Well, Here I am

A Limerick & An Announcement

2009-07-25T08:01:00.000-07:00

I've often been called peripatetic
With a serious thing I'd forget it

But there'd be hell to pay
If I forgot to say

I have a new blog with a nicer aesthetic.

That's right folks, I have a new blog. So if you want to keep up with me, please check out www.fullstinahead.com. I know, I know. I am just powerless when it comes to cheesy puns. So, thanks, Blogspot, but I think I'll take my leave of you now. It's been fun, but I need to move on.

Update your browsers! Hopefully by the end of the weekend, I'll be caught up on setting the thing up.

Thanks for reading!

A Running Stream of Consciousness

2009-07-23T07:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday (ETA: Two days ago. I didn't get this up in time, as I lost interest yesterday. Today will be another running day, so we'll see how that goes) I ran for the first time in weeks. Aren't y'all proud of me? I had gotten to the point where I'd be fine doing weight-lifting with minimal cardio, but had gotten into some kind of mental block when it came to running. This seriously needed to end, since I was bulking up on muscle, but not cutting fat. Not the most flattering set of circumstances. So I drank half of a Venom Energy Drink that I had in the fridge, hoping beyond hope that it would energize me enough to quit stalling. It, uh, worked?

And now a minute-by-minute breakdown of the run, on Wednesday June 22, at FFC on Halsted, circa 9:15 PM.

Min 1.--Tank top! Woo! Now I know that I'm serious about running. Gotta go stretch. Stretch stretch stretch.

Min 3.--Stretch stretch stretch. Wow those thigh exercises really worked yesterday. The groin stretch hurts. Heh, groin.

Min 5.--Stretch stretch stretch. Okay, maybe now you're stalling. The treadmill can wait all night for you, ya know.

Min 6.--Okay! Treadmill. Ooh, first I have to find Bravo, 'cause Top Chef: Masters is on. It's a tradition to run to the sweet sights of gourmet food and overly dramatic chefs. I need to be in my comfort zone. Speeds 1.0 & 1.5.

Min 7.--Speeds 2.0 & 2.5. We're walking, we're walking. Come on, I'm ready to go! Symphony this weekend. I wonder what I'm going to wear.

Min 8.--Speeds 3.0 & 3.5. I should buy a skirt or something. What? You mean not pants? I know, what's up with that? What is this boy doing to you? Maybe you should wear an aporn and bake a pie. Hey, let's not get ahead of ourselves now. I'm far from domestic, coaster obsession aside. But seriously, coasters are necessary on wooden tables like ours. Rings look horrible in the wood. JUST USE A COASTER.

Min 9.--Speeds 4.0 & 4.5. Woo, speeding up. This is more like it. A light jog for my little legs. Ooh, I'd like a mandarin orange right now. Thanks Top Chef. Who are these people? And that is just not Padma. I'm not sure how much I care about these "Masters." They're too respectful of everyone, and the critics just aren't as mean. Where's the fun in that?

Min 10.--Speed 5.0. Aaaand we're running. Hurrah! Ow. No, seriously, OW. I, uh, think I need a new sportsbra. Dang. This really hurts. Will I look like a complete dork if I just hold my chest for a little while? Until the less bouncy speeds. I mean, I'm running next to girls. They'll understand.

Min 11.--Speed 5.5. Aww, yeah. Here we go. Ow, still hurts, though. What was the name of that thigh exercise I did yesterday? What muscle group is that? Not the Quads. That other muscle. Well, whatever, those muscles are still kinda sore.

Min 12.--Speed 5.5. Doo doo doo. Jogging along, singing this song. Doooooo. Whoa, plating drama on the show! How exciting could this get?!

Min 13.-- Speed 5.5. Wow, I'm out of shape, aren't I? I'm already starting to get slightly winded. That's not normal. I still have over 15 minutes left of actual running. And it's only going to get much worse. Just watch the TV. Let TV solve all of your problems.

Min 14.--Speed 5.5. This episode is really boring. They're too nice to each other. The food looks good. Look at the food. Not!Padma isn't very interesting. But, hey, Gail Simmons. She's a good standard for the Top Chef viewing experience.

Min 15.--Speed 5.5. Woo-I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it. I'm about to lose control and I think I like it! I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it. And I know, I know, I know, I know. I know I want you, want you!

Min 16.--Speed 6.0. Here we go. This is the stuff. I missed you, 6.0. The two of us have spent so many hours together. In perfect harmony. It's almost like coming home. Ow, okay. I'm moving, I'm moving.

Min 17.--Speed 6.0. Wow, this really isn't so bad. Yeah, I'll be fine for the rest of the run. Awesome! For the first time, I feel really good. AAADRENAAALIIIINE! WOOOHOOOO!

Min 18. --Speed 6.0. Dude. Hey, dude. I think you should go for 6.5 when you hit 20 minutes. I know that you said to yourself that today was a mild run to get back into this, but I don't think it'll be a problem. You're doing fine. You can totally do 5 minutes at 6.5. Awesome, let's do it.

Min 19.--Speed 6.0. Oh man, oh man, oh man. I'm starting to get tired again. I don't know about this, self. I don't know if I can go up to 6.5 yet. I'm scared, dude. This is going to suck. I know it's going to suck. I don't wanna. I don't wanna. OH STOP IT. You already told yourself that you were going to do this. You'll hate yourself if you back out. YOU CAN DO IT! Suck it up and run! It's only going to be for 5 minutes.

Min 20.--Speed 6.0. Okay. Okay. I can do this. It'll be okay. Just watch the TV and hope that boring commercials don't come on to stretch out the minutes. You are so hardcore. You can do it. This is nothing. Remember how you used to regularly run for 10 minutes on 6.5? And those times that you went up to 15 minutes? Hey, hey remember when you did 5 minutes on 7.0. That was pretty awesome. You didn't even vomit afterwards. I was so proud of you. Okay, brace yourself. Cause here...we...go.

Min 21. (The Point of No Return)--Speed 6.5. Omigodomigodomigod. I'm going to die. This is it. Why did I think I could do this? It is too soon to be this fast. My legs are going to fall off. I know it. I'm going to end up legless like that mother in Home, the uber-creepy, banned episode of The X-Files, where her sons keep her on a rolling platform under the bed so they can, uh....Oh god, I'm creeping myself out here. Keepgoingkeepgoing.

Min 22.--Speed 6.5. I'mgoingtodieI'mgoingtodieI'mgoingtodie. How do I still have 3.5 minutes left? That's wrong. I've been running at this speed for at least 2 minutes. I know I have. STOP LYING TO ME, MACHINE. I just know you're going to start going backwards and make me run for like 10 minutes on the horrible speed. AAAAH.

Min 23.--Speed 6.5. You know, you can stop at any time and nobody would know. Just push that little button right there and all of this pain will go away. You don't have to answer to anyone but yourself. It's okay. Just push that button and stop punishing yourself. You deserve it. GAH. NO. I WILL NOT LET YOU TRICK ME. Two more minutes. You can do two more minutes. JUST SUCK IT UP AND RUN.

Min 24.--Speed 6.5. Was that you? Did you just make a little whimpering noise? I don't think that girl next to you heard. She's engrossed in some reality TV show where people are encouraged to take their clothes off and scream at each other. OH GOD THIS HURTS. IwanttodieIwanttodieIwanttodie. #*&%#&%#?!?!?! A COMMERCIAL?! I NEED YOU, TOP CHEF! I NEED YOUR DISTRACTION, NOT THE DAMN FREECREDITREPORT.COM SINGERS.

