Rules to Kill By

Hey guys, so I just wanted to share a bit of my story with y'all. This is what I've been writing for the past couple of days, and it was the funnest thing EVER. Funnest. Totally. I was a little hesitant about posting this online, because there are SPIES EVERYWHERE just waiting to steal my ideas. But whatever, this may not even make it into the book, but certainly helped me craft not only the tone I wanted, but also lay some groundwork for one of the most important aspects of the story: The Conclave of Criminal Masterminds. They also call themsevles the Neo-Anti-Federalists, because they're pretentious. Think of it as a mix between a trade union and a mafia family. They are one of the campier things about the story, and I feel good about how I'm presenting them. So, here are the rules of their organization:

Rules of the Conclave

1. Potential Neo-Anti-Federalists must have at least $100,000 in assets solely devoted to criminal empire-building; these assets must be regularly audited by the Internal Affairs minions, in order to preserve the Conclave’s high expectations of criminality.
2. To be considered a ranking member of the Conclave, a rising Criminal Mastermind must be in possession of at least five of the following:
a. Loyal Henchman, with at least fifty documented hours of plundering/torture/mayhem accrued specifically for potential Mastermind’s cause.
b. Mad scientist or inventor (unless potential Mastermind takes this duty upon himself) completely at the disposal of the applicant. Kidnapping civilian scientists for this purpose is allowable.
c. Mobilized Army of Evil, with appropriate Jungle/Space/Underwater Combat training.
d. Notarized plans for Global Domination; patent highly suggested.
e. At least one appropriate Instrument of Annihilation, in blueprints or prototype, but not test ready. The testing of any Instrument of Annihilation will be at the discretion of the Conclave as a whole.
f. A Secret Base of Criminal Operations in a discrete location, e.g. underground cave system, volcanic island, orbiting space station, Antarctic ice kingdom, etc.
g. One high-profile Super Agent nemesis, whose sole body of investigative work is dedicated to exposing and imprisoning the Mastermind in question. Must not be
viably able to do so, however. Such a condition would instantly disqualify said Mastermind.
3. Index of Villainous Notoriety must remain at a stable median level. The Mastermind must not commit too few crimes that his “villain” status be revoked, nor too many, lest he become careless with the authorities. Special dispensation regarding villainous activity for both novices and the especially perverse will be taken on a case-by-case basis.
4. Potential Masterminds are advised to craft individualized personae to best suit their overarching visions. Henchmen should also have personae complimentary to their Masterminds’. Villains are encouraged to be creative with their images, as the Conclave prides itself upon the diversity of its members.
5. Monthly tithing is required of all members. The tithe is established on a sliding scale calculated from the notoriety and assets of each individual member. A member’s tithe can theoretically vary between $500 monthly and 1/5th of any lands seized during the World Domination campaigns of the Mastermind.
6. Mandatory meetings for all Conclave members will take place monthly in the “Den of Iniquity” located under the Federal Courthouse of New Luxor City. Passwords will be provided upon membership and will be changed on a bimonthly basis. Topics during meetings relate to individual members’ campaigns as well as the insidious goals of the Conclave en bloc. Members are encouraged to bring guests or consorts, if desired.
7. Members unable to attend meetings or pay their tithes for three consecutive months (and not be imprisoned, retired, or under deep cover) will have their memberships voided and will become sworn enemies of the Conclave, under penalty of swift and ironic punishment.
8. The Conclave encourages its members to settle any disputes in the open forum of the meetings. If necessary, a mock Circle of Death can be created in the meeting space, and any residual complaints can be finalized in single-combat between Henchmen.
9. Each Mastermind in the Conclave will have an equal vote in all World Domination issues raised during meetings. Each member will also have veto power over the others. The Conclave will elect temporary commissioners to manage meetings. The leadership of the Conclave will rotate through the members on a regular basis.
10. Conclave members will retain immunity from one another in World Domination matters. If one Mastermind encroaches upon the territory of another, or otherwise violates the trust of the Conclave, he will be eligible for expulsion. If one member discovers that another is violating the rules of the Conclave, he must call a mandatory emergency meeting to report the violation.
11. Any mutated or genetically-engineered life forms used as Instruments of Annihilation must be supervised at all times. If an outbreak or escape occurs, the Conclave must be informed of the threat immediately.
12. If any external threat to the goals of the Conclave arises, e.g. an unstable free-lance villain bent upon the destruction of the world rather than its domination, members of the Conclave are given full dispensation to assist law enforcement efforts to quell the threat. Conclave members will report regularly on any information provided to the law enforcement agency, and must not compromise the integrity of the group as a whole.
13. Upon retirement, Conclave members will retain full immunity and privileges of active members, provided they do not compromise the Conclave in any way. If that is the case, the retired member will become a sworn enemy of the Conclave and will be subject to any punishment meted out by the current members.
14. No recording equipment of any kind is allowed into the sacred space of the meeting room in “The Den of Iniquity.” If any sessions are discovered to have been recorded, the treachery will be repaid with prompt retribution by the wronged parties.
15. Membership in the Conclave is highly competitive and new members must be unanimously agreed upon for admittance. Once a member has been inducted, he has equal standing with even the senior-ranking members. The Conclave was founded as an open forum for aspiring World Dominators to exchange ideas, services, and protection; however, in recent times it serves more as sounding board and neutral zone for like-minded Conqueror hopefuls. Membership also includes a free subscription to the Domination Monthly Journal and free use of the Conclave Seal in all World Ascendancy matters.

