Shut up Metal Mouth

Random life things:

1. I realized a few days ago that I have completely stopped biting my nails. For the first time, in I can't remember how long, I'll have to use an emery board to file nail length, rather than just smooth out rough edges. I'm having issues typing on my iPhone, it's gotten that bad. The funny thing is, I can't even remember making the conscious effort to stop. It's not like I'm (ha!) living a completely stress-free life (HAHAHA). Between my moving and realizing that I seriously need to study for the LSATs, my nails should probably be bloody stumps. Gross Imagery FTW! See, I always told the adults in my life that I'd grow out of that bad habit. No need to smear my nails with chili oil or nag at me. Things just need to run their own course. *nods vaguely & closes eyes*

2. Things I need for my new room: lamp (I love lamp!), new bookcase for my cheesy sci-fi mysteries, art, and clothes organization stuff. Also, new clothes and shoes. It's getting ridiculous.

3. The general consensus of the ENTIRE dental community is that I need braces or my jaw could fall off. Dude. Maybe I should have learned this when I was a pre/teenager, when everyone else was getting them and bonding over their stupid wax and rubber bands and adjustments. Maybe I wanted my gums to bleed as well! And I can't even get my wisdom teeth out until I get a consultation regarding the braces. They're going to try to scare me. I know they are. They're going to tell me that this popping that my jaw does, because I hold my jaw a certain way to self-correct for my overbite, is really awful and my jaw could snap at any moment. Like a carrot stick being munched by an overenthused rabbit. What's up doc, indeed. I don't even know if I should be freaked out by this or not. Maybe I just need a night guard, but I think they're going to go for the actual braces. So yeah, not too excited about that, but if it makes my teeth better than who am I to complain? I just want my wisdom teeth out, and I may come out of it with thousands of dollars worth of dental work. Good thing I got that Premium dental insurance, huh? This is why I hate going places and getting things looked at. Too much hassle. And I just know I'm going to get every food stuck in my braces and turn into a pre-teen dork. They probably won't be any cool colors and they'll give me generic rubber bands. And none of the popular kids with their pink braces will want to sit with me at lunch & share their wax with me.

4. The Dwight Schrute lookalike that I've been pseudodating doesn't even know how to spell my name. We've emailed with my full name spelled out (he's even asked me about the "Maria" thing) and he still doesn't get it, which means that he's clearly not paying attention in order to be more awkward. I think this is the social tic that broke my patience. NO H. NO H. NO H. GOD. I could correct him, but why bother at this point? Other people get it and have commented on the fact that I don't spell it with an h. And because of that, I'm going to the Art Institute and dinner with him this Friday and not out to drinks with Dwight. Because seriously. Seriously! Am I being too weird about this? Did I just need a really lame excuse?

5. My cat also needs expensive dental work. I've always known that Gus and I had too much in common for our own good. For the record, I will also play fetch with you. But only with balloons. <> I like their feel in my hand. < /creep >

6. That reminds me, I really want to learn HTML stuff and learn how to actually design something on the interwebs. Like a website, for example. Still want my own real page, and not blogger, which seems to be mostly populated by teens who need to vent in a safe zone because NOBODY UNDERSTANDS THEIR PAIN or, like, people talking nonstop about their children. I'm too cool for you, internet.

7. I need to go on a budget, y'all. Seriously. I may have to use Quicken or something. This is getting real. REAL. But, hey, going to Pitchfork soon! I'm pretty excited, and will probably come out of it hating people. Like most crowd situations. But most people that I know will be going, so that'll be fun. In a really weird and potentially uncomfortable way.

8.

9. I drink coffee with my rice krispie treat dessert. Rounds out the meal. I'm classy like that.

10. I think I am crippled by my need for all those around me to think that I'm a nice person. I don't care if you think I dress like a 12-year old boy or need to comb my hair, or smell like coffee, just say I'm nice and I'll be okay. It's my nice Southern upbringing, y'all! I actually felt bad that the drunk, annoying tourists on the bus this morning (seriously, drunk at 8:45 AM!) were being ignored by the Very Important Yuppies and were obviously upset about it. They were total jackasses after they got off the bus, and told us all off. Then they flipped us the bird from the sidewalk. And probably vomited on the street or something, I don't know. But I did feel bad that they were obviously distressed. Not enough to actually try to engage them in conversation, but still! It, uh, crossed my mind. Still nice! Look at how nice I am!

Nostalgia, Y'all!