Min 25.--Speed 6.5. Onemoreminuteonemoreminuteonemoreminute. I CAN DO IT. I CAN DO IT! Okay, okay. Focus on your breathing. DON'T LOOK AT THE CLOCK. Breathe in. Breathe out. Your legs are okay. Your lungs are okay. You're okay. You won't die. 29, 28, 27, 26. Okay, look at the TV again. Distract yourself. SOON. SOOOOON! 12, 11, 10, omigod, 8, 7, 6, aaah, 4, 3, 2, 1...ARROW DOWN ARROW DOWN ARROW DOWN.

Min 26.--Speed 6.0. This is so much harder than it was earlier. Well that's a no-brainer, stupid. You exhausted yourself with stupid 6.5, after you haven't been running at all. Now you're going to have to push yourself harder next time or you won't feel like you're doing this right. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!

Min 27.--Speed 6.0. OHHH...Lollipop, lollipop, oh lolli-lolli. Lollipop. (POP!) Ba dum dum...

Min 28.--Speed 6.0. I'm exhausted now. I should just give up. NO! Don't give up! You're so close! What would Starbuck say to your giving up? She doesn't give up. She dragged her ass around a no-atmo red moon with a broken knee and then rigged a crashed Raider to fly. And you want to stop running on a little treadmill....Dude, Starbuck isn't REAL. Well she's real to me, so just shut your hole.

Min 29.--Speed 6.0. Gotta remember to get 4.5 on Tuesday. So soon! For, uh, Mike & Laura to watch. Of course. You shouldn't have watched that fan vid today. You don't even like fan videos, but now you're all BSGing. What's the deal? Well that fan vid was really really good, actually. Not like most of them. This one had surprisingly awesome editing & appropriate clips, perfect musical selection, and was a really nice take on the relationship. It almost made me cry. Shut up, I have lots of feelings okay? My mouth is dry. I really want some water. Do you think that girl would get me some water if I asked? She seems nice...

Min 30.--Speed 6.0. I've been meaning to talk to you about something, now that you've reminded me. Now, don't take this the wrong way, but you need to hear it. Dude, I think you may be a shipper. AND THAT'S OKAY. I mean, only a shipper would get excited about seeing a nice fan video about a fictional relationship on a TV show that's been over for months. Just own it. You don't have a livejournal. You don't post on the message boards. You're not very scary. But come on. Dude.

Min 31.--Speed 5.5. Oh wow, that's better. Ouch, back to the older issue, though. Let's just hold them there. But dude, I am not a shipper. How could you even say that? No, no, it's okay. You take an intellectual approach to shipping and aren't in it only for the "squee." You tend to like the pairings more the more you think about them. THAT'S OKAY. You're just kind of a shipper. At least you don't write fanfic. That crosses all kinds of lines. But you are kind of into that aspect of fandom. Not only that aspect, but it's a significant part of your viewing experience. At least with some shows, like BSG. I mean, you go on rants. Like right now in your head.

Min 32.--Speed 5.0. But, but Those Shippers are crazy. I mean, that's the totally nutso part of the fandom. Certainly the K/L side of it, I know. And I'm sure people see the (clearly much saner & superior) K/S contingent in a similar way. I just don't want to think of myself in those terms. I don't think you are. But you do like it. If you liked them because of the pretty, well, that would be different. But you're all about the themes of the show and epicness! Man, I'm excited to rewatch 4.5 in its baffling contrariness. So soon! So say we all!

Min 33.--Speeds 4.5 & 4.0. OH, THANK YOU, I CAN WALK AGAIN. My legs are kinda shaky now. And--WHOA--did, did that treadmill just move?! DID THE GROUND JUST MOVE?! No? I guess I'm just really dizzy then. That's not a good sign.

Min 34.--Speeds...wait, what? Did you just "accidentally" knock the reset button on the treadmill. You dumb...sigh. Just go stretch. It's over. No use salvaging it, although I would have liked to see how much we ran. But that's fine. FINE. It's over. Hobble over there and start mentally preparing, because you're doing this again in a couple of days.

Min 37.--Locker Room-- oh ow owowowww...I still don't think I'm a shipper....

Fin

Shut up Metal Mouth

2009-07-16T10:34:00.000-07:00

Random life things:

1. I realized a few days ago that I have completely stopped biting my nails. For the first time, in I can't remember how long, I'll have to use an emery board to file nail length, rather than just smooth out rough edges. I'm having issues typing on my iPhone, it's gotten that bad. The funny thing is, I can't even remember making the conscious effort to stop. It's not like I'm (ha!) living a completely stress-free life (HAHAHA). Between my moving and realizing that I seriously need to study for the LSATs, my nails should probably be bloody stumps. Gross Imagery FTW! See, I always told the adults in my life that I'd grow out of that bad habit. No need to smear my nails with chili oil or nag at me. Things just need to run their own course. *nods vaguely & closes eyes*

2. Things I need for my new room: lamp (I love lamp!), new bookcase for my cheesy sci-fi mysteries, art, and clothes organization stuff. Also, new clothes and shoes. It's getting ridiculous.

3. The general consensus of the ENTIRE dental community is that I need braces or my jaw could fall off. Dude. Maybe I should have learned this when I was a pre/teenager, when everyone else was getting them and bonding over their stupid wax and rubber bands and adjustments. Maybe I wanted my gums to bleed as well! And I can't even get my wisdom teeth out until I get a consultation regarding the braces. They're going to try to scare me. I know they are. They're going to tell me that this popping that my jaw does, because I hold my jaw a certain way to self-correct for my overbite, is really awful and my jaw could snap at any moment. Like a carrot stick being munched by an overenthused rabbit. What's up doc, indeed. I don't even know if I should be freaked out by this or not. Maybe I just need a night guard, but I think they're going to go for the actual braces. So yeah, not too excited about that, but if it makes my teeth better than who am I to complain? I just want my wisdom teeth out, and I may come out of it with thousands of dollars worth of dental work. Good thing I got that Premium dental insurance, huh? This is why I hate going places and getting things looked at. Too much hassle. And I just know I'm going to get every food stuck in my braces and turn into a pre-teen dork. They probably won't be any cool colors and they'll give me generic rubber bands. And none of the popular kids with their pink braces will want to sit with me at lunch & share their wax with me.

4. The Dwight Schrute lookalike that I've been pseudodating doesn't even know how to spell my name. We've emailed with my full name spelled out (he's even asked me about the "Maria" thing) and he still doesn't get it, which means that he's clearly not paying attention in order to be more awkward. I think this is the social tic that broke my patience. NO H. NO H. NO H. GOD. I could correct him, but why bother at this point? Other people get it and have commented on the fact that I don't spell it with an h. And because of that, I'm going to the Art Institute and dinner with him this Friday and not out to drinks with Dwight. Because seriously. Seriously! Am I being too weird about this? Did I just need a really lame excuse?

5. My cat also needs expensive dental work. I've always known that Gus and I had too much in common for our own good. For the record, I will also play fetch with you. But only with balloons. <> I like their feel in my hand. < /creep >

6. That reminds me, I really want to learn HTML stuff and learn how to actually design something on the interwebs. Like a website, for example. Still want my own real page, and not blogger, which seems to be mostly populated by teens who need to vent in a safe zone because NOBODY UNDERSTANDS THEIR PAIN or, like, people talking nonstop about their children. I'm too cool for you, internet.

