It's me again. Do any of you even care? Are any of you even reading this? I have just been sitting here slowly dying at my computer again, my moribund body barely summoning the willpower to get another cup of coffee. Same old weekday, I guess. The color of the text represents MY SOUL.
It's weird, sitting here in my little pod, while updating crap that nobody should ever care about. God, they're all just like drones waiting for rewards from the hive mother, who is really only keeping them around to eat them for afternoon tea. I'm the only one who knows the truth. We are all alone here. All the paralegals in their little offices, and the assistants at their little desks. Chained to the electronic pyre that we call Outlook. Pass me the torch. We're all pathetic, and sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who can tell. What's the point? I HAVE TO BLEED JUST TO KNOW I'M ALIVE.
Life is the same old crap as usual. I work in my little box, watching stupid sunbathers, who probably have never had to work a day in their lives. They're all so happy and blonde. I hate them. I used to wish that I was like them, but now I know so much about the world outside of my own selfish interests, and can't stomach the thought of living in that mindless void. Not when I've got a void of my own creation. A shell. God, I'm so alone in this dark, unfeeling, callous, sadistic, depraved world.
I wonder if they'd even notice if I didn't show up on Monday. Or if I just didn't talk for the whole day. Maybe on Mondays I can just subscribe to a code of silence. Like a monk. An apathy monk. One who will wound you with her contemptuous sneer. Of doom. Always, of doom. Nothing can be a promise, but eventual destruction. Oh, I need new clothes; I should go to American Apparel.
And now, a haiku to best express my inner anguish:
Always sturm und drang
Mindless agony swirling
constantly pained mind.
Excuse me, I have to go weep my torment away. Not that anyone cares.
2 comments:
Hey! I'm still listening. And I even like when the blog is full of TV info. It's my only source of pop-entertainment knowledge. I can smile and nod in conversations without lying too much on account of your blog.
Please don't be a monk of apathy.
I'm about to begin a job search... I hope yours is active, I'll need support :)
oh my GOD that kaiku killed me.
also I totally noticed the color change from the start, and was like "what's this about?"...and then you told me. well played.
STIN, WE LOVE YOU! WE WANT YOU TO *LIVE*!
do like I do and cheer yourself up with daydreams of large, conspicuous purchases, such as a new apartment perhaps? or a fancy, tiny car, for good measure? compare mortage rates and see if you can afford to purchase a house yet? (I BET YOU COULD!) for I too often suffer from a business-centric cubicle existence, except I'm doing it in the SUBURBS. i don't have the luxury of living vicariously through the afternoon nudists swimming laps and getting tan. I sit in traffic surrounded by hundreds more drones like me, waiting for even the slightest reason to honk that horn in someone's face.
good times!
(and at least you get to have kitties to make it all better :( !!)
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