I'm in a Texas mood, y'all. And I promise I won't end every sentence with the word "y'all." Okay, starting now. I don't know. I think this has been sneaking up on me for a while. I think, hrmm. I think I miss Texas. Texas has a culture that I can understand and even embrace. After a zillion years here in the Midwest, I still don't understand some things. What's the deal with baseball? Why does everyone love it? I think it's boring. Does that make me less of an American? Why don't we just watch football instead? Can I still like apple pie?

But Texas. OH TEXAS. Here's a crash course for all you Yankees. Everyone North of Texas is a Yankee, by the way. Even if you're from Oklahoma. Not kidding.

1. Y'all is one of the most amazing words in the English language. Both y'all and ya'll are acceptable. Y'all is actually singular, um, ish. It refers to a few people at a time. If I were addressing a whole big group of people, I would say "all y'all." Not kidding. Thems the rules. Also, everyone says y'all. Whether you're a businessman, doctor or school teacher. It's a perfectly legitimate word. And much easier to say than "you guys."

2. While many people do not have accents, sometimes certain words come out in certain accenty-nuanced ways. In big cities it is not seen as a sign of poor education or breeding. It's just the way that people talk. Sometimes I do it by accident. Sometimes I like to do it. The other day I said something and had to stop myself and formally declare, "My god, that was SO TEXAN." I was almost proud of myself for not losing my speech patterns to the Midwest.

3. "Shit" is a common exclamation, and oh so much fun to say. But not like that. It is pronounced "she-it" and you say it all slow and lazy. It's great. Most often used when you can't believe what your friend is telling you. Sometimes it involves the "bull-" prefix, if you're calling them out. Great word, and everyone knows exactly what you mean.

4. Pecan is pronounced "peh-cahn" NOT "PEE-can." I will correct you every time. What? You know, it's my damn state tree, I sure as hell know how to pronounce the word. Why yes I do think it's that big of a deal. Oh shut up.

5. While the rest of the country eats Egg McMuffins for breakfast, I'd rather have breakfast tacos from TC (Taco Cabana). The best chain barbecue joint (with amazing creamed corn and cobbler and barbecue sauce) is Rudy's. Shiner is the beer of choice to go with that BBQ, of course. I'll never understand all these Northern women who don't eat. Every Texas Girl I know can pack away a steak dinner with Shiner every now and then. Damn straight. And don't even get me started on Blue Bell Ice Cream.

6. Too Late. Homemade Vanilla Blue Bell Ice Cream is without a doubt the best ice cream I've ever eaten in my entire life. That is completely true and without hyperbole. I've had Ben & Jerry's, Breyers, Edys and many more, but Blue Bell will always have my heart. Anyone familiar? Y'all, it is so delicious, I can't even handle it. I was watching True Blood the other day, and the main character was eating Blue Bell, and I completely lost my shit. NOW I WANT IT. I am very seriously looking into shipping costs. They do ship Blue Bell, for us poor displaced Southerners, at $119 for 4 half-gallons of any flavors. And I'm still thinking of doing it. DOES ANYONE WANT TO HAVE AN ICE CREAM PARTY? ON THE ROOF OF MY BUILDING? And, uh, pitch in to get this amazing ice cream? :D

7. If I say "I'm fixin' ta go to the HEB, want a coke?" and you say yes, don't be upset if I bring you back some Sprite or Dr. Pepper or the hideously awful Big Red (I don't understand why people like it). You didn't specify. It ain't pop or soda or soda pop. It's coke. The machine is a coke machine, even if it doesn't sell Coca Cola. I may say soda in life, but I know what you mean when you ask me if I want a coke.

8. I don't care if you've never seen college football or are an alum from a Texas university. You will either be a Longhorn or an Aggie. I don't care about college football and have no affiliation with either university, but I still say "hook 'em." You just know. Kids choose their sides and stick to them. If you're actually a Texas Tech fan, you will hate one marginally less than the other.

I could keep going, but I grow weary of this. Does anyone watch King of the Hill? Is that funny to anyone outside of Texas? I mean, it's full of Texas injokes and mockeries. e.g., a Lu Ann Platter is something specifically Texan, not just the name of one of the characters.

I honestly think I'm going to apply to UT Law School, when the time comes. I've always said that Austin was a place I could see myself living, and UT has a fantastic law school. I'm starting to scare myself here, because if I really want to go back to Texas, I need to start hitting the LSAT books hard. I need a damn good score to get in there, and maybe the score itself won't be enough. But I think I may try. I'll apply to other places around the country, even a couple here in Chicago, but I am honestly thinking that I could be very happy going to UT.

Did anyone see this coming?