Shut up Metal Mouth

Random life things:

1. I realized a few days ago that I have completely stopped biting my nails. For the first time, in I can't remember how long, I'll have to use an emery board to file nail length, rather than just smooth out rough edges. I'm having issues typing on my iPhone, it's gotten that bad. The funny thing is, I can't even remember making the conscious effort to stop. It's not like I'm (ha!) living a completely stress-free life (HAHAHA). Between my moving and realizing that I seriously need to study for the LSATs, my nails should probably be bloody stumps. Gross Imagery FTW! See, I always told the adults in my life that I'd grow out of that bad habit. No need to smear my nails with chili oil or nag at me. Things just need to run their own course. *nods vaguely & closes eyes*

2. Things I need for my new room: lamp (I love lamp!), new bookcase for my cheesy sci-fi mysteries, art, and clothes organization stuff. Also, new clothes and shoes. It's getting ridiculous.

3. The general consensus of the ENTIRE dental community is that I need braces or my jaw could fall off. Dude. Maybe I should have learned this when I was a pre/teenager, when everyone else was getting them and bonding over their stupid wax and rubber bands and adjustments. Maybe I wanted my gums to bleed as well! And I can't even get my wisdom teeth out until I get a consultation regarding the braces. They're going to try to scare me. I know they are. They're going to tell me that this popping that my jaw does, because I hold my jaw a certain way to self-correct for my overbite, is really awful and my jaw could snap at any moment. Like a carrot stick being munched by an overenthused rabbit. What's up doc, indeed. I don't even know if I should be freaked out by this or not. Maybe I just need a night guard, but I think they're going to go for the actual braces. So yeah, not too excited about that, but if it makes my teeth better than who am I to complain? I just want my wisdom teeth out, and I may come out of it with thousands of dollars worth of dental work. Good thing I got that Premium dental insurance, huh? This is why I hate going places and getting things looked at. Too much hassle. And I just know I'm going to get every food stuck in my braces and turn into a pre-teen dork. They probably won't be any cool colors and they'll give me generic rubber bands. And none of the popular kids with their pink braces will want to sit with me at lunch & share their wax with me.

4. The Dwight Schrute lookalike that I've been pseudodating doesn't even know how to spell my name. We've emailed with my full name spelled out (he's even asked me about the "Maria" thing) and he still doesn't get it, which means that he's clearly not paying attention in order to be more awkward. I think this is the social tic that broke my patience. NO H. NO H. NO H. GOD. I could correct him, but why bother at this point? Other people get it and have commented on the fact that I don't spell it with an h. And because of that, I'm going to the Art Institute and dinner with him this Friday and not out to drinks with Dwight. Because seriously. Seriously! Am I being too weird about this? Did I just need a really lame excuse?

5. My cat also needs expensive dental work. I've always known that Gus and I had too much in common for our own good. For the record, I will also play fetch with you. But only with balloons. <> I like their feel in my hand. < /creep >

6. That reminds me, I really want to learn HTML stuff and learn how to actually design something on the interwebs. Like a website, for example. Still want my own real page, and not blogger, which seems to be mostly populated by teens who need to vent in a safe zone because NOBODY UNDERSTANDS THEIR PAIN or, like, people talking nonstop about their children. I'm too cool for you, internet.

7. I need to go on a budget, y'all. Seriously. I may have to use Quicken or something. This is getting real. REAL. But, hey, going to Pitchfork soon! I'm pretty excited, and will probably come out of it hating people. Like most crowd situations. But most people that I know will be going, so that'll be fun. In a really weird and potentially uncomfortable way.

8.

