Gender Fail in Life

WHOA NEW POST! Hey, remember my pretentious rants, guys? Here comes another one, right atcha! Haha, "atcha," who do you think you are, Self? I think this may be a monster post, so beware. (As in really big, not with actual monsters. Only I would have to clarify that.)

Anyway, I've been doing lots of thinking lately about gender issues in the media. Random, right? Not really, actually. I've recently noticed a pattern in the fictional things that piss me off, and found that mostly they come down to gender issues. Now, my friends (anyone else automatically think of McCain saying that?), I'm about to confess something to you. A deep, dark secret from my past: when I was a kid, I totally wanted to be a boy. I really didn't like being a girl at all. Okay, go ahead and laugh. Get it all out of your systems. But I'm being completely serious. And I think I've figured out why that is, and how it is continuing to influence me.

I've always paid attention to the media, even when I was a small child. In Disney films and other media aimed at small children, the women were always the princesses--gentle waifs, who had very little personality (or a personality that may appear tough, but was ultimately weaker than that of the hero's--or worse, needed to be tamed), and existed simply to be rescued and be a test for the growth of the young man into The Hero. I have always had problems with this. ALWAYS. It drove my mother up the wall, since she always wanted me to be more feminine, but I really wanted to be The Hero. And since that was never the woman in the movies, my ten year old self decided that she wanted to be a man. That's right. I even got to the point where I liked men more than women on TV and in the movies. In fact, when I played Ninja Turtles with some guy friends, when I was like 6, I hated how they made me be April O'Neill, so they could rescue me. HATED IT. I mean, that's really messed up that as a girl, I hated my own gender because of how weak TV told me that I was. Stupid girls. *kicks can*

This changed at some point, since now I completely love being a woman (regardless of my dress code or personal upkeep of course). And I know why it changed. Buffy Summers. I really think she was the first girl I ever saw on TV, where I thought "I wanna be her." (Okay, possibly Agent Scully was the first, but point being, it was around the time I was 11.) This is why I am still in love with Buffy the Vampire Slayer and will defend it to anyone who looks down his nose at it. It's still possibly one of the greatest empowering TV shows for young women ever. She's The Hero. Nobody else even comes close, except maybe Spike towards the end, and that's when the show started to lose focus and get a little wonky. The point was about giving women the power, and I think more young girls need to get that message. It worked wonders on me and even got me to stop hating on my gender. Even better, women on that show got to be FRIENDS and not merely exist to be bitchy to each other and compete for the same men. Which is another issue I have with many shows these days. You never see them forming lasting friendships in comparison to the guy love that is all over the TV.

I've also realized that this issue is a huge part of my seething rage towards Twilight. It's a gazillion steps backwards from this Woman Saves Self attitude that Joss brought to Buffy. And what's worse to consider, how would it have affected me if I read it as a young girl? I mean, now I can read it and be all "psshaw, stupid girl falling for a dumb sparkly vampire. this is poorly written!" But what would I have thought then? That the only way I can be happy is by falling in love with some attractive jerkass? That I should defer my entire life to him? I don't care what anyone says, I don't think I would have liked this book if I read it during my pre-teen years. It would have probably caused me to still hate being a girl. And that is why I get such a negative visceral reaction to that damn series. Not just the idiocy of a sparkling vampire.

Okay, I know what you must be thinking: you're just not very romantic or into mushy stuff at all, are you? You hate romance, therefore you hate the idea of a woman being weak and always deferring to a man. Well, sorry good reader, but that's not true at all. In fact, I adore good romance. In every TV show I watch, I'm normally invested in at least one romantic couple. Probably overinvested actually. I still think Jim and Pam are an adorable couple. And if Sun and Jin don't get to be a happy family by the end of Lost, I'll be extremely upset. Buffy and Angel caused me much heart-wrenching agony when I was a teenager. They just could never be, but they loved each other so much! Woe! (despite my irrational hatred of star-crossed romances, this one always got to me) And I was invested in one particular couple on BSG (more on that later), to the point where my stomach was in knots during the finale. KNOTS! So yeah, guys, I do like romance. I still watch things like Love, Actually if I just need a pick me up. But I have an issue with the unequal roles men and women tend to play in many people's interpretations of romantic stories. I don't think a man trying to change or fix a woman is particularly romantic, personally.

