I am going to NY with Laura and Alex! This is very exciting, of course, but I still need to tie up some loose threads. Here we go.
Me: Yay, I finally know what I'm going to do with you guys when I leave!
Gus and Nubs: What do you mean? Where are you going?
Me: Oh, nowhere. Um, look, I bought y'all new mice to play with!
Gus: Stop avoiding the question--where are you going?
Me: Okay, okay, going to NY for a week. BUT, I got y'all a friend for the week. His name is Oscar and he sounds like a very nice man. He'll feed and water you and play with you and change your litter. It'll be like me, except, um, not.
Nubs: Oh, I'm going to get in so much trouble.
Me: Hmm, okay I'll tell Oscar to watch out for you.
Nubs: But look at me! Aren't I cute? Watch me run around on three legs!
Me: Aww.
Gus: I can't believe that worked. What about me? I'm not going to come out from under the bed for a week when you come back.
Me: I'll teach him the tricks of treats and laser pointer. I think you'll be okay.
Gus: But, but, but...
Me: Oh suck it up. So you don't get to play with my feet for a few days--you'll survive.
Gus: How come that one gets all the attention? I don't cause nearly as much trouble as she does.
Me: Hey! You disemboweled my bed to make yourself a cave! You're not getting off that easy. Plus Nubs can't really get in trouble too much. I mean, it's not like she's going to get into the shower while the water is running and run around the apartment AGAIN. I mean, it's not like Oscar is going to be showering here. Right?
Gus:...
Nubs:...
Me: Okay, I'm 80% sure that's not going to happen. Oscar will make sure that all your little toys are always brought out of the nooks and crannies you inevitably put them in, which I don't even do all the time.
Gus: All right, have a good time!
Nubs: Have fun! Take lots of pictures!
Mastercard: Ahem, have you forgotten about me?
Me: Oh crap. Hi.
Mastercard: Do I need to set a budget?
Me: No, no. I've got this one under control. I think.
Mastercard: Do you think, or DO YOU KNOW?
Me: I'm okay. I swear.
My brain: Oh New York is going to be so much fun! There's so much culture there! We can go to museums and wander around the neighborhoods and drink in the history!
My stomach: DUDE WE ARE GOING TO EAT SO MUCH GOOD FOOD. I AM SO EXCITED.
Mastercard: Are you sure you have this under control? Cause, dude, I can't stop this shit.
Me: I'll be okay. I mean, I can't spend too too much, right?
Mastercard: Oh, boy.
My brain: Okay, are you going to exercise? This has become a pressing concern, since Stomach has involved itself.
Me: I'm going to try my hardest. You've gotta help me, you know! This is a project for both of us.
My brain: I'll see what I can do, but you're the one that's going to have to make your feet run.
Me: Wait, isn't that y--
My brain: God this is getting too meta. I'll bring Endocrine in to help out, though. Maybe kick the Endocrine System in to make you fidgety so you'll actually run.
Endocrine: WHOATHATISSUCHAGOODIDEA. IT'SBEENTOOLONG,REALLY. WOOWOOWOO! WOONEWYORKWOO! I! FEEL! FANTASTIC!
Adrenal Gland: I AM CONSTANTLY READY.
Me: See, it'll be easy.
My brain: I worry about you sometimes. Hopefully we'll still have a job when we get back.
Me: Oh. Right. Way to harsh my buzz, brain. AGAIN.
My brain: Want me to put a fun song in your head?
Me: Whaddya got?
My brain: I want my baby back, baby back, baby back, I want my baby back, baby back, baby back...
Me: You bastard.
My brain: Just kidding. How about this? And I feel fantastic. And I never felt as good as how I do right now Except for maybe when I think of how I felt that day When I felt the way that I do right now, right now, right now.
Me: Oh that's fun. I forgive you.
My brain: :)
Mastercard: Ahem.
Me: Let's be friends okay? I won't even take Macy's out; how about that?
Macy's: But, but, we'll be in New York! THIS IS NOT FAIR.
Me: Sorry, dude. MC means more to me.
Macy's: You are so not fierce.
Me: Oh yeah, Macy's, you really know how to hurt me. Will this dialogue never end?
My brain: Dude, you know this is you just talking to yourself, right?
Me: Damn you and your logic.
I am very excited about NY! I will try to twitter all throughout NY about my crazy adventures. So it will be like all my score of followers (SCORE) will know, like, when I eat a hotdog. Man, I really need this vacation.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Argument...The Meme Told Me To
Since I'm avoiding cleaning/going to the gym/calling people/making split pea soup, I was cruising random strangers' livejournals (yes, I'm creepy; I know), and came across one of these games. I decided to play, now that I have a shiny blog to do it on and am currently avoiding any kind of responsibility. So y'all are just going to have to bear with me.
RULES:1. Put Your iTunes/Windows Media Player/ETC on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
5. Put this on your journal.
1) If someone says, "Is this okay?" you say:
"Creepy Doll" [I'm apparently not very helpful. Or just really paranoid. Probably both.]
2) How would you describe yourself?
"Telescope Eyes" [HEY! My glasses are not that thick! Gee, thanks iTunes]
3) What do you like in a girl/guy?
"Parade" [This could mean one of many things...take your pick]
4) How do you feel today?
"Another Girl, Another Planet" [hmm...]
5) What is your life's purpose?
"This District Sleeps Alone Tonight" [I don't know how to feel about that]
6) What is your motto?
"Stupid Girls" [I'm kind of an asshole]
7) What do you friends think of you?
"Livin' on a Prayer" [I really wouldn't doubt it]
8) What do you think of your parents?
"I Guess You're Right" [Begrudgingly, yes]
9) What do you think about very often?
