Not witch. Wizard. According to The Dresden Files books, female magic practicioners are still "wizards." I think "witches" and "warlocks" are evil in that universe. Have I mentioned that I'm completely addicted to this series? It's not even that good, but I just can't get enough of it. For those of you unfamilar, The Dresden Files is a series with a wizard protagonist named Harry Dresden. He's kind of a grown-up Harry Potter with even more frightening parental issues. This series takes place in Chicago (woo!) and is kind of a cross between a supernatural thriller and a hard-boiled detective novel. It hits three of my buttons as once! Now can you see why I like it so much?
I'm already at Book #6, Blood Rites. It's awesome. What I like about this world is the fairly unique point of view it takes on Harry's magic, which is both recognizable from previous fiction and also fits into this world all on its own. Also, I TOTALLY KNEW that Chicago was a hotbed for supernatural activity. Everything happens here! For example, did you know that there is a whole supernatural world under Chicago called Undertown? Undertown is filled with nasty creatures that terrify even normal magical users. Under Chicago. Both main 'Courts' of Vampires in this Universe, Red and White, seem to have their headquarters (or significant holdings) in Chicago. The White Council of Wizards convenes in Chicago. Also, an enormous battle between the Summer and Winter Courts of the faeries (much more terrifying than they sound) took place in the skies above Lake Michigan. And the first mention of the University of Chicago was exciting, because apparently a gang of nerdy students became vigilante werewolves calling themselves the 'Alphas.'
So, it's fun. The author, Jim Butcher, isn't actually from Chicago, and apparently didn't even visit until after writing book #8. So he gets some things, um, wrong. The link above addresses some of the more problematic ones, like the fact that he thinks that the U of C is in Lincoln Park. Which, um, yeah. At least he described the students as more nerdy types rather than State School jocks, which is what the TV show did. The inconsistencies don't bother me too much. Strange, because normally they do. I guess I can overlook it when I'm having fun.
So why am I a wizard, again? According to The Dresden Files, technology keeps breaking down around wizards, because of the magical mojo that's constantly in the air around them. And that's been happening to me these past couple of weeks.
My wireless router accidentally got reset when I bought a replacement charger due to cat damage. That means that I can automatically connect to my wireless network, but can't actually go online for some reason. I've had to steal wireless from neighbors, and as a result, it's really really slow. I finally got fed up earlier in the week, and had to call Linksys to try to figure this situation out. My first technician told me that I needed two different ethernet cables, and I only had one. So I went out and bought another one immediately, because OMIGOD THIS PROBLEM NEEDED TO BE SOLVED. I went to the corner Radio Shack and got the cheapest ethernet cord I could find, and hurried back to get another technician. I tried calling again, and got immediately disconnected when technican #2 answered. My little eye started twitching at this point and I started yelling at the cats when they got in my way. It was getting bad.
Third time, right guys? Third time should do it! Well, at least I got a technician on the line. I explained my issue and even let him take control of my computer. I don't do that for just anyone, you know. To do this, I had to unplug my computer from its charger and plug it directly into the modem, since my router was having personal (and professional, if you ask me) problems. I was sitting on the floor, shoving nosy cats away, resetting my router and modem and restarting my computer time and time again. The dude wasn't helping.
Oh, and I forgot! I gave him my phone number in case we got disconnected, so that he could call me back. He was the one that asked for it, so I assume this has happened before. Anyway, now my network has lost my name and is "unsecured" BUT I STILL CAN'T CONNECT TO IT. It's just sitting there. Taunting me. Look at all my bars, Cristina. Don't you want optimum connectivity? YEAH, ROUTER. YEAH I DO. STOP BEING SUCH A DAMN TEASE.
I was so frustrated, and the only thing the technician could offer was to try to reset the router again. This time holding the button down for 10 seconds instead of 20. Blarg. At least it did something, even if I still can't connect. And then, after nearly 45 minutes on the phone with this dude, my crappy cell phone um, well, crapped out. I lost the connection. AND MY ROUTER WAS EVEN WORSE. But this is okay, right? I gave the guy my number. He was the one that asked for it! He'll call back, right? Right?
Yeah, he didn't. Figures. And I was so angry and so upset and so hungry at this point, that I gave up and made myself some tilapia. I just figured that I would plug my computer back in and keep using that weak unsecured signal. Except now, my computer doesn't recognize my charger, and can't charge! I don't even know how this happens, but it's not uncommon. For some reason, when I unplug my computer and try to plug it back in, it doesn't realize that it's plugged into the same charger, and freaks out on me. So right now, my computer is sitting at home, plugged in but not charging, with 58% of its battery left. Eventually, I'll have to do some sort of elaborate rain dance where I unplug it, change the battery settings, restart the computer, reset the power strip and try plugging it in again. That usually works, at least on the third try. But right now I'm too worn out from this to care. AND, Linksys just sent me a "Customer Satisfaction Survey" for my technical assistance. I think I'm going to tell them that the technician completely broke my router. I like my petty victories.
Also, my expensive headphones no longer play sound out of the left earbud. It makes working out kind of weird. And will probably cause my brain to implode or something. I don't know.
The answer is that I'm clearly a wizard. I have to be, right? Right?