9. I drink coffee with my rice krispie treat dessert. Rounds out the meal. I'm classy like that.

10. I think I am crippled by my need for all those around me to think that I'm a nice person. I don't care if you think I dress like a 12-year old boy or need to comb my hair, or smell like coffee, just say I'm nice and I'll be okay. It's my nice Southern upbringing, y'all! I actually felt bad that the drunk, annoying tourists on the bus this morning (seriously, drunk at 8:45 AM!) were being ignored by the Very Important Yuppies and were obviously upset about it. They were total jackasses after they got off the bus, and told us all off. Then they flipped us the bird from the sidewalk. And probably vomited on the street or something, I don't know. But I did feel bad that they were obviously distressed. Not enough to actually try to engage them in conversation, but still! It, uh, crossed my mind. Still nice! Look at how nice I am!

How Long is this Sustainable, I Wonder? Let's Find Out.

Me: I'm kind of bored...
Brain: Why don't you write a blog entry about how bored you are?
Me: Oh, nobody would want to rea...oh, wait. I see what you did there.
Brain: Just saying. You need a haircut, FYI. You're getting a little bottom-heavy. Er, with the hair. Of course, just meant the hair.
Me: Yeah, I know. I just don't want to schedule the appointment. And then I'll have to pay, especially since I already told myself I'd get partial highlights of an auburn hue as well.
Brain: That's weird. Will you be able to maintain the haircut to go with the highlights once you get them, or are you going to end up looking like a marmoset or something?
Me: A marmoset? Really?
Brain: Well, whatever. I don't trust you either way.
Me: Have you ever wondered why she writes us as being two different concepts? Herself and her brain? That's kind of weird. And unnecessarily meta.
Brain: I always assumed that I was the conscience or, um, the incentive. Uh, the drive to better herself or something.
Me: Then why are you so mean to me?
Brain: Oh, it's good for you! You wouldn't get anywhere in life if I just went on and on about how you were special and had a destiny or something cheesy like that.
Me: Special Destiny?! You mean like Starb--
Brain: NO! No. Let's not go there. We all know how that went, and I don't think you want that. Plus, YOU NEED TO STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS SHIT. Haven't I made sure that you had enough headaches and mental weariness because of it?
Me: ...hey my Toaster t-shirt should be coming today!
Brain: I give up. Frak it.
Me: No, hey, no. Don't be sad. I'm doing better with it. We had angry thoughts on gender issues and only tangentially applied BSG to them. And, um, Eric got us thinking about the Constitution and rage and stuff. You got to pull out actual knowledge from undergrad Con Law class and everything. That didn't really have anything to do with BSG. Oh, oh and um we've been looking for new apartments on the internet, so that's a new project. Plus, we still carry that LSAT book around everywhere. I even opened it the other day!
Brain: Yet, I had no part in actually doing anything with it. It was just open. On the desk. And then you closed it after a while.
Me: I CAN'T DO ALL THE WORK, YOU KNOW. That was your part, and you failed. FAILED.
Brain: Pshaw, not my fault you found other ways to distract yourself. Most of the stuff you do at work doesn't require me at all. Plus, we're really really lazy. It's a thing.
Me: Yeah...maybe I should call David. My hair is really annoying me.
Brain: Good. That's a good project for the next minute. Do it now before you get distracted by, like, some stranger's crazyass meta about how Starbuck is really a super sekrit suprise!angel and Sam and Kara were actually destined to...oh, too late.
Me: What? It's an interesting, if not ultimately reaching take on the characters and the concepts of free will and destiny and higher powers, etc. etc.! Plus, you get to think too! What?! Okay, fine, I'll call the salon.
Brain: And then can we do a logic game?
Me: We'll see. Can it be about BSG?
Brain: SIGH. I'm not giving up on you, you know that right?
Me: I know. I'm not actually this crazy, but you're so much fun to mess with!
Brain: You still haven't called David.
Me: FINE.
[brief interlude]
Me: THERE. 11 AM for haircut and partial highlight. ARE YOU HAPPY?!
Brain: Ecstatic. My next project is getting you to regularly work out. You're almost there. If only you would stop putting on your pajamas immediately upon getting home. And you wonder why some people think you're depressed.
Me: I LIKE TO BE COMFORTABLE. And that applies to my not working out too. I've come to dread it, since I know it will hurt like hell.
Brain: But it's a GOOD hurt. We like that hurt. And you actually feel pretty damn good about yourself after intense workouts. Don't you remember?
Me: I guess. Hey, you think anyone is still reading this? We kind of ran out of steam a while back.
Brain: Yeah. I don't know. I don't think this ever actually had a point, to be perfectly honest. She just wanted to write something, so we got wranged in so that she can pretend to express something. Not that it was anything of substance. We're just blathering on about whatever pops into her head. None of this means anything. We don't really represent anything here.
Me: Hey. Hey, Brain.
Brain: What?
Me: Hee. Does this mean--
Brain: What?
Me: Are you alive? :D
Brain: ...
[Brain has left the chatroom]
Me: Hello? Hello? Are you there? .....Oh my, I'm sleepy.

