It's the Little Things

-Yesterday I went to four different costume/resale shops around the East Lakeview area. I found a red trench coat at Ragstock that was two sizes (at least) too large and was missing a prominent button. I felt like a kid playing dressup in the clothes that mom is giving away to goodwill. Today I will go to a couple more places in my desperate attempt to become the nefarious criminal mastermind Carmen Sandiego. If I am not successful, my contingency plans are either a Hello My Name Is sticker ala Oz or Three-Hole Punch Cristina. I see nothing wrong with either of those plans.

-I think I had a delightful run in with several gang members (possibly former gang members) in my elevator at 11 PM last night. I mean, I don't want to be stereotypical or anything, but they appeared to have all kinds of gang tattoos. And they seemed thuggishly inclined. Friendly, but thuggishly inclined. One of them lives in my building and drunkenly slurred something at me like "heyshryathemhrrudaday." I replied "yes, I think so." That seemed to satisfy him and he nodded to the other two. One of them had an empty tear drop tattoo under his left eye. I wonder if he killed someone. I told them to have a nice night when I got off on the 9th floor. They all cheerfully replied back. I can tell that we are going to be friends.

-Remember Josh? No? Well, I didn't either, at first. He's the one who cooked with me in, like, February. We watched Fight Club and made a souffle and then never hung out or spoke ever again. Yeah, he called me the other day, which completely confused me. I didn't even know who he was until the next day, that's how much he took me by surprise. Anyway, he claimed that he'd been trying to reach me, (bullshit) and wanted to invite me to go drinking at The Hopleaf with a bunch of other people. I wasn't really paying attention to the phone call, because I was trying to figure out what was going on when I should've been listening, but I think he said something about his leaving town soon or something. He also invited me to sushi, I think. It all happened so fast! Is it just me, or is this totally weird? Why on earth would he want to hang out with me after such a long time of absolutely no contact. And, more to the point, we had a definite conversation where we agreed to no longer hang out. Why did he keep my number? Currently perplexed.

-Speaking of Fight Club, I've decided that is part of the reason that I want to do Roller Derby. It's the closest legal, female equivalent to Fight Club. I'm not even exaggerating. Looking online, I've seen galleries dedicated to the injuries that women get from this sport, yet they get up and play through the contusions and sprains, and on occasion, breaks. Badass, indeed. "If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?" These women put themselves through so much pain, and I can't even imagine the thrill that it creates. Plus, fun personas, and a true sense of team spirit. Funnily enough, this is the only team sport that I've ever been enthusiastic about doing, and I can't even skate yet. "I am Jack's smirking revenge."

-At work, I've taken to listening to classical music on repeat as I doing/avoiding doing my work. It certainly changes the tone of the day in a much more exciting way than listening to most of what's on my iPod. Current selections are In the Hall of the Mountain King and Danse Macabre. Winter is approaching, so I may get into a Wagnerian mood next.

-Current page count for da book: 9. I never said I was a fast writer.

-I think my next DVD purchase may be Pan's Labyrinth. I'd really like to see it again, at least.

-I'm shocked I haven't watched any scary movies yet this Halloween season. SHOCKED. I even have three different Hitchcock movies from Netflix waiting for me on my coffee table. I'm sorry, awesomely freaky movies. Maybe I'll get to you around Christmas.

-Currently reading American Psycho, however, so maybe that makes up for it. Patrick Bateman makes me more afraid of the yuppies in my neighborhood than those potential gang members from the elevator.

-Shredding may be my favorite work related task ever. I like to keep the binder clips as hunting trophies. When I look at them stacked in my drawer, I sometimes relive the thrill of the shred. Is that creepy?

-Tomorrow, I'm going to wear my Vampire t-shirt to work in celebration of the Halloween casual day. It's time my coworkers found out about me once and for all.

When You are Dying, I'll Be Still Alive

So, I've recently discovered the musical stylings of one Jonathan Coulton. Well, he was recommended to me, that is. Amazing, simply amazing.