"Neighborhood #3 (Power Out)" [Hey, remember that time that the power went out in my building and I was stuck in my apartment with no water or power? Good times.]
10) What is 2+2?
"Marvelous Things" [What? Doesn't 4 give anyone else a warm and fuzzy feeling?]
11) What do you think of your best friend?
"Temptation" [First of all: HA! Second: "best friend?" I guess this was originally made for tweens. Third, um, watch out "best friend!"
12) What do you think of the person you like?
"Rebellion (Lies)" [Am I bitter? Also, lots of Arcade Fire here, iTunes. Look into that.]
13) What is your life story?
"My Evil Plan to Save the World" [YES! AMAZING! THIS THING IS PSYCHIC. So, seriously, WATCH OUT "best friend"]
14) What do you want to be when you grow up?
"Whole Wide World" [Oh my, I'm ambitious]
15) What do you think of when you see the person you like?
"Une Annee Sans Lumiere" [d'aww]
16) What will you dance to at your wedding?
"Mr. Brightside" [What will my future husband think! Also, why do I own this song?]
17) What will they play at your funeral?
"Up the Spout" [I really don't want to picture what the scenario could possibly be]
18) What is your hobby/interest?
"I Need Some Sleep" [HAHA, yeah that's about right]
19) What is your biggest fear?
"Penny's Song" [I mean, I guess she died in the end.]
20) What is your biggest secret?
"Bad Day" [This is no secret]
21) What do you think of your friends?
"Sleep (Instumental)" [Okay, okay I get it. I'm narcoleptic]
22) What song would you play during your first time having sex?
"All I Want is You" [Hilarious question, but aww nonetheless]
23) What will you post this as?
"Argument" [I have no self-satisfied response to this. Damn.]
I actually own more music than iTunes tells me I do. Really. Maybe I do need better songs.
RULES:1. Put Your iTunes/Windows Media Player/ETC on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
5. Put this on your journal.
1) If someone says, "Is this okay?" you say:
"Creepy Doll" [I'm apparently not very helpful. Or just really paranoid. Probably both.]
2) How would you describe yourself?
"Telescope Eyes" [HEY! My glasses are not that thick! Gee, thanks iTunes]
3) What do you like in a girl/guy?
"Parade" [This could mean one of many things...take your pick]
4) How do you feel today?
"Another Girl, Another Planet" [hmm...]
5) What is your life's purpose?
"This District Sleeps Alone Tonight" [I don't know how to feel about that]
6) What is your motto?
"Stupid Girls" [I'm kind of an asshole]
7) What do you friends think of you?
"Livin' on a Prayer" [I really wouldn't doubt it]
8) What do you think of your parents?
"I Guess You're Right" [Begrudgingly, yes]
9) What do you think about very often?
"Neighborhood #3 (Power Out)" [Hey, remember that time that the power went out in my building and I was stuck in my apartment with no water or power? Good times.]
10) What is 2+2?
"Marvelous Things" [What? Doesn't 4 give anyone else a warm and fuzzy feeling?]
11) What do you think of your best friend?
"Temptation" [First of all: HA! Second: "best friend?" I guess this was originally made for tweens. Third, um, watch out "best friend!"
12) What do you think of the person you like?
"Rebellion (Lies)" [Am I bitter? Also, lots of Arcade Fire here, iTunes. Look into that.]
13) What is your life story?
"My Evil Plan to Save the World" [YES! AMAZING! THIS THING IS PSYCHIC. So, seriously, WATCH OUT "best friend"]
14) What do you want to be when you grow up?
"Whole Wide World" [Oh my, I'm ambitious]
15) What do you think of when you see the person you like?
"Une Annee Sans Lumiere" [d'aww]
16) What will you dance to at your wedding?
"Mr. Brightside" [What will my future husband think! Also, why do I own this song?]
17) What will they play at your funeral?
"Up the Spout" [I really don't want to picture what the scenario could possibly be]
18) What is your hobby/interest?
"I Need Some Sleep" [HAHA, yeah that's about right]
19) What is your biggest fear?
"Penny's Song" [I mean, I guess she died in the end.]
20) What is your biggest secret?
"Bad Day" [This is no secret]
21) What do you think of your friends?
"Sleep (Instumental)" [Okay, okay I get it. I'm narcoleptic]
22) What song would you play during your first time having sex?
"All I Want is You" [Hilarious question, but aww nonetheless]
23) What will you post this as?
"Argument" [I have no self-satisfied response to this. Damn.]
I actually own more music than iTunes tells me I do. Really. Maybe I do need better songs.
Friday, November 21, 2008
An Interlude
Omigod, I just figured out how to embed youtube videos in my blog posts, and I feel like such an idiot now. They're digging in the wrong place! (for a gratuitous nerdy reference). I just wanted to share this because people sometimes wonder what my deal is with things that have a predominantly teen girl following. While the fandom in question attracts many different breeds of viewer, this sample is very specific. Observe:
Case closed!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Rules to Kill By
Hey guys, so I just wanted to share a bit of my story with y'all. This is what I've been writing for the past couple of days, and it was the funnest thing EVER. Funnest. Totally. I was a little hesitant about posting this online, because there are SPIES EVERYWHERE just waiting to steal my ideas. But whatever, this may not even make it into the book, but certainly helped me craft not only the tone I wanted, but also lay some groundwork for one of the most important aspects of the story: The Conclave of Criminal Masterminds. They also call themsevles the Neo-Anti-Federalists, because they're pretentious. Think of it as a mix between a trade union and a mafia family. They are one of the campier things about the story, and I feel good about how I'm presenting them. So, here are the rules of their organization:
Rules of the Conclave
1. Potential Neo-Anti-Federalists must have at least $100,000 in assets solely devoted to criminal empire-building; these assets must be regularly audited by the Internal Affairs minions, in order to preserve the Conclave’s high expectations of criminality.
