Gender Fail in Life

WHOA NEW POST! Hey, remember my pretentious rants, guys? Here comes another one, right atcha! Haha, "atcha," who do you think you are, Self? I think this may be a monster post, so beware. (As in really big, not with actual monsters. Only I would have to clarify that.)

Anyway, I've been doing lots of thinking lately about gender issues in the media. Random, right? Not really, actually. I've recently noticed a pattern in the fictional things that piss me off, and found that mostly they come down to gender issues. Now, my friends (anyone else automatically think of McCain saying that?), I'm about to confess something to you. A deep, dark secret from my past: when I was a kid, I totally wanted to be a boy. I really didn't like being a girl at all. Okay, go ahead and laugh. Get it all out of your systems. But I'm being completely serious. And I think I've figured out why that is, and how it is continuing to influence me.

I've always paid attention to the media, even when I was a small child. In Disney films and other media aimed at small children, the women were always the princesses--gentle waifs, who had very little personality (or a personality that may appear tough, but was ultimately weaker than that of the hero's--or worse, needed to be tamed), and existed simply to be rescued and be a test for the growth of the young man into The Hero. I have always had problems with this. ALWAYS. It drove my mother up the wall, since she always wanted me to be more feminine, but I really wanted to be The Hero. And since that was never the woman in the movies, my ten year old self decided that she wanted to be a man. That's right. I even got to the point where I liked men more than women on TV and in the movies. In fact, when I played Ninja Turtles with some guy friends, when I was like 6, I hated how they made me be April O'Neill, so they could rescue me. HATED IT. I mean, that's really messed up that as a girl, I hated my own gender because of how weak TV told me that I was. Stupid girls. *kicks can*

This changed at some point, since now I completely love being a woman (regardless of my dress code or personal upkeep of course). And I know why it changed. Buffy Summers. I really think she was the first girl I ever saw on TV, where I thought "I wanna be her." (Okay, possibly Agent Scully was the first, but point being, it was around the time I was 11.) This is why I am still in love with Buffy the Vampire Slayer and will defend it to anyone who looks down his nose at it. It's still possibly one of the greatest empowering TV shows for young women ever. She's The Hero. Nobody else even comes close, except maybe Spike towards the end, and that's when the show started to lose focus and get a little wonky. The point was about giving women the power, and I think more young girls need to get that message. It worked wonders on me and even got me to stop hating on my gender. Even better, women on that show got to be FRIENDS and not merely exist to be bitchy to each other and compete for the same men. Which is another issue I have with many shows these days. You never see them forming lasting friendships in comparison to the guy love that is all over the TV.

I've also realized that this issue is a huge part of my seething rage towards Twilight. It's a gazillion steps backwards from this Woman Saves Self attitude that Joss brought to Buffy. And what's worse to consider, how would it have affected me if I read it as a young girl? I mean, now I can read it and be all "psshaw, stupid girl falling for a dumb sparkly vampire. this is poorly written!" But what would I have thought then? That the only way I can be happy is by falling in love with some attractive jerkass? That I should defer my entire life to him? I don't care what anyone says, I don't think I would have liked this book if I read it during my pre-teen years. It would have probably caused me to still hate being a girl. And that is why I get such a negative visceral reaction to that damn series. Not just the idiocy of a sparkling vampire.

Okay, I know what you must be thinking: you're just not very romantic or into mushy stuff at all, are you? You hate romance, therefore you hate the idea of a woman being weak and always deferring to a man. Well, sorry good reader, but that's not true at all. In fact, I adore good romance. In every TV show I watch, I'm normally invested in at least one romantic couple. Probably overinvested actually. I still think Jim and Pam are an adorable couple. And if Sun and Jin don't get to be a happy family by the end of Lost, I'll be extremely upset. Buffy and Angel caused me much heart-wrenching agony when I was a teenager. They just could never be, but they loved each other so much! Woe! (despite my irrational hatred of star-crossed romances, this one always got to me) And I was invested in one particular couple on BSG (more on that later), to the point where my stomach was in knots during the finale. KNOTS! So yeah, guys, I do like romance. I still watch things like Love, Actually if I just need a pick me up. But I have an issue with the unequal roles men and women tend to play in many people's interpretations of romantic stories. I don't think a man trying to change or fix a woman is particularly romantic, personally.

