Dear Comcast, Frak You

"There is literally no one in the world that I don't hate right now."-Toby Ziegler, The West Wing

Excuse me while I put my bitch pants on, because today has been a hell of a day.

Ahem, okay. Today was supposed to be a busy, but relatively simple day. When I woke up in the morning, I was supposed to clean the coffee pot, make and drink some coffee, get cat food, and if I had time before noon, go to the gym. In the afternoon, I needed to wait for Comcast to return their DVR and modem, so I'll be finally done with them. Hopefully that would only take a couple of hours and then I could come back, make my strata and have a nice afternoon/evening cooking & cleaning my room.

Well, that was the plan. The actual day became far more complex.

The day started with my snoozing the alarm about fifteen times. Okay, so I didn't get up as early as I wanted. That's okay. I may not make it to the gym in the morning, but I can just go after Comcast guy shows up. It's okay. Time to go to Petsmart.

Next I took the 151 to Sheridan & Surf, and got some Oral Hygiene pet food, kitty litter & jumbo liners. Without paying any kind of attention, I got onto the 36 and headed home, with what turned out to be only one bag. Once I got back to my apartment, I realized I left the food at Petsmart. The only thing that I really needed. Well, I guess it's time to go back to Petsmart and pick the bag up. I get a cab and am out $11. Not happy.

I'm a little angry at this point, but the day can still be salvaged. I've got enough time to play around on the internet and then go get some coffee and breakfast. I decide to try out Phoebe's Cupcakes, since they've got this really interesting breakfast cupcake, reminiscent of pancakes with a bacon side. I got that and some coffee and headed over to the apartment. The cupcake was a little too sweet (certainly for a person who just got a filling) but otherwise delicious. I managed to ignore the fact that it felt like glass shards were digging into my gum. The day was looking up.

Clean clean clean. By that I mean, gathering some left over things and shoving them into bags. Also, throwing other things away. Mostly I do it lazy-like and play around on my phone. No biggie. I almost enjoy waiting for the Comcast guy.

Three hours later, I start to worry. Okay, so the guy may come closer to five. Fine. That's inconvenient, but whatever. I start looking out of the window for signs of a Comcast truck and I start to have difficulty getting comfortable.

At 4:30, I'm completely pissed off. And my phone dies, since it's my only distraction from the long wait. I go downstairs to wait some more. No excuses. I WILL CATCH THE COMCAST GUY.

5:00. I do believe I've been stood up. At this point, I'm so incredibly angry and my gum is killing me from where the dentist had to CUT PART OF IT AWAY to get to a particularly nasty cavity. I'm also starving. Did I mention that I was mad?

At this point, I no longer want to go to the gym and am way too hungry yet don't want to eat because my gum is now excruciatingly painful.

"Flames...on the side of my face...breathing, breathless, heaving breaths...heaving..."-Mrs. White, Clue

I'm going to wash my pans and cook myself something nice and soft, like eggs, and watch some True Blood. I'm not going to bitch at Comcast yet, since I KNOW they're going to tell me that a technician showed up at, like, 12:3o, but didn't call me for some bizarre reason. He also knocked on the outer door and saw that nobody was in the lobby, so instead of calling my apartment from the box, he just decided that nobody was home. I know nobody called. I HAD MY PHONE AT ALL TIMES. But this has actually happened before, so I am going to take a break today, and just call them tomorrow. I don't need that kind of anger right now. They are totally making me suffer for discontinuing their service. I know they are. I can tell. Spiteful bastards. I thought their guilt trips when I discontinued over the phone would be the extent of it. Apparently not.

Floor exercises instead of the gym and bacon & eggs instead of a proper dinner. That's okay. It's almost the gym. It's okay.

Deep breaths, calm thoughts. It will all be okay.

Big Day, Yo

I voted, okay? However, this blog entry is not going to be about any of that. Yes, I know that today is exciting and nerve-wracking. I look forward to watching every hour of coverage tonight. I don't even want to get into this crazy dream/nightmare I had last weekend about how McCain won the election and nobody really cared.

I won't talk about that stuff now, because I need to talk about something else. This is a subject that bothered me for a while, and I am reminded of it more due to constant exposure during these times. I am referring, of course, to my love-hate relationship with the internet.

What I hate:

First of all, Internet, what's the deal with letting any kind of yahoo (see what I did there?) with a dial-up connection say whatever they want? Blah, blah First Amendment, blah. I know. But, at the very least, I'd like to see a basic spelling and grammar test before a person is able to post a comment to a blog or other public forum. This should take care of most trolls and spammers, since as a rule they seem incapable of stringing together even the most basic words into cogent arguments. And it'll make the rest of us try just a little bit harder to get our points across. Note: "Hi Freidlon7 sound like you doesn't like America.I know alot Western Europe jealouse with USA,without USA Europe is nothing . USA always help Europe in World War I & II.Sweden neutral because they are weak.Don't worry abaut my husband country just take care your own dame country because I know your country alot crime and terorist too." [big ole sic] This is not an argument. Please learn how to spellcheck, and maybe I'll listen to your opinions. Maybe.

Secondly, going off of this point, we need to eliminate anonymous comments. Nobody would ever say anything like that to a person's face, particularly a person who is better spoken with a tight grasp on actual, um, facts. The anonymity of the internet creates jerks, and sometimes I just can't handle it.

Thirdly, for the benefit of internet land, speaking in all caps isn't funny. YOU ARE YELLING. That doesn't make your point better; it just makes you more obnoxious. All caps can be used sparingly to great effect, BUT JUST NOT AS A RULE. Ahem. Also, for everyone who types out their handles like, oh, say **~~>HoTtIePrInCeSs2008<~~**: what the hell am I supposed to do with that? If all caps is yelling, I don't even know what's going on there. It is not cute. You are not instantly adorable. I have an instant appraisal of your IQ, though, however fair or unfair that may be. And enough with the ASCII art. When done well, it's cool, and on occasion funny; when done poorly, it's annoying.

