Rules to Kill By

Hey guys, so I just wanted to share a bit of my story with y'all. This is what I've been writing for the past couple of days, and it was the funnest thing EVER. Funnest. Totally. I was a little hesitant about posting this online, because there are SPIES EVERYWHERE just waiting to steal my ideas. But whatever, this may not even make it into the book, but certainly helped me craft not only the tone I wanted, but also lay some groundwork for one of the most important aspects of the story: The Conclave of Criminal Masterminds. They also call themsevles the Neo-Anti-Federalists, because they're pretentious. Think of it as a mix between a trade union and a mafia family. They are one of the campier things about the story, and I feel good about how I'm presenting them. So, here are the rules of their organization:

Rules of the Conclave

1. Potential Neo-Anti-Federalists must have at least $100,000 in assets solely devoted to criminal empire-building; these assets must be regularly audited by the Internal Affairs minions, in order to preserve the Conclave’s high expectations of criminality.
2. To be considered a ranking member of the Conclave, a rising Criminal Mastermind must be in possession of at least five of the following:
a. Loyal Henchman, with at least fifty documented hours of plundering/torture/mayhem accrued specifically for potential Mastermind’s cause.
b. Mad scientist or inventor (unless potential Mastermind takes this duty upon himself) completely at the disposal of the applicant. Kidnapping civilian scientists for this purpose is allowable.
c. Mobilized Army of Evil, with appropriate Jungle/Space/Underwater Combat training.
d. Notarized plans for Global Domination; patent highly suggested.
e. At least one appropriate Instrument of Annihilation, in blueprints or prototype, but not test ready. The testing of any Instrument of Annihilation will be at the discretion of the Conclave as a whole.
f. A Secret Base of Criminal Operations in a discrete location, e.g. underground cave system, volcanic island, orbiting space station, Antarctic ice kingdom, etc.
g. One high-profile Super Agent nemesis, whose sole body of investigative work is dedicated to exposing and imprisoning the Mastermind in question. Must not be
viably able to do so, however. Such a condition would instantly disqualify said Mastermind.
3. Index of Villainous Notoriety must remain at a stable median level. The Mastermind must not commit too few crimes that his “villain” status be revoked, nor too many, lest he become careless with the authorities. Special dispensation regarding villainous activity for both novices and the especially perverse will be taken on a case-by-case basis.
4. Potential Masterminds are advised to craft individualized personae to best suit their overarching visions. Henchmen should also have personae complimentary to their Masterminds’. Villains are encouraged to be creative with their images, as the Conclave prides itself upon the diversity of its members.
5. Monthly tithing is required of all members. The tithe is established on a sliding scale calculated from the notoriety and assets of each individual member. A member’s tithe can theoretically vary between $500 monthly and 1/5th of any lands seized during the World Domination campaigns of the Mastermind.
6. Mandatory meetings for all Conclave members will take place monthly in the “Den of Iniquity” located under the Federal Courthouse of New Luxor City. Passwords will be provided upon membership and will be changed on a bimonthly basis. Topics during meetings relate to individual members’ campaigns as well as the insidious goals of the Conclave en bloc. Members are encouraged to bring guests or consorts, if desired.
7. Members unable to attend meetings or pay their tithes for three consecutive months (and not be imprisoned, retired, or under deep cover) will have their memberships voided and will become sworn enemies of the Conclave, under penalty of swift and ironic punishment.
8. The Conclave encourages its members to settle any disputes in the open forum of the meetings. If necessary, a mock Circle of Death can be created in the meeting space, and any residual complaints can be finalized in single-combat between Henchmen.
9. Each Mastermind in the Conclave will have an equal vote in all World Domination issues raised during meetings. Each member will also have veto power over the others. The Conclave will elect temporary commissioners to manage meetings. The leadership of the Conclave will rotate through the members on a regular basis.
10. Conclave members will retain immunity from one another in World Domination matters. If one Mastermind encroaches upon the territory of another, or otherwise violates the trust of the Conclave, he will be eligible for expulsion. If one member discovers that another is violating the rules of the Conclave, he must call a mandatory emergency meeting to report the violation.
11. Any mutated or genetically-engineered life forms used as Instruments of Annihilation must be supervised at all times. If an outbreak or escape occurs, the Conclave must be informed of the threat immediately.
12. If any external threat to the goals of the Conclave arises, e.g. an unstable free-lance villain bent upon the destruction of the world rather than its domination, members of the Conclave are given full dispensation to assist law enforcement efforts to quell the threat. Conclave members will report regularly on any information provided to the law enforcement agency, and must not compromise the integrity of the group as a whole.
13. Upon retirement, Conclave members will retain full immunity and privileges of active members, provided they do not compromise the Conclave in any way. If that is the case, the retired member will become a sworn enemy of the Conclave and will be subject to any punishment meted out by the current members.
14. No recording equipment of any kind is allowed into the sacred space of the meeting room in “The Den of Iniquity.” If any sessions are discovered to have been recorded, the treachery will be repaid with prompt retribution by the wronged parties.
15. Membership in the Conclave is highly competitive and new members must be unanimously agreed upon for admittance. Once a member has been inducted, he has equal standing with even the senior-ranking members. The Conclave was founded as an open forum for aspiring World Dominators to exchange ideas, services, and protection; however, in recent times it serves more as sounding board and neutral zone for like-minded Conqueror hopefuls. Membership also includes a free subscription to the Domination Monthly Journal and free use of the Conclave Seal in all World Ascendancy matters.

