Bravo is Visual Crack

Seriously, I can't stop watching Bravo. I've watched some episodes of this last season of Project Runway, like, ten times. Now, I'm relaxing with a glass of Ice Wine, watching the first episode of Top Chef: Chicago. Yay Chicago! I knew when they met in a Chicago pizzaria, the Quickfire would be making Chicago-style pizza. I'm really looking forward to their highlighting what an awesome food city Chicago is. Perhaps I'll get some good ideas regarding restaurants, for future food trips.

A few thoughts as I watch the episode:

-Lesbian couple? That's a power culinary couple, if both of them can make it onto Top Chef.
-That sweet tea reduction. Awesome. Just awesome.
-Once again, they have really swanky living quarters.
-God, I missed the Top Chef music! And the knife block! Cooking seems so hardcore!
-Head-to-head cooking challenge and mayonnaise drama!
-Now, I feel so accomplished, because I've made a successful souffle that didn't fall, and all these chefs are freaking out about it. I guess that they have to make them from memory, and in under 90 minutes.
-I read an interview where they said the grocery store was the Whole Foods on Halsted. I've totally shopped there. Omigod, I'm almost a celebrity.
-I think I like Andrew already. He seems like he'll be the CJ of this season.
-In the commercial break: Diane von Furstenburg is kinda fabulous, isn't she?
-All-star judging panel! Oh, Anthony Bourdain, I missed you. But not enough to watch your show.
-Yay chef from Chicago! I have to admit that her take on duck a l'orange looked amazing.
-I knew it would be Nimma, who would "pack her knives and go." It's a shame, but she didn't look like she could hack it. The first one to leave is always so sad, because you never find out how good a chef she really is.

Next week:

Chef drama! Lincoln Park Zoo? Why didn't I ever hear about Top Chef events? See ya'll next time!

Next, Sondheim Will Make a Musical Based on Sartre's "Nausea"

I just finished reading Jose Saramago's Blindness a few days ago. It's an incredibly good book, even though it's not really the best light reading for the morning commute. The premise is that a pandemic of "white blindness" hits an unnamed country. Soon, the whole country is affected by this blindness, and the living conditions take a downward plummet. Only one woman is not afflicted by the blindness, and she remains the only person to see the horror of this new existence. The affected people soon start testing the limits of human nature and behaviors that set humans apart from animals. It's a very disturbing, but enlightening read. Once I read about how people were living in their own waste, and exchanging sexual favors (bordering more on gang rape than anything else) for access to small portions of food, I was a little jealous of the yuppies on the 135 reading things like The Redeye and Candace Bushnell's books. I'm not sure how I feel about being nauseated before I get to work. My nausea hour usually happens at around 2 PM.

As is tradition with everything else in my life, I refuse to believe the book actually exists, until I look it up on Wikipedia. I learned that this book is currently being made into a movie, starring Julianne Moore and Mark Ruffalo. What, uh, fun? Now, I don't know about ya'll, but my idea of a great time at the movies is watching all different types of people trying to survive in horrific conditions. Yeah, I really want to watch an old, blind lady eat a rabbit raw, because she can't cook it. It will be so nice to see people sleeping in their own, ahem, waste, and killing each other over the last food left in an abandoned supermarket. It's not that I don't think this is a statement that should be made. I loved the book, and I'm looking forward to reading another one of his. This is a very provocative story, but I think that bringing it to the big screen will inevitably gut it. It can't be edgy enough, out of the pure "ick" factor; however, if it does "go there," the movie will end up getting the dreaded NC-17 rating. I know this is the case with most books, which get made into movies, but this story is meant to be that visually and mentally disturbing. I don't know--I really hope it's at least directed well.

Now, I'm on to a lighthearted romp in a Jasper Fforde book. It's weird not to feel bad about myself and my fellow man on my morning commute. Maybe next, I'll read Thus Spoke Zarathustra.

Fun!

Toys-R-Us Kid

"I don't wanna grow up, I'm a" oh, you know the rest. I think I've made my point.

I never really was a Toys-R-Us kid. I never actually shopped there when I was younger. It was always Target for all my toy needs. But that's beside the point. I'm trying to come to terms with the horrible fact that I've entered the "grown up" world.

Terrifying, right? I guess the more apathetic I am about my job, and the more ridiculous things I buy with my paychecks, the more I am trying to fight giving in to this. God, I have a 401k. That's, like, one of the most grown-up things I can think of. But attitude is everything, right? That's why fifty-year old men buy sports cars and run away with their secretaries, or sorry, their administrative assistants. Their attitude instantly makes them twenty-five again. Right?