7. I need to go on a budget, y'all. Seriously. I may have to use Quicken or something. This is getting real. REAL. But, hey, going to Pitchfork soon! I'm pretty excited, and will probably come out of it hating people. Like most crowd situations. But most people that I know will be going, so that'll be fun. In a really weird and potentially uncomfortable way.

9. I drink coffee with my rice krispie treat dessert. Rounds out the meal. I'm classy like that.

10. I think I am crippled by my need for all those around me to think that I'm a nice person. I don't care if you think I dress like a 12-year old boy or need to comb my hair, or smell like coffee, just say I'm nice and I'll be okay. It's my nice Southern upbringing, y'all! I actually felt bad that the drunk, annoying tourists on the bus this morning (seriously, drunk at 8:45 AM!) were being ignored by the Very Important Yuppies and were obviously upset about it. They were total jackasses after they got off the bus, and told us all off. Then they flipped us the bird from the sidewalk. And probably vomited on the street or something, I don't know. But I did feel bad that they were obviously distressed. Not enough to actually try to engage them in conversation, but still! It, uh, crossed my mind. Still nice! Look at how nice I am!

Dear Comcast, Frak You

2009-07-11T16:25:00.000-07:00

"There is literally no one in the world that I don't hate right now."-Toby Ziegler, The West Wing

Excuse me while I put my bitch pants on, because today has been a hell of a day.

Ahem, okay. Today was supposed to be a busy, but relatively simple day. When I woke up in the morning, I was supposed to clean the coffee pot, make and drink some coffee, get cat food, and if I had time before noon, go to the gym. In the afternoon, I needed to wait for Comcast to return their DVR and modem, so I'll be finally done with them. Hopefully that would only take a couple of hours and then I could come back, make my strata and have a nice afternoon/evening cooking & cleaning my room.

Well, that was the plan. The actual day became far more complex.

The day started with my snoozing the alarm about fifteen times. Okay, so I didn't get up as early as I wanted. That's okay. I may not make it to the gym in the morning, but I can just go after Comcast guy shows up. It's okay. Time to go to Petsmart.

Next I took the 151 to Sheridan & Surf, and got some Oral Hygiene pet food, kitty litter & jumbo liners. Without paying any kind of attention, I got onto the 36 and headed home, with what turned out to be only one bag. Once I got back to my apartment, I realized I left the food at Petsmart. The only thing that I really needed. Well, I guess it's time to go back to Petsmart and pick the bag up. I get a cab and am out $11. Not happy.

I'm a little angry at this point, but the day can still be salvaged. I've got enough time to play around on the internet and then go get some coffee and breakfast. I decide to try out Phoebe's Cupcakes, since they've got this really interesting breakfast cupcake, reminiscent of pancakes with a bacon side. I got that and some coffee and headed over to the apartment. The cupcake was a little too sweet (certainly for a person who just got a filling) but otherwise delicious. I managed to ignore the fact that it felt like glass shards were digging into my gum. The day was looking up.

Clean clean clean. By that I mean, gathering some left over things and shoving them into bags. Also, throwing other things away. Mostly I do it lazy-like and play around on my phone. No biggie. I almost enjoy waiting for the Comcast guy.

Three hours later, I start to worry. Okay, so the guy may come closer to five. Fine. That's inconvenient, but whatever. I start looking out of the window for signs of a Comcast truck and I start to have difficulty getting comfortable.

At 4:30, I'm completely pissed off. And my phone dies, since it's my only distraction from the long wait. I go downstairs to wait some more. No excuses. I WILL CATCH THE COMCAST GUY.

5:00. I do believe I've been stood up. At this point, I'm so incredibly angry and my gum is killing me from where the dentist had to CUT PART OF IT AWAY to get to a particularly nasty cavity. I'm also starving. Did I mention that I was mad?

At this point, I no longer want to go to the gym and am way too hungry yet don't want to eat because my gum is now excruciatingly painful.

"Flames...on the side of my face...breathing, breathless, heaving breaths...heaving..."-Mrs. White, Clue

I'm going to wash my pans and cook myself something nice and soft, like eggs, and watch some True Blood. I'm not going to bitch at Comcast yet, since I KNOW they're going to tell me that a technician showed up at, like, 12:3o, but didn't call me for some bizarre reason. He also knocked on the outer door and saw that nobody was in the lobby, so instead of calling my apartment from the box, he just decided that nobody was home. I know nobody called. I HAD MY PHONE AT ALL TIMES. But this has actually happened before, so I am going to take a break today, and just call them tomorrow. I don't need that kind of anger right now. They are totally making me suffer for discontinuing their service. I know they are. I can tell. Spiteful bastards. I thought their guilt trips when I discontinued over the phone would be the extent of it. Apparently not.

Floor exercises instead of the gym and bacon & eggs instead of a proper dinner. That's okay. It's almost the gym. It's okay.

Deep breaths, calm thoughts. It will all be okay.

Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream Also Heals Compound Fractures and Cures Malaria

2009-07-10T11:32:00.000-07:00

I have been very seriously thinking about purchasing a domain name and making myself an actual web page for this blog.

Brain: That's one of the dumbest things that I've ever heard.

Ahem, I've thought about it for a while, and this template is pretty lame, and I kind of hate the url. I could maybe try to figure out how to design it, or I could find someone to do it for me. I just kind of want to have a real webpage with a real blog which, you know, looks nice

Brain: So what you're telling me is that you're an elitist. A webpage elitist.

Uh, I was looking at urls and cristinamartin.com was taken. If only I actually did something interesting or had a nickname or fun title.

Brain: You have a nickname. Several, in fact.

http://www.stin.com/ isn't very compelling. Uh, maybe if I could think of some sort of pun?

Brain: ...

Hey, how 'bout that new apartment, huh? I should make that asparagus strata tonight. If I don't want to curl up and die after the dentist today. Why did I have to develop this random canker sore like a day before my dentist appointment? What is she going to think about me?

Brain: DUDE, WHY ARE YOU TELLING THEM THIS?

I don't have herpes. But I have a family history of canker sores. It's common in women. Stop looking at me like that. It is! Plus it's really really rare for me to get one these days. I can't remember the last time I did. Of course, my lips decide to flare up just in time to see someone paid to EXAMINE MY MOUTH.

Brain: You know, you could have something terribly wrong with you. Like Celiac disease.

I have Celiac disease. Crap. Now I have to eliminate the gluten from my diet. I like gluten. Bah. I just wish this weren't so painful and gross. I want my dentist to keep thinking good things about me. And now she'll be all poking around in my mouth trying to be professional but totally staring at a horrible ulcer that may or may not remind her of an STD.

Brain: It's not like you were trying to pick her up. I'm sure she's seen much worse. I doubt she'll think you have herpes.

STOMACH: YOU KNOW WHAT WILL SOLVE THIS PROBLEM? 4 HALF-GALLONS OF BLUE BELL HOMEMADE VANILLA ICE CREAM. IT IS SO WORTH $119.

Huh, I'm suddenly kind of hungry. And in desperate need of a cold, creamy, and refreshing dessert.