Fin

INT. DLA PIPER OFFICES--MORNING

Hi everyone. I haven't really been feeling "bloggy" recently, so the entries have kind of dropped off. I have, however, been doing, um, okay, with my New Year's Resolutions so far. No fabulously well, but okay. Which is fine. They should pick up after my birthday, which was my real jumping off point. The one I never told anyone about. So here are some things that I've been doing: I am eating very well, and am now in a committed relationship with Peapod Delivery Service. I think the only things that I'll actually get from the store is better produce, since I absolutely hate that I can't choose my own. I've been cooking more, which has helped my health immensely, not to mention my wallet. I've kind of been going to the gym. I went last night, for example. The week that Chicago was in the 9th Circle of Hell was a bit of a down week for me. I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. But over all, it's been okay.

Okay, so I'm starting to get back into the swing of writing that story thingamabob. I wrote 35 pages and freaked out, basically because I felt like my style didn't sound good on the page. And that concerned me enough to take a little breather. That lasted weeks. BUT NOW, I am back. Judging by the title, I bet some of y'all can tell what I'm turning my story into. Hint: it rhymes with "mystery flipped."

For me, it just makes more sense. I like writing dialogue, as evidenced by my longwinded conversations with my credit cards and cats and my brain and various viscera. These convos aren't really the best examples of good dialogue, but I do try to make them fun to read. I actually try to get the comedic timing right, even if they're kind of strange bits of dialogue. I also tend to write how I think/speak, which contributes to my love for dialogue.

So, I'm writing a spec tv pilot based off of my idea. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, and I'm having a fabulous time. I've been rereading Jane Espenson's blog for her writing tips. [she was a writer on Buffy, and came up with some of the funniest, quirkiest episodes like "Band Candy" and "A New Man"] I'm just kind of making it up as I go, but so far, I like this format much better. And the beginning of my story actually really lends itself to this different medium. Maybe I'll get a book just so I know whether or not I'm doing technical things correctly or not. I'm already almost done with the outline (Starting Act IV) , and am getting ready for the real writing. So, uh, yay?

Let's face it: this is the medium for me. Look back on my blog entries, and you'll see one constant, I love to pick apart TV. Love it. I'm often more involved with fictional characters' lives than some real people's that I know. Sad, yet tells you something about me. THIS DAMN STORY WILL GET WRITTEN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.

So far, so good.

A Year in Review

Greetings, Internet Land! And Happy New Year's Eve! Tonight I will hopefully be having fun partying the New Year in with good friends and lots of strangers. In a New Years tradition of sorts (partly in preparation for the inevitable Resolutions) I am contemplating how 2008 has treated me.

-I started this blog at the beginning of the year. At the start, it was meant to be some sort of creative outlet, and has since turned into my ranting about the world at large. I think 2009 will bring further attempts to document the sometimes hilarious banalities of my life. And of course more arguing with my brain and credit cards. Twitter shall be its trusty sidekick.

-I was/am/will be bored at work. Gchat became a necessity.

-On the other hand, I made some great new friends.

-I watched lots of TV and movies and remembered the joys of my youth. I also read books of varying levels of quality, and still enjoy ranting about them. Vampire fiction should never be taken lightly.

-I got cats! They now run my life and I am completely beholden to satisfy their various whims. Surprisingly, I am just fine with this.

