God, Just Do it Already, and Stop Whining About It

Is what my brain keeps yelling at me. Constantly. And I think I'm starting to agree with you, Frontal Lobe. I will just do it. I'm being very mysterious, aren't I? But you probably don't care that much about my intrigues, so I think I'll keep it built up as a bit of Hitchcockian suspense. Whatever you do, don't climb the stairs! By the way, did y'all know that Hitchcock was afraid of eggs, specifically egg yolks. Found them absolutely revolting. Strange, but true. But I digress.

But yes, this is in regard to my recent crisis of identity. It's so easy to keep your mind focused on one future, when you're in school and distracted by all sorts of readily available fascinating facts. Once you get out into the "real world" and are faced with the blinding horror of a typical entry-level job, the forgotten options start swimming in front of you. Showing off their many interesting characteristics and high salaries. It's maddening. For much of the year I've swayed between two incompatible (yet, both equally unreasonable) choices. Just when I thought I made the more sensible choice of the two, the other had to rear its extremely attractive and well-coiffed head to tempt me once more. And the bastard thing is--I don't know if I could make it in either of these two fields. Both are incredibly specialized, and both have high rates of failure. One admittedly more so.

One seems more doable, practical, and reasonable, and I've been more actively pursuing this field recently. It would involve my going to law school (and probably hating it) to get a JD, which would only serve the purpose of helping to get me into this career. Read: I don't actually want to be a lawyer. So it's probably very silly to spend that much money on getting a degree for a career that I hate. But it would be a great way to spend three years to get my act together and get a somewhat useful degree out of the process. And I know the JD would help my chances of getting that more reasonable career.

But that other one lurking in the shadows represents a whole other side of me, one that I'd forgotten existed until I was completely deprived of the ability to use my mind on a daily basis. It is the long-lost creative side that complements the practicality of the "sensible" choice. This is representative of the epic battle of my left brain vs. my right brain. The failure rate for people going into this field is astronomically high, yet I'm still very attracted to it. I've even spent some time looking up programs of study around the country for it. But the foolish thing really is, I've never done anything like it before. Yeah, I like and admire the talented professionals who pull it off well, but who's to say if I'd be any good at it. And I'm reluctant to apply to a professional school to learn the tools of the trade, because if it's a failure, I simply can't apply this knowledge to any other field. The sensible option would have been left behind long ago, irretrievable due to my zeal for the more attractive option.

But curiousity has finally killed my cat. Pending availability/costs/time constraints I think I'm going to find a basic class in Chicago for this type of study and finally, you know, learn about it. I'll test the waters (and probably take the LSAT as well, just in case) and find out what exactly I am good at. The worst thing that can happen is finding out I do like it, and am good at it, which will probably result in more hemming and hawing and freaking out over foolish life choices/eventual poverty and disgrace.

I really and truly am ridiculous. I am SO going to be famous.