Brain: I could lecture you on how you're supposed to be saving money now, but I don't think I'm going to win this one. Plus, I think we all want Blue Bell here. Just go back to reading www.pamie.com. I don't think you will ever be her, if that's what this whole thing has been about.

Now wouldn't that be much more interesting in a proper webpage? If any of you have fun domain name ideas or just want to tell me how ridiculous I am, please leave a comment.

Nostalgia, Y'all!

2009-07-07T10:23:00.000-07:00

I'm in a Texas mood, y'all. And I promise I won't end every sentence with the word "y'all." Okay, starting now. I don't know. I think this has been sneaking up on me for a while. I think, hrmm. I think I miss Texas. Texas has a culture that I can understand and even embrace. After a zillion years here in the Midwest, I still don't understand some things. What's the deal with baseball? Why does everyone love it? I think it's boring. Does that make me less of an American? Why don't we just watch football instead? Can I still like apple pie?

But Texas. OH TEXAS. Here's a crash course for all you Yankees. Everyone North of Texas is a Yankee, by the way. Even if you're from Oklahoma. Not kidding.

1. Y'all is one of the most amazing words in the English language. Both y'all and ya'll are acceptable. Y'all is actually singular, um, ish. It refers to a few people at a time. If I were addressing a whole big group of people, I would say "all y'all." Not kidding. Thems the rules. Also, everyone says y'all. Whether you're a businessman, doctor or school teacher. It's a perfectly legitimate word. And much easier to say than "you guys."

2. While many people do not have accents, sometimes certain words come out in certain accenty-nuanced ways. In big cities it is not seen as a sign of poor education or breeding. It's just the way that people talk. Sometimes I do it by accident. Sometimes I like to do it. The other day I said something and had to stop myself and formally declare, "My god, that was SO TEXAN." I was almost proud of myself for not losing my speech patterns to the Midwest.

3. "Shit" is a common exclamation, and oh so much fun to say. But not like that. It is pronounced "she-it" and you say it all slow and lazy. It's great. Most often used when you can't believe what your friend is telling you. Sometimes it involves the "bull-" prefix, if you're calling them out. Great word, and everyone knows exactly what you mean.

4. Pecan is pronounced "peh-cahn" NOT "PEE-can." I will correct you every time. What? You know, it's my damn state tree, I sure as hell know how to pronounce the word. Why yes I do think it's that big of a deal. Oh shut up.

5. While the rest of the country eats Egg McMuffins for breakfast, I'd rather have breakfast tacos from TC (Taco Cabana). The best chain barbecue joint (with amazing creamed corn and cobbler and barbecue sauce) is Rudy's. Shiner is the beer of choice to go with that BBQ, of course. I'll never understand all these Northern women who don't eat. Every Texas Girl I know can pack away a steak dinner with Shiner every now and then. Damn straight. And don't even get me started on Blue Bell Ice Cream.

6. Too Late. Homemade Vanilla Blue Bell Ice Cream is without a doubt the best ice cream I've ever eaten in my entire life. That is completely true and without hyperbole. I've had Ben & Jerry's, Breyers, Edys and many more, but Blue Bell will always have my heart. Anyone familiar? Y'all, it is so delicious, I can't even handle it. I was watching True Blood the other day, and the main character was eating Blue Bell, and I completely lost my shit. NOW I WANT IT. I am very seriously looking into shipping costs. They do ship Blue Bell, for us poor displaced Southerners, at $119 for 4 half-gallons of any flavors. And I'm still thinking of doing it. DOES ANYONE WANT TO HAVE AN ICE CREAM PARTY? ON THE ROOF OF MY BUILDING? And, uh, pitch in to get this amazing ice cream? :D

7. If I say "I'm fixin' ta go to the HEB, want a coke?" and you say yes, don't be upset if I bring you back some Sprite or Dr. Pepper or the hideously awful Big Red (I don't understand why people like it). You didn't specify. It ain't pop or soda or soda pop. It's coke. The machine is a coke machine, even if it doesn't sell Coca Cola. I may say soda in life, but I know what you mean when you ask me if I want a coke.

8. I don't care if you've never seen college football or are an alum from a Texas university. You will either be a Longhorn or an Aggie. I don't care about college football and have no affiliation with either university, but I still say "hook 'em." You just know. Kids choose their sides and stick to them. If you're actually a Texas Tech fan, you will hate one marginally less than the other.

I could keep going, but I grow weary of this. Does anyone watch King of the Hill? Is that funny to anyone outside of Texas? I mean, it's full of Texas injokes and mockeries. e.g., a Lu Ann Platter is something specifically Texan, not just the name of one of the characters.

I honestly think I'm going to apply to UT Law School, when the time comes. I've always said that Austin was a place I could see myself living, and UT has a fantastic law school. I'm starting to scare myself here, because if I really want to go back to Texas, I need to start hitting the LSAT books hard. I need a damn good score to get in there, and maybe the score itself won't be enough. But I think I may try. I'll apply to other places around the country, even a couple here in Chicago, but I am honestly thinking that I could be very happy going to UT.

Did anyone see this coming?

Regret

2009-07-02T09:24:00.000-07:00

Dear [Redacted]

Hi. Um, hello. You may remember me. You may not. I remember you. I remember you asking me to dance at the Sockhop in Fifth Grade. That was my first ever dance with a boy. My mom was there and she gave me a smile and a thumbs up. You made my week.

I remember when we sat diagonally across one another in Pre-Algebra in Sixth Grade. I remember how we got into the smart section, and I was so happy that we were both good at math. I remember how we would always talk before the classroom was unlocked and I remember that one of my friends told me that she thought you might like me. You couldn't have liked me. You were a popular kid and I was me. By sixth grade, I had learned the distinctions.

I remember liking you, though. You were always so nice, and I really liked that. In a school filled with pretentious kids who threw money around and were jackasses to people who didn't fit a plastic mold. But you were nice. You were nice to me. And I liked you. Most of the girls in the grade did, but I felt like I kind of got you. Like we had some weird connection based more on words than pheremones. Not that you weren't cute. Of course you were. You know you were. But we were kind of friends. Friends, yet not really friends.

Of course the crush continued. I remember, after I had a little dating experience with some jackass who played video games when we were on the phone, thinking about dating you. I think we could have gotten along well for a couple of weeks in Eighth Grade. At the Eighth Grade dance, I decided to ask you to dance. Um, a lot. I know, I know. It was obvious and you totally knew. Everyone knew. In fact, one of my, um, "friends" asked me flat out if I liked you. She said that if I said yes, she would tell you and you would ask me out.

I should have known better. She told you and I never heard anything back. The next Monday, I remember walking in front of you and one of your jerkass friends, and he loudly talked about you and your girlfriend for my benefit. Girlfriend? I was mortified. I vaguely remember you telling him to shut up, but I didn't care. I was hurt and upset and only had myself to blame. Now I can see that it doesn't matter so much. But at the time it was excruciating. Later, the girl came and told me that you would have asked me out, but you had just started to date this other, older girl. Why are kids so unnecessarily mean to one another? By that I mean, why were they so mean to me?

So, I got jaded. A little more cynical. You obviously didn't actually like me. I misinterpreted everything over the past few years, and I decided that you were as big of an asshole as your jerkass friend. But you moved away at the end of the year, and that made me sad. I'd still miss you and our dumb little talks.