2. To be considered a ranking member of the Conclave, a rising Criminal Mastermind must be in possession of at least five of the following:
a. Loyal Henchman, with at least fifty documented hours of plundering/torture/mayhem accrued specifically for potential Mastermind’s cause.
b. Mad scientist or inventor (unless potential Mastermind takes this duty upon himself) completely at the disposal of the applicant. Kidnapping civilian scientists for this purpose is allowable.
c. Mobilized Army of Evil, with appropriate Jungle/Space/Underwater Combat training.
d. Notarized plans for Global Domination; patent highly suggested.
e. At least one appropriate Instrument of Annihilation, in blueprints or prototype, but not test ready. The testing of any Instrument of Annihilation will be at the discretion of the Conclave as a whole.
f. A Secret Base of Criminal Operations in a discrete location, e.g. underground cave system, volcanic island, orbiting space station, Antarctic ice kingdom, etc.
g. One high-profile Super Agent nemesis, whose sole body of investigative work is dedicated to exposing and imprisoning the Mastermind in question. Must not be
viably able to do so, however. Such a condition would instantly disqualify said Mastermind.
3. Index of Villainous Notoriety must remain at a stable median level. The Mastermind must not commit too few crimes that his “villain” status be revoked, nor too many, lest he become careless with the authorities. Special dispensation regarding villainous activity for both novices and the especially perverse will be taken on a case-by-case basis.
4. Potential Masterminds are advised to craft individualized personae to best suit their overarching visions. Henchmen should also have personae complimentary to their Masterminds’. Villains are encouraged to be creative with their images, as the Conclave prides itself upon the diversity of its members.
5. Monthly tithing is required of all members. The tithe is established on a sliding scale calculated from the notoriety and assets of each individual member. A member’s tithe can theoretically vary between $500 monthly and 1/5th of any lands seized during the World Domination campaigns of the Mastermind.
6. Mandatory meetings for all Conclave members will take place monthly in the “Den of Iniquity” located under the Federal Courthouse of New Luxor City. Passwords will be provided upon membership and will be changed on a bimonthly basis. Topics during meetings relate to individual members’ campaigns as well as the insidious goals of the Conclave en bloc. Members are encouraged to bring guests or consorts, if desired.
7. Members unable to attend meetings or pay their tithes for three consecutive months (and not be imprisoned, retired, or under deep cover) will have their memberships voided and will become sworn enemies of the Conclave, under penalty of swift and ironic punishment.
8. The Conclave encourages its members to settle any disputes in the open forum of the meetings. If necessary, a mock Circle of Death can be created in the meeting space, and any residual complaints can be finalized in single-combat between Henchmen.
9. Each Mastermind in the Conclave will have an equal vote in all World Domination issues raised during meetings. Each member will also have veto power over the others. The Conclave will elect temporary commissioners to manage meetings. The leadership of the Conclave will rotate through the members on a regular basis.
10. Conclave members will retain immunity from one another in World Domination matters. If one Mastermind encroaches upon the territory of another, or otherwise violates the trust of the Conclave, he will be eligible for expulsion. If one member discovers that another is violating the rules of the Conclave, he must call a mandatory emergency meeting to report the violation.
11. Any mutated or genetically-engineered life forms used as Instruments of Annihilation must be supervised at all times. If an outbreak or escape occurs, the Conclave must be informed of the threat immediately.
12. If any external threat to the goals of the Conclave arises, e.g. an unstable free-lance villain bent upon the destruction of the world rather than its domination, members of the Conclave are given full dispensation to assist law enforcement efforts to quell the threat. Conclave members will report regularly on any information provided to the law enforcement agency, and must not compromise the integrity of the group as a whole.
13. Upon retirement, Conclave members will retain full immunity and privileges of active members, provided they do not compromise the Conclave in any way. If that is the case, the retired member will become a sworn enemy of the Conclave and will be subject to any punishment meted out by the current members.
14. No recording equipment of any kind is allowed into the sacred space of the meeting room in “The Den of Iniquity.” If any sessions are discovered to have been recorded, the treachery will be repaid with prompt retribution by the wronged parties.
15. Membership in the Conclave is highly competitive and new members must be unanimously agreed upon for admittance. Once a member has been inducted, he has equal standing with even the senior-ranking members. The Conclave was founded as an open forum for aspiring World Dominators to exchange ideas, services, and protection; however, in recent times it serves more as sounding board and neutral zone for like-minded Conqueror hopefuls. Membership also includes a free subscription to the Domination Monthly Journal and free use of the Conclave Seal in all World Ascendancy matters.
What do y'all think? I feel like I kind of lost the tone towards the end, but hopefully that's just me being overanalytical. If y'all have any feedback/suggestions please, um, holla!
Rules of the Conclave
1. Potential Neo-Anti-Federalists must have at least $100,000 in assets solely devoted to criminal empire-building; these assets must be regularly audited by the Internal Affairs minions, in order to preserve the Conclave’s high expectations of criminality.
2. To be considered a ranking member of the Conclave, a rising Criminal Mastermind must be in possession of at least five of the following:
a. Loyal Henchman, with at least fifty documented hours of plundering/torture/mayhem accrued specifically for potential Mastermind’s cause.
b. Mad scientist or inventor (unless potential Mastermind takes this duty upon himself) completely at the disposal of the applicant. Kidnapping civilian scientists for this purpose is allowable.
c. Mobilized Army of Evil, with appropriate Jungle/Space/Underwater Combat training.
d. Notarized plans for Global Domination; patent highly suggested.
e. At least one appropriate Instrument of Annihilation, in blueprints or prototype, but not test ready. The testing of any Instrument of Annihilation will be at the discretion of the Conclave as a whole.
f. A Secret Base of Criminal Operations in a discrete location, e.g. underground cave system, volcanic island, orbiting space station, Antarctic ice kingdom, etc.
g. One high-profile Super Agent nemesis, whose sole body of investigative work is dedicated to exposing and imprisoning the Mastermind in question. Must not be
viably able to do so, however. Such a condition would instantly disqualify said Mastermind.
