. Jogging along, singing this song. Doooooo. Whoa, plating drama on the show! How exciting could this get?!

Min 13.-- Speed 5.5. Wow, I'm out of shape, aren't I? I'm already starting to get slightly winded. That's not normal. I still have over 15 minutes left of actual running. And it's only going to get much worse. Just watch the TV. Let TV solve all of your problems.

Min 14.--Speed 5.5. This episode is really boring. They're too nice to each other. The food looks good. Look at the food. Not!Padma isn't very interesting. But, hey, Gail Simmons. She's a good standard for the Top Chef viewing experience.

Min 15.--Speed 5.5. Woo-I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it. I'm about to lose control and I think I like it! I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it. And I know, I know, I know, I know. I know I want you, want you!

Min 16.--Speed 6.0. Here we go. This is the stuff. I missed you, 6.0. The two of us have spent so many hours together. In perfect harmony. It's almost like coming home. Ow, okay. I'm moving, I'm moving.

Min 17.--Speed 6.0. Wow, this really isn't so bad. Yeah, I'll be fine for the rest of the run. Awesome! For the first time, I feel really good. AAADRENAAALIIIINE! WOOOHOOOO!

Min 18. --Speed 6.0. Dude. Hey, dude. I think you should go for 6.5 when you hit 20 minutes. I know that you said to yourself that today was a mild run to get back into this, but I don't think it'll be a problem. You're doing fine. You can totally do 5 minutes at 6.5. Awesome, let's do it.

Min 19.--Speed 6.0. Oh man, oh man, oh man. I'm starting to get tired again. I don't know about this, self. I don't know if I can go up to 6.5 yet. I'm scared, dude. This is going to suck. I know it's going to suck. I don't wanna. I don't wanna. OH STOP IT. You already told yourself that you were going to do this. You'll hate yourself if you back out. YOU CAN DO IT! Suck it up and run! It's only going to be for 5 minutes.

Min 20.--Speed 6.0. Okay. Okay. I can do this. It'll be okay. Just watch the TV and hope that boring commercials don't come on to stretch out the minutes. You are so hardcore. You can do it. This is nothing. Remember how you used to regularly run for 10 minutes on 6.5? And those times that you went up to 15 minutes? Hey, hey remember when you did 5 minutes on 7.0. That was pretty awesome. You didn't even vomit afterwards. I was so proud of you. Okay, brace yourself. Cause here...we...go.

Min 21. (The Point of No Return)--Speed 6.5. Omigodomigodomigod. I'm going to die. This is it. Why did I think I could do this? It is too soon to be this fast. My legs are going to fall off. I know it. I'm going to end up legless like that mother in Home, the uber-creepy, banned episode of The X-Files, where her sons keep her on a rolling platform under the bed so they can, uh....Oh god, I'm creeping myself out here. Keepgoingkeepgoing.

Min 22.--Speed 6.5. I'mgoingtodieI'mgoingtodieI'mgoingtodie. How do I still have 3.5 minutes left? That's wrong. I've been running at this speed for at least 2 minutes. I know I have. STOP LYING TO ME, MACHINE. I just know you're going to start going backwards and make me run for like 10 minutes on the horrible speed. AAAAH.

Min 23.--Speed 6.5. You know, you can stop at any time and nobody would know. Just push that little button right there and all of this pain will go away. You don't have to answer to anyone but yourself. It's okay. Just push that button and stop punishing yourself. You deserve it. GAH. NO. I WILL NOT LET YOU TRICK ME. Two more minutes. You can do two more minutes. JUST SUCK IT UP AND RUN.

Min 24.--Speed 6.5. Was that you? Did you just make a little whimpering noise? I don't think that girl next to you heard. She's engrossed in some reality TV show where people are encouraged to take their clothes off and scream at each other. OH GOD THIS HURTS. IwanttodieIwanttodieIwanttodie. #*&%#&%#?!?!?! A COMMERCIAL?! I NEED YOU, TOP CHEF! I NEED YOUR DISTRACTION, NOT THE DAMN FREECREDITREPORT.COM SINGERS.

Min 25.--Speed 6.5. Onemoreminuteonemoreminuteonemoreminute. I CAN DO IT. I CAN DO IT! Okay, okay. Focus on your breathing. DON'T LOOK AT THE CLOCK. Breathe in. Breathe out. Your legs are okay. Your lungs are okay. You're okay. You won't die. 29, 28, 27, 26. Okay, look at the TV again. Distract yourself. SOON. SOOOOON! 12, 11, 10, omigod, 8, 7, 6, aaah, 4, 3, 2, 1...ARROW DOWN ARROW DOWN ARROW DOWN.

Min 26.--Speed 6.0. This is so much harder than it was earlier. Well that's a no-brainer, stupid. You exhausted yourself with stupid 6.5, after you haven't been running at all. Now you're going to have to push yourself harder next time or you won't feel like you're doing this right. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!

Min 27.--Speed 6.0. OHHH...Lollipop, lollipop, oh lolli-lolli. Lollipop. (POP!) Ba dum dum...

Min 28.--Speed 6.0. I'm exhausted now. I should just give up. NO! Don't give up! You're so close! What would Starbuck say to your giving up? She doesn't give up. She dragged her ass around a no-atmo red moon with a broken knee and then rigged a crashed Raider to fly. And you want to stop running on a little treadmill....Dude, Starbuck isn't REAL. Well she's real to me, so just shut your hole.

Min 29.--Speed 6.0. Gotta remember to get 4.5 on Tuesday. So soon! For, uh, Mike & Laura to watch. Of course. You shouldn't have watched that fan vid today. You don't even like fan videos, but now you're all BSGing. What's the deal? Well that fan vid was really really good, actually. Not like most of them. This one had surprisingly awesome editing & appropriate clips, perfect musical selection, and was a really nice take on the relationship. It almost made me cry. Shut up, I have lots of feelings okay? My mouth is dry. I really want some water. Do you think that girl would get me some water if I asked? She seems nice...

Min 30.--Speed 6.0. I've been meaning to talk to you about something, now that you've reminded me. Now, don't take this the wrong way, but you need to hear it. Dude, I think you may be a shipper. AND THAT'S OKAY. I mean, only a shipper would get excited about seeing a nice fan video about a fictional relationship on a TV show that's been over for months. Just own it. You don't have a livejournal. You don't post on the message boards. You're not very scary. But come on. Dude.

Min 31.--Speed 5.5. Oh wow, that's better. Ouch, back to the older issue, though. Let's just hold them there. But dude, I am not a shipper. How could you even say that? No, no, it's okay. You take an intellectual approach to shipping and aren't in it only for the "squee." You tend to like the pairings more the more you think about them. THAT'S OKAY. You're just kind of a shipper. At least you don't write fanfic. That crosses all kinds of lines. But you are kind of into that aspect of fandom. Not only that aspect, but it's a significant part of your viewing experience. At least with some shows, like BSG. I mean, you go on rants. Like right now in your head.

Min 32.--Speed 5.0. But, but Those Shippers are crazy. I mean, that's the totally nutso part of the fandom. Certainly the K/L side of it, I know. And I'm sure people see the (clearly much saner & superior) K/S contingent in a similar way. I just don't want to think of myself in those terms. I don't think you are. But you do like it. If you liked them because of the pretty, well, that would be different. But you're all about the themes of the show and epicness! Man, I'm excited to rewatch 4.5 in its baffling contrariness. So soon! So say we all!

Min 33.--Speeds 4.5 & 4.0. OH, THANK YOU, I CAN WALK AGAIN. My legs are kinda shaky now. And--WHOA--did, did that treadmill just move?! DID THE GROUND JUST MOVE?! No? I guess I'm just really dizzy then. That's not a good sign.

Min 34.--Speeds...wait, what? Did you just "accidentally" knock the reset button on the treadmill. You dumb...sigh. Just go stretch. It's over. No use salvaging it, although I would have liked to see how much we ran. But that's fine. FINE. It's over. Hobble over there and start mentally preparing, because you're doing this again in a couple of days.

Min 37.--Locker Room-- oh ow owowowww...I still don't think I'm a shipper....

Fin

Shut up Metal Mouth

Random life things:

1. I realized a few days ago that I have completely stopped biting my nails. For the first time, in I can't remember how long, I'll have to use an emery board to file nail length, rather than just smooth out rough edges. I'm having issues typing on my iPhone, it's gotten that bad. The funny thing is, I can't even remember making the conscious effort to stop. It's not like I'm (ha!) living a completely stress-free life (HAHAHA). Between my moving and realizing that I seriously need to study for the LSATs, my nails should probably be bloody stumps. Gross Imagery FTW! See, I always told the adults in my life that I'd grow out of that bad habit. No need to smear my nails with chili oil or nag at me. Things just need to run their own course. *nods vaguely & closes eyes*

2. Things I need for my new room: lamp (I love lamp!), new bookcase for my cheesy sci-fi mysteries, art, and clothes organization stuff. Also, new clothes and shoes. It's getting ridiculous.

