Look On My Works Ye Mighty And Despair!

Disclaimer: This entry is disgusting. For those of you do not want to hear about the tainted lungs and natural, um, issues of a sickly person, please don't read any further. Watch the linked youtube video below or something. I'll be sure to have a less unpleasant post later on about, like, panic in buying people Christmas gifts (I've bought 1! And I don't even know if it's really going to be for him!). You have been warned.

Okay, so y'all know that when I got back from NY, my body basically had had enough of this crap and completely broke down on me. I spent most of the weekend in bed, a sadsack unable to buy groceries, being tended to by the cats. And by tended to, I mean forced to play with the needy ones.

So, I finally began feeling better around Monday, aside from a death cough, which pleased the coworkers around me I'm sure. But now, even that's mostly gone away and I'm a pretty presentable person. Well, as presentable as I normally am.

This was very exciting news, because yes(!), I can finally work out again! I hadn't worked out since that disastrous Thanksgiving run, where my lungs decided to stop working on me and I couldn't finish. Not that I'd been working out as steadily as I would've liked before then. That's another story. Anyway, now I had no more excuses. My legs were ready, my lungs kind of ready, but most importantly, my mind was ready. I was going to run.

I hadn't been coughing so much, so I didn't think it was an issue. I had a decent dinner beforehand, and waited the usual amount of time before heading down to the building's (thankfully empty) weight room (timed during a commercial break of Top Chef) to watch the rest of the episode while running.

Everything was going great. I was well-hydrated and off to a great start. Ariane just won the Elimination Challenge (aside: who else thought it was hilarious that Padma tried to pretend that she and Gail really are BFF outside of the show?) much to the displeasure of Jamie and I was now running at around a 6 mph pace. Cool.

In order for me to think that any running cardio workout is actually worthwhile, I've gotten to the point where I have to run at least 5 minutes (normally 10) on 6.5 mph. This is a holdover from FBI training days (something I have been inching back towards these days) when 6.5 was the minimum pace for passing the 2 mile run part of the physical fitness test. So I put it on 6.5 and for about 2.5 minutes, it went really well.

Then it happened--my mouth began getting abnormally dry and my lungs started to feel weird. They didn't really hurt like running outside in NY, but something unnatural was happening in there. I realized that I needed to cough, and specifically needed to cough something, um, up. Now, I'm in the weight room in my building, so I can't really spit on the floor, but I really really want to finish my workout. At this point, I know that I can't run longer than 5 minutes on 6.5, and should be glad to finish even that. After those five minutes, I started cooling down and taking the speed on the treadmill back down in intervals. Then I began coughing and it was horrible.

Now I really needed to spit, but I still had five minutes left on my workout, and I was going to finish dammit. So I hold it. It's only five minutes right? Then, after 2 minutes of agony, I begin to cough again. I HAD NO CHOICE. I spit into my hand. So there I was, cooling down while holding my left hand as far away from me and the treadmill as possible. I could still make it and then go wash my hand in the small bathroom attached to the weight room. I could do it. Two minutes, I have two minutes now.

Then the most horrible combination of events happened simultaneously. I was racked with another set of awful coughs as I once more lowered the speed on the treadmill awkwardly with my right hand, an act which caused me to stumble over my feet a little. The combination of all of these things led to one of the most cartoonish moments of my life: I nearly tripped over my feet and instinctively grabbed onto the treadmill WITH BOTH HANDS, and, um, naturally my left hand slips and I pretty much fall on the treadmill. Luckily the treadmill goes off immediately, lest it kill me with the tread. Now uncontrollably coughing, I make my way to the bathroom to get paper towels to try to clean off as much as I can.

I really hope the landlady didn't see it on the surveillance cameras--there's a 75% chance that she was watching one of her weird soap operas instead of the security feed anyway. But still. Worst gym experience ever. Before then I was going to do sit ups as well, but instead I just drank lots of water and slunk back to my apartment. It was such a humiliating experience that I was glad to be working out alone. So naturally I had to share it with all of you.

Maybe there is something to this whole "running outside" thing. Hmm.

Argument...The Meme Told Me To

Since I'm avoiding cleaning/going to the gym/calling people/making split pea soup, I was cruising random strangers' livejournals (yes, I'm creepy; I know), and came across one of these games. I decided to play, now that I have a shiny blog to do it on and am currently avoiding any kind of responsibility. So y'all are just going to have to bear with me.

RULES:1. Put Your iTunes/Windows Media Player/ETC on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
5. Put this on your journal.

1) If someone says, "Is this okay?" you say:
"Creepy Doll" [I'm apparently not very helpful. Or just really paranoid. Probably both.]
2) How would you describe yourself?
"Telescope Eyes" [HEY! My glasses are not that thick! Gee, thanks iTunes]
3) What do you like in a girl/guy?
"Parade" [This could mean one of many things...take your pick]
4) How do you feel today?
"Another Girl, Another Planet" [hmm...]
5) What is your life's purpose?
"This District Sleeps Alone Tonight" [I don't know how to feel about that]
6) What is your motto?
"Stupid Girls" [I'm kind of an asshole]
7) What do you friends think of you?
"Livin' on a Prayer" [I really wouldn't doubt it]
8) What do you think of your parents?
"I Guess You're Right" [Begrudgingly, yes]
9) What do you think about very often?
"Neighborhood #3 (Power Out)" [Hey, remember that time that the power went out in my building and I was stuck in my apartment with no water or power? Good times.]
10) What is 2+2?
"Marvelous Things" [What? Doesn't 4 give anyone else a warm and fuzzy feeling?]
11) What do you think of your best friend?
"Temptation" [First of all: HA! Second: "best friend?" I guess this was originally made for tweens. Third, um, watch out "best friend!"
12) What do you think of the person you like?
"Rebellion (Lies)" [Am I bitter? Also, lots of Arcade Fire here, iTunes. Look into that.]
13) What is your life story?
"My Evil Plan to Save the World" [YES! AMAZING! THIS THING IS PSYCHIC. So, seriously, WATCH OUT "best friend"]
14) What do you want to be when you grow up?
"Whole Wide World" [Oh my, I'm ambitious]
15) What do you think of when you see the person you like?
"Une Annee Sans Lumiere" [d'aww]
16) What will you dance to at your wedding?
"Mr. Brightside" [What will my future husband think! Also, why do I own this song?]
17) What will they play at your funeral?
"Up the Spout" [I really don't want to picture what the scenario could possibly be]
18) What is your hobby/interest?
"I Need Some Sleep" [HAHA, yeah that's about right]
19) What is your biggest fear?
"Penny's Song" [I mean, I guess she died in the end.]
20) What is your biggest secret?
"Bad Day" [This is no secret]
21) What do you think of your friends?
"Sleep (Instumental)" [Okay, okay I get it. I'm narcoleptic]
22) What song would you play during your first time having sex?
"All I Want is You" [Hilarious question, but aww nonetheless]
23) What will you post this as?
"Argument" [I have no self-satisfied response to this. Damn.]

I actually own more music than iTunes tells me I do. Really. Maybe I do need better songs.