3. Index of Villainous Notoriety must remain at a stable median level. The Mastermind must not commit too few crimes that his “villain” status be revoked, nor too many, lest he become careless with the authorities. Special dispensation regarding villainous activity for both novices and the especially perverse will be taken on a case-by-case basis.
4. Potential Masterminds are advised to craft individualized personae to best suit their overarching visions. Henchmen should also have personae complimentary to their Masterminds’. Villains are encouraged to be creative with their images, as the Conclave prides itself upon the diversity of its members.
5. Monthly tithing is required of all members. The tithe is established on a sliding scale calculated from the notoriety and assets of each individual member. A member’s tithe can theoretically vary between $500 monthly and 1/5th of any lands seized during the World Domination campaigns of the Mastermind.
6. Mandatory meetings for all Conclave members will take place monthly in the “Den of Iniquity” located under the Federal Courthouse of New Luxor City. Passwords will be provided upon membership and will be changed on a bimonthly basis. Topics during meetings relate to individual members’ campaigns as well as the insidious goals of the Conclave en bloc. Members are encouraged to bring guests or consorts, if desired.
7. Members unable to attend meetings or pay their tithes for three consecutive months (and not be imprisoned, retired, or under deep cover) will have their memberships voided and will become sworn enemies of the Conclave, under penalty of swift and ironic punishment.
8. The Conclave encourages its members to settle any disputes in the open forum of the meetings. If necessary, a mock Circle of Death can be created in the meeting space, and any residual complaints can be finalized in single-combat between Henchmen.
9. Each Mastermind in the Conclave will have an equal vote in all World Domination issues raised during meetings. Each member will also have veto power over the others. The Conclave will elect temporary commissioners to manage meetings. The leadership of the Conclave will rotate through the members on a regular basis.
10. Conclave members will retain immunity from one another in World Domination matters. If one Mastermind encroaches upon the territory of another, or otherwise violates the trust of the Conclave, he will be eligible for expulsion. If one member discovers that another is violating the rules of the Conclave, he must call a mandatory emergency meeting to report the violation.
11. Any mutated or genetically-engineered life forms used as Instruments of Annihilation must be supervised at all times. If an outbreak or escape occurs, the Conclave must be informed of the threat immediately.
12. If any external threat to the goals of the Conclave arises, e.g. an unstable free-lance villain bent upon the destruction of the world rather than its domination, members of the Conclave are given full dispensation to assist law enforcement efforts to quell the threat. Conclave members will report regularly on any information provided to the law enforcement agency, and must not compromise the integrity of the group as a whole.
13. Upon retirement, Conclave members will retain full immunity and privileges of active members, provided they do not compromise the Conclave in any way. If that is the case, the retired member will become a sworn enemy of the Conclave and will be subject to any punishment meted out by the current members.
14. No recording equipment of any kind is allowed into the sacred space of the meeting room in “The Den of Iniquity.” If any sessions are discovered to have been recorded, the treachery will be repaid with prompt retribution by the wronged parties.
15. Membership in the Conclave is highly competitive and new members must be unanimously agreed upon for admittance. Once a member has been inducted, he has equal standing with even the senior-ranking members. The Conclave was founded as an open forum for aspiring World Dominators to exchange ideas, services, and protection; however, in recent times it serves more as sounding board and neutral zone for like-minded Conqueror hopefuls. Membership also includes a free subscription to the Domination Monthly Journal and free use of the Conclave Seal in all World Ascendancy matters.
What do y'all think? I feel like I kind of lost the tone towards the end, but hopefully that's just me being overanalytical. If y'all have any feedback/suggestions please, um, holla!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
2 Books; 2 Levels of Disgust
Okay, so I'm taking a morning break from looking at my, well, I guess my manuscript. That sounds very formal, though, so I'll just call it book-thing. I feel like talking about other peoples' book-things.
Book 1: Twilight. I just can't stop making fun of it. I'm sorry. My rage is freshly fueled every time one of those horrible trailers comes on TV. Edward Cullen (James [eta: Pattinson, not Patterson. My bad.]) looks like a corpse, so explain to me how that is sexy. No, really, I just want to know the thought processes. I don't actually have much else to say about this other than point y'all in the direction of this amazing thing: Twilight. She (the one who drew the cartoon I linked to when I first cursed Twilight's name) wrote a chapter-by-chapter summary of the book. It's remarkably accurate. For extra giggles, read the diehard fans' responses as well. So if you've got some time to kill at wo--er, I mean home, check it out. You won't even need to read the book.
Book 2: American Psycho. Y'all know I have to talk about this one. It beats Blindness for most disturbing read by, like, a parsec. But I knew that going in, so I'll let it slide. I don't really consider myself squeamish. Blindness took me off guard, so I'll just say that's why the book freaked me out. American Psycho makes me feel like a lightweight. I actually had to steel myself to read some chapters, like getting ready to do serious weight-lifting.
It's very tricky, you see. He starts off very slow with the gore--none in the first, um, third, of the book or so. It's kind of mindnumbing, as he describes the typical yuppie boredom that dominated the 80s. It's kind of funny actually. He describes morning routines, people, and meals in excruciating detail. Yet none of the detail is actually meaningful. Every time he sees a person, he has to describe the brand names of every article of clothing. Every. Time. Meals are not described by taste, but by presentation and names of components. I never know if he can even taste the meals. Nothing really interests him and he lives life in a cloudy, rich daze, with a few oblique references to some sort of secret life.