In Ninth Grade, I heard that you were coming back for two weeks to visit. And then you called me. You called me and told me everything I ever wanted to hear. You told me that you liked me and wanted to go out with me when you were here. We could all go as two big groups, your friends and mine, but we'd go see some movie together. I think we settled on Primary Colors for some strange reason.

I have to tell you, I was SO excited. I told all my friends. Out of all the girls in the grade you could have called, you called ME. Little nerdy me. You hadn't forgotten our awkward talks by the classroom door. They actually meant something to you like what they meant for me.

I remember, a couple of days before it was set up, one of my friends had a birthday party dinner. Of course, I couldn't help talking about this. I invited the people there to come with me as part of my "group of friends." Later on in the night, I heard some strange gossip from another "friend" that you were apparently going to stand me up! That's the only reason you asked me to go to the movie. And for good measure, you'd asked her too!

I should have known better. I believed her. Suddenly, all the girls there were indignant on my behalf, and told me that I should just not show up. I should stand you up instead. Instead of thinking the best about you like before, I suddenly thought the worst. I didn't go.

So then you called me the day after it should have happened, and practically wailed "why didn't you go?" I was horrified. You, you weren't going to stand me up? You actually wanted to see me? I quickly made up some sort of lie that I suddenly couldn't go and didn't know how to reach you, as I stared at the Caller ID. So you did what any nice boy does, and we made the same date for the next weekend. This time for real.

I don't remember exactly how it happened, but I stood you up again. Maybe I really couldn't go this time, and really couldn't get ahold of you? I hope that's what it was. Maybe I was scared that this was an elaborate ruse just to make me look like an idiot? I wish I could remember. But I stood you up on your last weekend in San Antonio, and I didn't hear from you after that.

But that's not where the story ends. I saw you one more time. This time, Senior Year of High School. Early on in the school year, you came with your mom (a former SMH teacher) to visit. I was suddenly very nervous. I remembered standing you up. I remembered feeling awful about it afterwards, even though my friends thought it was the most hilarious thing in the world. Good for you, they'd tell me. Yeah, good for me.

I saw you in the hall. You looked a little different, but I could still recognize you. You were talking with the "popular kids," of course. Your mom was talking with her former classmates, all grown up. I'd grown up too. A little more pain in my life, but a little more sure of myself. I now hiked my skirt up like the rest of the girls and wore a bit of makeup. Almost ready for college. I was so sure that you wouldn't recognize me.

But you did. You saw me in that hallway and practically shouted my name. You seemed so happy to see me. You even gave me a hug. Well, I guess you're not holding a grudge about Primary Colors, I thought to myself. We chatted a bit about who knows what, but I remember leaving the conversation with a huge smile. You remembered me. Fondly. I later talked with your mom for a bit and found out that you were all living in Chicago. In Chicago! I was applying to The University of Chicago, I told her. She made some comment about me maybe staying with y'all if I came to visit the school. She probably meant it, but that never actually happened. I sometimes wish that it did.

I never saw you again. A few years later we found each other on Facebook, of course, and I discovered that you were going to DePaul. And for some reason, it gave me a twinge of sadness to find out that you were madly in love with who I'm sure is a very lovely girl. Not that I'm upset that you're happy. Of course not. I just wonder sometimes if you and I could have ever been something. I know, Middle School, right? Not exactly the love of anyone's life. But still, it would have given me a burst of much needed confidence, something I'm still waiting for sometimes.

We probably don't have anything in common anymore. Although, I did discover that your current Facebook profile picture is a picture from Dinosaurs, which made me so very happy and also makes me think that we could still find ways to understand each other. I think you still live in Chicago, but we'll never see each other. And that's okay.

I guess, I don't know. I don't know why I'm thinking about this now. I guess that I just wanted to say I'm sorry that I didn't go to that movie with you. I should have. My high school experiences could have used just one event where the popular soccer player wants to spend time with nerdy little me, and ignores the rules of prep school society. I'm sorry I bought into them as much as your dumb friends, because I wanted to feel the way that I felt when you first asked me to dance at the Sockhop in Fifth Grade when none of that mattered.

Thank you for that. I'm sorry I'm such a putz.

-Cristina

Quantitative Proof I Watch Too Much TV

2009-06-09T10:34:00.000-07:00

2 posts in 1 day! But this one barely counts, as it's just some meme from some stranger's blog:

- Bold all of the following TV shows which you've ever seen 3 or more episodes of in your lifetime. - Italicize a show if you're positive you've seen every episode of it. - If you want, add up to 3 additional shows (keep the list in alphabetical order), but you must delete one show for each one that you add.

24
7th Heaven
ALF
Alias
American Gothic
America's Next Top Model
Angel
Arrested Development
Babylon 5
Batman: The Animated Series
Battlestar Galactica (the old one)
Battlestar Galactica (the new one)
Baywatch (I WAS YOUNG, I DIDN'T KNOW BETTER)
Beverly Hills 90210
Bewitched
Bonanza
Bones
Bosom Buddies
Boston Legal
Boy Meets World
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Californication
Castle
Chappelle’s Show
Charlie’s Angels
Charmed
Cheers
Chuck
Clarissa Explains it All
Columbo
Criminal Minds
Crossing Jordan
CSI
CSI: Miami
CSI: NY
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Dark Angel (see Baywatch explanation)
Dark Skies
DaVinci’s Inquest
Dawson’s Creek
Dead Like Me
Deadwood
Degrassi: The Next Generation
Designing Women
Dexter
Dharma & Greg
Different Strokes
Doctor Who
Dollhouse (well, every episode so far)
Dragnet
Due South
ER
Entourage
Everybody Loves Raymond
Facts of Life
Family Guy
Farscape
Fawlty Towers
Felicity
Firefly
Frasier
Friends
Fringe
Futurama
Get Smart
Gilligan's Island
Gilmore Girls
Gossip Girl
Grey's Anatomy
Grange Hill
Growing Pains
Gunsmoke
Happy Days
Hercules: the Legendary Journeys
Heroes
Home Improvement
Homicide: Life on the Street
House
I Dream of Jeannie
Invader Zim
Invasion
Hell's Kitchen
JAG
Jackass
Joey
Kim Possible
Knight Rider
Knight Rider: 2008
Kung Fu
Kung Fu: The Legend Continues
La Femme Nikita
LA Law
Laverne and Shirley
Las Vegas
Law and Order: SVU
Leverage
Little House on the Prairie
Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman
Lost
Lost in Space
MASH
MacGyver
Malcolm in the Middle
Married... With Children
McLeods Daughters
Melrose Place
Miami Vice
Mission: Impossible
Monk
Moonlight
Mork & Mindy
Murphy Brown
My Life As A Dog
My Three Sons
My Two Dads
Mythbusters
NCIS
Ned Bigby's Declassified School Survival Guide
Nip/Tuck
Numb3rs
One Tree Hill
Oz
Perry Mason
Power Rangers
Press Gang
Prison Break
Private Practice
Privileged
Profiler
Project Runway (thank you bravo marathons!)
Psych
Pushing Daisies
Quantum Leap
Queer As Folk (US)
Queer as Folk (UK)
ReGenesis
Remington Steele
Rescue Me
Road Rules
ROME
Roseanne
Roswell
Sanctuary
Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?
Scrubs
Seaquest DSV
Seinfeld
Sex and the City
Six Feet Under
Slings and Arrows
Smallville
So Weird
South of Nowhere
South Park
Spongebob Squarepants
Star Trek
Star Trek: The Next Generation
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Star Trek: Voyager
Star Trek: Enterprise
Stargate Atlantis
Stargate SG-1
Starsky & Hutch
Superman
Supernatural
Surface
Survivor
Taxi
Teen Titans
That 70's Show
That's So Raven
The 4400
The Addams Family
The Amazing Race
The Andy Griffith Show
The A-Team
The Avengers
The Beverly Hillbillies
The Brady Bunch
The Cosby Show
The Daily Show
The Dead Zone
The Dick Van Dyke Show
The Flintstones
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
The Golden Girls
The Honeymooners
The Jeffersons
The Jetsons
The L Word
The Love Boat
The Magnificent Seven
The Mary Tyler Moore Show
The Monkees
The Munsters
The Office (US)
The Powerpuff Girls
The Pretender
The Real World
The Shield
The Simpsons
The Six Million Dollar Man
The Sopranos
The Suite Life of Zack and Cody
The Twilight Zone
The Waltons
The West Wing
The Wonder Years
The X-Files
Third Watch
Three's Company
Torchwood
Twin Peaks
Twitch City
Ugly Betty
Veronica Mars
Weeds
Whose Line is it Anyway? (US)
Whose Line is it Anyway? (UK)
Will and Grace
Wings
Xena: Warrior Princess (OH SHUT UP)