I actually found the song "Still Alive" a while back on my own. That's the song playing over the end credits of the computer game Portal, which I'm actually thinking about buying, because it's apparently an amazing puzzle game. The song was written by Jonathan Coulton, and is quite hilarious. It's basically the computer congratulating you on beating at and giving you passive-aggressive warnings about how it's still alive. It's really funny, and I've never even played the game. I first found it because I saw a clip of Felicia Day, Penny from Dr. Horrible, singing it with him at ComiCon.

He tends to write songs that are about the weirdest topics, from an giant squid to a zombie attack to a surprisingly sad/touching song about Laika. Yes, the first dog in space. They're amazing. And, not just in a funny, dorky way. They're genuinely good songs, in my opinion. He does a hilarious cover of "Baby Got Back."

I guess I just wanted to share the love. Right now I've got "Still Alive" stuck in my head, and I wanted to let people know that.

You should listen to these songs. Here, have some links:

Still Alive
The Future Soon
Skullcrusher Mountain
Creepy Doll
I Crush Everything
re: Your Brains
and the touching Space Doggity

Laura Wins

Okay, I think many of you are aware of the serious arm-twisting that my dear friend Laura has been giving me in the past few weeks. Ever since going with her and Eric to see Roller Derby in September, I've been interested in the sport. I mean, seriously, it's hardcore. All you really need to know is that it's a bunch of tough, heavily tattooed women on roller skates trying to kill each other. Awesome. They also have fantastically funny punny names.

Actually, let me amend this by saying that after I saw my first bout, the battle was all inside me. It seems like incredibly good fun, as well as a great release from, you know, regular life. Obviously it's lots of hard work and practice and stuff. It's not like I'm doing anything else with my free time. So, yeah, I've been going back and forth and back and forth. The arguments are mainly, "but you don't know how to skate!" and "but it looks awesome!"

I finally told myself, I said "Self, if not knowing how to skate is the only thing that's bothering you, why don't you just learn?"

So, yeah, I bought some damn skates. They're cheap and probably no good, but I figure they'd be perfect for learning how to do basic stuff. This is just enough time for me to try out come next year's tryouts in June. I like to have good, um, cushions of time to learn new skills. I think 8 months is a good time period to learn how to skate. I've even thought up a few decent names. I figure that if I'm daydreaming about this, it's probably a good thing to actually try.

See! Even now I'm talking myself into it, even though I've already invested at least minimal time and effort into this. This could end up being my new thing. Here, check out the website.

Get excited, people.

The Process Sucks

Okay, since I announced that I am writing a book I haven't exactly been, um, writing. I love my idea. I love my characters. I love my world. It's the easiest thing in the world for me to plan out a story. As I've always had an overactive imagination, it's remarkably easy for me to create new realities and stuff. Some people probably think that I've been tiptoeing the line of sanity my whole life. Whenever I remember my dreams, they're never boring. I mean, my crazy imagination is the reason I get so damn into the various fandoms that I've gotten into--I fall into new worlds very easily. So y'all can understand that the planning of the book(s?), developing of the characters, and so on is great fun for me.

It's the writing that's the bitch. I forgot the horror that looking at a white screen with just a damn cursor creates. Especially when you've got so much to say, and you just don't know where to start. And it's just there blinking at you. Mocking you with it's metronome-like beats. And then you wonder if you've gotten in over your head, since this is the part that really matters. Who cares if you have an awesome story, if all you can do is stare at that cursor. So you write one line. Then two. You make the mistake of reading them. They're really bad. Who would read this garbage? So you erase it, taking each character away in a desperate attempt to win back your sanity. I know I can write. I know it's in me. You're too self-conscious now. What's a good way to introduce your main character? Waking up? No, no that's waaay too trite. How about through the eyes of other characters? No, that's just confusing when I start to tell the story from the character's POV. How about an inciting event that is the backdrop for the action, which will happen later? Eh, but where's my protagonist in all of this?

So, I take a break. I clear my head. I read. I'm exhausted. My arm hurts. No, concentrate! I manage to finally write some more, but I run into the same problems. I'm not even sure I know who this person is anymore. Why should readers care who in the hell he is, anyway? Why do I even want to do this? What am I trying to say anymore?