Now, part two is where things get tricky. We start to see the murders. And they're not described as "he stabbed the bum to death with a knife." Oh no. Ellis is very good with, um, imagery. The murders escalate in intensity and duration as the book goes on. He stops flat-out murdering and begins to just torture his victims. It's incredibly disturbing. You never really get a chance to be desensitized to the actions, and since it's written in first-person, you can't ever really escape the action. You see and do everything he does. Eesh. I felt really dirty reading this on the bus; I was also extremely paranoid that someone might be reading over my shoulder. Not that anyone actually does that. I soon became afraid of any chapter that had "girl" in the title. Those were always the worst, because they mixed explicit sex and horrifying torture. Not as fun a read as you might think.
The third part is when things got really interesting. Patrick Bateman had been casually using drugs and prescription medications throughout the whole book, and completely loses it at the end. I mean, he goes batshit crazy. The murders continue increasing in intensity and also in brutality as Patrick Bateman completely decompensates. He becomes even more brutal than Dahmer and three times crazier. The tone of the book gets so paranoid and ramped up towards the end that the entire rest of the book is now ambiguous. Maybe he didn't kill all those people, maybe he did. At the end of the book, it's up to the reader to decide. Either way it was an exhausting read, but overall I recommend it. The contrast between the bored, empty life he leads, and what he chooses as an escape mechanism is very powerful. You get the impression that he just wants someone to notice who he really is rather than the preconceived image his acquaintances (he doesn't really have friends) have of him. In fact, he openly confesses to several of the murders, but nobody pays any attention.
Read it if you want a commentary on the emptiness of a life of blatant consumerism. But, don't read it if you can't handle the word "evisceration." Just trust me.
Book 1: Twilight. I just can't stop making fun of it. I'm sorry. My rage is freshly fueled every time one of those horrible trailers comes on TV. Edward Cullen (James [eta: Pattinson, not Patterson. My bad.]) looks like a corpse, so explain to me how that is sexy. No, really, I just want to know the thought processes. I don't actually have much else to say about this other than point y'all in the direction of this amazing thing: Twilight. She (the one who drew the cartoon I linked to when I first cursed Twilight's name) wrote a chapter-by-chapter summary of the book. It's remarkably accurate. For extra giggles, read the diehard fans' responses as well. So if you've got some time to kill at wo--er, I mean home, check it out. You won't even need to read the book.
Book 2: American Psycho. Y'all know I have to talk about this one. It beats Blindness for most disturbing read by, like, a parsec. But I knew that going in, so I'll let it slide. I don't really consider myself squeamish. Blindness took me off guard, so I'll just say that's why the book freaked me out. American Psycho makes me feel like a lightweight. I actually had to steel myself to read some chapters, like getting ready to do serious weight-lifting.
It's very tricky, you see. He starts off very slow with the gore--none in the first, um, third, of the book or so. It's kind of mindnumbing, as he describes the typical yuppie boredom that dominated the 80s. It's kind of funny actually. He describes morning routines, people, and meals in excruciating detail. Yet none of the detail is actually meaningful. Every time he sees a person, he has to describe the brand names of every article of clothing. Every. Time. Meals are not described by taste, but by presentation and names of components. I never know if he can even taste the meals. Nothing really interests him and he lives life in a cloudy, rich daze, with a few oblique references to some sort of secret life.
Now, part two is where things get tricky. We start to see the murders. And they're not described as "he stabbed the bum to death with a knife." Oh no. Ellis is very good with, um, imagery. The murders escalate in intensity and duration as the book goes on. He stops flat-out murdering and begins to just torture his victims. It's incredibly disturbing. You never really get a chance to be desensitized to the actions, and since it's written in first-person, you can't ever really escape the action. You see and do everything he does. Eesh. I felt really dirty reading this on the bus; I was also extremely paranoid that someone might be reading over my shoulder. Not that anyone actually does that. I soon became afraid of any chapter that had "girl" in the title. Those were always the worst, because they mixed explicit sex and horrifying torture. Not as fun a read as you might think.
The third part is when things got really interesting. Patrick Bateman had been casually using drugs and prescription medications throughout the whole book, and completely loses it at the end. I mean, he goes batshit crazy. The murders continue increasing in intensity and also in brutality as Patrick Bateman completely decompensates. He becomes even more brutal than Dahmer and three times crazier. The tone of the book gets so paranoid and ramped up towards the end that the entire rest of the book is now ambiguous. Maybe he didn't kill all those people, maybe he did. At the end of the book, it's up to the reader to decide. Either way it was an exhausting read, but overall I recommend it. The contrast between the bored, empty life he leads, and what he chooses as an escape mechanism is very powerful. You get the impression that he just wants someone to notice who he really is rather than the preconceived image his acquaintances (he doesn't really have friends) have of him. In fact, he openly confesses to several of the murders, but nobody pays any attention.
Read it if you want a commentary on the emptiness of a life of blatant consumerism. But, don't read it if you can't handle the word "evisceration." Just trust me.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
That Would be Telling
Hi guys. I guess it's winter, huh? That kind of snuck up on us since that mild Halloween where I was suffocating in the trench coat.
Anyway, I've been writing like crazy, yo. Ever since I came out of the authorial closet, as it were. Was that as jerkass a statement as I think it was? No time to edit, MOVING ON! Which kind of describes my actual writing style.