When I was younger I saw adulthood in different ways. First, adults ALWAYS had around 20-30 keys on really cool novelty keychains. Often several novelty keychains and functional key fobs. Also, electronic key fobs for unlocking the doors of their cool SUVs. I always thought I'd be an adult when I had lots of keys, and a comparable number of keychains. So, let's see. Key count: 6 (decent). Key fob/chain count: 6. One is a little flashlight! Okay, so that's a pretty decent number. I don't have a car, so that automatically makes me a little less mature (Although the CTA card evens it out a bit.) I suppose I always thought the most grown-up people were janitors and landlords. Moving on.

Another measure of adulthood for me was knowing how to pick out food at a grocery store. How can a person tell whether or not that avocado is ripe? Which percentage of leanness of ground beef is right, so I can make that really good cheeseburger? And, what the hell is bouillon? I now know the answers to these and many more puzzling grocery problems. I'm not a food shopping grand-master just yet, but I'm working on it. I can cook. In my mind, this is an enormous step towards becoming an adult. When I was a kid, I knew how to bake chocolate chip cookies and (weirdly enough) make fried eggs and toast. Let's not even talk about frying bacon. I was so afraid of that as a kid, and now I realize that a slice of bacon takes roughly two minutes to cook. You don't even get horribly disfigured with burns, the way I thought you would. Cooking is much less of an adventure than I thought it would be. I guess the grownup thing for me is getting to eat food, exactly the way I want to. No more meatloaf or Miracle Whip! I'm in control now! Also, owning things like a cheese grater and food processor. And using them. Very grown up.

I guess the obvious one is getting to do what I want, when I want to. More in the sense of getting to buy whatever little thing I want to, whenever I want to. If I want that ice cream sundae, I don't have to ask for permission anymore. I may give myself guilt trips, but I'm still impulsive about buying little things like that. This works for random books from Borders as well, since I just bought myself The Fug Awards on Saturday. Obviously, I'm not looking to buy Rolex watches and Persian rugs. But, hey, ten-year old me wasn't either.

So, by my criteria of successful adulthood, I'm here. I should be happy with the freedom to do what I want (within reason) with my money. And, clearly, I am taking advantage of fewer financial constraints.

So, why do I just want to go back to the time when all I wanted was to play with toys under the covers? Those days of yore, when I used to play with my troll dolls and glow-worms, making them into a freakish, glowing family, where that one glow-worm would get banished from the settlement over something trivial, until he would rescue them all from CERTAIN DOOM, because he unraveled an insidious plot by my Ken doll, who had been brainwashed by Shredder. Then that brave glow-worm was touted as a great hero, and fed the finest Goldfish and Hi-C in all the land.

On second thought, never mind. This quarter life crisis isn't that abnormal. Who wouldn't want to go back to those days? Seriously.

Just Kidding

Oh, Project Runway, I wish I knew how to quit you.

But this is AWESOME. She comes off as a little bitter, but that's probably because she was just aufed and still angry. Honestly, she makes good points.

Am I Creepy?

First, I didn't expect backlash from the last blog post that I wrote, but I got it. It's been settled by now, but I didn't expect that my opinions here would cause drama. Apparently blogs=power. Awesome. Let me just take this opportunity to say that I didn't totally sell out my ideas on PR--I still would've much preferred Jillian for the win. I thought her collection was very detailed, showed the most range (unlike the other two, innovative as hell), and was incredibly wearable (unlike Christian's). I really liked her aesthetic the most. In the past, these factors are mainly how the judges critiqued finale collections, and I feel that none of them were addressed AT ALL this season. I also didn't like how she was summarily dismissed with just Heidi's "you're out," when other designers, in the past, got more encouraging words. Whatever, she'll be fine. Most of the runners-up tend to do better than those who won in past seasons. I hope to buy one of her coats in the future. I just understood why they gave it to Christian (who seemed to be pegged for the win from nearly the beginning). That is all. THE END ON PROJECT RUNWAY.

MOVING ON

Back to the title of the post--am I creepy? I mean, not really, purely creepy. I'm not really a stalker. I don't watch people in the bushes, while wearing dark glasses and a trench coat. YET. But I kinda do the internet version from time to time. I like to read the personal blogs of people that I've never met. Not really random strangers, but rather people who have blogs that I often frequent. Especially these girls, Heather and Jessica. I love the website Go Fug Yourself, not necessarily because I'm big into gossiping about celebrities. I'm not. It's mainly for the INCREDIBLY creative writing, and snarky attitudes. Snark goes a long way with me. And it's good snark, about why celebrities shouldn't go on the red carpet wearing, like, a hefty bag and fuchsia Crocs. I even plan on buying their new book, probably today.

Now I wouldn't be creepy if I stopped there. But I've gotten into the habit of reading their personal blogs. Even I can't help but think that's an invasion. Now, obviously, they made the addresses available to their "fans," and probably don't mind random people they've never even seen before checking out their personal stories. They seem to encourage it, in a way. It still feels a little weird. I mean, they're not celebrities, or people with glamorous lives. They're just regular working stiffs, with clever writing skills. Why should I want to know what's going on with their lives?