3. The general consensus of the ENTIRE dental community is that I need braces or my jaw could fall off. Dude. Maybe I should have learned this when I was a pre/teenager, when everyone else was getting them and bonding over their stupid wax and rubber bands and adjustments. Maybe I wanted my gums to bleed as well! And I can't even get my wisdom teeth out until I get a consultation regarding the braces. They're going to try to scare me. I know they are. They're going to tell me that this popping that my jaw does, because I hold my jaw a certain way to self-correct for my overbite, is really awful and my jaw could snap at any moment. Like a carrot stick being munched by an overenthused rabbit. What's up doc, indeed. I don't even know if I should be freaked out by this or not. Maybe I just need a night guard, but I think they're going to go for the actual braces. So yeah, not too excited about that, but if it makes my teeth better than who am I to complain? I just want my wisdom teeth out, and I may come out of it with thousands of dollars worth of dental work. Good thing I got that Premium dental insurance, huh? This is why I hate going places and getting things looked at. Too much hassle. And I just know I'm going to get every food stuck in my braces and turn into a pre-teen dork. They probably won't be any cool colors and they'll give me generic rubber bands. And none of the popular kids with their pink braces will want to sit with me at lunch & share their wax with me.

4. The Dwight Schrute lookalike that I've been pseudodating doesn't even know how to spell my name. We've emailed with my full name spelled out (he's even asked me about the "Maria" thing) and he still doesn't get it, which means that he's clearly not paying attention in order to be more awkward. I think this is the social tic that broke my patience. NO H. NO H. NO H. GOD. I could correct him, but why bother at this point? Other people get it and have commented on the fact that I don't spell it with an h. And because of that, I'm going to the Art Institute and dinner with him this Friday and not out to drinks with Dwight. Because seriously. Seriously! Am I being too weird about this? Did I just need a really lame excuse?

5. My cat also needs expensive dental work. I've always known that Gus and I had too much in common for our own good. For the record, I will also play fetch with you. But only with balloons. <> I like their feel in my hand. < /creep >

6. That reminds me, I really want to learn HTML stuff and learn how to actually design something on the interwebs. Like a website, for example. Still want my own real page, and not blogger, which seems to be mostly populated by teens who need to vent in a safe zone because NOBODY UNDERSTANDS THEIR PAIN or, like, people talking nonstop about their children. I'm too cool for you, internet.

7. I need to go on a budget, y'all. Seriously. I may have to use Quicken or something. This is getting real. REAL. But, hey, going to Pitchfork soon! I'm pretty excited, and will probably come out of it hating people. Like most crowd situations. But most people that I know will be going, so that'll be fun. In a really weird and potentially uncomfortable way.

8.

9. I drink coffee with my rice krispie treat dessert. Rounds out the meal. I'm classy like that.

10. I think I am crippled by my need for all those around me to think that I'm a nice person. I don't care if you think I dress like a 12-year old boy or need to comb my hair, or smell like coffee, just say I'm nice and I'll be okay. It's my nice Southern upbringing, y'all! I actually felt bad that the drunk, annoying tourists on the bus this morning (seriously, drunk at 8:45 AM!) were being ignored by the Very Important Yuppies and were obviously upset about it. They were total jackasses after they got off the bus, and told us all off. Then they flipped us the bird from the sidewalk. And probably vomited on the street or something, I don't know. But I did feel bad that they were obviously distressed. Not enough to actually try to engage them in conversation, but still! It, uh, crossed my mind. Still nice! Look at how nice I am!

Dear Comcast, Frak You

"There is literally no one in the world that I don't hate right now."-Toby Ziegler, The West Wing

Excuse me while I put my bitch pants on, because today has been a hell of a day.

Ahem, okay. Today was supposed to be a busy, but relatively simple day. When I woke up in the morning, I was supposed to clean the coffee pot, make and drink some coffee, get cat food, and if I had time before noon, go to the gym. In the afternoon, I needed to wait for Comcast to return their DVR and modem, so I'll be finally done with them. Hopefully that would only take a couple of hours and then I could come back, make my strata and have a nice afternoon/evening cooking & cleaning my room.

Well, that was the plan. The actual day became far more complex.

The day started with my snoozing the alarm about fifteen times. Okay, so I didn't get up as early as I wanted. That's okay. I may not make it to the gym in the morning, but I can just go after Comcast guy shows up. It's okay. Time to go to Petsmart.

Next I took the 151 to Sheridan & Surf, and got some Oral Hygiene pet food, kitty litter & jumbo liners. Without paying any kind of attention, I got onto the 36 and headed home, with what turned out to be only one bag. Once I got back to my apartment, I realized I left the food at Petsmart. The only thing that I really needed. Well, I guess it's time to go back to Petsmart and pick the bag up. I get a cab and am out $11. Not happy.

I'm a little angry at this point, but the day can still be salvaged. I've got enough time to play around on the internet and then go get some coffee and breakfast. I decide to try out Phoebe's Cupcakes, since they've got this really interesting breakfast cupcake, reminiscent of pancakes with a bacon side. I got that and some coffee and headed over to the apartment. The cupcake was a little too sweet (certainly for a person who just got a filling) but otherwise delicious. I managed to ignore the fact that it felt like glass shards were digging into my gum. The day was looking up.

Clean clean clean. By that I mean, gathering some left over things and shoving them into bags. Also, throwing other things away. Mostly I do it lazy-like and play around on my phone. No biggie. I almost enjoy waiting for the Comcast guy.

Three hours later, I start to worry. Okay, so the guy may come closer to five. Fine. That's inconvenient, but whatever. I start looking out of the window for signs of a Comcast truck and I start to have difficulty getting comfortable.

At 4:30, I'm completely pissed off. And my phone dies, since it's my only distraction from the long wait. I go downstairs to wait some more. No excuses. I WILL CATCH THE COMCAST GUY.

5:00. I do believe I've been stood up. At this point, I'm so incredibly angry and my gum is killing me from where the dentist had to CUT PART OF IT AWAY to get to a particularly nasty cavity. I'm also starving. Did I mention that I was mad?

At this point, I no longer want to go to the gym and am way too hungry yet don't want to eat because my gum is now excruciatingly painful.

"Flames...on the side of my face...breathing, breathless, heaving breaths...heaving..."-Mrs. White, Clue

I'm going to wash my pans and cook myself something nice and soft, like eggs, and watch some True Blood. I'm not going to bitch at Comcast yet, since I KNOW they're going to tell me that a technician showed up at, like, 12:3o, but didn't call me for some bizarre reason. He also knocked on the outer door and saw that nobody was in the lobby, so instead of calling my apartment from the box, he just decided that nobody was home. I know nobody called. I HAD MY PHONE AT ALL TIMES. But this has actually happened before, so I am going to take a break today, and just call them tomorrow. I don't need that kind of anger right now. They are totally making me suffer for discontinuing their service. I know they are. I can tell. Spiteful bastards. I thought their guilt trips when I discontinued over the phone would be the extent of it. Apparently not.

Floor exercises instead of the gym and bacon & eggs instead of a proper dinner. That's okay. It's almost the gym. It's okay.

Deep breaths, calm thoughts. It will all be okay.

Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream Also Heals Compound Fractures and Cures Malaria

I have been very seriously thinking about purchasing a domain name and making myself an actual web page for this blog.

Brain: That's one of the dumbest things that I've ever heard.

Ahem, I've thought about it for a while, and this template is pretty lame, and I kind of hate the url. I could maybe try to figure out how to design it, or I could find someone to do it for me. I just kind of want to have a real webpage with a real blog which, you know, looks nice

Brain: So what you're telling me is that you're an elitist. A webpage elitist.

Uh, I was looking at urls and cristinamartin.com was taken. If only I actually did something interesting or had a nickname or fun title.

Brain: You have a nickname. Several, in fact.

http://www.stin.com/ isn't very compelling. Uh, maybe if I could think of some sort of pun?

Brain: ...

Hey, how 'bout that new apartment, huh? I should make that asparagus strata tonight. If I don't want to curl up and die after the dentist today. Why did I have to develop this random canker sore like a day before my dentist appointment? What is she going to think about me?

Brain: DUDE, WHY ARE YOU TELLING THEM THIS?

I don't have herpes. But I have a family history of canker sores. It's common in women. Stop looking at me like that. It is! Plus it's really really rare for me to get one these days. I can't remember the last time I did. Of course, my lips decide to flare up just in time to see someone paid to EXAMINE MY MOUTH.

Brain: You know, you could have something terribly wrong with you. Like Celiac disease.

I have Celiac disease. Crap. Now I have to eliminate the gluten from my diet. I like gluten. Bah. I just wish this weren't so painful and gross. I want my dentist to keep thinking good things about me. And now she'll be all poking around in my mouth trying to be professional but totally staring at a horrible ulcer that may or may not remind her of an STD.