What do y'all think? I feel like I kind of lost the tone towards the end, but hopefully that's just me being overanalytical. If y'all have any feedback/suggestions please, um, holla!

That Would be Telling

Hi guys. I guess it's winter, huh? That kind of snuck up on us since that mild Halloween where I was suffocating in the trench coat.

Anyway, I've been writing like crazy, yo. Ever since I came out of the authorial closet, as it were. Was that as jerkass a statement as I think it was? No time to edit, MOVING ON! Which kind of describes my actual writing style.

I really like my ideas. I like the spin I'm putting on my world, and I'm having a hell of a time creating the campy history. There are love affairs, crazy Russians, death rays, and secret societies in this world's history. The premise is that in such a campy, over-the-top world, a person who thinks normally should be able to avoid such camp pitfalls and actually accomplish their goals, e.g. actual world domination. But playing with the campy rules of the ridiculous world will inevitably turn even the sanest person into a caricature. Or something like that. That's loosely what it's about. Hopefully the word "camp" will still have meaning after I finish this blog entry.

I'm at an awful part of the book--about 30 pages in--where the inciting incident has already happened, but hasn't really started affecting him yet. So, he's just kind of bumming around waiting for the ax to fall, still thinking he's in complete control. It's boring to write, and going to be three times more boring to read, and I know I'll have to do serious damage control on this section. Well, I'll have to do serious damage control anyway since the entire story has been written as word vomit, where I just try to rip through as much as I can; rewrites will be a necessity. Mainly I've been telling and not showing, which is an easy pitfall when you write from a character's point of view. If you can hear their thoughts, how can they show and not tell? Not at all descriptive, but I figure I can come back to that kind of thing.

I guess I'm just getting frustrated, because I know what I've been writing hasn't been, um, good. I'm still optimistic, because what I'm writing now is an unfortunate necessity, which may be trimmed or disposed of later, provided I can figure out a better way to get from Point A to Point B. It's weird to be this excited about a story, but at the same time resentful of the actual output. Hopefully I can get my act together when I get to the really fun sections of the book, which I'm actually looking forward to writing. See, I haven't actually gotten to any of the campy characters yet. Those will be the most fun, I think.

Another big pitfall is I'm writing this as part of a planned series of books. The idea is far too large to be contained in one book, and the story has fallen into three different chunks. I'm trying very hard to have something actually happen in the first book. It's far more difficult than I originally thought it would be. Right now it's set up set up set up, which can be fun (when it comes to writing histories and stuff) but is mostly just annoying.

Anyway, that's where I am now. Frustration level and all. I still really want to write this bastard book, so I guess I'll just trudge through it.

Just thought I'd vent and write something in my voice rather than the voice of a egomaniacal, resentful yuppie genius, bent on global domination. Not that being in that head hasn't been fun and all...