What do y'all think? I feel like I kind of lost the tone towards the end, but hopefully that's just me being overanalytical. If y'all have any feedback/suggestions please, um, holla!

The Process Sucks

Okay, since I announced that I am writing a book I haven't exactly been, um, writing. I love my idea. I love my characters. I love my world. It's the easiest thing in the world for me to plan out a story. As I've always had an overactive imagination, it's remarkably easy for me to create new realities and stuff. Some people probably think that I've been tiptoeing the line of sanity my whole life. Whenever I remember my dreams, they're never boring. I mean, my crazy imagination is the reason I get so damn into the various fandoms that I've gotten into--I fall into new worlds very easily. So y'all can understand that the planning of the book(s?), developing of the characters, and so on is great fun for me.

It's the writing that's the bitch. I forgot the horror that looking at a white screen with just a damn cursor creates. Especially when you've got so much to say, and you just don't know where to start. And it's just there blinking at you. Mocking you with it's metronome-like beats. And then you wonder if you've gotten in over your head, since this is the part that really matters. Who cares if you have an awesome story, if all you can do is stare at that cursor. So you write one line. Then two. You make the mistake of reading them. They're really bad. Who would read this garbage? So you erase it, taking each character away in a desperate attempt to win back your sanity. I know I can write. I know it's in me. You're too self-conscious now. What's a good way to introduce your main character? Waking up? No, no that's waaay too trite. How about through the eyes of other characters? No, that's just confusing when I start to tell the story from the character's POV. How about an inciting event that is the backdrop for the action, which will happen later? Eh, but where's my protagonist in all of this?

So, I take a break. I clear my head. I read. I'm exhausted. My arm hurts. No, concentrate! I manage to finally write some more, but I run into the same problems. I'm not even sure I know who this person is anymore. Why should readers care who in the hell he is, anyway? Why do I even want to do this? What am I trying to say anymore?

Hell with it. I took my laptop to Clarke's on Sunday, and I sat and wrote. That third person crap wasn't working, so I just rambled for about two pages from my protagonist's point of view regarding what he thinks of the world. And you know, that was the very first time that I got him. I actually understood what's driving him and how he sees himself. Not the most reliable narrator in the world, but there's nothing wrong with that. I finally saw what I needed to see. And no, he doesn't think like me. Not at all. His voice is more authoritative. More cocky and sure of himself. I don't necessarily share his views. But I like him, even though he's kind of a jerk. I think I'll write the story in his first-person point of view, as I've realized that it seems to be the easiest way for me. The hardest part is making sure he sounds like a guy all the time, since I'm not even going to pretend that I naturally understand how male minds work. But I can figure that part out easily enough.

Just got my second wind, guys. I'm officially excited about this again.

Tacos and Trump Thursday

I'm a couple of days late on this, but first thing's first, RIP Estelle Getty. My Golden Girls counterpart, Sophia. At this point, I can't say it better than everyone else has, so I'll just go with the now cliched "thank you for being a friend." I totally stole that from The Fug Girls and numerous other places, but whatever, it fits.

As I enjoy my taco dinner from La Cocina, I'm doing something a bit ridiculous. Out of sheer curiosity, I decided to look up the blueprints of the penthouse apartments in the still-rising Trump Tower, which has now become one of the most prominent features of the Chicago skyline. The 89th floor residence (which Donnie has set aside for himself) is particularly ridiculous. Here: Check it out. Dude. And, after a nosy bit of digging, I discovered that the cost of that penthouse is $28 million. 14,260 sq. feet. 5 bedrooms, 6 baths. 16 foot ceilings. Holy crap, Donald Trump. Damn. The only thing that's missing there is an actual library, but seriously, what Billionaires, with a capital B, have time to read, anyway? Kind of puts my crappy little studio into perspective. Not that this penthouse should put anything into perspective, since approximately .0001% of the population can even afford to step foot in it. Even in my world of make believe, I'd never be able to imagine living in a condo like that.

Buffy Update: Not that many of you care, but I'm partway through the third season now. In retrospect, I genuinely believe that the third season was probably the best one of the series. None of the episodes, so far, have been misses; in fact, some of the episodes that I've remembered and cherished for years took place in the third season. Classic Buffy at its best. The vastly tonally different episodes Anne, Band Candy, The Wish, and Amends have all been pretty spectacular, and I'm not even halfway through the season. In fact, I'd say that some of these episodes top even some of the better Firefly episodes. At least for me. That's probably due to the fact that I clearly remember watching them as a teenage girl--the exact demographic that Joss Whedon was writing for. There's just something so satisfying about watching a flawed, emotionally vulnerable girl kick so much ass--kind of makes you feel like you can do anything. Which is kinda the whole point of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, anyway. Not to mention-- VAMPIRES! SO MANY VAMPIRES! That is all.

If anything, this is helping wean me off of Bravo TV. I'll still watch Project Runway, but not as many reruns on weekends. I've got geekier things to do now.

Grr...Argh...