Brain: It's not like you were trying to pick her up. I'm sure she's seen much worse. I doubt she'll think you have herpes.

STOMACH: YOU KNOW WHAT WILL SOLVE THIS PROBLEM? 4 HALF-GALLONS OF BLUE BELL HOMEMADE VANILLA ICE CREAM. IT IS SO WORTH $119.

Huh, I'm suddenly kind of hungry. And in desperate need of a cold, creamy, and refreshing dessert.

Brain: I could lecture you on how you're supposed to be saving money now, but I don't think I'm going to win this one. Plus, I think we all want Blue Bell here. Just go back to reading www.pamie.com. I don't think you will ever be her, if that's what this whole thing has been about.

Now wouldn't that be much more interesting in a proper webpage? If any of you have fun domain name ideas or just want to tell me how ridiculous I am, please leave a comment.

Nostalgia, Y'all!

I'm in a Texas mood, y'all. And I promise I won't end every sentence with the word "y'all." Okay, starting now. I don't know. I think this has been sneaking up on me for a while. I think, hrmm. I think I miss Texas. Texas has a culture that I can understand and even embrace. After a zillion years here in the Midwest, I still don't understand some things. What's the deal with baseball? Why does everyone love it? I think it's boring. Does that make me less of an American? Why don't we just watch football instead? Can I still like apple pie?

But Texas. OH TEXAS. Here's a crash course for all you Yankees. Everyone North of Texas is a Yankee, by the way. Even if you're from Oklahoma. Not kidding.

1. Y'all is one of the most amazing words in the English language. Both y'all and ya'll are acceptable. Y'all is actually singular, um, ish. It refers to a few people at a time. If I were addressing a whole big group of people, I would say "all y'all." Not kidding. Thems the rules. Also, everyone says y'all. Whether you're a businessman, doctor or school teacher. It's a perfectly legitimate word. And much easier to say than "you guys."

2. While many people do not have accents, sometimes certain words come out in certain accenty-nuanced ways. In big cities it is not seen as a sign of poor education or breeding. It's just the way that people talk. Sometimes I do it by accident. Sometimes I like to do it. The other day I said something and had to stop myself and formally declare, "My god, that was SO TEXAN." I was almost proud of myself for not losing my speech patterns to the Midwest.

3. "Shit" is a common exclamation, and oh so much fun to say. But not like that. It is pronounced "she-it" and you say it all slow and lazy. It's great. Most often used when you can't believe what your friend is telling you. Sometimes it involves the "bull-" prefix, if you're calling them out. Great word, and everyone knows exactly what you mean.

4. Pecan is pronounced "peh-cahn" NOT "PEE-can." I will correct you every time. What? You know, it's my damn state tree, I sure as hell know how to pronounce the word. Why yes I do think it's that big of a deal. Oh shut up.

5. While the rest of the country eats Egg McMuffins for breakfast, I'd rather have breakfast tacos from TC (Taco Cabana). The best chain barbecue joint (with amazing creamed corn and cobbler and barbecue sauce) is Rudy's. Shiner is the beer of choice to go with that BBQ, of course. I'll never understand all these Northern women who don't eat. Every Texas Girl I know can pack away a steak dinner with Shiner every now and then. Damn straight. And don't even get me started on Blue Bell Ice Cream.

6. Too Late. Homemade Vanilla Blue Bell Ice Cream is without a doubt the best ice cream I've ever eaten in my entire life. That is completely true and without hyperbole. I've had Ben & Jerry's, Breyers, Edys and many more, but Blue Bell will always have my heart. Anyone familiar? Y'all, it is so delicious, I can't even handle it. I was watching True Blood the other day, and the main character was eating Blue Bell, and I completely lost my shit. NOW I WANT IT. I am very seriously looking into shipping costs. They do ship Blue Bell, for us poor displaced Southerners, at $119 for 4 half-gallons of any flavors. And I'm still thinking of doing it. DOES ANYONE WANT TO HAVE AN ICE CREAM PARTY? ON THE ROOF OF MY BUILDING? And, uh, pitch in to get this amazing ice cream? :D

7. If I say "I'm fixin' ta go to the HEB, want a coke?" and you say yes, don't be upset if I bring you back some Sprite or Dr. Pepper or the hideously awful Big Red (I don't understand why people like it). You didn't specify. It ain't pop or soda or soda pop. It's coke. The machine is a coke machine, even if it doesn't sell Coca Cola. I may say soda in life, but I know what you mean when you ask me if I want a coke.

8. I don't care if you've never seen college football or are an alum from a Texas university. You will either be a Longhorn or an Aggie. I don't care about college football and have no affiliation with either university, but I still say "hook 'em." You just know. Kids choose their sides and stick to them. If you're actually a Texas Tech fan, you will hate one marginally less than the other.

I could keep going, but I grow weary of this. Does anyone watch King of the Hill? Is that funny to anyone outside of Texas? I mean, it's full of Texas injokes and mockeries. e.g., a Lu Ann Platter is something specifically Texan, not just the name of one of the characters.

I honestly think I'm going to apply to UT Law School, when the time comes. I've always said that Austin was a place I could see myself living, and UT has a fantastic law school. I'm starting to scare myself here, because if I really want to go back to Texas, I need to start hitting the LSAT books hard. I need a damn good score to get in there, and maybe the score itself won't be enough. But I think I may try. I'll apply to other places around the country, even a couple here in Chicago, but I am honestly thinking that I could be very happy going to UT.

Did anyone see this coming?

Regret

Dear [Redacted]

Hi. Um, hello. You may remember me. You may not. I remember you. I remember you asking me to dance at the Sockhop in Fifth Grade. That was my first ever dance with a boy. My mom was there and she gave me a smile and a thumbs up. You made my week.

I remember when we sat diagonally across one another in Pre-Algebra in Sixth Grade. I remember how we got into the smart section, and I was so happy that we were both good at math. I remember how we would always talk before the classroom was unlocked and I remember that one of my friends told me that she thought you might like me. You couldn't have liked me. You were a popular kid and I was me. By sixth grade, I had learned the distinctions.

I remember liking you, though. You were always so nice, and I really liked that. In a school filled with pretentious kids who threw money around and were jackasses to people who didn't fit a plastic mold. But you were nice. You were nice to me. And I liked you. Most of the girls in the grade did, but I felt like I kind of got you. Like we had some weird connection based more on words than pheremones. Not that you weren't cute. Of course you were. You know you were. But we were kind of friends. Friends, yet not really friends.

Of course the crush continued. I remember, after I had a little dating experience with some jackass who played video games when we were on the phone, thinking about dating you. I think we could have gotten along well for a couple of weeks in Eighth Grade. At the Eighth Grade dance, I decided to ask you to dance. Um, a lot. I know, I know. It was obvious and you totally knew. Everyone knew. In fact, one of my, um, "friends" asked me flat out if I liked you. She said that if I said yes, she would tell you and you would ask me out.

I should have known better. She told you and I never heard anything back. The next Monday, I remember walking in front of you and one of your jerkass friends, and he loudly talked about you and your girlfriend for my benefit. Girlfriend? I was mortified. I vaguely remember you telling him to shut up, but I didn't care. I was hurt and upset and only had myself to blame. Now I can see that it doesn't matter so much. But at the time it was excruciating. Later, the girl came and told me that you would have asked me out, but you had just started to date this other, older girl. Why are kids so unnecessarily mean to one another? By that I mean, why were they so mean to me?

So, I got jaded. A little more cynical. You obviously didn't actually like me. I misinterpreted everything over the past few years, and I decided that you were as big of an asshole as your jerkass friend. But you moved away at the end of the year, and that made me sad. I'd still miss you and our dumb little talks.

In Ninth Grade, I heard that you were coming back for two weeks to visit. And then you called me. You called me and told me everything I ever wanted to hear. You told me that you liked me and wanted to go out with me when you were here. We could all go as two big groups, your friends and mine, but we'd go see some movie together. I think we settled on Primary Colors for some strange reason.

I have to tell you, I was SO excited. I told all my friends. Out of all the girls in the grade you could have called, you called ME. Little nerdy me. You hadn't forgotten our awkward talks by the classroom door. They actually meant something to you like what they meant for me.

I remember, a couple of days before it was set up, one of my friends had a birthday party dinner. Of course, I couldn't help talking about this. I invited the people there to come with me as part of my "group of friends." Later on in the night, I heard some strange gossip from another "friend" that you were apparently going to stand me up! That's the only reason you asked me to go to the movie. And for good measure, you'd asked her too!

I should have known better. I believed her. Suddenly, all the girls there were indignant on my behalf, and told me that I should just not show up. I should stand you up instead. Instead of thinking the best about you like before, I suddenly thought the worst. I didn't go.