[ETA: I just remembered another recent technology mishap. I bought a new album on iTunes and wanted to put it on my iPod, but due to a strange mishap involving updating iTunes and settings getting mixed up, when I plugged my iPod into my computer, it got erased and written over with random albums. BUT STRANGELY, some of the music already on the iPod (and some of the random transferred stuff) got transferred back to my computer, erasing the rest of the music that was already there. And now my iPod is a strange mix of all the music left on my computer, which is a strange mix. I lost 75% of my music, and most of the stuff that I listen to regularly. I'm left with the Wicked and BSG soundtracks, and, like, Sufjan. I have not been having a good time recently.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Trust Me, the Ramblings Go Somewhere
So, y'all, I just had an epiphany yesterday on the Brown Line on the way to my dentist. Remember how I used to want to write, but was never really sure what I was doing, but got really excited anyway about the idea of it? And then, remember how I got kind of jaded and realized that it was ridiculous and decided to just sit around for a while instead? But then I gave myself a swift kick in the ass AND THEN, I started studying for the LSATs and THEN I started writing this blog entry? Good times.
But yeah, I had a point. Um, writing! Yes. I wasn't lying when I once said that I would probably be happiest if I could find some way to make it as a writer. If I had to enter into some sort of Faustian pact. I don't know why it's gotten so strong after college, but it's still there. Even now as I continue to study for the LSATs and work towards the actual goal of going to law school. By the way, I totally KICK ASS at Arguments. Most of them are just rehashes of stuff I already learned in Psychology and Statistics. And now that I've said it, I'm going to completely fail. Great.
Gosh, I'm in a great mood. I blame the endorphins from running/working out, since I've been doing it every day this week. Hurrah! Let's keep this up.
Wait, I really did have a point. I still want to write. That is my point. I think part of the reason I got so frustrated is that I had no idea what I was doing, and wasn't writing about anything that I actually knew about. Isn't the old phrase, "write what you know?" I was just writing about something I thought was cool. That's just not good enough. And then it hit me like Zeus' lightning: I've had a really weird life, y'all! Like, really weird. And, maybe interesting?
I COULD WRITE ABOUT ME. Or, well, kind of. Since I doubt anyone would want to read a book (some other thingy) about me now. But I could share my stories in exaggerated or (in some cases) cleaned up ways, and make them interesting to regular people. Like young girls, who are struggling with some of the issues that I struggled with during my teen years. I still haven't completely figured myself out, but I'm miles away from the way I used to be.
I'm totally serious in my facebook profile that I can't tell if my life is straight out of a soap opera or a sitcom. Someone's gotta find that interesting, right? And it'll be nice to talk about some of this stuff, without it seeming like I've got massive problems. I'm better in writing anyway, except for this rambling rant. It's good catharsis and will hopefully be entertaining to at least a few people out there.
THESIS: I think I still want to write. I'm going to be taking the LSATs and doing law school stuff, but I still want to try to flex my creative muscles. Maybe I'll take a class or something...
But yeah, I had a point. Um, writing! Yes. I wasn't lying when I once said that I would probably be happiest if I could find some way to make it as a writer. If I had to enter into some sort of Faustian pact. I don't know why it's gotten so strong after college, but it's still there. Even now as I continue to study for the LSATs and work towards the actual goal of going to law school. By the way, I totally KICK ASS at Arguments. Most of them are just rehashes of stuff I already learned in Psychology and Statistics. And now that I've said it, I'm going to completely fail. Great.
Gosh, I'm in a great mood. I blame the endorphins from running/working out, since I've been doing it every day this week. Hurrah! Let's keep this up.
Wait, I really did have a point. I still want to write. That is my point. I think part of the reason I got so frustrated is that I had no idea what I was doing, and wasn't writing about anything that I actually knew about. Isn't the old phrase, "write what you know?" I was just writing about something I thought was cool. That's just not good enough. And then it hit me like Zeus' lightning: I've had a really weird life, y'all! Like, really weird. And, maybe interesting?
I COULD WRITE ABOUT ME. Or, well, kind of. Since I doubt anyone would want to read a book (some other thingy) about me now. But I could share my stories in exaggerated or (in some cases) cleaned up ways, and make them interesting to regular people. Like young girls, who are struggling with some of the issues that I struggled with during my teen years. I still haven't completely figured myself out, but I'm miles away from the way I used to be.
I'm totally serious in my facebook profile that I can't tell if my life is straight out of a soap opera or a sitcom. Someone's gotta find that interesting, right? And it'll be nice to talk about some of this stuff, without it seeming like I've got massive problems. I'm better in writing anyway, except for this rambling rant. It's good catharsis and will hopefully be entertaining to at least a few people out there.
THESIS: I think I still want to write. I'm going to be taking the LSATs and doing law school stuff, but I still want to try to flex my creative muscles. Maybe I'll take a class or something...
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
A Peculiar Paean to Punctuation
So I just reread my last crazy-ass post, and discovered that I used three different ?!s to end excited sentences. If I knew how to make it, I would have totally used interrobangs instead! The interrobang is certainly my favorite punctuation mark EVER and not just because it sounds kinda dirty. First of all, the actual punctuation mark looks like something totally fake that you'd never expect to find in actual writing--the best of both the exclamation point and the question mark. Kind of like a unicorn. YES! It is a MYTHICAL punctuation mark.
Y'all, it is so much fun! It describes my favorite ever state of being--panicked or questioning excitement. It's the kind of punctuation that accompanies a sentence that accompanies crazy eyes. It's the kind of punctuation that causes my voice to get really really high-pitched and squeaky when I get excited or indignant about ridiculous things, and then I turn into Alvin. And that's always funny.