I drifted a bit there. Sorry. But I also think this is the reason that I like so much Sci-Fi (Syfy?!) and Fantasy these days. That is the playground for strong, realistic women. Ellen Ripley was probably the first in modern, popular science fiction. Since then we have had Sarah Connor, Dana Scully, Kira Nerys, Buffy Summers, Eowyn (shut up, I still think she's awesome), Zoe Washburne, Cordelia Chase (before everything fell apart), Kara Thrace (STARBUCK!), and so on and so on. I don't count Leia, because she often had to be rescued by the men-folk (once in a gold bikini!), even though she is awesome in her own right.

In fact, I've gotten to the point where I judge Science Fiction TV shows almost solely on what kinds of strong women they give me. I adore The Sarah Connor Chronicles, and am still crossing my fingers for some miracle regarding renewal. And I fully admit that, like, 85% of my obsession for BSG is due to the wonder that is Starbuck. I also have recently come to terms with my total girl-crush on Katee Sackhoff (plays Starbuck) because she is so consistently awesome and straightforward in just about every interview I've seen.

Now, BSG actually does have quite a bit of gender fail (and race fail as well), for being such a "feminist" TV show. I think Ron Moore has some subconscious issues with women (Even Ron's view of Starbuck is somewhat problematic, and he apparently adores her.), and especially towards the end, many of the previously kickass women just lost all their ground. They either became bland counterparts to their men, turned evil, or, um, died. With some exceptions and reversals, so I don't think that's a spoiler. Also, gods forbid that any of them be friends with each other! Part of the reason I adore Starbuck is that the men in her life are counterparts to her. To touch upon the romantic pairing I was invested in, I'm actually much more in favor of Sam/Kara rather than Lee/Kara (the fan-preferred couple) for oh so many reasons. I'd go into them now, but some of you are still working through my DVDs, and I don't want to be all spoilers in your face. Plus, that's a huge rant, which is also a rant against the fandom in general, since most people wanted Lee and Kara to get together partly so he could fix her. That may give you an idea why I hate that pairing. I wish I were making that up. But that's a posting for another time.

I really wanted to link another random person's blog, where she discusses these issues far more eloquently than I have, but alas, it has BSG spoilers. So that'll have to wait for now.

How does this relate to me now, other than my overanalyzing my favorite TV shows? Well, think about what I want to be when I, heh, grow up. FBI Agent. And as a woman, I can totally accept that I could be one. Thank you, Agent Scully. Thank you, Buffy. It's funny, actually. I was emailing this guy I kind of dated last year, where I made a joke about really wanting to be the grizzled PI, in like, film noir. He responded "yeah, I can totally imagine you as the Girl Friday type." I made sure to make it very clear to him that I didn't want to be any Girl Friday to someone else's PI. I wanted to be the PI. Me! I think maybe that was the beginning of the end for anything between us, alas. But seriously! I want to be the one in control, making the melodramatic monologues under a slowly turning fan. I'm sure there are some deep, psychological reasons for this, but whatever. It's all true and I don't think it's a bad thing.

The worst part about this is, I know some people will be grossed out by what I am saying here. Not liking problematic gender issues gets equated to being a militant feminist for some. I bit my tongue a lot during college, and totally regret that now. And since when is feminist a bad word? Wanting men and women to be treated with equal respect is something good, right? I mean, I'm glad that I no longer want to be a boy, and I have a female-empowering TV show to thank for it. So, thanks Joss. Even if I think that Dollhouse has serious issues when it comes to gender (albeit intentional, I'm sure), you may just be able to salvage it. I really want to see Echo save herself. That is, if it's renewed. (PS-How Creepy is Paul Ballard? Agent Helo is kind of freaking me out)

/Pretentious rant

Your Logic is Insane and Happenstance, Like that of a Troll

I was going to write a mournful blog posting about how my apartment hates me and wants me to suffer as much as humanly possible; however, since seeing a psychic on Sunday, and having to deal with a CRAZY MAD RUSH OF WORK here, I'm pretty much over that. By the by, I totally took out my bag o' runes on Monday morning before work, and asked what the day would be like (as ya do), pulling out one rune randomly to represent what would be going on in the day. The one I took out means "thorn" and is used to represent intense struggle or conflict that a person would expect to go through. Later on at work I put in 55 files in the database (normally, I put in fewer than 5 a day) and then we got 8 MASSIVELY HIGH PRIORITY files that needed to be dealt with immediately. Needless to say, it has been a stressful situation here. I guess that reinforced my belief in what the psychic told me, cause apparently the forces of nature are trying to beat something into my head. Cool.