So then you called me the day after it should have happened, and practically wailed "why didn't you go?" I was horrified. You, you weren't going to stand me up? You actually wanted to see me? I quickly made up some sort of lie that I suddenly couldn't go and didn't know how to reach you, as I stared at the Caller ID. So you did what any nice boy does, and we made the same date for the next weekend. This time for real.

I don't remember exactly how it happened, but I stood you up again. Maybe I really couldn't go this time, and really couldn't get ahold of you? I hope that's what it was. Maybe I was scared that this was an elaborate ruse just to make me look like an idiot? I wish I could remember. But I stood you up on your last weekend in San Antonio, and I didn't hear from you after that.

But that's not where the story ends. I saw you one more time. This time, Senior Year of High School. Early on in the school year, you came with your mom (a former SMH teacher) to visit. I was suddenly very nervous. I remembered standing you up. I remembered feeling awful about it afterwards, even though my friends thought it was the most hilarious thing in the world. Good for you, they'd tell me. Yeah, good for me.

I saw you in the hall. You looked a little different, but I could still recognize you. You were talking with the "popular kids," of course. Your mom was talking with her former classmates, all grown up. I'd grown up too. A little more pain in my life, but a little more sure of myself. I now hiked my skirt up like the rest of the girls and wore a bit of makeup. Almost ready for college. I was so sure that you wouldn't recognize me.

But you did. You saw me in that hallway and practically shouted my name. You seemed so happy to see me. You even gave me a hug. Well, I guess you're not holding a grudge about Primary Colors, I thought to myself. We chatted a bit about who knows what, but I remember leaving the conversation with a huge smile. You remembered me. Fondly. I later talked with your mom for a bit and found out that you were all living in Chicago. In Chicago! I was applying to The University of Chicago, I told her. She made some comment about me maybe staying with y'all if I came to visit the school. She probably meant it, but that never actually happened. I sometimes wish that it did.

I never saw you again. A few years later we found each other on Facebook, of course, and I discovered that you were going to DePaul. And for some reason, it gave me a twinge of sadness to find out that you were madly in love with who I'm sure is a very lovely girl. Not that I'm upset that you're happy. Of course not. I just wonder sometimes if you and I could have ever been something. I know, Middle School, right? Not exactly the love of anyone's life. But still, it would have given me a burst of much needed confidence, something I'm still waiting for sometimes.

We probably don't have anything in common anymore. Although, I did discover that your current Facebook profile picture is a picture from Dinosaurs, which made me so very happy and also makes me think that we could still find ways to understand each other. I think you still live in Chicago, but we'll never see each other. And that's okay.

I guess, I don't know. I don't know why I'm thinking about this now. I guess that I just wanted to say I'm sorry that I didn't go to that movie with you. I should have. My high school experiences could have used just one event where the popular soccer player wants to spend time with nerdy little me, and ignores the rules of prep school society. I'm sorry I bought into them as much as your dumb friends, because I wanted to feel the way that I felt when you first asked me to dance at the Sockhop in Fifth Grade when none of that mattered.

Thank you for that. I'm sorry I'm such a putz.

-Cristina

Quantitative Proof I Watch Too Much TV

2 posts in 1 day! But this one barely counts, as it's just some meme from some stranger's blog:

- Bold all of the following TV shows which you've ever seen 3 or more episodes of in your lifetime. - Italicize a show if you're positive you've seen every episode of it. - If you want, add up to 3 additional shows (keep the list in alphabetical order), but you must delete one show for each one that you add.

24
7th Heaven
ALF
Alias
American Gothic
America's Next Top Model
Angel
Arrested Development
Babylon 5
Batman: The Animated Series
Battlestar Galactica (the old one)
Battlestar Galactica (the new one)
Baywatch (I WAS YOUNG, I DIDN'T KNOW BETTER)
Beverly Hills 90210
Bewitched
Bonanza
Bones
Bosom Buddies
Boston Legal
Boy Meets World
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Californication
Castle
Chappelle’s Show
Charlie’s Angels
Charmed
Cheers
Chuck
Clarissa Explains it All
Columbo
Criminal Minds
Crossing Jordan
CSI
CSI: Miami
CSI: NY
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Dark Angel (see Baywatch explanation)
Dark Skies
DaVinci’s Inquest
Dawson’s Creek
Dead Like Me
Deadwood
Degrassi: The Next Generation
Designing Women
Dexter
Dharma & Greg
Different Strokes
Doctor Who
Dollhouse (well, every episode so far)
Dragnet
Due South
ER
Entourage
Everybody Loves Raymond
Facts of Life
Family Guy
Farscape
Fawlty Towers
Felicity
Firefly
Frasier
Friends
Fringe
Futurama
Get Smart
Gilligan's Island
Gilmore Girls
Gossip Girl
Grey's Anatomy
Grange Hill
Growing Pains
Gunsmoke
Happy Days
Hercules: the Legendary Journeys
Heroes
Home Improvement
Homicide: Life on the Street
House
I Dream of Jeannie
Invader Zim
Invasion
Hell's Kitchen
JAG
Jackass
Joey
Kim Possible
Knight Rider
Knight Rider: 2008
Kung Fu
Kung Fu: The Legend Continues
La Femme Nikita
LA Law
Laverne and Shirley
Las Vegas
Law and Order: SVU
Leverage
Little House on the Prairie
Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman
Lost
Lost in Space
MASH
MacGyver
Malcolm in the Middle
Married... With Children
McLeods Daughters
Melrose Place
Miami Vice
Mission: Impossible
Monk
Moonlight
Mork & Mindy
Murphy Brown
My Life As A Dog
My Three Sons
My Two Dads
Mythbusters
NCIS
Ned Bigby's Declassified School Survival Guide
Nip/Tuck
Numb3rs
One Tree Hill
Oz
Perry Mason
Power Rangers
Press Gang
Prison Break
Private Practice
Privileged
Profiler
Project Runway (thank you bravo marathons!)
Psych
Pushing Daisies
Quantum Leap
Queer As Folk (US)
Queer as Folk (UK)
ReGenesis
Remington Steele
Rescue Me
Road Rules
ROME
Roseanne
Roswell
Sanctuary
Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?
Scrubs
Seaquest DSV
Seinfeld
Sex and the City
Six Feet Under
Slings and Arrows
Smallville
So Weird
South of Nowhere
South Park
Spongebob Squarepants
Star Trek
Star Trek: The Next Generation
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Star Trek: Voyager
Star Trek: Enterprise
Stargate Atlantis
Stargate SG-1
Starsky & Hutch
Superman
Supernatural
Surface
Survivor
Taxi
Teen Titans
That 70's Show
That's So Raven
The 4400
The Addams Family
The Amazing Race
The Andy Griffith Show
The A-Team
The Avengers
The Beverly Hillbillies
The Brady Bunch
The Cosby Show
The Daily Show
The Dead Zone
The Dick Van Dyke Show
The Flintstones
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
The Golden Girls
The Honeymooners
The Jeffersons
The Jetsons
The L Word
The Love Boat
The Magnificent Seven
The Mary Tyler Moore Show
The Monkees
The Munsters
The Office (US)
The Powerpuff Girls
The Pretender
The Real World
The Shield
The Simpsons
The Six Million Dollar Man
The Sopranos
The Suite Life of Zack and Cody
The Twilight Zone
The Waltons
The West Wing
The Wonder Years
The X-Files
Third Watch
Three's Company
Torchwood
Twin Peaks
Twitch City
Ugly Betty
Veronica Mars
Weeds
Whose Line is it Anyway? (US)
Whose Line is it Anyway? (UK)
Will and Grace
Wings
Xena: Warrior Princess (OH SHUT UP)

I Secretly Hope That She Spells Her Name "Lauren"

I'll have a real entry at some point, once I figure out about how I'm supposed get everything organized during this month for the big move. Oh, and once I am moved in, I'll probably try to take pictures and stuff to post here. Once I find the battery for my camera. Yeah, I don't know how I lost that either. MY STUDIO-LIFE IS SUCH A MESS.

BUT, I wanted (nay, needed!) to share this cinematic masterpiece with the few of you who still check this blog out. It is amazing.



I saw this on this site (thanks Melanie!), and I must agree. Muscles do not a relationship make. If the video was tongue-in-cheek, well, it would be hilarious. But it's completely sincere. Dude, it's been 2 years. She ain't coming back no matter how hard you flex.

Reading the youtube comments only makes me fear for some women. They seem to eat that stuff up with a spoon.

I haven't said this in a long time, but Dude, get over yourself.

Maybe I'm a Wizard After All!

Not witch. Wizard. According to The Dresden Files books, female magic practicioners are still "wizards." I think "witches" and "warlocks" are evil in that universe. Have I mentioned that I'm completely addicted to this series? It's not even that good, but I just can't get enough of it. For those of you unfamilar, The Dresden Files is a series with a wizard protagonist named Harry Dresden. He's kind of a grown-up Harry Potter with even more frightening parental issues. This series takes place in Chicago (woo!) and is kind of a cross between a supernatural thriller and a hard-boiled detective novel. It hits three of my buttons as once! Now can you see why I like it so much?