I Secretly Hope That She Spells Her Name "Lauren"

2009-06-09T08:25:00.000-07:00

I'll have a real entry at some point, once I figure out about how I'm supposed get everything organized during this month for the big move. Oh, and once I am moved in, I'll probably try to take pictures and stuff to post here. Once I find the battery for my camera. Yeah, I don't know how I lost that either. MY STUDIO-LIFE IS SUCH A MESS.

BUT, I wanted (nay, needed!) to share this cinematic masterpiece with the few of you who still check this blog out. It is amazing.

I saw this on this site (thanks Melanie!), and I must agree. Muscles do not a relationship make. If the video was tongue-in-cheek, well, it would be hilarious. But it's completely sincere. Dude, it's been 2 years. She ain't coming back no matter how hard you flex.

Reading the youtube comments only makes me fear for some women. They seem to eat that stuff up with a spoon.

I haven't said this in a long time, but Dude, get over yourself.

Maybe I'm a Wizard After All!

2009-05-28T13:21:00.000-07:00

Not witch. Wizard. According to The Dresden Files books, female magic practicioners are still "wizards." I think "witches" and "warlocks" are evil in that universe. Have I mentioned that I'm completely addicted to this series? It's not even that good, but I just can't get enough of it. For those of you unfamilar, The Dresden Files is a series with a wizard protagonist named Harry Dresden. He's kind of a grown-up Harry Potter with even more frightening parental issues. This series takes place in Chicago (woo!) and is kind of a cross between a supernatural thriller and a hard-boiled detective novel. It hits three of my buttons as once! Now can you see why I like it so much?

I'm already at Book #6, Blood Rites. It's awesome. What I like about this world is the fairly unique point of view it takes on Harry's magic, which is both recognizable from previous fiction and also fits into this world all on its own. Also, I TOTALLY KNEW that Chicago was a hotbed for supernatural activity. Everything happens here! For example, did you know that there is a whole supernatural world under Chicago called Undertown? Undertown is filled with nasty creatures that terrify even normal magical users. Under Chicago. Both main 'Courts' of Vampires in this Universe, Red and White, seem to have their headquarters (or significant holdings) in Chicago. The White Council of Wizards convenes in Chicago. Also, an enormous battle between the Summer and Winter Courts of the faeries (much more terrifying than they sound) took place in the skies above Lake Michigan. And the first mention of the University of Chicago was exciting, because apparently a gang of nerdy students became vigilante werewolves calling themselves the 'Alphas.'

So, it's fun. The author, Jim Butcher, isn't actually from Chicago, and apparently didn't even visit until after writing book #8. So he gets some things, um, wrong. The link above addresses some of the more problematic ones, like the fact that he thinks that the U of C is in Lincoln Park. Which, um, yeah. At least he described the students as more nerdy types rather than State School jocks, which is what the TV show did. The inconsistencies don't bother me too much. Strange, because normally they do. I guess I can overlook it when I'm having fun.

So why am I a wizard, again? According to The Dresden Files, technology keeps breaking down around wizards, because of the magical mojo that's constantly in the air around them. And that's been happening to me these past couple of weeks.

My wireless router accidentally got reset when I bought a replacement charger due to cat damage. That means that I can automatically connect to my wireless network, but can't actually go online for some reason. I've had to steal wireless from neighbors, and as a result, it's really really slow. I finally got fed up earlier in the week, and had to call Linksys to try to figure this situation out. My first technician told me that I needed two different ethernet cables, and I only had one. So I went out and bought another one immediately, because OMIGOD THIS PROBLEM NEEDED TO BE SOLVED. I went to the corner Radio Shack and got the cheapest ethernet cord I could find, and hurried back to get another technician. I tried calling again, and got immediately disconnected when technican #2 answered. My little eye started twitching at this point and I started yelling at the cats when they got in my way. It was getting bad.

Third time, right guys? Third time should do it! Well, at least I got a technician on the line. I explained my issue and even let him take control of my computer. I don't do that for just anyone, you know. To do this, I had to unplug my computer from its charger and plug it directly into the modem, since my router was having personal (and professional, if you ask me) problems. I was sitting on the floor, shoving nosy cats away, resetting my router and modem and restarting my computer time and time again. The dude wasn't helping.

Oh, and I forgot! I gave him my phone number in case we got disconnected, so that he could call me back. He was the one that asked for it, so I assume this has happened before. Anyway, now my network has lost my name and is "unsecured" BUT I STILL CAN'T CONNECT TO IT. It's just sitting there. Taunting me. Look at all my bars, Cristina. Don't you want optimum connectivity? YEAH, ROUTER. YEAH I DO. STOP BEING SUCH A DAMN TEASE.

I was so frustrated, and the only thing the technician could offer was to try to reset the router again. This time holding the button down for 10 seconds instead of 20. Blarg. At least it did something, even if I still can't connect. And then, after nearly 45 minutes on the phone with this dude, my crappy cell phone um, well, crapped out. I lost the connection. AND MY ROUTER WAS EVEN WORSE. But this is okay, right? I gave the guy my number. He was the one that asked for it! He'll call back, right? Right?

Yeah, he didn't. Figures. And I was so angry and so upset and so hungry at this point, that I gave up and made myself some tilapia. I just figured that I would plug my computer back in and keep using that weak unsecured signal. Except now, my computer doesn't recognize my charger, and can't charge! I don't even know how this happens, but it's not uncommon. For some reason, when I unplug my computer and try to plug it back in, it doesn't realize that it's plugged into the same charger, and freaks out on me. So right now, my computer is sitting at home, plugged in but not charging, with 58% of its battery left. Eventually, I'll have to do some sort of elaborate rain dance where I unplug it, change the battery settings, restart the computer, reset the power strip and try plugging it in again. That usually works, at least on the third try. But right now I'm too worn out from this to care. AND, Linksys just sent me a "Customer Satisfaction Survey" for my technical assistance. I think I'm going to tell them that the technician completely broke my router. I like my petty victories.

Also, my expensive headphones no longer play sound out of the left earbud. It makes working out kind of weird. And will probably cause my brain to implode or something. I don't know.