Normally I'm pretty picky about my repetitive punctuation. I very much dislike when people constantly use like 6 exclamation marks when they're really excited. Just use more interesting words, people! Every now and then it's okay, but don't do it too much. And question marks are the same. However, I really love the interrobang substitute, or ?!. Maybe because I'm constantly pre-manic or bemused and therefore ready to interrobang away?
And yeah, it's not really real punctuation. I'm pretty sure it's not used anymore, and it certainly will never be in any books I read. In fact, I'm not sure I know why I'm even familiar with it. BUT IT'S AMAZING NONETHELESS. Seriously, everyone go out and interrobang all you can. This is your homework assignment.
And now, an example: I'm going to the gym for the third day in a row?! I'm running?!
Y'all, it is so much fun! It describes my favorite ever state of being--panicked or questioning excitement. It's the kind of punctuation that accompanies a sentence that accompanies crazy eyes. It's the kind of punctuation that causes my voice to get really really high-pitched and squeaky when I get excited or indignant about ridiculous things, and then I turn into Alvin. And that's always funny.
Normally I'm pretty picky about my repetitive punctuation. I very much dislike when people constantly use like 6 exclamation marks when they're really excited. Just use more interesting words, people! Every now and then it's okay, but don't do it too much. And question marks are the same. However, I really love the interrobang substitute, or ?!. Maybe because I'm constantly pre-manic or bemused and therefore ready to interrobang away?
And yeah, it's not really real punctuation. I'm pretty sure it's not used anymore, and it certainly will never be in any books I read. In fact, I'm not sure I know why I'm even familiar with it. BUT IT'S AMAZING NONETHELESS. Seriously, everyone go out and interrobang all you can. This is your homework assignment.
And now, an example: I'm going to the gym for the third day in a row?! I'm running?!
Friday, May 15, 2009
How Long is this Sustainable, I Wonder? Let's Find Out.
Me: I'm kind of bored...
Brain: Why don't you write a blog entry about how bored you are?
Me: Oh, nobody would want to rea...oh, wait. I see what you did there.
Brain: Just saying. You need a haircut, FYI. You're getting a little bottom-heavy. Er, with the hair. Of course, just meant the hair.
Me: Yeah, I know. I just don't want to schedule the appointment. And then I'll have to pay, especially since I already told myself I'd get partial highlights of an auburn hue as well.
Brain: That's weird. Will you be able to maintain the haircut to go with the highlights once you get them, or are you going to end up looking like a marmoset or something?
Me: A marmoset? Really?
Brain: Well, whatever. I don't trust you either way.
Me: Have you ever wondered why she writes us as being two different concepts? Herself and her brain? That's kind of weird. And unnecessarily meta.
Brain: I always assumed that I was the conscience or, um, the incentive. Uh, the drive to better herself or something.
Me: Then why are you so mean to me?
Brain: Oh, it's good for you! You wouldn't get anywhere in life if I just went on and on about how you were special and had a destiny or something cheesy like that.
Me: Special Destiny?! You mean like Starb--
Brain: NO! No. Let's not go there. We all know how that went, and I don't think you want that. Plus, YOU NEED TO STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS SHIT. Haven't I made sure that you had enough headaches and mental weariness because of it?
Me: ...hey my Toaster t-shirt should be coming today!
Brain: I give up. Frak it.
Me: No, hey, no. Don't be sad. I'm doing better with it. We had angry thoughts on gender issues and only tangentially applied BSG to them. And, um, Eric got us thinking about the Constitution and rage and stuff. You got to pull out actual knowledge from undergrad Con Law class and everything. That didn't really have anything to do with BSG. Oh, oh and um we've been looking for new apartments on the internet, so that's a new project. Plus, we still carry that LSAT book around everywhere. I even opened it the other day!
Brain: Yet, I had no part in actually doing anything with it. It was just open. On the desk. And then you closed it after a while.
Me: I CAN'T DO ALL THE WORK, YOU KNOW. That was your part, and you failed. FAILED.
Brain: Pshaw, not my fault you found other ways to distract yourself. Most of the stuff you do at work doesn't require me at all. Plus, we're really really lazy. It's a thing.
Me: Yeah...maybe I should call David. My hair is really annoying me.
Brain: Good. That's a good project for the next minute. Do it now before you get distracted by, like, some stranger's crazyass meta about how Starbuck is really a super sekrit suprise!angel and Sam and Kara were actually destined to...oh, too late.
Me: What? It's an interesting, if not ultimately reaching take on the characters and the concepts of free will and destiny and higher powers, etc. etc.! Plus, you get to think too! What?! Okay, fine, I'll call the salon.
Brain: And then can we do a logic game?
Me: We'll see. Can it be about BSG?
Brain: SIGH. I'm not giving up on you, you know that right?
Me: I know. I'm not actually this crazy, but you're so much fun to mess with!
Brain: You still haven't called David.
Me: FINE.
[brief interlude]
Me: THERE. 11 AM for haircut and partial highlight. ARE YOU HAPPY?!
Brain: Ecstatic. My next project is getting you to regularly work out. You're almost there. If only you would stop putting on your pajamas immediately upon getting home. And you wonder why some people think you're depressed.
