Nostalgia, Y'all!

I'm in a Texas mood, y'all. And I promise I won't end every sentence with the word "y'all." Okay, starting now. I don't know. I think this has been sneaking up on me for a while. I think, hrmm. I think I miss Texas. Texas has a culture that I can understand and even embrace. After a zillion years here in the Midwest, I still don't understand some things. What's the deal with baseball? Why does everyone love it? I think it's boring. Does that make me less of an American? Why don't we just watch football instead? Can I still like apple pie?

But Texas. OH TEXAS. Here's a crash course for all you Yankees. Everyone North of Texas is a Yankee, by the way. Even if you're from Oklahoma. Not kidding.

1. Y'all is one of the most amazing words in the English language. Both y'all and ya'll are acceptable. Y'all is actually singular, um, ish. It refers to a few people at a time. If I were addressing a whole big group of people, I would say "all y'all." Not kidding. Thems the rules. Also, everyone says y'all. Whether you're a businessman, doctor or school teacher. It's a perfectly legitimate word. And much easier to say than "you guys."

2. While many people do not have accents, sometimes certain words come out in certain accenty-nuanced ways. In big cities it is not seen as a sign of poor education or breeding. It's just the way that people talk. Sometimes I do it by accident. Sometimes I like to do it. The other day I said something and had to stop myself and formally declare, "My god, that was SO TEXAN." I was almost proud of myself for not losing my speech patterns to the Midwest.

3. "Shit" is a common exclamation, and oh so much fun to say. But not like that. It is pronounced "she-it" and you say it all slow and lazy. It's great. Most often used when you can't believe what your friend is telling you. Sometimes it involves the "bull-" prefix, if you're calling them out. Great word, and everyone knows exactly what you mean.

4. Pecan is pronounced "peh-cahn" NOT "PEE-can." I will correct you every time. What? You know, it's my damn state tree, I sure as hell know how to pronounce the word. Why yes I do think it's that big of a deal. Oh shut up.

5. While the rest of the country eats Egg McMuffins for breakfast, I'd rather have breakfast tacos from TC (Taco Cabana). The best chain barbecue joint (with amazing creamed corn and cobbler and barbecue sauce) is Rudy's. Shiner is the beer of choice to go with that BBQ, of course. I'll never understand all these Northern women who don't eat. Every Texas Girl I know can pack away a steak dinner with Shiner every now and then. Damn straight. And don't even get me started on Blue Bell Ice Cream.

6. Too Late. Homemade Vanilla Blue Bell Ice Cream is without a doubt the best ice cream I've ever eaten in my entire life. That is completely true and without hyperbole. I've had Ben & Jerry's, Breyers, Edys and many more, but Blue Bell will always have my heart. Anyone familiar? Y'all, it is so delicious, I can't even handle it. I was watching True Blood the other day, and the main character was eating Blue Bell, and I completely lost my shit. NOW I WANT IT. I am very seriously looking into shipping costs. They do ship Blue Bell, for us poor displaced Southerners, at $119 for 4 half-gallons of any flavors. And I'm still thinking of doing it. DOES ANYONE WANT TO HAVE AN ICE CREAM PARTY? ON THE ROOF OF MY BUILDING? And, uh, pitch in to get this amazing ice cream? :D

7. If I say "I'm fixin' ta go to the HEB, want a coke?" and you say yes, don't be upset if I bring you back some Sprite or Dr. Pepper or the hideously awful Big Red (I don't understand why people like it). You didn't specify. It ain't pop or soda or soda pop. It's coke. The machine is a coke machine, even if it doesn't sell Coca Cola. I may say soda in life, but I know what you mean when you ask me if I want a coke.

8. I don't care if you've never seen college football or are an alum from a Texas university. You will either be a Longhorn or an Aggie. I don't care about college football and have no affiliation with either university, but I still say "hook 'em." You just know. Kids choose their sides and stick to them. If you're actually a Texas Tech fan, you will hate one marginally less than the other.

I could keep going, but I grow weary of this. Does anyone watch King of the Hill? Is that funny to anyone outside of Texas? I mean, it's full of Texas injokes and mockeries. e.g., a Lu Ann Platter is something specifically Texan, not just the name of one of the characters.

I honestly think I'm going to apply to UT Law School, when the time comes. I've always said that Austin was a place I could see myself living, and UT has a fantastic law school. I'm starting to scare myself here, because if I really want to go back to Texas, I need to start hitting the LSAT books hard. I need a damn good score to get in there, and maybe the score itself won't be enough. But I think I may try. I'll apply to other places around the country, even a couple here in Chicago, but I am honestly thinking that I could be very happy going to UT.

Did anyone see this coming?