I really like my ideas. I like the spin I'm putting on my world, and I'm having a hell of a time creating the campy history. There are love affairs, crazy Russians, death rays, and secret societies in this world's history. The premise is that in such a campy, over-the-top world, a person who thinks normally should be able to avoid such camp pitfalls and actually accomplish their goals, e.g. actual world domination. But playing with the campy rules of the ridiculous world will inevitably turn even the sanest person into a caricature. Or something like that. That's loosely what it's about. Hopefully the word "camp" will still have meaning after I finish this blog entry.
I'm at an awful part of the book--about 30 pages in--where the inciting incident has already happened, but hasn't really started affecting him yet. So, he's just kind of bumming around waiting for the ax to fall, still thinking he's in complete control. It's boring to write, and going to be three times more boring to read, and I know I'll have to do serious damage control on this section. Well, I'll have to do serious damage control anyway since the entire story has been written as word vomit, where I just try to rip through as much as I can; rewrites will be a necessity. Mainly I've been telling and not showing, which is an easy pitfall when you write from a character's point of view. If you can hear their thoughts, how can they show and not tell? Not at all descriptive, but I figure I can come back to that kind of thing.
I guess I'm just getting frustrated, because I know what I've been writing hasn't been, um, good. I'm still optimistic, because what I'm writing now is an unfortunate necessity, which may be trimmed or disposed of later, provided I can figure out a better way to get from Point A to Point B. It's weird to be this excited about a story, but at the same time resentful of the actual output. Hopefully I can get my act together when I get to the really fun sections of the book, which I'm actually looking forward to writing. See, I haven't actually gotten to any of the campy characters yet. Those will be the most fun, I think.
Another big pitfall is I'm writing this as part of a planned series of books. The idea is far too large to be contained in one book, and the story has fallen into three different chunks. I'm trying very hard to have something actually happen in the first book. It's far more difficult than I originally thought it would be. Right now it's set up set up set up, which can be fun (when it comes to writing histories and stuff) but is mostly just annoying.
Anyway, that's where I am now. Frustration level and all. I still really want to write this bastard book, so I guess I'll just trudge through it.
Just thought I'd vent and write something in my voice rather than the voice of a egomaniacal, resentful yuppie genius, bent on global domination. Not that being in that head hasn't been fun and all...
Anyway, I've been writing like crazy, yo. Ever since I came out of the authorial closet, as it were. Was that as jerkass a statement as I think it was? No time to edit, MOVING ON! Which kind of describes my actual writing style.
I really like my ideas. I like the spin I'm putting on my world, and I'm having a hell of a time creating the campy history. There are love affairs, crazy Russians, death rays, and secret societies in this world's history. The premise is that in such a campy, over-the-top world, a person who thinks normally should be able to avoid such camp pitfalls and actually accomplish their goals, e.g. actual world domination. But playing with the campy rules of the ridiculous world will inevitably turn even the sanest person into a caricature. Or something like that. That's loosely what it's about. Hopefully the word "camp" will still have meaning after I finish this blog entry.
I'm at an awful part of the book--about 30 pages in--where the inciting incident has already happened, but hasn't really started affecting him yet. So, he's just kind of bumming around waiting for the ax to fall, still thinking he's in complete control. It's boring to write, and going to be three times more boring to read, and I know I'll have to do serious damage control on this section. Well, I'll have to do serious damage control anyway since the entire story has been written as word vomit, where I just try to rip through as much as I can; rewrites will be a necessity. Mainly I've been telling and not showing, which is an easy pitfall when you write from a character's point of view. If you can hear their thoughts, how can they show and not tell? Not at all descriptive, but I figure I can come back to that kind of thing.
I guess I'm just getting frustrated, because I know what I've been writing hasn't been, um, good. I'm still optimistic, because what I'm writing now is an unfortunate necessity, which may be trimmed or disposed of later, provided I can figure out a better way to get from Point A to Point B. It's weird to be this excited about a story, but at the same time resentful of the actual output. Hopefully I can get my act together when I get to the really fun sections of the book, which I'm actually looking forward to writing. See, I haven't actually gotten to any of the campy characters yet. Those will be the most fun, I think.
Another big pitfall is I'm writing this as part of a planned series of books. The idea is far too large to be contained in one book, and the story has fallen into three different chunks. I'm trying very hard to have something actually happen in the first book. It's far more difficult than I originally thought it would be. Right now it's set up set up set up, which can be fun (when it comes to writing histories and stuff) but is mostly just annoying.
Anyway, that's where I am now. Frustration level and all. I still really want to write this bastard book, so I guess I'll just trudge through it.
Just thought I'd vent and write something in my voice rather than the voice of a egomaniacal, resentful yuppie genius, bent on global domination. Not that being in that head hasn't been fun and all...
Friday, November 7, 2008
Creepy Creepy Video
Creepy Pencil
Just found this and wanted to share, because I like to disturb all of you whenever possible. Enjoy.
Oh, if you wanted an actual blog post:
I took a two hour nap today instead of going to the gym; my priorities need to be realigned, because now that the gym is closed, I am no longer tired.
There, that should sate you. Yes, I said sate.
Just found this and wanted to share, because I like to disturb all of you whenever possible. Enjoy.
Oh, if you wanted an actual blog post:
I took a two hour nap today instead of going to the gym; my priorities need to be realigned, because now that the gym is closed, I am no longer tired.
There, that should sate you. Yes, I said sate.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Yes We Can
Brace yourselves, I'm about to get political. I haven't really used this space for that reason yet, and I know that everyone is probably sick of hearing about politics, so I figure today is the last day that I can really talk about what went on last night.
I am an Obama supporter. This should not come as a great shock to anyone. I got up early yesterday (well, okay, early for me) to wait in line for 45 minutes to cast my vote in a state that was going blue anyway. I was excited and a little scared. Everyone there was.