The answer is that I'm clearly a wizard. I have to be, right? Right?

[ETA: I just remembered another recent technology mishap. I bought a new album on iTunes and wanted to put it on my iPod, but due to a strange mishap involving updating iTunes and settings getting mixed up, when I plugged my iPod into my computer, it got erased and written over with random albums. BUT STRANGELY, some of the music already on the iPod (and some of the random transferred stuff) got transferred back to my computer, erasing the rest of the music that was already there. And now my iPod is a strange mix of all the music left on my computer, which is a strange mix. I lost 75% of my music, and most of the stuff that I listen to regularly. I'm left with the Wicked and BSG soundtracks, and, like, Sufjan. I have not been having a good time recently.

Trust Me, the Ramblings Go Somewhere

2009-05-21T10:58:00.000-07:00

So, y'all, I just had an epiphany yesterday on the Brown Line on the way to my dentist. Remember how I used to want to write, but was never really sure what I was doing, but got really excited anyway about the idea of it? And then, remember how I got kind of jaded and realized that it was ridiculous and decided to just sit around for a while instead? But then I gave myself a swift kick in the ass AND THEN, I started studying for the LSATs and THEN I started writing this blog entry? Good times.

But yeah, I had a point. Um, writing! Yes. I wasn't lying when I once said that I would probably be happiest if I could find some way to make it as a writer. If I had to enter into some sort of Faustian pact. I don't know why it's gotten so strong after college, but it's still there. Even now as I continue to study for the LSATs and work towards the actual goal of going to law school. By the way, I totally KICK ASS at Arguments. Most of them are just rehashes of stuff I already learned in Psychology and Statistics. And now that I've said it, I'm going to completely fail. Great.

Gosh, I'm in a great mood. I blame the endorphins from running/working out, since I've been doing it every day this week. Hurrah! Let's keep this up.

Wait, I really did have a point. I still want to write. That is my point. I think part of the reason I got so frustrated is that I had no idea what I was doing, and wasn't writing about anything that I actually knew about. Isn't the old phrase, "write what you know?" I was just writing about something I thought was cool. That's just not good enough. And then it hit me like Zeus' lightning: I've had a really weird life, y'all! Like, really weird. And, maybe interesting?

I COULD WRITE ABOUT ME. Or, well, kind of. Since I doubt anyone would want to read a book (some other thingy) about me now. But I could share my stories in exaggerated or (in some cases) cleaned up ways, and make them interesting to regular people. Like young girls, who are struggling with some of the issues that I struggled with during my teen years. I still haven't completely figured myself out, but I'm miles away from the way I used to be.

I'm totally serious in my facebook profile that I can't tell if my life is straight out of a soap opera or a sitcom. Someone's gotta find that interesting, right? And it'll be nice to talk about some of this stuff, without it seeming like I've got massive problems. I'm better in writing anyway, except for this rambling rant. It's good catharsis and will hopefully be entertaining to at least a few people out there.

THESIS: I think I still want to write. I'm going to be taking the LSATs and doing law school stuff, but I still want to try to flex my creative muscles. Maybe I'll take a class or something...

A Peculiar Paean to Punctuation

2009-05-19T15:39:00.001-07:00

So I just reread my last crazy-ass post, and discovered that I used three different ?!s to end excited sentences. If I knew how to make it, I would have totally used interrobangs instead! The interrobang is certainly my favorite punctuation mark EVER and not just because it sounds kinda dirty. First of all, the actual punctuation mark looks like something totally fake that you'd never expect to find in actual writing--the best of both the exclamation point and the question mark. Kind of like a unicorn. YES! It is a MYTHICAL punctuation mark.

Y'all, it is so much fun! It describes my favorite ever state of being--panicked or questioning excitement. It's the kind of punctuation that accompanies a sentence that accompanies crazy eyes. It's the kind of punctuation that causes my voice to get really really high-pitched and squeaky when I get excited or indignant about ridiculous things, and then I turn into Alvin. And that's always funny.

Normally I'm pretty picky about my repetitive punctuation. I very much dislike when people constantly use like 6 exclamation marks when they're really excited. Just use more interesting words, people! Every now and then it's okay, but don't do it too much. And question marks are the same. However, I really love the interrobang substitute, or ?!. Maybe because I'm constantly pre-manic or bemused and therefore ready to interrobang away?

And yeah, it's not really real punctuation. I'm pretty sure it's not used anymore, and it certainly will never be in any books I read. In fact, I'm not sure I know why I'm even familiar with it. BUT IT'S AMAZING NONETHELESS. Seriously, everyone go out and interrobang all you can. This is your homework assignment.

And now, an example: I'm going to the gym for the third day in a row?! I'm running?!

How Long is this Sustainable, I Wonder? Let's Find Out.

2009-05-15T10:54:00.000-07:00

Me: I'm kind of bored...
Brain: Why don't you write a blog entry about how bored you are?
Me: Oh, nobody would want to rea...oh, wait. I see what you did there.
Brain: Just saying. You need a haircut, FYI. You're getting a little bottom-heavy. Er, with the hair. Of course, just meant the hair.
Me: Yeah, I know. I just don't want to schedule the appointment. And then I'll have to pay, especially since I already told myself I'd get partial highlights of an auburn hue as well.
Brain: That's weird. Will you be able to maintain the haircut to go with the highlights once you get them, or are you going to end up looking like a marmoset or something?
Me: A marmoset? Really?
Brain: Well, whatever. I don't trust you either way.
Me: Have you ever wondered why she writes us as being two different concepts? Herself and her brain? That's kind of weird. And unnecessarily meta.
Brain: I always assumed that I was the conscience or, um, the incentive. Uh, the drive to better herself or something.
Me: Then why are you so mean to me?
Brain: Oh, it's good for you! You wouldn't get anywhere in life if I just went on and on about how you were special and had a destiny or something cheesy like that.
Me: Special Destiny?! You mean like Starb--
Brain: NO! No. Let's not go there. We all know how that went, and I don't think you want that. Plus, YOU NEED TO STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS SHIT. Haven't I made sure that you had enough headaches and mental weariness because of it?
Me: ...hey my Toaster t-shirt should be coming today!
Brain: I give up. Frak it.
Me: No, hey, no. Don't be sad. I'm doing better with it. We had angry thoughts on gender issues and only tangentially applied BSG to them. And, um, Eric got us thinking about the Constitution and rage and stuff. You got to pull out actual knowledge from undergrad Con Law class and everything. That didn't really have anything to do with BSG. Oh, oh and um we've been looking for new apartments on the internet, so that's a new project. Plus, we still carry that LSAT book around everywhere. I even opened it the other day!
Brain: Yet, I had no part in actually doing anything with it. It was just open. On the desk. And then you closed it after a while.
Me: I CAN'T DO ALL THE WORK, YOU KNOW. That was your part, and you failed. FAILED.
Brain: Pshaw, not my fault you found other ways to distract yourself. Most of the stuff you do at work doesn't require me at all. Plus, we're really really lazy. It's a thing.
Me: Yeah...maybe I should call David. My hair is really annoying me.
Brain: Good. That's a good project for the next minute. Do it now before you get distracted by, like, some stranger's crazyass meta about how Starbuck is really a super sekrit suprise!angel and Sam and Kara were actually destined to...oh, too late.
Me: What? It's an interesting, if not ultimately reaching take on the characters and the concepts of free will and destiny and higher powers, etc. etc.! Plus, you get to think too! What?! Okay, fine, I'll call the salon.
Brain: And then can we do a logic game?
Me: We'll see. Can it be about BSG?
Brain: SIGH. I'm not giving up on you, you know that right?
Me: I know. I'm not actually this crazy, but you're so much fun to mess with!
Brain: You still haven't called David.
Me: FINE.
[brief interlude]
Me: THERE. 11 AM for haircut and partial highlight. ARE YOU HAPPY?!
Brain: Ecstatic. My next project is getting you to regularly work out. You're almost there. If only you would stop putting on your pajamas immediately upon getting home. And you wonder why some people think you're depressed.
Me: I LIKE TO BE COMFORTABLE. And that applies to my not working out too. I've come to dread it, since I know it will hurt like hell.
Brain: But it's a GOOD hurt. We like that hurt. And you actually feel pretty damn good about yourself after intense workouts. Don't you remember?
Me: I guess. Hey, you think anyone is still reading this? We kind of ran out of steam a while back.
Brain: Yeah. I don't know. I don't think this ever actually had a point, to be perfectly honest. She just wanted to write something, so we got wranged in so that she can pretend to express something. Not that it was anything of substance. We're just blathering on about whatever pops into her head. None of this means anything. We don't really represent anything here.
Me: Hey. Hey, Brain.
Brain: What?
Me: Hee. Does this mean--
Brain: What?
Me: Are you alive? :D
Brain: ...
[Brain has left the chatroom]
Me: Hello? Hello? Are you there? .....Oh my, I'm sleepy.