Hell with it. I took my laptop to Clarke's on Sunday, and I sat and wrote. That third person crap wasn't working, so I just rambled for about two pages from my protagonist's point of view regarding what he thinks of the world. And you know, that was the very first time that I got him. I actually understood what's driving him and how he sees himself. Not the most reliable narrator in the world, but there's nothing wrong with that. I finally saw what I needed to see. And no, he doesn't think like me. Not at all. His voice is more authoritative. More cocky and sure of himself. I don't necessarily share his views. But I like him, even though he's kind of a jerk. I think I'll write the story in his first-person point of view, as I've realized that it seems to be the easiest way for me. The hardest part is making sure he sounds like a guy all the time, since I'm not even going to pretend that I naturally understand how male minds work. But I can figure that part out easily enough.

Just got my second wind, guys. I'm officially excited about this again.

I Just Flew In from [insert generic city]

and boy are my arms tired! rimshot

That's what some people think about stand up comedy. Either that or an endless flood of mediocre, tasteless jokes told by an overgrown, possibly drunk frat boy who has been told he's funny his entire life. He's not.

I think this is why comedy has gotten such a bad rap from the public. It's not really seen as hard work, even though I think it's probably one of the hardest performance arts out there. Think about it. Last night I wanted to cheer when Kathy Griffin called Bullshit on Sarah Palin's difficulties as a woman in politics. Try being a female stand up comic indeed.

But, I do enjoy good comedy. Always have. I went through a rather, um, uncomfortable phase when I was determined to try it. I'm glad I talked myself down, because that would probably have been humiliating to the tenth degree. Plus, I'm not really that funny in person. I do respect people that can do that for a living, though. That takes mad skills and some rhino-thick hide.

Having said that, I tried to think about what I do find funny. Like, why do I like particular comedian/iennes and make it a point to revile others. I think it has to do with self-deprecation in comedy sets. I really like people who possess the ability to make fun of themselves, as it makes them much more human and really does provide an endless font of material. Kathy Griffin does that very well. Certainly she rips into other celebrities, but makes fun of herself the most. That's cool. Plus, I think she's genuinely a very funny person. Which I've discovered not all comedians actually are.

To be honest, I think I like female comics (on the whole) more than most male comics for that very reason. I feel like guys take themselves far more seriously than women do. Way to generalize and be stereotypical, Cristina; I know. But that's what I'm getting. Maybe that's because women have to work harder, and frankly be that much funnier to get crowds. The stereotypical comment that I've heard my whole life is that women are simply not funny. Many guys actually do think this.

Okay, so not true. But maybe they have to work harder to be found funny by people that think that. Also, it makes sense that women tend to have a different kind of sense of humor than men do, and rarely do the twain meet. I mean, don't get me wrong--I like comedy from male stand ups as well. Eddie Izzard is unbelievably amazing, and if it didn't cost the soul of my first born child to get into one of his shows, I'd go. (for a really great way to kill some time at work or um, at home, because being on the internet at work is WRONG: go here) But his comedy isn't really "guy comedy." You know the kind: ranting about the old ball & chain, talking about doing really stupid shit when drunk, and generally being an asshole to people. It seems crueler somehow. Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm well aware that Kathy Griffin is an asshole to people. Certainly--it's her schtick. But not in that "guy" way. She has her reasons for being a jerk, and they make sense. She's all about taking people down, who kind of deserve it, not because she just wants to be mean. That's why celebrities hate her: she can see through them, and will let people know that.

Perhaps I'm overgeneralizing. I like lots of male comedians, and I get their jokes. George Carlin and Kathy Griffin can be enjoyed by the same people, and not just because the both say "fuck" a lot. I guess I'm getting sick of the smugness that lots of male comics bring to the table. I think, as a rule, women don't get that way, because expectations are different for them. If a woman brings down the house, you know she earned it all the way.

[ETA: This has nothing to do with comedic actors. That's something different. This is about stand-up comedy, which is probably a dying art. Different rules and different set of standards.]