Me: I LIKE TO BE COMFORTABLE. And that applies to my not working out too. I've come to dread it, since I know it will hurt like hell.
Brain: But it's a GOOD hurt. We like that hurt. And you actually feel pretty damn good about yourself after intense workouts. Don't you remember?
Me: I guess. Hey, you think anyone is still reading this? We kind of ran out of steam a while back.
Brain: Yeah. I don't know. I don't think this ever actually had a point, to be perfectly honest. She just wanted to write something, so we got wranged in so that she can pretend to express something. Not that it was anything of substance. We're just blathering on about whatever pops into her head. None of this means anything. We don't really represent anything here.
Me: Hey. Hey, Brain.
Brain: What?
Me: Hee. Does this mean--
Brain: What?
Me: Are you alive? :D
Brain: ...
[Brain has left the chatroom]
Me: Hello? Hello? Are you there? .....Oh my, I'm sleepy.
Fin
Brain: Why don't you write a blog entry about how bored you are?
Me: Oh, nobody would want to rea...oh, wait. I see what you did there.
Brain: Just saying. You need a haircut, FYI. You're getting a little bottom-heavy. Er, with the hair. Of course, just meant the hair.
Me: Yeah, I know. I just don't want to schedule the appointment. And then I'll have to pay, especially since I already told myself I'd get partial highlights of an auburn hue as well.
Brain: That's weird. Will you be able to maintain the haircut to go with the highlights once you get them, or are you going to end up looking like a marmoset or something?
Me: A marmoset? Really?
Brain: Well, whatever. I don't trust you either way.
Me: Have you ever wondered why she writes us as being two different concepts? Herself and her brain? That's kind of weird. And unnecessarily meta.
Brain: I always assumed that I was the conscience or, um, the incentive. Uh, the drive to better herself or something.
Me: Then why are you so mean to me?
Brain: Oh, it's good for you! You wouldn't get anywhere in life if I just went on and on about how you were special and had a destiny or something cheesy like that.
Me: Special Destiny?! You mean like Starb--
Brain: NO! No. Let's not go there. We all know how that went, and I don't think you want that. Plus, YOU NEED TO STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS SHIT. Haven't I made sure that you had enough headaches and mental weariness because of it?
Me: ...hey my Toaster t-shirt should be coming today!
Brain: I give up. Frak it.
Me: No, hey, no. Don't be sad. I'm doing better with it. We had angry thoughts on gender issues and only tangentially applied BSG to them. And, um, Eric got us thinking about the Constitution and rage and stuff. You got to pull out actual knowledge from undergrad Con Law class and everything. That didn't really have anything to do with BSG. Oh, oh and um we've been looking for new apartments on the internet, so that's a new project. Plus, we still carry that LSAT book around everywhere. I even opened it the other day!
Brain: Yet, I had no part in actually doing anything with it. It was just open. On the desk. And then you closed it after a while.
Me: I CAN'T DO ALL THE WORK, YOU KNOW. That was your part, and you failed. FAILED.
Brain: Pshaw, not my fault you found other ways to distract yourself. Most of the stuff you do at work doesn't require me at all. Plus, we're really really lazy. It's a thing.
Me: Yeah...maybe I should call David. My hair is really annoying me.
Brain: Good. That's a good project for the next minute. Do it now before you get distracted by, like, some stranger's crazyass meta about how Starbuck is really a super sekrit suprise!angel and Sam and Kara were actually destined to...oh, too late.
Me: What? It's an interesting, if not ultimately reaching take on the characters and the concepts of free will and destiny and higher powers, etc. etc.! Plus, you get to think too! What?! Okay, fine, I'll call the salon.
Brain: And then can we do a logic game?
Me: We'll see. Can it be about BSG?
Brain: SIGH. I'm not giving up on you, you know that right?
Me: I know. I'm not actually this crazy, but you're so much fun to mess with!
Brain: You still haven't called David.
Me: FINE.
[brief interlude]
Me: THERE. 11 AM for haircut and partial highlight. ARE YOU HAPPY?!
Brain: Ecstatic. My next project is getting you to regularly work out. You're almost there. If only you would stop putting on your pajamas immediately upon getting home. And you wonder why some people think you're depressed.
Me: I LIKE TO BE COMFORTABLE. And that applies to my not working out too. I've come to dread it, since I know it will hurt like hell.
Brain: But it's a GOOD hurt. We like that hurt. And you actually feel pretty damn good about yourself after intense workouts. Don't you remember?
Me: I guess. Hey, you think anyone is still reading this? We kind of ran out of steam a while back.
Brain: Yeah. I don't know. I don't think this ever actually had a point, to be perfectly honest. She just wanted to write something, so we got wranged in so that she can pretend to express something. Not that it was anything of substance. We're just blathering on about whatever pops into her head. None of this means anything. We don't really represent anything here.
Me: Hey. Hey, Brain.
Brain: What?
Me: Hee. Does this mean--
Brain: What?
Me: Are you alive? :D
Brain: ...
[Brain has left the chatroom]
Me: Hello? Hello? Are you there? .....Oh my, I'm sleepy.