Fourthly, Shock Sites. Good god, shock sites. Anyone can get to them. I won't mention any by name, but one prominent one rhymes with "flew pearls done sup." Just thinking about it squicks me out. The internet reminds me constantly that some people just ain't right.

I'm sure there are more reasons that I will inevitably remember after posting this.

But I like the Internet too!

Here, take some reasons:

1. The very idea of message boards and fan sites makes me unbelievably happy. Seeing people who share your interests from all around the world is a pretty amazing thing. I never actually post on any of these things, but I usually like to check them out to see what people are arguing about this time. Bonus points if they're well-written.

2. Internet memes are actually pretty funny for a little while. LOLCats and the like can be cute and entertaining. Sometimes people can be remarkably clever when they're not being weird and gross.

3. Dr. Horrible. That is all. (Sometimes I just find reasons to link to it)

4. I suppose the instant access to news about what's going on in the world is pretty awesome. Terrifying in some respects, but awesome.

Oh and other stuff I suppose. I got tired halfway through writing about the negatives, so I'm just not feeling this anymore. I'm sorry. The dark side of the internet has weakened me. Hey, it's gotta be doing something right, though, to be weaning me off of watching TV. I didn't turn my TV on much at all over the weekend. It felt good.

So, um, yeah. Go vote if you haven't already.

That's all.

They Literally Sparkle. SPARKLE!

Okay, here's the deal: I kind of hate Twilight. To be fair, I never really thought I'd like it, but having sat through the first book, I can honestly affirm that it's not worth the hype.

Here's what I dislike about it:

1. The protagonist never has to work for a damn thing. NEVER. She is automatically (inexplicably) popular with everyone at her new school, including the mysterious hottest boy alive (or is he?!), and she can get pretty much anything she wants with remarkably little effort. Everything just kind of happens to her, which not only makes me bored with her, but does not advance the plot in any substantial way. Also, she's kind of annoying. As in, she treats everyone/everything she encounters with disdain automatically, and never seems to treat anything with proper respect as a default. I'm okay with an unlikable protagonist. It's interesting, and can be incredibly refreshing. But, I honestly think we're supposed to like her. What's worse, we're supposed to identify with her.

2. To go along with point #1, which is really like 3 points all together, the actual conflict of the book happens 375 pages in. HOLY CRAP, THAT'S BAD. The first 3/4 was total fluff. And not even believable fluff. And, on top of that, the conflict doesn't last for more than three or four chapters. Conflict is essential in driving both character and plot, so you can tell what I mean when I say that the vast majority of the story had zero conflict. Minor instances of confrontation (both physical and psychological) are taken care of almost immediately, and rarely by the protagonist herself. Blah.

3. Okay, this is the biggest one. For me, at least. The book pretty much has Victorian ideals. Edward isn't particularly charming, and worse, has completely antiquated values that are supposed to be seen as romantic and loving. Bella Swan has just thrust a new generation of women back into the 1800s, by being a supposedly smart, independent girl (inexplicably) falling in love with a jerkish, uptight, domineering guy. I don't care that he's randomly in love with you--you don't need to be protected. PROTECTED. GOD. It really doesn't help that the character of Edward is as cold as his body temperature. You know it's a bad sign when the only words to describe Edward are adjectives like "beautiful," "Adonis-like," and "statuesque." The last one I meant to mean like an actual statue. He's actually described to be hard as stone and just as cold. Not attractive. But apt in describing his personality. Good job, Bella, for telling a new generation of women that in order to be happy, they need to devote everything they have to one beautiful guy, regardless of any actual personality match, and let him tell them what to do/ protect them, oh those gentle waifs.

4. The vampires are so freakin' lame. For example, did you know that the true reason that vampires can't go out in the sunlight is because they sparkle. Like glitter in the sun. DUDE. What the hell? And they don't seem to be particularly threatening (at least so far in the series). Edward always talks about the drawbacks of being a vampire which, so far, seem to be the painful death/rebirth. Seriously? My favorite monster deserves so much better than that.

So that's my deal. I agree with one particular review I read where the reviewer said that it basically read like fluffy fanfiction. Totally. I mean, I do understand the appeal, and that's why I'm so upset--it had potential. Vampire love stories/romantic versions of vampires/ism are totally my bread and butter. I read Anne Rice's books (before she became born-again and renounced poor Lestat) and loved them. Lestat was an amazingly romantic/tragic vampire figure, with a teenage girl following. But at least those were well-written, regardless of soft-core pornographic influences.

[ETA: Perhaps the later books are deeper/better, but I don't care to find out. The actual reviews seem to indicate that they get worse as the series goes on, and I'll go along with that.]

I have to say, reading this after watching Buffy (I KNOW, I PROMISED NOT TO TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE, BUT THIS IS RELEVANT. I'll stop yelling now...) makes me kind of uncomfortable. Buffy was a phenomenal role model for girls, even when she got all doe-eyed over attractive vampire men; this is because she always stayed true to herself and fought for her voice. It didn't matter that she is physically strong and "the chosen one," because we can identify with her personality--which is that of a very teenage girl. She goes through pain and heartache and dealing with jackass vampire boyfriends, but faces it head on and comes out stronger for it. I love Buffy for that. Bella Swan does nothing for me. I sincerely fear for girls who think that Bella Swan is a more relatable character than Buffy Summers.

To end this rant to end all rants, here is one webcomic that NAILS my thoughts on the book: Twilight Sucks.