Later on, at Sidetrack, watching the states turn primary colors was very exciting indeed. Once Ohio went blue, I knew it was all over. When they pulled up the map and showed us that even then if McCain were to win every state with a slight chance of going red, he still wouldn't get enough votes, my stomach clenched. And once the projections from the Pacific came in, and Obama won by a landslide, I freaked the hell out. Hearing all of Sidetrack singing "God Bless America" was one of the coolest things I've ever experienced. McCain had a great concession speech, even though it looked like Palin was about to burst into tears at any moment.
But I want to talk about Obama's acceptance speech, and how wonderful it was. He has always preached a message of unity and acceptance, which was nice to hear again. I watched the MLK "I Have a Dream" speech before the election, and it was kind of awesome to think about. His calling on people to join in to turn our country around was inspiring, and for the first time in 8 years, I felt it could happen. For the first time in 8 years I didn't want to just ride it out and try to ignore the message of fear. Hell, I was proud to be American again, rather than apologetic on behalf of my country. Look what we did.
It's just nice to feel like you can actually do something. I don't really expect change to happen immediately. That's not the point. Obama is not the messiah. However, I think this is a very important win, not only because he's the first black president, but it's the first time in over eight years that we as a people have had enough and are willing to take back the country. Our voices matter again, and that means we get to be proud patriotic Americans, regardless of what people like Sarah Palin think. Awesome.
Add: Prop 8 passed. Wow. Legalized discrimination. Thanks America for taking one big step forward and another back. Gosh, sorry California, I wish I could've helped.
Add 2: I should just avoid Facebook from now on.
I've decided three things:
1. I don't think people understand what Marxism actually is. Note: not a synonym for communism. Also, just shut up.
2. HEY, YOU, SHUT UP ABOUT HITLER'S SPEECHES. I'm flummoxed as to how people can even think about drawing comparisons between the two of them. Disliking a person because he's well-spoken and intelligent is revolting.
3. I don't think people understand the world: if you want to leave the country because it's getting too liberal, where in the hell are you going to go? Canada? Europe? Just think about that for a second.
Okay, so that's me talking about the political sphere. Tune in tomorrow when I get back to our reguarly scheduled frivolity.
I am an Obama supporter. This should not come as a great shock to anyone. I got up early yesterday (well, okay, early for me) to wait in line for 45 minutes to cast my vote in a state that was going blue anyway. I was excited and a little scared. Everyone there was.
Later on, at Sidetrack, watching the states turn primary colors was very exciting indeed. Once Ohio went blue, I knew it was all over. When they pulled up the map and showed us that even then if McCain were to win every state with a slight chance of going red, he still wouldn't get enough votes, my stomach clenched. And once the projections from the Pacific came in, and Obama won by a landslide, I freaked the hell out. Hearing all of Sidetrack singing "God Bless America" was one of the coolest things I've ever experienced. McCain had a great concession speech, even though it looked like Palin was about to burst into tears at any moment.
But I want to talk about Obama's acceptance speech, and how wonderful it was. He has always preached a message of unity and acceptance, which was nice to hear again. I watched the MLK "I Have a Dream" speech before the election, and it was kind of awesome to think about. His calling on people to join in to turn our country around was inspiring, and for the first time in 8 years, I felt it could happen. For the first time in 8 years I didn't want to just ride it out and try to ignore the message of fear. Hell, I was proud to be American again, rather than apologetic on behalf of my country. Look what we did.
It's just nice to feel like you can actually do something. I don't really expect change to happen immediately. That's not the point. Obama is not the messiah. However, I think this is a very important win, not only because he's the first black president, but it's the first time in over eight years that we as a people have had enough and are willing to take back the country. Our voices matter again, and that means we get to be proud patriotic Americans, regardless of what people like Sarah Palin think. Awesome.
Add: Prop 8 passed. Wow. Legalized discrimination. Thanks America for taking one big step forward and another back. Gosh, sorry California, I wish I could've helped.
Add 2: I should just avoid Facebook from now on.
I've decided three things:
1. I don't think people understand what Marxism actually is. Note: not a synonym for communism. Also, just shut up.
2. HEY, YOU, SHUT UP ABOUT HITLER'S SPEECHES. I'm flummoxed as to how people can even think about drawing comparisons between the two of them. Disliking a person because he's well-spoken and intelligent is revolting.
3. I don't think people understand the world: if you want to leave the country because it's getting too liberal, where in the hell are you going to go? Canada? Europe? Just think about that for a second.
Okay, so that's me talking about the political sphere. Tune in tomorrow when I get back to our reguarly scheduled frivolity.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Big Day, Yo
I voted, okay? However, this blog entry is not going to be about any of that. Yes, I know that today is exciting and nerve-wracking. I look forward to watching every hour of coverage tonight. I don't even want to get into this crazy dream/nightmare I had last weekend about how McCain won the election and nobody really cared.
I won't talk about that stuff now, because I need to talk about something else. This is a subject that bothered me for a while, and I am reminded of it more due to constant exposure during these times. I am referring, of course, to my love-hate relationship with the internet.
What I hate:
First of all, Internet, what's the deal with letting any kind of yahoo (see what I did there?) with a dial-up connection say whatever they want? Blah, blah First Amendment, blah. I know. But, at the very least, I'd like to see a basic spelling and grammar test before a person is able to post a comment to a blog or other public forum. This should take care of most trolls and spammers, since as a rule they seem incapable of stringing together even the most basic words into cogent arguments. And it'll make the rest of us try just a little bit harder to get our points across. Note: "Hi Freidlon7 sound like you doesn't like America.I know alot Western Europe jealouse with USA,without USA Europe is nothing . USA always help Europe in World War I & II.Sweden neutral because they are weak.Don't worry abaut my husband country just take care your own dame country because I know your country alot crime and terorist too." [big ole sic] This is not an argument. Please learn how to spellcheck, and maybe I'll listen to your opinions. Maybe.