Much of this has probably been fueled by the simple fact that I cannot stand Dane Cook. He's just not funny, and pretty much exemplifies how people think that "random" is funny. It's not. Stop feeding his ego, people. Maybe then people will stop paying him to be in really horrible-looking movies. Think of the children!

Maybe I'm just looking for another way to cry "Misogyny!" This is probably very unfair to lots of male comedians who have also had to rise through the trenches to get where they are now. Even Jeff Foxworthy had to work hard to perfect his "you might be a redneck" sets. I just want to see more funny women these days. I know they're out there somewhere, biting their tongues at some jerk guy who just told a really bad joke.

And if anyone thinks I'm being unfair (which I may very well be) or has any thoughts on the matter, please comment! I'm still trying to parse my own feelings about this. I probably won't even get argumentative and defensive with you!

And now, take my wife! Please!

God Hollywood, Stop Sucking So Bad

I'm a creature of habit, as many of you know. I like to go home after a long day's work, play with the cats, surf the 'net (IF I EVER GET MY NEW COMPUTER), maybe pop some corn and catch up with my stories.

I have shows that I regularly watch and a few others that I'm just beginning to get into. For me, television is a necessary component in unwinding after a tiring [read:boring] day. I need something to grip me, or else I'll just slip into a stupor. Reading is great (especially for the bus rides), but sometimes I need to see the story. And there are some great ones out there.

Let me take this opportunity to thank the studios for finally paying their writers what they deserve, because some of the cleverest writing out there is on TV. I mean, it really makes sense, if you think about it: TV writers have to cram a full story into either 1 hour or 30 minutes. The dialogue has to be crisp and clever, and the story has to progress efficiently, with just enough left hanging to keep the viewer coming back for more next week. I like TV, okay.

I like certain shows, too. They may not always be the "best" shows on TV, but they normally have something fun to hook me with. Like Summer Glau. Speaking of Terminator: TSCC, I'm worried. I think they're going to cancel the show this season, because the ratings aren't that great. Okay, so it's the Terminator TV show. I get that people might think that's ridiculous. But, I actually really like it. Not only is it full of fun action sequences, but it's really secretly a heartwarming family show. With killer robots! And I fear for its safety. I really hope Fox doesn't pull the plug soon, but I think it's going to happen.

Pushing Daisies is adorable. It may push every boundary of realism, and be kind of sugary sweet, but it completely embraces it. It's so damn cute, and the stories are so bizarre and over the top that it actually really works. It's like if Tim Burton decided, "Hell with it, I'm producing something CHEERFUL." According to a headline I just read (which inspired this whole post), more people are watching Knight Rider, which is a horrific remake of a sci-fi TV show **coughbionicwomancough**. Really? That show doesn't even look fun, for all its flashy special effects. I don't think I have to worry about this show yet, but I'm more on edge than I want to be.

The Riches is officially cancelled. That really sucks, but I'm not surprised. FX didn't give it a good chance, and I think the Writer's Strike killed it, as the past season seemed really rushed and random. That's really a shame, because it was an interesting concept and I really enjoyed watching Eddie Izzard and Minnie Driver onscreen together.

Thank god for new pleasures. I'm always late in the game with certain shows, since my curiosity for them is inevitably killed by approximately 200 people ordering me to check out this particular TV show. I'm sure it's wonderful, but you sound like a crazy person. Don't you talk about "glass houses" to me! Stop it. There's a reason that I haven't actually watched The Wire yet. Anyway, I finally broke down and watched a House marathon on USA, and okay, crazy people, it's a really good procedural. And a breath of fresh air from the currently stale medical dramas and L&O. Hugh Laurie is kind of amazing, and I do have lots of fun playing "what else was he/she in?" with the guest stars. Seriously good guest stars. And did I mention Hugh Laurie? This is a good show to sit and watch if you have an hour to kill.