They were former recappers on TWoP (which, I think I've realized, is probably the most ideal job for me EVER), and they did that interview with one of the founders, which I've linked to above. That interview made me realize that in an alternate universe, we could've been friends. We agree on many things! They like the same shows I do, have the same attitude towards life, and also want Jillian (the other Jillian) as their trainer.

I guess that part of the reason is I feel like I want to be them. I guess it stands to reason that I'm interested in personalities similar to mine, who seem to be making it in the world. I am, after all, going through a pretty standard quarter-life crisis right now. I guess it's not so creepy, when I think about it like that. I'd actually be rather complimented that people cared enough to blog-stalk me. This clearly means that I need to start doing interesting things, so other people will care enough to read this.

ahem-Next time on Apartment 902(10?)

Next week, come here to hear about my war of attrition with Apartment 901, and their mangy cur--a chihuahua, what drove my credit cards to stage an intervention over the new man in my life--Joel, and how my television began having a torrid love affair with my microwave. What will the blender say?!? Scandelous!

STAY TUNED

Please Tell Me I'm Not the Only One Who Sees It!

I just noticed, as this last episode of Project Runway was airing, the striking similarity between recent seasons of Bravo Reality TV shows.

I mean, come on:

The cocky young upstart, who is really fast and amazingly good, wins the show, surprising nobody. Now, let me say that I think Christian totally deserved this win. When asked to put on a show, he put on A SHOW. And, although the clothes weren't exactly my taste, and some of them seemed too costumey, he went couture and drama where the other two focused more on details and ready-to-wear. And honestly, I love the little dude. He really won me over, because it's become so obvious that all the bravado is just a front. My heart really melted when he started sobbing on the runway. He was so terrified and excited when he realized that he was in the final two, and that's adorable. Congratulations Christian, if only for the fact that you made Posh smile! Fierce!

As with Top Chef, my favorite of the season is once again a woman, and once again relegated to third place. Hmm. Maybe I'm a little biased towards women? Okay, fine! I admit it! I was also wrong; I totally thought it would come down between Jillian and Christian. And, honestly, before I saw the episode, I thought it would be a rehash of Season 2, with Jillian as the Chloe and Christian as the Daniel. Rami really brought it!

I tried to make a Dale/Rami comparison, but the two aren't really similar enough. I guess they were both strong competitors, who overtook previously stronger candidates by their finale presentations. By the way, did you know that Jack from PR is dating Dale from Top Chef? Bravo incest!

So, yeah that was a good finale. Now, I'm getting excited for the new Top Chef. This new season will probably culminate in my making, like, a five-course meal in my wee little dwarf kitchen, instead of playing make-believe in the Armani boutique.

Shiny Happy People Holding Hands

Okay, clearly that last post had to go. This is mainly because I didn't want to reread it, and its presence changed the tone of this blog drastically. If you never read it, just ask me what the deal is, and I promise you'll get my hilarious reenactment of the excruciating scenario. But now we're back to frivolous things. As it should be.

Here's a woefully incomplete list of relatively mundane things, which make me happy:

-walking with the perfect cadence through the streets of Chicago, so I don't have to stop or even slow down through any lights.
-those first 15 minutes after a good workout.
-the state of my quads after said workout.
-finding auburn hairs in my regular sheddings in my hairbrush.
-eating a wonderfully greasy cheeseburger after a week of sensible sandwiches.
-making the best greasy cheeseburger EVER. (it has olive oil-sauteed, minced garlic inside, grated cheddar on top, on toasted bread with dill mayonnaise! A gourmet artery-clogger!)
-waking up early enough to make coffee.
-that adorable gay man in my building, whom I always see walking his dogs.
-also, actually having a rapport with nice people in my building.
-looking at what all the yuppies are reading during the morning bus rides.
-finding well-adjusted, intelligent folks.
-remembering to take my vitamins.
-getting to say things like "oh, I can't. I have to see my personal trainer tomorrow."
-finale of PR tonight & the upcoming Top Chef: Chicago.
-This Guy is playing This Guy in the upcoming Wolverine movie. Don't know if he can act. Strangely enough, don't think I care.
-the Signature Salad at Cosi. Perfection in a plastic bowl.
-this article: Who Says Women Aren't Funny?
-ANYTHING involving Kermit the Frog.
-especially this.
-that time Joel called me a "badass"
-noticing that I am using the word "yikes" an awful lot these days.
-remember the Yikes! pencil brand?
-Bin 36
-Hollywood nerds.
-that last scene of the most recent episode of Lost where Desmond and Penny finally got to have a heart-breakingly endearing conversation.
-this game.
-60 degree weather.
-whenever movie directors personalize the production logo of the film company in the beginning of the movie.
-this:

That is all.