I'm already at Book #6, Blood Rites. It's awesome. What I like about this world is the fairly unique point of view it takes on Harry's magic, which is both recognizable from previous fiction and also fits into this world all on its own. Also, I TOTALLY KNEW that Chicago was a hotbed for supernatural activity. Everything happens here! For example, did you know that there is a whole supernatural world under Chicago called Undertown? Undertown is filled with nasty creatures that terrify even normal magical users. Under Chicago. Both main 'Courts' of Vampires in this Universe, Red and White, seem to have their headquarters (or significant holdings) in Chicago. The White Council of Wizards convenes in Chicago. Also, an enormous battle between the Summer and Winter Courts of the faeries (much more terrifying than they sound) took place in the skies above Lake Michigan. And the first mention of the University of Chicago was exciting, because apparently a gang of nerdy students became vigilante werewolves calling themselves the 'Alphas.'

So, it's fun. The author, Jim Butcher, isn't actually from Chicago, and apparently didn't even visit until after writing book #8. So he gets some things, um, wrong. The link above addresses some of the more problematic ones, like the fact that he thinks that the U of C is in Lincoln Park. Which, um, yeah. At least he described the students as more nerdy types rather than State School jocks, which is what the TV show did. The inconsistencies don't bother me too much. Strange, because normally they do. I guess I can overlook it when I'm having fun.

So why am I a wizard, again? According to The Dresden Files, technology keeps breaking down around wizards, because of the magical mojo that's constantly in the air around them. And that's been happening to me these past couple of weeks.

My wireless router accidentally got reset when I bought a replacement charger due to cat damage. That means that I can automatically connect to my wireless network, but can't actually go online for some reason. I've had to steal wireless from neighbors, and as a result, it's really really slow. I finally got fed up earlier in the week, and had to call Linksys to try to figure this situation out. My first technician told me that I needed two different ethernet cables, and I only had one. So I went out and bought another one immediately, because OMIGOD THIS PROBLEM NEEDED TO BE SOLVED. I went to the corner Radio Shack and got the cheapest ethernet cord I could find, and hurried back to get another technician. I tried calling again, and got immediately disconnected when technican #2 answered. My little eye started twitching at this point and I started yelling at the cats when they got in my way. It was getting bad.

Third time, right guys? Third time should do it! Well, at least I got a technician on the line. I explained my issue and even let him take control of my computer. I don't do that for just anyone, you know. To do this, I had to unplug my computer from its charger and plug it directly into the modem, since my router was having personal (and professional, if you ask me) problems. I was sitting on the floor, shoving nosy cats away, resetting my router and modem and restarting my computer time and time again. The dude wasn't helping.

Oh, and I forgot! I gave him my phone number in case we got disconnected, so that he could call me back. He was the one that asked for it, so I assume this has happened before. Anyway, now my network has lost my name and is "unsecured" BUT I STILL CAN'T CONNECT TO IT. It's just sitting there. Taunting me. Look at all my bars, Cristina. Don't you want optimum connectivity? YEAH, ROUTER. YEAH I DO. STOP BEING SUCH A DAMN TEASE.

I was so frustrated, and the only thing the technician could offer was to try to reset the router again. This time holding the button down for 10 seconds instead of 20. Blarg. At least it did something, even if I still can't connect. And then, after nearly 45 minutes on the phone with this dude, my crappy cell phone um, well, crapped out. I lost the connection. AND MY ROUTER WAS EVEN WORSE. But this is okay, right? I gave the guy my number. He was the one that asked for it! He'll call back, right? Right?

Yeah, he didn't. Figures. And I was so angry and so upset and so hungry at this point, that I gave up and made myself some tilapia. I just figured that I would plug my computer back in and keep using that weak unsecured signal. Except now, my computer doesn't recognize my charger, and can't charge! I don't even know how this happens, but it's not uncommon. For some reason, when I unplug my computer and try to plug it back in, it doesn't realize that it's plugged into the same charger, and freaks out on me. So right now, my computer is sitting at home, plugged in but not charging, with 58% of its battery left. Eventually, I'll have to do some sort of elaborate rain dance where I unplug it, change the battery settings, restart the computer, reset the power strip and try plugging it in again. That usually works, at least on the third try. But right now I'm too worn out from this to care. AND, Linksys just sent me a "Customer Satisfaction Survey" for my technical assistance. I think I'm going to tell them that the technician completely broke my router. I like my petty victories.

Also, my expensive headphones no longer play sound out of the left earbud. It makes working out kind of weird. And will probably cause my brain to implode or something. I don't know.

The answer is that I'm clearly a wizard. I have to be, right? Right?

[ETA: I just remembered another recent technology mishap. I bought a new album on iTunes and wanted to put it on my iPod, but due to a strange mishap involving updating iTunes and settings getting mixed up, when I plugged my iPod into my computer, it got erased and written over with random albums. BUT STRANGELY, some of the music already on the iPod (and some of the random transferred stuff) got transferred back to my computer, erasing the rest of the music that was already there. And now my iPod is a strange mix of all the music left on my computer, which is a strange mix. I lost 75% of my music, and most of the stuff that I listen to regularly. I'm left with the Wicked and BSG soundtracks, and, like, Sufjan. I have not been having a good time recently.

Trust Me, the Ramblings Go Somewhere

So, y'all, I just had an epiphany yesterday on the Brown Line on the way to my dentist. Remember how I used to want to write, but was never really sure what I was doing, but got really excited anyway about the idea of it? And then, remember how I got kind of jaded and realized that it was ridiculous and decided to just sit around for a while instead? But then I gave myself a swift kick in the ass AND THEN, I started studying for the LSATs and THEN I started writing this blog entry? Good times.

But yeah, I had a point. Um, writing! Yes. I wasn't lying when I once said that I would probably be happiest if I could find some way to make it as a writer. If I had to enter into some sort of Faustian pact. I don't know why it's gotten so strong after college, but it's still there. Even now as I continue to study for the LSATs and work towards the actual goal of going to law school. By the way, I totally KICK ASS at Arguments. Most of them are just rehashes of stuff I already learned in Psychology and Statistics. And now that I've said it, I'm going to completely fail. Great.

Gosh, I'm in a great mood. I blame the endorphins from running/working out, since I've been doing it every day this week. Hurrah! Let's keep this up.

Wait, I really did have a point. I still want to write. That is my point. I think part of the reason I got so frustrated is that I had no idea what I was doing, and wasn't writing about anything that I actually knew about. Isn't the old phrase, "write what you know?" I was just writing about something I thought was cool. That's just not good enough. And then it hit me like Zeus' lightning: I've had a really weird life, y'all! Like, really weird. And, maybe interesting?

I COULD WRITE ABOUT ME. Or, well, kind of. Since I doubt anyone would want to read a book (some other thingy) about me now. But I could share my stories in exaggerated or (in some cases) cleaned up ways, and make them interesting to regular people. Like young girls, who are struggling with some of the issues that I struggled with during my teen years. I still haven't completely figured myself out, but I'm miles away from the way I used to be.

I'm totally serious in my facebook profile that I can't tell if my life is straight out of a soap opera or a sitcom. Someone's gotta find that interesting, right? And it'll be nice to talk about some of this stuff, without it seeming like I've got massive problems. I'm better in writing anyway, except for this rambling rant. It's good catharsis and will hopefully be entertaining to at least a few people out there.

THESIS: I think I still want to write. I'm going to be taking the LSATs and doing law school stuff, but I still want to try to flex my creative muscles. Maybe I'll take a class or something...

A Peculiar Paean to Punctuation

So I just reread my last crazy-ass post, and discovered that I used three different ?!s to end excited sentences. If I knew how to make it, I would have totally used interrobangs instead! The interrobang is certainly my favorite punctuation mark EVER and not just because it sounds kinda dirty. First of all, the actual punctuation mark looks like something totally fake that you'd never expect to find in actual writing--the best of both the exclamation point and the question mark. Kind of like a unicorn. YES! It is a MYTHICAL punctuation mark.

Y'all, it is so much fun! It describes my favorite ever state of being--panicked or questioning excitement. It's the kind of punctuation that accompanies a sentence that accompanies crazy eyes. It's the kind of punctuation that causes my voice to get really really high-pitched and squeaky when I get excited or indignant about ridiculous things, and then I turn into Alvin. And that's always funny.

Normally I'm pretty picky about my repetitive punctuation. I very much dislike when people constantly use like 6 exclamation marks when they're really excited. Just use more interesting words, people! Every now and then it's okay, but don't do it too much. And question marks are the same. However, I really love the interrobang substitute, or ?!. Maybe because I'm constantly pre-manic or bemused and therefore ready to interrobang away?