Secondly, going off of this point, we need to eliminate anonymous comments. Nobody would ever say anything like that to a person's face, particularly a person who is better spoken with a tight grasp on actual, um, facts. The anonymity of the internet creates jerks, and sometimes I just can't handle it.
Thirdly, for the benefit of internet land, speaking in all caps isn't funny. YOU ARE YELLING. That doesn't make your point better; it just makes you more obnoxious. All caps can be used sparingly to great effect, BUT JUST NOT AS A RULE. Ahem. Also, for everyone who types out their handles like, oh, say **~~>HoTtIePrInCeSs2008<~~**: what the hell am I supposed to do with that? If all caps is yelling, I don't even know what's going on there. It is not cute. You are not instantly adorable. I have an instant appraisal of your IQ, though, however fair or unfair that may be. And enough with the ASCII art. When done well, it's cool, and on occasion funny; when done poorly, it's annoying.
Fourthly, Shock Sites. Good god, shock sites. Anyone can get to them. I won't mention any by name, but one prominent one rhymes with "flew pearls done sup." Just thinking about it squicks me out. The internet reminds me constantly that some people just ain't right.
I'm sure there are more reasons that I will inevitably remember after posting this.
But I like the Internet too!
Here, take some reasons:
1. The very idea of message boards and fan sites makes me unbelievably happy. Seeing people who share your interests from all around the world is a pretty amazing thing. I never actually post on any of these things, but I usually like to check them out to see what people are arguing about this time. Bonus points if they're well-written.
2. Internet memes are actually pretty funny for a little while. LOLCats and the like can be cute and entertaining. Sometimes people can be remarkably clever when they're not being weird and gross.
3. Dr. Horrible. That is all. (Sometimes I just find reasons to link to it)
4. I suppose the instant access to news about what's going on in the world is pretty awesome. Terrifying in some respects, but awesome.
Oh and other stuff I suppose. I got tired halfway through writing about the negatives, so I'm just not feeling this anymore. I'm sorry. The dark side of the internet has weakened me. Hey, it's gotta be doing something right, though, to be weaning me off of watching TV. I didn't turn my TV on much at all over the weekend. It felt good.
So, um, yeah. Go vote if you haven't already.
That's all.
I won't talk about that stuff now, because I need to talk about something else. This is a subject that bothered me for a while, and I am reminded of it more due to constant exposure during these times. I am referring, of course, to my love-hate relationship with the internet.
What I hate:
First of all, Internet, what's the deal with letting any kind of yahoo (see what I did there?) with a dial-up connection say whatever they want? Blah, blah First Amendment, blah. I know. But, at the very least, I'd like to see a basic spelling and grammar test before a person is able to post a comment to a blog or other public forum. This should take care of most trolls and spammers, since as a rule they seem incapable of stringing together even the most basic words into cogent arguments. And it'll make the rest of us try just a little bit harder to get our points across. Note: "Hi Freidlon7 sound like you doesn't like America.I know alot Western Europe jealouse with USA,without USA Europe is nothing . USA always help Europe in World War I & II.Sweden neutral because they are weak.Don't worry abaut my husband country just take care your own dame country because I know your country alot crime and terorist too." [big ole sic] This is not an argument. Please learn how to spellcheck, and maybe I'll listen to your opinions. Maybe.
Secondly, going off of this point, we need to eliminate anonymous comments. Nobody would ever say anything like that to a person's face, particularly a person who is better spoken with a tight grasp on actual, um, facts. The anonymity of the internet creates jerks, and sometimes I just can't handle it.
Thirdly, for the benefit of internet land, speaking in all caps isn't funny. YOU ARE YELLING. That doesn't make your point better; it just makes you more obnoxious. All caps can be used sparingly to great effect, BUT JUST NOT AS A RULE. Ahem. Also, for everyone who types out their handles like, oh, say **~~>HoTtIePrInCeSs2008<~~**: what the hell am I supposed to do with that? If all caps is yelling, I don't even know what's going on there. It is not cute. You are not instantly adorable. I have an instant appraisal of your IQ, though, however fair or unfair that may be. And enough with the ASCII art. When done well, it's cool, and on occasion funny; when done poorly, it's annoying.
Fourthly, Shock Sites. Good god, shock sites. Anyone can get to them. I won't mention any by name, but one prominent one rhymes with "flew pearls done sup." Just thinking about it squicks me out. The internet reminds me constantly that some people just ain't right.
I'm sure there are more reasons that I will inevitably remember after posting this.
But I like the Internet too!
Here, take some reasons:
1. The very idea of message boards and fan sites makes me unbelievably happy. Seeing people who share your interests from all around the world is a pretty amazing thing. I never actually post on any of these things, but I usually like to check them out to see what people are arguing about this time. Bonus points if they're well-written.
2. Internet memes are actually pretty funny for a little while. LOLCats and the like can be cute and entertaining. Sometimes people can be remarkably clever when they're not being weird and gross.
3. Dr. Horrible. That is all. (Sometimes I just find reasons to link to it)
4. I suppose the instant access to news about what's going on in the world is pretty awesome. Terrifying in some respects, but awesome.
Oh and other stuff I suppose. I got tired halfway through writing about the negatives, so I'm just not feeling this anymore. I'm sorry. The dark side of the internet has weakened me. Hey, it's gotta be doing something right, though, to be weaning me off of watching TV. I didn't turn my TV on much at all over the weekend. It felt good.
So, um, yeah. Go vote if you haven't already.
That's all.
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