-I've joined a gym and had an on-again, off-again abusive relationship with a personal trainer. Joel has since left the gym (without telling us). I feel betrayed.

-I've cooked some: most impressive achievement was a souffle that didn't fall. Okay, it was a little undercooked in the center, but overall a fine achievement for a first try.

-I started playing my very first MMO. No, not WOW. I stopped playing for many months. Recently, I've started back up again.

-I got a new computer. There was much rejoicing.

-I started writing a book. Well, kind of. I got about 30 pages in and just stopped. The ideas are still flowing through my head, and every now and then I'll figure some plot point out when I'm waiting for the bus. It's there, just waiting for me on my flash drive. I can't hide forever.

-I drank lots of coffee. Currently, more addicted than ever.

-I went to NY for the very first time! There was much rejoicing.

-And lots of Bin 36.

-I discovered the excessively violent fun of Roller Derby.

-I ignored responsibilities, overdrew my bank account lots, mourned the loss of spontaneity, and refused to set my future up. But most importantly, I've had fun.

Now what?

Hi

I don't really have anything important to say, except I saw this ad on Youtube and wanted to share its glory.



Anything that effectively uses, but also lampoons the use of the O Fortuna part of Carmina Burana is okay by me. I mean, who doesn't get excited when movie trailers use exciting Latin chanting to promote the (action packed fighting) sequences? For anyone that questions my choice to take 8 years of Latin in my life, remember: Life just ain't epic without Latin.

It's the Little Things

-Yesterday I went to four different costume/resale shops around the East Lakeview area. I found a red trench coat at Ragstock that was two sizes (at least) too large and was missing a prominent button. I felt like a kid playing dressup in the clothes that mom is giving away to goodwill. Today I will go to a couple more places in my desperate attempt to become the nefarious criminal mastermind Carmen Sandiego. If I am not successful, my contingency plans are either a Hello My Name Is sticker ala Oz or Three-Hole Punch Cristina. I see nothing wrong with either of those plans.

-I think I had a delightful run in with several gang members (possibly former gang members) in my elevator at 11 PM last night. I mean, I don't want to be stereotypical or anything, but they appeared to have all kinds of gang tattoos. And they seemed thuggishly inclined. Friendly, but thuggishly inclined. One of them lives in my building and drunkenly slurred something at me like "heyshryathemhrrudaday." I replied "yes, I think so." That seemed to satisfy him and he nodded to the other two. One of them had an empty tear drop tattoo under his left eye. I wonder if he killed someone. I told them to have a nice night when I got off on the 9th floor. They all cheerfully replied back. I can tell that we are going to be friends.

-Remember Josh? No? Well, I didn't either, at first. He's the one who cooked with me in, like, February. We watched Fight Club and made a souffle and then never hung out or spoke ever again. Yeah, he called me the other day, which completely confused me. I didn't even know who he was until the next day, that's how much he took me by surprise. Anyway, he claimed that he'd been trying to reach me, (bullshit) and wanted to invite me to go drinking at The Hopleaf with a bunch of other people. I wasn't really paying attention to the phone call, because I was trying to figure out what was going on when I should've been listening, but I think he said something about his leaving town soon or something. He also invited me to sushi, I think. It all happened so fast! Is it just me, or is this totally weird? Why on earth would he want to hang out with me after such a long time of absolutely no contact. And, more to the point, we had a definite conversation where we agreed to no longer hang out. Why did he keep my number? Currently perplexed.

-Speaking of Fight Club, I've decided that is part of the reason that I want to do Roller Derby. It's the closest legal, female equivalent to Fight Club. I'm not even exaggerating. Looking online, I've seen galleries dedicated to the injuries that women get from this sport, yet they get up and play through the contusions and sprains, and on occasion, breaks. Badass, indeed. "If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?" These women put themselves through so much pain, and I can't even imagine the thrill that it creates. Plus, fun personas, and a true sense of team spirit. Funnily enough, this is the only team sport that I've ever been enthusiastic about doing, and I can't even skate yet. "I am Jack's smirking revenge."