And yeah, it's not really real punctuation. I'm pretty sure it's not used anymore, and it certainly will never be in any books I read. In fact, I'm not sure I know why I'm even familiar with it. BUT IT'S AMAZING NONETHELESS. Seriously, everyone go out and interrobang all you can. This is your homework assignment.

And now, an example: I'm going to the gym for the third day in a row?! I'm running?!

How Long is this Sustainable, I Wonder? Let's Find Out.

Me: I'm kind of bored...
Brain: Why don't you write a blog entry about how bored you are?
Me: Oh, nobody would want to rea...oh, wait. I see what you did there.
Brain: Just saying. You need a haircut, FYI. You're getting a little bottom-heavy. Er, with the hair. Of course, just meant the hair.
Me: Yeah, I know. I just don't want to schedule the appointment. And then I'll have to pay, especially since I already told myself I'd get partial highlights of an auburn hue as well.
Brain: That's weird. Will you be able to maintain the haircut to go with the highlights once you get them, or are you going to end up looking like a marmoset or something?
Me: A marmoset? Really?
Brain: Well, whatever. I don't trust you either way.
Me: Have you ever wondered why she writes us as being two different concepts? Herself and her brain? That's kind of weird. And unnecessarily meta.
Brain: I always assumed that I was the conscience or, um, the incentive. Uh, the drive to better herself or something.
Me: Then why are you so mean to me?
Brain: Oh, it's good for you! You wouldn't get anywhere in life if I just went on and on about how you were special and had a destiny or something cheesy like that.
Me: Special Destiny?! You mean like Starb--
Brain: NO! No. Let's not go there. We all know how that went, and I don't think you want that. Plus, YOU NEED TO STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS SHIT. Haven't I made sure that you had enough headaches and mental weariness because of it?
Me: ...hey my Toaster t-shirt should be coming today!
Brain: I give up. Frak it.
Me: No, hey, no. Don't be sad. I'm doing better with it. We had angry thoughts on gender issues and only tangentially applied BSG to them. And, um, Eric got us thinking about the Constitution and rage and stuff. You got to pull out actual knowledge from undergrad Con Law class and everything. That didn't really have anything to do with BSG. Oh, oh and um we've been looking for new apartments on the internet, so that's a new project. Plus, we still carry that LSAT book around everywhere. I even opened it the other day!
Brain: Yet, I had no part in actually doing anything with it. It was just open. On the desk. And then you closed it after a while.
Me: I CAN'T DO ALL THE WORK, YOU KNOW. That was your part, and you failed. FAILED.
Brain: Pshaw, not my fault you found other ways to distract yourself. Most of the stuff you do at work doesn't require me at all. Plus, we're really really lazy. It's a thing.
Me: Yeah...maybe I should call David. My hair is really annoying me.
Brain: Good. That's a good project for the next minute. Do it now before you get distracted by, like, some stranger's crazyass meta about how Starbuck is really a super sekrit suprise!angel and Sam and Kara were actually destined to...oh, too late.
Me: What? It's an interesting, if not ultimately reaching take on the characters and the concepts of free will and destiny and higher powers, etc. etc.! Plus, you get to think too! What?! Okay, fine, I'll call the salon.
Brain: And then can we do a logic game?
Me: We'll see. Can it be about BSG?
Brain: SIGH. I'm not giving up on you, you know that right?
Me: I know. I'm not actually this crazy, but you're so much fun to mess with!
Brain: You still haven't called David.
Me: FINE.
[brief interlude]
Me: THERE. 11 AM for haircut and partial highlight. ARE YOU HAPPY?!
Brain: Ecstatic. My next project is getting you to regularly work out. You're almost there. If only you would stop putting on your pajamas immediately upon getting home. And you wonder why some people think you're depressed.
Me: I LIKE TO BE COMFORTABLE. And that applies to my not working out too. I've come to dread it, since I know it will hurt like hell.
Brain: But it's a GOOD hurt. We like that hurt. And you actually feel pretty damn good about yourself after intense workouts. Don't you remember?
Me: I guess. Hey, you think anyone is still reading this? We kind of ran out of steam a while back.
Brain: Yeah. I don't know. I don't think this ever actually had a point, to be perfectly honest. She just wanted to write something, so we got wranged in so that she can pretend to express something. Not that it was anything of substance. We're just blathering on about whatever pops into her head. None of this means anything. We don't really represent anything here.
Me: Hey. Hey, Brain.
Brain: What?
Me: Hee. Does this mean--
Brain: What?
Me: Are you alive? :D
Brain: ...
[Brain has left the chatroom]
Me: Hello? Hello? Are you there? .....Oh my, I'm sleepy.

Fin

I'm Tired People, IGNORE MY DRAMA

Hi everyone. This is me trying to do a regular update. LOOK AT ME GO! Um, honestly, what this entry was going to be a passionate and immediate defense for the character of one Mr. Samuel T. Anders, since I do adore him so. (and not just because he is so very pretty--I actually have many real reasons for it) But, eh. I find I don't have the willpower. That's right ladies and gentlemen, I don't really want to talk about Battlestar Galactica right now. Or really any TV shows. WHAT?! Now, people, I'm still me. And if you get me started talking about TV and let me spin up my wheels, I'll probably get enough steam going to fully annoy you. But I really don't want to initiate the conversation.

I think I realized this earlier today, when I was thinking about writing a blog entry about BSG and Sam Anders vs. Lee Adama, and found that I was getting a nasty headache. That's right, a Syfy headache. It's really weird. I don't really want to spend time thinking about these issues anymore. Like, I'm bored by it now. Which is very strange for me. I think...could it be possible....

AM I GROWING UP?! Like, I'm bored by doing all the same old things at work, and that includes reading about my favorite TV shows. Bored. Which means work has become even more unbearable than it already was. I don't know. I think I'm just done. And with no other prospects on the immediate horizon, that thought fills me with a sense of dread. Impending doom, if the doom wasn't actually impending, but more, er, drawn out. You get the idea.

Like, I'm afraid to start planning my future because it's been on hold for so long, but if I don't, I know that my soul will actually start seeping out of my body to try to find a better place to hang out. Yikes. I should really force myself to study for the LSATs, since I am TOTALLY going to do those now. I've kind of been faking the studying so far, and that's no good. I think this boredom is probably my mind's way of trying to wake me up. If it takes away all my fun distractions, I'll have to work!

My head hurts. My eyes hurt. My stomach feels weird, and I don't want to go to the gym now; however, I am forcing myself to do the last one. I come home to an apartment I hate that I really don't care about maintaining anymore, since I never invite anybody over. I'm kind of a mess. And, and I think I realize that now. Stasis is only, heh, sustainable for so long. And although I keep finding TV shows and other hobbies to obsess about, I don't really have anything else to do. And wow, that needs to change. OKAY, LSATs. I can do this. I can force myself to get back into studying. It didn't used to be this hard.

And yeah, I know I've said this before. I'm very very very good at making GRAND AND IMPORTANT DECLARATIONS OF TRUTH and just figuring that getting it off my chest is actually, um, doing something. But y'all, this time it's TOTALLY different. I'm actually bored by doing anything else, which has never happened before.

Wow, I didn't mean for this to be a downer entry. Blame the fact that the most serious issues I've thought about recently involve BSG. It finally broke me. I'll defend Sam some other time, when I'm more forward thinking and also not EXHAUSTED FROM WAKING UP AT 3 AM AND NOT BEING ABLE TO GO BACK TO BED. That probably played a part in this little melodrama.

Um, okay, upbeat things. I can do that. Have some happy thoughts:

1. I may get auburn highlights when I get my hair cut soon. So get excited about that!

2. Hey, remember The L Word? I found this randomly when I was looking up something on The Dollhouse, and thought it was really funny in an awkward, kind of unfunny way. Don't ask. Nobody knows what I mean anymore:

Lesbian video from AfterEllen.com

3. I AM GOING TO KILL MY SHOULDERS AGAIN TODAY. I am absurdly excited about this.

4. Wheeeeeeeeee. G'night.

Gender Fail in Life

WHOA NEW POST! Hey, remember my pretentious rants, guys? Here comes another one, right atcha! Haha, "atcha," who do you think you are, Self? I think this may be a monster post, so beware. (As in really big, not with actual monsters. Only I would have to clarify that.)

Anyway, I've been doing lots of thinking lately about gender issues in the media. Random, right? Not really, actually. I've recently noticed a pattern in the fictional things that piss me off, and found that mostly they come down to gender issues. Now, my friends (anyone else automatically think of McCain saying that?), I'm about to confess something to you. A deep, dark secret from my past: when I was a kid, I totally wanted to be a boy. I really didn't like being a girl at all. Okay, go ahead and laugh. Get it all out of your systems. But I'm being completely serious. And I think I've figured out why that is, and how it is continuing to influence me.