In other news, I finally finished my impressive marathon of Buffy the Vampire Slayer a couple of days ago. I think it had a damn good ending, and I gotta admit, I got a little misty eyed during the emotional climax. The ending was very successful in keeping with the themes that the show has reinforced since the pilot. Many fans hated the finale, but I thought it worked really well and had a wonderful emotional payoff. Afterwards, I immediately watched the commentaries on the first two episodes, and it was so crazy. The show changed so much in seven years, in terms of character development and scope, and going back to the beginning again was quite jarring. And also, quite cool. Some episodes (and seasons **cough6cough**) were misses, but overall, it's still one of the best shows I've ever seen. I know I've been heavy with the Joss love recently, but damn can that man write. In a single episode he can make you all melty with the romance, then laugh at the funny, then rip your still-happy heart out of your chest. I'm so looking forward to Dollhouse just to see what new stuff he can pull out of his magic hat. (Actually, let me say that there are some things I don't agree with in his writing--namely that nobody can ever actually be happy. I know that's how drama is created, but it seems like he's gotten too predictable about how he treats relationships; basically, once characters start being happy together, something horrible is going to happen to one of them. He can't not do it. Whatever, he's still one of the best people at crafting compelling stories, and I'll watch and enjoy anything he creates.)




As an interesting segue, I think I've made a new friend in my building. I've always been friendly with people in the building, and have had many talks in the elevator, but ever since losing both the power and the water, we have been as kin. United in some unholy war against the elements. Bitching about being unable to go to work. It's been fun. But I've chit-chatted with this girl before, and she seems pretty similar to me in general. She's on my floor, so I catch her going to the elevator sometimes, and we chat about stupid stuff. I mentioned I just rewatched all of Buffy and she got really excited. Turns out she does it pretty regularly, and sees nothing wrong with my Joss-love. I think we could be friends. If I see her again sometime soon, I may invite her to hang out, since I don't know too many people on the north side still. It would be nice to have a geeky pal who lives near me (as in down the hall!).

Tacos and Trump Thursday

I'm a couple of days late on this, but first thing's first, RIP Estelle Getty. My Golden Girls counterpart, Sophia. At this point, I can't say it better than everyone else has, so I'll just go with the now cliched "thank you for being a friend." I totally stole that from The Fug Girls and numerous other places, but whatever, it fits.

As I enjoy my taco dinner from La Cocina, I'm doing something a bit ridiculous. Out of sheer curiosity, I decided to look up the blueprints of the penthouse apartments in the still-rising Trump Tower, which has now become one of the most prominent features of the Chicago skyline. The 89th floor residence (which Donnie has set aside for himself) is particularly ridiculous. Here: Check it out. Dude. And, after a nosy bit of digging, I discovered that the cost of that penthouse is $28 million. 14,260 sq. feet. 5 bedrooms, 6 baths. 16 foot ceilings. Holy crap, Donald Trump. Damn. The only thing that's missing there is an actual library, but seriously, what Billionaires, with a capital B, have time to read, anyway? Kind of puts my crappy little studio into perspective. Not that this penthouse should put anything into perspective, since approximately .0001% of the population can even afford to step foot in it. Even in my world of make believe, I'd never be able to imagine living in a condo like that.

Buffy Update: Not that many of you care, but I'm partway through the third season now. In retrospect, I genuinely believe that the third season was probably the best one of the series. None of the episodes, so far, have been misses; in fact, some of the episodes that I've remembered and cherished for years took place in the third season. Classic Buffy at its best. The vastly tonally different episodes Anne, Band Candy, The Wish, and Amends have all been pretty spectacular, and I'm not even halfway through the season. In fact, I'd say that some of these episodes top even some of the better Firefly episodes. At least for me. That's probably due to the fact that I clearly remember watching them as a teenage girl--the exact demographic that Joss Whedon was writing for. There's just something so satisfying about watching a flawed, emotionally vulnerable girl kick so much ass--kind of makes you feel like you can do anything. Which is kinda the whole point of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, anyway. Not to mention-- VAMPIRES! SO MANY VAMPIRES! That is all.

If anything, this is helping wean me off of Bravo TV. I'll still watch Project Runway, but not as many reruns on weekends. I've got geekier things to do now.

Grr...Argh...