-At work, I've taken to listening to classical music on repeat as I doing/avoiding doing my work. It certainly changes the tone of the day in a much more exciting way than listening to most of what's on my iPod. Current selections are In the Hall of the Mountain King and Danse Macabre. Winter is approaching, so I may get into a Wagnerian mood next.

-Current page count for da book: 9. I never said I was a fast writer.

-I think my next DVD purchase may be Pan's Labyrinth. I'd really like to see it again, at least.

-I'm shocked I haven't watched any scary movies yet this Halloween season. SHOCKED. I even have three different Hitchcock movies from Netflix waiting for me on my coffee table. I'm sorry, awesomely freaky movies. Maybe I'll get to you around Christmas.

-Currently reading American Psycho, however, so maybe that makes up for it. Patrick Bateman makes me more afraid of the yuppies in my neighborhood than those potential gang members from the elevator.

-Shredding may be my favorite work related task ever. I like to keep the binder clips as hunting trophies. When I look at them stacked in my drawer, I sometimes relive the thrill of the shred. Is that creepy?

-Tomorrow, I'm going to wear my Vampire t-shirt to work in celebration of the Halloween casual day. It's time my coworkers found out about me once and for all.

The Process Sucks

Okay, since I announced that I am writing a book I haven't exactly been, um, writing. I love my idea. I love my characters. I love my world. It's the easiest thing in the world for me to plan out a story. As I've always had an overactive imagination, it's remarkably easy for me to create new realities and stuff. Some people probably think that I've been tiptoeing the line of sanity my whole life. Whenever I remember my dreams, they're never boring. I mean, my crazy imagination is the reason I get so damn into the various fandoms that I've gotten into--I fall into new worlds very easily. So y'all can understand that the planning of the book(s?), developing of the characters, and so on is great fun for me.

It's the writing that's the bitch. I forgot the horror that looking at a white screen with just a damn cursor creates. Especially when you've got so much to say, and you just don't know where to start. And it's just there blinking at you. Mocking you with it's metronome-like beats. And then you wonder if you've gotten in over your head, since this is the part that really matters. Who cares if you have an awesome story, if all you can do is stare at that cursor. So you write one line. Then two. You make the mistake of reading them. They're really bad. Who would read this garbage? So you erase it, taking each character away in a desperate attempt to win back your sanity. I know I can write. I know it's in me. You're too self-conscious now. What's a good way to introduce your main character? Waking up? No, no that's waaay too trite. How about through the eyes of other characters? No, that's just confusing when I start to tell the story from the character's POV. How about an inciting event that is the backdrop for the action, which will happen later? Eh, but where's my protagonist in all of this?

So, I take a break. I clear my head. I read. I'm exhausted. My arm hurts. No, concentrate! I manage to finally write some more, but I run into the same problems. I'm not even sure I know who this person is anymore. Why should readers care who in the hell he is, anyway? Why do I even want to do this? What am I trying to say anymore?

Hell with it. I took my laptop to Clarke's on Sunday, and I sat and wrote. That third person crap wasn't working, so I just rambled for about two pages from my protagonist's point of view regarding what he thinks of the world. And you know, that was the very first time that I got him. I actually understood what's driving him and how he sees himself. Not the most reliable narrator in the world, but there's nothing wrong with that. I finally saw what I needed to see. And no, he doesn't think like me. Not at all. His voice is more authoritative. More cocky and sure of himself. I don't necessarily share his views. But I like him, even though he's kind of a jerk. I think I'll write the story in his first-person point of view, as I've realized that it seems to be the easiest way for me. The hardest part is making sure he sounds like a guy all the time, since I'm not even going to pretend that I naturally understand how male minds work. But I can figure that part out easily enough.

Just got my second wind, guys. I'm officially excited about this again.

Hee

Have I mentioned recently how Tina Fey is my hero? Amazing.

I'm never going to stop wearing glasses like these.