I've always paid attention to the media, even when I was a small child. In Disney films and other media aimed at small children, the women were always the princesses--gentle waifs, who had very little personality (or a personality that may appear tough, but was ultimately weaker than that of the hero's--or worse, needed to be tamed), and existed simply to be rescued and be a test for the growth of the young man into The Hero. I have always had problems with this. ALWAYS. It drove my mother up the wall, since she always wanted me to be more feminine, but I really wanted to be The Hero. And since that was never the woman in the movies, my ten year old self decided that she wanted to be a man. That's right. I even got to the point where I liked men more than women on TV and in the movies. In fact, when I played Ninja Turtles with some guy friends, when I was like 6, I hated how they made me be April O'Neill, so they could rescue me. HATED IT. I mean, that's really messed up that as a girl, I hated my own gender because of how weak TV told me that I was. Stupid girls. *kicks can*

This changed at some point, since now I completely love being a woman (regardless of my dress code or personal upkeep of course). And I know why it changed. Buffy Summers. I really think she was the first girl I ever saw on TV, where I thought "I wanna be her." (Okay, possibly Agent Scully was the first, but point being, it was around the time I was 11.) This is why I am still in love with Buffy the Vampire Slayer and will defend it to anyone who looks down his nose at it. It's still possibly one of the greatest empowering TV shows for young women ever. She's The Hero. Nobody else even comes close, except maybe Spike towards the end, and that's when the show started to lose focus and get a little wonky. The point was about giving women the power, and I think more young girls need to get that message. It worked wonders on me and even got me to stop hating on my gender. Even better, women on that show got to be FRIENDS and not merely exist to be bitchy to each other and compete for the same men. Which is another issue I have with many shows these days. You never see them forming lasting friendships in comparison to the guy love that is all over the TV.

I've also realized that this issue is a huge part of my seething rage towards Twilight. It's a gazillion steps backwards from this Woman Saves Self attitude that Joss brought to Buffy. And what's worse to consider, how would it have affected me if I read it as a young girl? I mean, now I can read it and be all "psshaw, stupid girl falling for a dumb sparkly vampire. this is poorly written!" But what would I have thought then? That the only way I can be happy is by falling in love with some attractive jerkass? That I should defer my entire life to him? I don't care what anyone says, I don't think I would have liked this book if I read it during my pre-teen years. It would have probably caused me to still hate being a girl. And that is why I get such a negative visceral reaction to that damn series. Not just the idiocy of a sparkling vampire.

Okay, I know what you must be thinking: you're just not very romantic or into mushy stuff at all, are you? You hate romance, therefore you hate the idea of a woman being weak and always deferring to a man. Well, sorry good reader, but that's not true at all. In fact, I adore good romance. In every TV show I watch, I'm normally invested in at least one romantic couple. Probably overinvested actually. I still think Jim and Pam are an adorable couple. And if Sun and Jin don't get to be a happy family by the end of Lost, I'll be extremely upset. Buffy and Angel caused me much heart-wrenching agony when I was a teenager. They just could never be, but they loved each other so much! Woe! (despite my irrational hatred of star-crossed romances, this one always got to me) And I was invested in one particular couple on BSG (more on that later), to the point where my stomach was in knots during the finale. KNOTS! So yeah, guys, I do like romance. I still watch things like Love, Actually if I just need a pick me up. But I have an issue with the unequal roles men and women tend to play in many people's interpretations of romantic stories. I don't think a man trying to change or fix a woman is particularly romantic, personally.

I drifted a bit there. Sorry. But I also think this is the reason that I like so much Sci-Fi (Syfy?!) and Fantasy these days. That is the playground for strong, realistic women. Ellen Ripley was probably the first in modern, popular science fiction. Since then we have had Sarah Connor, Dana Scully, Kira Nerys, Buffy Summers, Eowyn (shut up, I still think she's awesome), Zoe Washburne, Cordelia Chase (before everything fell apart), Kara Thrace (STARBUCK!), and so on and so on. I don't count Leia, because she often had to be rescued by the men-folk (once in a gold bikini!), even though she is awesome in her own right.

In fact, I've gotten to the point where I judge Science Fiction TV shows almost solely on what kinds of strong women they give me. I adore The Sarah Connor Chronicles, and am still crossing my fingers for some miracle regarding renewal. And I fully admit that, like, 85% of my obsession for BSG is due to the wonder that is Starbuck. I also have recently come to terms with my total girl-crush on Katee Sackhoff (plays Starbuck) because she is so consistently awesome and straightforward in just about every interview I've seen.

Now, BSG actually does have quite a bit of gender fail (and race fail as well), for being such a "feminist" TV show. I think Ron Moore has some subconscious issues with women (Even Ron's view of Starbuck is somewhat problematic, and he apparently adores her.), and especially towards the end, many of the previously kickass women just lost all their ground. They either became bland counterparts to their men, turned evil, or, um, died. With some exceptions and reversals, so I don't think that's a spoiler. Also, gods forbid that any of them be friends with each other! Part of the reason I adore Starbuck is that the men in her life are counterparts to her. To touch upon the romantic pairing I was invested in, I'm actually much more in favor of Sam/Kara rather than Lee/Kara (the fan-preferred couple) for oh so many reasons. I'd go into them now, but some of you are still working through my DVDs, and I don't want to be all spoilers in your face. Plus, that's a huge rant, which is also a rant against the fandom in general, since most people wanted Lee and Kara to get together partly so he could fix her. That may give you an idea why I hate that pairing. I wish I were making that up. But that's a posting for another time.

I really wanted to link another random person's blog, where she discusses these issues far more eloquently than I have, but alas, it has BSG spoilers. So that'll have to wait for now.

How does this relate to me now, other than my overanalyzing my favorite TV shows? Well, think about what I want to be when I, heh, grow up. FBI Agent. And as a woman, I can totally accept that I could be one. Thank you, Agent Scully. Thank you, Buffy. It's funny, actually. I was emailing this guy I kind of dated last year, where I made a joke about really wanting to be the grizzled PI, in like, film noir. He responded "yeah, I can totally imagine you as the Girl Friday type." I made sure to make it very clear to him that I didn't want to be any Girl Friday to someone else's PI. I wanted to be the PI. Me! I think maybe that was the beginning of the end for anything between us, alas. But seriously! I want to be the one in control, making the melodramatic monologues under a slowly turning fan. I'm sure there are some deep, psychological reasons for this, but whatever. It's all true and I don't think it's a bad thing.

The worst part about this is, I know some people will be grossed out by what I am saying here. Not liking problematic gender issues gets equated to being a militant feminist for some. I bit my tongue a lot during college, and totally regret that now. And since when is feminist a bad word? Wanting men and women to be treated with equal respect is something good, right? I mean, I'm glad that I no longer want to be a boy, and I have a female-empowering TV show to thank for it. So, thanks Joss. Even if I think that Dollhouse has serious issues when it comes to gender (albeit intentional, I'm sure), you may just be able to salvage it. I really want to see Echo save herself. That is, if it's renewed. (PS-How Creepy is Paul Ballard? Agent Helo is kind of freaking me out)

/Pretentious rant

Hiatus

I just remembered that I had a blog at one point. Things got kind of bad, and I didn't really feel like updating for a long time.

Er, hello again internet world. Does anyone still check this? If I were to start updating again, would anyone read? I'll try to not have it just be about, like, the themes of BSG or something. However, I am thinking about starting this back up again. I guess leave a comment if you still check it out, and I'll decide from there.

This is Just Hilarious

INT. DLA PIPER OFFICES--MORNING

Hi everyone. I haven't really been feeling "bloggy" recently, so the entries have kind of dropped off. I have, however, been doing, um, okay, with my New Year's Resolutions so far. No fabulously well, but okay. Which is fine. They should pick up after my birthday, which was my real jumping off point. The one I never told anyone about. So here are some things that I've been doing: I am eating very well, and am now in a committed relationship with Peapod Delivery Service. I think the only things that I'll actually get from the store is better produce, since I absolutely hate that I can't choose my own. I've been cooking more, which has helped my health immensely, not to mention my wallet. I've kind of been going to the gym. I went last night, for example. The week that Chicago was in the 9th Circle of Hell was a bit of a down week for me. I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. But over all, it's been okay.

Okay, so I'm starting to get back into the swing of writing that story thingamabob. I wrote 35 pages and freaked out, basically because I felt like my style didn't sound good on the page. And that concerned me enough to take a little breather. That lasted weeks. BUT NOW, I am back. Judging by the title, I bet some of y'all can tell what I'm turning my story into. Hint: it rhymes with "mystery flipped."

For me, it just makes more sense. I like writing dialogue, as evidenced by my longwinded conversations with my credit cards and cats and my brain and various viscera. These convos aren't really the best examples of good dialogue, but I do try to make them fun to read. I actually try to get the comedic timing right, even if they're kind of strange bits of dialogue. I also tend to write how I think/speak, which contributes to my love for dialogue.