Fin
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
I'm Tired People, IGNORE MY DRAMA
Hi everyone. This is me trying to do a regular update. LOOK AT ME GO! Um, honestly, what this entry was going to be a passionate and immediate defense for the character of one Mr. Samuel T. Anders, since I do adore him so. (and not just because he is so very pretty--I actually have many real reasons for it) But, eh. I find I don't have the willpower. That's right ladies and gentlemen, I don't really want to talk about Battlestar Galactica right now. Or really any TV shows. WHAT?! Now, people, I'm still me. And if you get me started talking about TV and let me spin up my wheels, I'll probably get enough steam going to fully annoy you. But I really don't want to initiate the conversation.
I think I realized this earlier today, when I was thinking about writing a blog entry about BSG and Sam Anders vs. Lee Adama, and found that I was getting a nasty headache. That's right, a Syfy headache. It's really weird. I don't really want to spend time thinking about these issues anymore. Like, I'm bored by it now. Which is very strange for me. I think...could it be possible....
AM I GROWING UP?! Like, I'm bored by doing all the same old things at work, and that includes reading about my favorite TV shows. Bored. Which means work has become even more unbearable than it already was. I don't know. I think I'm just done. And with no other prospects on the immediate horizon, that thought fills me with a sense of dread. Impending doom, if the doom wasn't actually impending, but more, er, drawn out. You get the idea.
Like, I'm afraid to start planning my future because it's been on hold for so long, but if I don't, I know that my soul will actually start seeping out of my body to try to find a better place to hang out. Yikes. I should really force myself to study for the LSATs, since I am TOTALLY going to do those now. I've kind of been faking the studying so far, and that's no good. I think this boredom is probably my mind's way of trying to wake me up. If it takes away all my fun distractions, I'll have to work!
My head hurts. My eyes hurt. My stomach feels weird, and I don't want to go to the gym now; however, I am forcing myself to do the last one. I come home to an apartment I hate that I really don't care about maintaining anymore, since I never invite anybody over. I'm kind of a mess. And, and I think I realize that now. Stasis is only, heh, sustainable for so long. And although I keep finding TV shows and other hobbies to obsess about, I don't really have anything else to do. And wow, that needs to change. OKAY, LSATs. I can do this. I can force myself to get back into studying. It didn't used to be this hard.
And yeah, I know I've said this before. I'm very very very good at making GRAND AND IMPORTANT DECLARATIONS OF TRUTH and just figuring that getting it off my chest is actually, um, doing something. But y'all, this time it's TOTALLY different. I'm actually bored by doing anything else, which has never happened before.
Wow, I didn't mean for this to be a downer entry. Blame the fact that the most serious issues I've thought about recently involve BSG. It finally broke me. I'll defend Sam some other time, when I'm more forward thinking and also not EXHAUSTED FROM WAKING UP AT 3 AM AND NOT BEING ABLE TO GO BACK TO BED. That probably played a part in this little melodrama.
Um, okay, upbeat things. I can do that. Have some happy thoughts:
1. I may get auburn highlights when I get my hair cut soon. So get excited about that!
2. Hey, remember The L Word? I found this randomly when I was looking up something on The Dollhouse, and thought it was really funny in an awkward, kind of unfunny way. Don't ask. Nobody knows what I mean anymore:
I think I realized this earlier today, when I was thinking about writing a blog entry about BSG and Sam Anders vs. Lee Adama, and found that I was getting a nasty headache. That's right, a Syfy headache. It's really weird. I don't really want to spend time thinking about these issues anymore. Like, I'm bored by it now. Which is very strange for me. I think...could it be possible....
AM I GROWING UP?! Like, I'm bored by doing all the same old things at work, and that includes reading about my favorite TV shows. Bored. Which means work has become even more unbearable than it already was. I don't know. I think I'm just done. And with no other prospects on the immediate horizon, that thought fills me with a sense of dread. Impending doom, if the doom wasn't actually impending, but more, er, drawn out. You get the idea.
Like, I'm afraid to start planning my future because it's been on hold for so long, but if I don't, I know that my soul will actually start seeping out of my body to try to find a better place to hang out. Yikes. I should really force myself to study for the LSATs, since I am TOTALLY going to do those now. I've kind of been faking the studying so far, and that's no good. I think this boredom is probably my mind's way of trying to wake me up. If it takes away all my fun distractions, I'll have to work!
My head hurts. My eyes hurt. My stomach feels weird, and I don't want to go to the gym now; however, I am forcing myself to do the last one. I come home to an apartment I hate that I really don't care about maintaining anymore, since I never invite anybody over. I'm kind of a mess. And, and I think I realize that now. Stasis is only, heh, sustainable for so long. And although I keep finding TV shows and other hobbies to obsess about, I don't really have anything else to do. And wow, that needs to change. OKAY, LSATs. I can do this. I can force myself to get back into studying. It didn't used to be this hard.
And yeah, I know I've said this before. I'm very very very good at making GRAND AND IMPORTANT DECLARATIONS OF TRUTH and just figuring that getting it off my chest is actually, um, doing something. But y'all, this time it's TOTALLY different. I'm actually bored by doing anything else, which has never happened before.
Wow, I didn't mean for this to be a downer entry. Blame the fact that the most serious issues I've thought about recently involve BSG. It finally broke me. I'll defend Sam some other time, when I'm more forward thinking and also not EXHAUSTED FROM WAKING UP AT 3 AM AND NOT BEING ABLE TO GO BACK TO BED. That probably played a part in this little melodrama.