I drifted a bit there. Sorry. But I also think this is the reason that I like so much Sci-Fi (Syfy?!) and Fantasy these days. That is the playground for strong, realistic women. Ellen Ripley was probably the first in modern, popular science fiction. Since then we have had Sarah Connor, Dana Scully, Kira Nerys, Buffy Summers, Eowyn (shut up, I still think she's awesome), Zoe Washburne, Cordelia Chase (before everything fell apart), Kara Thrace (STARBUCK!), and so on and so on. I don't count Leia, because she often had to be rescued by the men-folk (once in a gold bikini!), even though she is awesome in her own right.

In fact, I've gotten to the point where I judge Science Fiction TV shows almost solely on what kinds of strong women they give me. I adore The Sarah Connor Chronicles, and am still crossing my fingers for some miracle regarding renewal. And I fully admit that, like, 85% of my obsession for BSG is due to the wonder that is Starbuck. I also have recently come to terms with my total girl-crush on Katee Sackhoff (plays Starbuck) because she is so consistently awesome and straightforward in just about every interview I've seen.

Now, BSG actually does have quite a bit of gender fail (and race fail as well), for being such a "feminist" TV show. I think Ron Moore has some subconscious issues with women (Even Ron's view of Starbuck is somewhat problematic, and he apparently adores her.), and especially towards the end, many of the previously kickass women just lost all their ground. They either became bland counterparts to their men, turned evil, or, um, died. With some exceptions and reversals, so I don't think that's a spoiler. Also, gods forbid that any of them be friends with each other! Part of the reason I adore Starbuck is that the men in her life are counterparts to her. To touch upon the romantic pairing I was invested in, I'm actually much more in favor of Sam/Kara rather than Lee/Kara (the fan-preferred couple) for oh so many reasons. I'd go into them now, but some of you are still working through my DVDs, and I don't want to be all spoilers in your face. Plus, that's a huge rant, which is also a rant against the fandom in general, since most people wanted Lee and Kara to get together partly so he could fix her. That may give you an idea why I hate that pairing. I wish I were making that up. But that's a posting for another time.

I really wanted to link another random person's blog, where she discusses these issues far more eloquently than I have, but alas, it has BSG spoilers. So that'll have to wait for now.

How does this relate to me now, other than my overanalyzing my favorite TV shows? Well, think about what I want to be when I, heh, grow up. FBI Agent. And as a woman, I can totally accept that I could be one. Thank you, Agent Scully. Thank you, Buffy. It's funny, actually. I was emailing this guy I kind of dated last year, where I made a joke about really wanting to be the grizzled PI, in like, film noir. He responded "yeah, I can totally imagine you as the Girl Friday type." I made sure to make it very clear to him that I didn't want to be any Girl Friday to someone else's PI. I wanted to be the PI. Me! I think maybe that was the beginning of the end for anything between us, alas. But seriously! I want to be the one in control, making the melodramatic monologues under a slowly turning fan. I'm sure there are some deep, psychological reasons for this, but whatever. It's all true and I don't think it's a bad thing.

The worst part about this is, I know some people will be grossed out by what I am saying here. Not liking problematic gender issues gets equated to being a militant feminist for some. I bit my tongue a lot during college, and totally regret that now. And since when is feminist a bad word? Wanting men and women to be treated with equal respect is something good, right? I mean, I'm glad that I no longer want to be a boy, and I have a female-empowering TV show to thank for it. So, thanks Joss. Even if I think that Dollhouse has serious issues when it comes to gender (albeit intentional, I'm sure), you may just be able to salvage it. I really want to see Echo save herself. That is, if it's renewed. (PS-How Creepy is Paul Ballard? Agent Helo is kind of freaking me out)

/Pretentious rant