So, I'm writing a spec tv pilot based off of my idea. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, and I'm having a fabulous time. I've been rereading Jane Espenson's blog for her writing tips. [she was a writer on Buffy, and came up with some of the funniest, quirkiest episodes like "Band Candy" and "A New Man"] I'm just kind of making it up as I go, but so far, I like this format much better. And the beginning of my story actually really lends itself to this different medium. Maybe I'll get a book just so I know whether or not I'm doing technical things correctly or not. I'm already almost done with the outline (Starting Act IV) , and am getting ready for the real writing. So, uh, yay?

Let's face it: this is the medium for me. Look back on my blog entries, and you'll see one constant, I love to pick apart TV. Love it. I'm often more involved with fictional characters' lives than some real people's that I know. Sad, yet tells you something about me. THIS DAMN STORY WILL GET WRITTEN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.

So far, so good.

Another Opinion about Vampires

Okay, I'm going to lay off the vampires soon, I swear. I have opinions for things other than blood-sucking creatures of the night. Really. But, for the record, I have one last thing to say right now. I have recently been enjoying the HBO series True Blood, which is from the creator of Six Feet Under, Alan Ball, and features vampires living amongst us, after they "come out of the coffin." Awesome.

Basically, the show stars Anna Paquin, Rogue from the X-Men series, as a young waitress in a small, rural swamp town in the Deep South. Her name is Sookie. Just bear with me, please; it's good--she even got a Golden Globe for her performance! Aaanyway, Sookie is actually telepathic, and constantly hears thoughts of all the creepy locals when she's doing her waitress thing, which makes her a little unstable. The locals all think she's crazy. Then a vampire walks in. They can now expose themselves to the public, because of a new synthetic blood drink (Tru Blood), created so they don't have to kill people. Sookie can't hear this vampire's thoughts, and is smitten soon thereafter. And her life, of course, gets increasingly complex. Plus people start mysteriously dying.

Now, I've been wanting to see this show for quite some time. I'll probably read the original books too. But I am very glad I saw this after reading Twilight. It's funny, actually. Many of the themes of the TV series are crazy similar to the Twilight series. I will admit that both Sookie and Bill (the main vampire) have some Mary Sue traits. The idea of telepathy that doesn't work with a love interest (although the "readers" are reversed in the two series) thereby increasing interest, a vampire and human falling in love against both of their kinds' rules, a "shapeshifter" ::coughwerewolfcough:: being the third party in a bizarrely fantastical love triangle, and so on and so on. But why do I love True Blood, and can't handle Twilight?

Sookie is, at times, a damsel in distress. Bill does try to protect her for her own good. Her blood is implied to be "special" just like Bella Swan's is. (could have something to do with her telepathy) But this doesn't make me angry, like Twilight does. Why?

Maybe it's because it plays with trope and convention, and almost uses vampirism as a metaphor for another social group experiencing prejudice trying to belong. In fact, one of the posters declaiming vampirism simply states "God Hates Fangs." Sound familiar? The reason that it's different, though, is because VAMPIRES ARE ACTUALLY SOMEWHAT DANGEROUS. And we very clearly see that vampires can be an actual threat. I mean, I know objectively that the vampires in Twilight are supposed to be a threat, because everyone says they are. I don't want to be told! I want to see how bad vampires can be. THEN let the main character make her life choice. And not have a spiffy vampire family all willing to die to protect her. Bill may be a tragic character in the vampire world, but can she hack standing up to real vampires who see her as just a "blood sack?" She actually does a pretty good job. By herself. Sookie Stackhouse is actually not a total Mary Sue, unlike Bella Swan.

I think, more than that, the reason I like this show much better is the depth and darkness of the world shown. All the characters are real people going through real things. The writing is far superior, and very bad things happen to all of these characters. Let me repeat, VERY BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO ALL OF THESE CHARACTERS. There are no easy outs, and every person does good and bad things with actual consequences. Plus it's more, um, adult in theme. Since it's an HBO show, there has to be sex. I mean, it's like part of a showrunner's contract at HBO. But, in this context, it makes total sense. Vampires, like all other monsters which come from the id, are supposed to deal with these sorts of themes. Twilight tried to sidestep it, and pay brief lip service to the fact that vampirism (okay at least in modern interpretation) is basically a metaphor for sexuality let loose. (think about how vampires kill people, and tell me that doesn't represent sex) It didn't work, because Stephanie Meyer also wanted to showcase Mormon ideals, which, to me at least, are completely incompatible with what vampires really are. Plus, why are they high school students again?

In True Blood, vampires and sex and danger and blood are all rolled into one. It's very intense and scary and at times self-destructive. A whole subculture of "fangbangers" exists, who are looked down upon by both humans and vampires. The world just seems much more, well, complete. And I like that. I like seeing a real world integrated with vampires where everyone acts real. And different. Some vampires are good when people are bad, and some vampires are bad when people are good. And sometimes you can't tell. But every character is interesting, even when you can't stand them. That's what Alan Ball is good at.

So, yeah, I'm trying to see the differences. Maybe it's the fact that the vampires are scarier (also scarier, when vampires in the True Blood universe get staked. nightmare fuel unleaded), the characters are more flawed, or the setting is more real. Maybe it's the fact that the story exists outside of just being a vehicle for star-crossed lovers. I don't know. I just respond better to this TV show. Maybe I just don't like teen girl fiction anymore? That might actually be the main reason. Hrmm.

In the meantime, check out the opening title sequence for True Blood. I've had the song stuck in my head for, like, four days. It really sets the tone of the series extremely well.

Rabbit

Isn't that what these people are supposed to say at the beginning of the year? Did I make that up?

Anyway, Happy New Year to all. I hope everyone's night was eventful or at least comfortable.

Since yesterday's blog was about the trends of 2008, today I'm going to do the more traditional New Years Resolutions. And share them with you all, my loyal followers. Um, friends. I meant friends. After a review of what 2008 was all about, I realized it was about me having fun in the now. I basically just used my resources from my job and had fun with them. Got life companions in the felines. Spent way too much on nice food and DVDs and video games. I kept my life on ice, and got that fun tingly feeling from the freezing. Maybe I went a little too far with that metaphor.

Since that was the theme for '08, I've since decided that 2009 will be all about going out of my comfort zone. Instead of leisure, it will be about productivity. Instead of excess, it will be about refining myself. The projects that were begun in 2008 will be finished in 2009. And without further ado, I now present....

The Mighty List

1. To get it out of the way, the obligatory "lost weight and get in shape." Unlike regular resolutions, such as "run every single day" or "diet until I AM SKINNY," I will not phrase this in such a way that I completely ruin it the second I don't fulfill a ridiculous objective. However, I will take advantage of the gym better than in '08. Since Joel is no longer employed by the FFC, I have no excuse to wait for his sessions. I am my own Joel now. I can do it, especially since I've done it before. I just need to remind myself that I actually do like running. And I am already paving the way towards eating better. Today I put part of my bonus to good use and Peapoded it for the VERY FIRST TIME. So much nicer than hauling everything from the store. And I bought a larger quantity of healthier foods, since the normal supermarket temptation wasn't there. I'm very excited to make more split pea soup. And Tortilla Espanola from my new Tapas cookbook! Yay!

2. I will finish what I've started. I WILL FINISH WHAT I'VE STARTED. In many ways, this is the most important of my resolutions. Be it the ISIS puzzle sitting on my coffee table, the book sitting on my computer, or the life plan sitting in my head--I WILL FINISH IN 2009. This is probably one of my worst habits. The whole getting really excited about an idea and never really going through with it. Well, in this year of discomfort, I WILL. Look out, insanely hard puzzle. I will end you.

3. Be more social. I mean, I already got started with this in 2008, but I'm still clinging onto my socially awkward/antisocial ways. I've decided to start hosting more in my wee little apartment. I mean, I've got a great TV and DVD collection, so why don't I have more people over? Also, I've decided to take more chances in going out with people. I will be more spontaneous and try to go out more with new friends. I will smile more at people and strike up more conversations with strangers. I will say things that I'll instantly feel embarrassed about and regret, since those things are often the ones worth saying. I want more butterflies in my stomach.

4. Cook more and more adventurous foods! If I choose to keep up with this Peapod thing, I will definitely be more healthy/cheaper in my food options. I think I'll buy more pans and stuff this weekend. Every week a new recipe! I think that's an easy enough one to keep. Maybe I'll try to make Black Eyed Peas this weekend! For luck! (It's a Southern thing)

5. Lastly, keep in better touch with people. Call old acquaintances more regularly. Go back to Texas more frequently. I really need to be a better friend and a better person where that stuff is concerned. If I've slighted anyone (who reads this, that is), I sincerely apologize. And the excuse that I went to U of C starts to get old, now years after the fact.

6. Jump out of a plane. I'm not even kidding.

I've actually given some thought to doing a much more comprehensive 101 in 1001 list, so if I do that, I'll certainly post it here. Shit's gonna happen, yo.