Um, okay, upbeat things. I can do that. Have some happy thoughts:
1. I may get auburn highlights when I get my hair cut soon. So get excited about that!
2. Hey, remember The L Word? I found this randomly when I was looking up something on The Dollhouse, and thought it was really funny in an awkward, kind of unfunny way. Don't ask. Nobody knows what I mean anymore:
3. I AM GOING TO KILL MY SHOULDERS AGAIN TODAY. I am absurdly excited about this.
4. Wheeeeeeeeee. G'night.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Gender Fail in Life
WHOA NEW POST! Hey, remember my pretentious rants, guys? Here comes another one, right atcha! Haha, "atcha," who do you think you are, Self? I think this may be a monster post, so beware. (As in really big, not with actual monsters. Only I would have to clarify that.)
Anyway, I've been doing lots of thinking lately about gender issues in the media. Random, right? Not really, actually. I've recently noticed a pattern in the fictional things that piss me off, and found that mostly they come down to gender issues. Now, my friends (anyone else automatically think of McCain saying that?), I'm about to confess something to you. A deep, dark secret from my past: when I was a kid, I totally wanted to be a boy. I really didn't like being a girl at all. Okay, go ahead and laugh. Get it all out of your systems. But I'm being completely serious. And I think I've figured out why that is, and how it is continuing to influence me.
I've always paid attention to the media, even when I was a small child. In Disney films and other media aimed at small children, the women were always the princesses--gentle waifs, who had very little personality (or a personality that may appear tough, but was ultimately weaker than that of the hero's--or worse, needed to be tamed), and existed simply to be rescued and be a test for the growth of the young man into The Hero. I have always had problems with this. ALWAYS. It drove my mother up the wall, since she always wanted me to be more feminine, but I really wanted to be The Hero. And since that was never the woman in the movies, my ten year old self decided that she wanted to be a man. That's right. I even got to the point where I liked men more than women on TV and in the movies. In fact, when I played Ninja Turtles with some guy friends, when I was like 6, I hated how they made me be April O'Neill, so they could rescue me. HATED IT. I mean, that's really messed up that as a girl, I hated my own gender because of how weak TV told me that I was. Stupid girls. *kicks can*
This changed at some point, since now I completely love being a woman (regardless of my dress code or personal upkeep of course). And I know why it changed. Buffy Summers. I really think she was the first girl I ever saw on TV, where I thought "I wanna be her." (Okay, possibly Agent Scully was the first, but point being, it was around the time I was 11.) This is why I am still in love with Buffy the Vampire Slayer and will defend it to anyone who looks down his nose at it. It's still possibly one of the greatest empowering TV shows for young women ever. She's The Hero. Nobody else even comes close, except maybe Spike towards the end, and that's when the show started to lose focus and get a little wonky. The point was about giving women the power, and I think more young girls need to get that message. It worked wonders on me and even got me to stop hating on my gender. Even better, women on that show got to be FRIENDS and not merely exist to be bitchy to each other and compete for the same men. Which is another issue I have with many shows these days. You never see them forming lasting friendships in comparison to the guy love that is all over the TV.
I've also realized that this issue is a huge part of my seething rage towards Twilight. It's a gazillion steps backwards from this Woman Saves Self attitude that Joss brought to Buffy. And what's worse to consider, how would it have affected me if I read it as a young girl? I mean, now I can read it and be all "psshaw, stupid girl falling for a dumb sparkly vampire. this is poorly written!" But what would I have thought then? That the only way I can be happy is by falling in love with some attractive jerkass? That I should defer my entire life to him? I don't care what anyone says, I don't think I would have liked this book if I read it during my pre-teen years. It would have probably caused me to still hate being a girl. And that is why I get such a negative visceral reaction to that damn series. Not just the idiocy of a sparkling vampire.
Okay, I know what you must be thinking: you're just not very romantic or into mushy stuff at all, are you? You hate romance, therefore you hate the idea of a woman being weak and always deferring to a man. Well, sorry good reader, but that's not true at all. In fact, I adore good romance. In every TV show I watch, I'm normally invested in at least one romantic couple. Probably overinvested actually. I still think Jim and Pam are an adorable couple. And if Sun and Jin don't get to be a happy family by the end of Lost, I'll be extremely upset. Buffy and Angel caused me much heart-wrenching agony when I was a teenager. They just could never be, but they loved each other so much! Woe! (despite my irrational hatred of star-crossed romances, this one always got to me) And I was invested in one particular couple on BSG (more on that later), to the point where my stomach was in knots during the finale. KNOTS! So yeah, guys, I do like romance. I still watch things like Love, Actually if I just need a pick me up. But I have an issue with the unequal roles men and women tend to play in many people's interpretations of romantic stories. I don't think a man trying to change or fix a woman is particularly romantic, personally.
I drifted a bit there. Sorry. But I also think this is the reason that I like so much Sci-Fi (Syfy?!) and Fantasy these days. That is the playground for strong, realistic women. Ellen Ripley was probably the first in modern, popular science fiction. Since then we have had Sarah Connor, Dana Scully, Kira Nerys, Buffy Summers, Eowyn (shut up, I still think she's awesome), Zoe Washburne, Cordelia Chase (before everything fell apart), Kara Thrace (STARBUCK!), and so on and so on. I don't count Leia, because she often had to be rescued by the men-folk (once in a gold bikini!), even though she is awesome in her own right.