I'm finally watching Mad Men as well. And, AND, I watched it before it won the Emmy. Check my Twitter feed if you don't believe me. It's so good that I've got a series recording of it set up on my DVR. I don't do that for any other show. Even the shows that I actually do regularly record. Amazing cast (including the incredible Christina Hendricks AKA YoSaffBridge from Firefly), compelling scripts (Marti Noxon just joined the writing staff for anyone who might know who she is), and set/wardrobe to die for. I highly recommend it, although be warned, it's not a fast moving show, and you have to pay attention to details. I'm incredibly impressed that it actually won the Emmy, as it's not the flashiest show out there. But it certainly deserved it, in my point of view. Hollywood done good. Even though I read another headline somewhere that more people watch that horrible Scott Baio show than probably even know what Mad Men is. That's appalling, but I believe it.

Thankfully I've also got shows like The Office and 30 Rock (when it eventually comes back) to fall back on. But other than that, I can't help but think that TV is getting really, really bad. Did y'all see the previews for Kath & Kim? Yikes. Is this what the vast majority of America wants to see? Really?

Please stop taking away the shows that I do watch, in order to cater to the loutish masses.

Please.

Fine, I'll be over here waiting patiently for Dollhouse to premiere.

Costume? What Costume?

I realize that it's October again, which normally means Halloween is here. The Walgreens also gave me some hints about that. I normally phone in a costume. I mean, last year's vampire wasn't exactly inspired. I don't ever really have fun with it, even that one year that I was the pimp. I think my hos had a better time, to be perfectly honest.

I think I realized my problem: they never represent me. Who I am. Blah blah Halloween is about being something not you, blah blah. But no! That's not really true, is it? Where's the fun in being a character or thing that you don't like/aren't comfortable with? I now know what I have to do: just embrace my inner geek and be done with it.

This doesn't mean that I'm going to be, like, Princess Leia or something. That's just unoriginal. I don't want to be something that everyone gets. I'd like to be something that even just a single person can come up to me and say "awesome." Isn't that the point of geekdom?

But, still, I don't want to go too crazy with it. I'm actually a pretty low-level geek, as far as my interests go. I ain't touching Star Trek, or anything else that is notorious for its Conventions.

Here are some ideas:

1. A random person living in The Village. Perhaps even a Number 2! This is actually seeming more and more like the right option. The extras on the TV show (which I am admittedly watching these days) always wear the bizarrest crap. It's all rainbow colors and strange capes, and crazy hats. The Penny Farthing Bicycle is the symbol for the village. It's pretty awesome. Also it's an amazing show, which I highly recommend. Ooh, I could also carry a blown up white balloon to represent "Rover." I really like this idea.

2. Sarah Freakin' Connor. This is basically my costume to indulge badassitude. Seriously. I could go for the insane asylum, pen-stabbing, pajama-wearing Sarah Connor. Or I could do the tank-top & ray ban military look. What props other than fake guns could I use, though? The dismembered head of a Terminator? This could be an option.

3. Kaylee Frye. Betcha thought that I would've said something related to Buffy, right? Nope. I'm not even going to try to relate in any way physically to Sarah Michelle Gellar or Alyson Hannigan. Plus, those aren't really costumes. More like nice(ish) clothes. Naw, Kaylee is a much better choice; she'll also be pretty easy to duplicate. A mixture of frontier-wear and Chinese-inspired clothing. I could even carry that umbrella that she had in Serenity (pilot, not movie). A cute choice, and maybe I'll meet some drunken Browncoats or something. Gotta show Firefly some love these days too!

4. Agent Dana Scully. I'd just wear my suit. This is a horrible idea. Let's move on.

5. Speaking of horrible, a Captain Hammer groupie. All that a Captain Hammer groupie would really need is a Captain Hammer t-shirt. Who wouldn't want a picture of Nathan Fillion on their shirt! Alternatively, I could go as one of the members of the Evil League of Evil. There were a few women, like Fury Leika or Snakebite or Tie-Die. I'm having way too much fun with this.

6. CARMEN SANDIEGO. It's all about the red trenchcoat & fedora & hilariously named henchmen. I think this one speaks for itself. I could find a miniature version of the Eiffel Tower and carry it around with me. This may be too broad, though. Awesome, but broad.

That's all that I can think of for now. Does anyone have any suggestions? I'm open to thoughts. This may be one of the first Halloweens that I actually get excited about what I'm going to go as.