In fact, I've gotten to the point where I judge Science Fiction TV shows almost solely on what kinds of strong women they give me. I adore The Sarah Connor Chronicles, and am still crossing my fingers for some miracle regarding renewal. And I fully admit that, like, 85% of my obsession for BSG is due to the wonder that is Starbuck. I also have recently come to terms with my total girl-crush on Katee Sackhoff (plays Starbuck) because she is so consistently awesome and straightforward in just about every interview I've seen.
Now, BSG actually does have quite a bit of gender fail (and race fail as well), for being such a "feminist" TV show. I think Ron Moore has some subconscious issues with women (Even Ron's view of Starbuck is somewhat problematic, and he apparently adores her.), and especially towards the end, many of the previously kickass women just lost all their ground. They either became bland counterparts to their men, turned evil, or, um, died. With some exceptions and reversals, so I don't think that's a spoiler. Also, gods forbid that any of them be friends with each other! Part of the reason I adore Starbuck is that the men in her life are counterparts to her. To touch upon the romantic pairing I was invested in, I'm actually much more in favor of Sam/Kara rather than Lee/Kara (the fan-preferred couple) for oh so many reasons. I'd go into them now, but some of you are still working through my DVDs, and I don't want to be all spoilers in your face. Plus, that's a huge rant, which is also a rant against the fandom in general, since most people wanted Lee and Kara to get together partly so he could fix her. That may give you an idea why I hate that pairing. I wish I were making that up. But that's a posting for another time.
I really wanted to link another random person's blog, where she discusses these issues far more eloquently than I have, but alas, it has BSG spoilers. So that'll have to wait for now.
How does this relate to me now, other than my overanalyzing my favorite TV shows? Well, think about what I want to be when I, heh, grow up. FBI Agent. And as a woman, I can totally accept that I could be one. Thank you, Agent Scully. Thank you, Buffy. It's funny, actually. I was emailing this guy I kind of dated last year, where I made a joke about really wanting to be the grizzled PI, in like, film noir. He responded "yeah, I can totally imagine you as the Girl Friday type." I made sure to make it very clear to him that I didn't want to be any Girl Friday to someone else's PI. I wanted to be the PI. Me! I think maybe that was the beginning of the end for anything between us, alas. But seriously! I want to be the one in control, making the melodramatic monologues under a slowly turning fan. I'm sure there are some deep, psychological reasons for this, but whatever. It's all true and I don't think it's a bad thing.
The worst part about this is, I know some people will be grossed out by what I am saying here. Not liking problematic gender issues gets equated to being a militant feminist for some. I bit my tongue a lot during college, and totally regret that now. And since when is feminist a bad word? Wanting men and women to be treated with equal respect is something good, right? I mean, I'm glad that I no longer want to be a boy, and I have a female-empowering TV show to thank for it. So, thanks Joss. Even if I think that Dollhouse has serious issues when it comes to gender (albeit intentional, I'm sure), you may just be able to salvage it. I really want to see Echo save herself. That is, if it's renewed. (PS-How Creepy is Paul Ballard? Agent Helo is kind of freaking me out)
/Pretentious rant
Anyway, I've been doing lots of thinking lately about gender issues in the media. Random, right? Not really, actually. I've recently noticed a pattern in the fictional things that piss me off, and found that mostly they come down to gender issues. Now, my friends (anyone else automatically think of McCain saying that?), I'm about to confess something to you. A deep, dark secret from my past: when I was a kid, I totally wanted to be a boy. I really didn't like being a girl at all. Okay, go ahead and laugh. Get it all out of your systems. But I'm being completely serious. And I think I've figured out why that is, and how it is continuing to influence me.
I've always paid attention to the media, even when I was a small child. In Disney films and other media aimed at small children, the women were always the princesses--gentle waifs, who had very little personality (or a personality that may appear tough, but was ultimately weaker than that of the hero's--or worse, needed to be tamed), and existed simply to be rescued and be a test for the growth of the young man into The Hero. I have always had problems with this. ALWAYS. It drove my mother up the wall, since she always wanted me to be more feminine, but I really wanted to be The Hero. And since that was never the woman in the movies, my ten year old self decided that she wanted to be a man. That's right. I even got to the point where I liked men more than women on TV and in the movies. In fact, when I played Ninja Turtles with some guy friends, when I was like 6, I hated how they made me be April O'Neill, so they could rescue me. HATED IT. I mean, that's really messed up that as a girl, I hated my own gender because of how weak TV told me that I was. Stupid girls. *kicks can*
This changed at some point, since now I completely love being a woman (regardless of my dress code or personal upkeep of course). And I know why it changed. Buffy Summers. I really think she was the first girl I ever saw on TV, where I thought "I wanna be her." (Okay, possibly Agent Scully was the first, but point being, it was around the time I was 11.) This is why I am still in love with Buffy the Vampire Slayer and will defend it to anyone who looks down his nose at it. It's still possibly one of the greatest empowering TV shows for young women ever. She's The Hero. Nobody else even comes close, except maybe Spike towards the end, and that's when the show started to lose focus and get a little wonky. The point was about giving women the power, and I think more young girls need to get that message. It worked wonders on me and even got me to stop hating on my gender. Even better, women on that show got to be FRIENDS and not merely exist to be bitchy to each other and compete for the same men. Which is another issue I have with many shows these days. You never see them forming lasting friendships in comparison to the guy love that is all over the TV.
I've also realized that this issue is a huge part of my seething rage towards Twilight. It's a gazillion steps backwards from this Woman Saves Self attitude that Joss brought to Buffy. And what's worse to consider, how would it have affected me if I read it as a young girl? I mean, now I can read it and be all "psshaw, stupid girl falling for a dumb sparkly vampire. this is poorly written!" But what would I have thought then? That the only way I can be happy is by falling in love with some attractive jerkass? That I should defer my entire life to him? I don't care what anyone says, I don't think I would have liked this book if I read it during my pre-teen years. It would have probably caused me to still hate being a girl. And that is why I get such a negative visceral reaction to that damn series. Not just the idiocy of a sparkling vampire.
Okay, I know what you must be thinking: you're just not very romantic or into mushy stuff at all, are you? You hate romance, therefore you hate the idea of a woman being weak and always deferring to a man. Well, sorry good reader, but that's not true at all. In fact, I adore good romance. In every TV show I watch, I'm normally invested in at least one romantic couple. Probably overinvested actually. I still think Jim and Pam are an adorable couple. And if Sun and Jin don't get to be a happy family by the end of Lost, I'll be extremely upset. Buffy and Angel caused me much heart-wrenching agony when I was a teenager. They just could never be, but they loved each other so much! Woe! (despite my irrational hatred of star-crossed romances, this one always got to me) And I was invested in one particular couple on BSG (more on that later), to the point where my stomach was in knots during the finale. KNOTS! So yeah, guys, I do like romance. I still watch things like Love, Actually if I just need a pick me up. But I have an issue with the unequal roles men and women tend to play in many people's interpretations of romantic stories. I don't think a man trying to change or fix a woman is particularly romantic, personally.
I drifted a bit there. Sorry. But I also think this is the reason that I like so much Sci-Fi (Syfy?!) and Fantasy these days. That is the playground for strong, realistic women. Ellen Ripley was probably the first in modern, popular science fiction. Since then we have had Sarah Connor, Dana Scully, Kira Nerys, Buffy Summers, Eowyn (shut up, I still think she's awesome), Zoe Washburne, Cordelia Chase (before everything fell apart), Kara Thrace (STARBUCK!), and so on and so on. I don't count Leia, because she often had to be rescued by the men-folk (once in a gold bikini!), even though she is awesome in her own right.
In fact, I've gotten to the point where I judge Science Fiction TV shows almost solely on what kinds of strong women they give me. I adore The Sarah Connor Chronicles, and am still crossing my fingers for some miracle regarding renewal. And I fully admit that, like, 85% of my obsession for BSG is due to the wonder that is Starbuck. I also have recently come to terms with my total girl-crush on Katee Sackhoff (plays Starbuck) because she is so consistently awesome and straightforward in just about every interview I've seen.
Now, BSG actually does have quite a bit of gender fail (and race fail as well), for being such a "feminist" TV show. I think Ron Moore has some subconscious issues with women (Even Ron's view of Starbuck is somewhat problematic, and he apparently adores her.), and especially towards the end, many of the previously kickass women just lost all their ground. They either became bland counterparts to their men, turned evil, or, um, died. With some exceptions and reversals, so I don't think that's a spoiler. Also, gods forbid that any of them be friends with each other! Part of the reason I adore Starbuck is that the men in her life are counterparts to her. To touch upon the romantic pairing I was invested in, I'm actually much more in favor of Sam/Kara rather than Lee/Kara (the fan-preferred couple) for oh so many reasons. I'd go into them now, but some of you are still working through my DVDs, and I don't want to be all spoilers in your face. Plus, that's a huge rant, which is also a rant against the fandom in general, since most people wanted Lee and Kara to get together partly so he could fix her. That may give you an idea why I hate that pairing. I wish I were making that up. But that's a posting for another time.
I really wanted to link another random person's blog, where she discusses these issues far more eloquently than I have, but alas, it has BSG spoilers. So that'll have to wait for now.
How does this relate to me now, other than my overanalyzing my favorite TV shows? Well, think about what I want to be when I, heh, grow up. FBI Agent. And as a woman, I can totally accept that I could be one. Thank you, Agent Scully. Thank you, Buffy. It's funny, actually. I was emailing this guy I kind of dated last year, where I made a joke about really wanting to be the grizzled PI, in like, film noir. He responded "yeah, I can totally imagine you as the Girl Friday type." I made sure to make it very clear to him that I didn't want to be any Girl Friday to someone else's PI. I wanted to be the PI. Me! I think maybe that was the beginning of the end for anything between us, alas. But seriously! I want to be the one in control, making the melodramatic monologues under a slowly turning fan. I'm sure there are some deep, psychological reasons for this, but whatever. It's all true and I don't think it's a bad thing.
The worst part about this is, I know some people will be grossed out by what I am saying here. Not liking problematic gender issues gets equated to being a militant feminist for some. I bit my tongue a lot during college, and totally regret that now. And since when is feminist a bad word? Wanting men and women to be treated with equal respect is something good, right? I mean, I'm glad that I no longer want to be a boy, and I have a female-empowering TV show to thank for it. So, thanks Joss. Even if I think that Dollhouse has serious issues when it comes to gender (albeit intentional, I'm sure), you may just be able to salvage it. I really want to see Echo save herself. That is, if it's renewed. (PS-How Creepy is Paul Ballard? Agent Helo is kind of freaking me out)
/Pretentious rant
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