Fin

I'm Tired People, IGNORE MY DRAMA

2009-05-13T16:01:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone. This is me trying to do a regular update. LOOK AT ME GO! Um, honestly, what this entry was going to be a passionate and immediate defense for the character of one Mr. Samuel T. Anders, since I do adore him so. (and not just because he is so very pretty--I actually have many real reasons for it) But, eh. I find I don't have the willpower. That's right ladies and gentlemen, I don't really want to talk about Battlestar Galactica right now. Or really any TV shows. WHAT?! Now, people, I'm still me. And if you get me started talking about TV and let me spin up my wheels, I'll probably get enough steam going to fully annoy you. But I really don't want to initiate the conversation.

I think I realized this earlier today, when I was thinking about writing a blog entry about BSG and Sam Anders vs. Lee Adama, and found that I was getting a nasty headache. That's right, a Syfy headache. It's really weird. I don't really want to spend time thinking about these issues anymore. Like, I'm bored by it now. Which is very strange for me. I think...could it be possible....

AM I GROWING UP?! Like, I'm bored by doing all the same old things at work, and that includes reading about my favorite TV shows. Bored. Which means work has become even more unbearable than it already was. I don't know. I think I'm just done. And with no other prospects on the immediate horizon, that thought fills me with a sense of dread. Impending doom, if the doom wasn't actually impending, but more, er, drawn out. You get the idea.

Like, I'm afraid to start planning my future because it's been on hold for so long, but if I don't, I know that my soul will actually start seeping out of my body to try to find a better place to hang out. Yikes. I should really force myself to study for the LSATs, since I am TOTALLY going to do those now. I've kind of been faking the studying so far, and that's no good. I think this boredom is probably my mind's way of trying to wake me up. If it takes away all my fun distractions, I'll have to work!

My head hurts. My eyes hurt. My stomach feels weird, and I don't want to go to the gym now; however, I am forcing myself to do the last one. I come home to an apartment I hate that I really don't care about maintaining anymore, since I never invite anybody over. I'm kind of a mess. And, and I think I realize that now. Stasis is only, heh, sustainable for so long. And although I keep finding TV shows and other hobbies to obsess about, I don't really have anything else to do. And wow, that needs to change. OKAY, LSATs. I can do this. I can force myself to get back into studying. It didn't used to be this hard.

And yeah, I know I've said this before. I'm very very very good at making GRAND AND IMPORTANT DECLARATIONS OF TRUTH and just figuring that getting it off my chest is actually, um, doing something. But y'all, this time it's TOTALLY different. I'm actually bored by doing anything else, which has never happened before.

Wow, I didn't mean for this to be a downer entry. Blame the fact that the most serious issues I've thought about recently involve BSG. It finally broke me. I'll defend Sam some other time, when I'm more forward thinking and also not EXHAUSTED FROM WAKING UP AT 3 AM AND NOT BEING ABLE TO GO BACK TO BED. That probably played a part in this little melodrama.

Um, okay, upbeat things. I can do that. Have some happy thoughts:

1. I may get auburn highlights when I get my hair cut soon. So get excited about that!

2. Hey, remember The L Word? I found this randomly when I was looking up something on The Dollhouse, and thought it was really funny in an awkward, kind of unfunny way. Don't ask. Nobody knows what I mean anymore:

Lesbian video from AfterEllen.com

3. I AM GOING TO KILL MY SHOULDERS AGAIN TODAY. I am absurdly excited about this.

4. Wheeeeeeeeee. G'night.

Gender Fail in Life

2009-05-07T11:35:00.001-07:00

WHOA NEW POST! Hey, remember my pretentious rants, guys? Here comes another one, right atcha! Haha, "atcha," who do you think you are, Self? I think this may be a monster post, so beware. (As in really big, not with actual monsters. Only I would have to clarify that.)

Anyway, I've been doing lots of thinking lately about gender issues in the media. Random, right? Not really, actually. I've recently noticed a pattern in the fictional things that piss me off, and found that mostly they come down to gender issues. Now, my friends (anyone else automatically think of McCain saying that?), I'm about to confess something to you. A deep, dark secret from my past: when I was a kid, I totally wanted to be a boy. I really didn't like being a girl at all. Okay, go ahead and laugh. Get it all out of your systems. But I'm being completely serious. And I think I've figured out why that is, and how it is continuing to influence me.

I've always paid attention to the media, even when I was a small child. In Disney films and other media aimed at small children, the women were always the princesses--gentle waifs, who had very little personality (or a personality that may appear tough, but was ultimately weaker than that of the hero's--or worse, needed to be tamed), and existed simply to be rescued and be a test for the growth of the young man into The Hero. I have always had problems with this. ALWAYS. It drove my mother up the wall, since she always wanted me to be more feminine, but I really wanted to be The Hero. And since that was never the woman in the movies, my ten year old self decided that she wanted to be a man. That's right. I even got to the point where I liked men more than women on TV and in the movies. In fact, when I played Ninja Turtles with some guy friends, when I was like 6, I hated how they made me be April O'Neill, so they could rescue me. HATED IT. I mean, that's really messed up that as a girl, I hated my own gender because of how weak TV told me that I was. Stupid girls. *kicks can*

This changed at some point, since now I completely love being a woman (regardless of my dress code or personal upkeep of course). And I know why it changed. Buffy Summers. I really think she was the first girl I ever saw on TV, where I thought "I wanna be her." (Okay, possibly Agent Scully was the first, but point being, it was around the time I was 11.) This is why I am still in love with Buffy the Vampire Slayer and will defend it to anyone who looks down his nose at it. It's still possibly one of the greatest empowering TV shows for young women ever. She's The Hero. Nobody else even comes close, except maybe Spike towards the end, and that's when the show started to lose focus and get a little wonky. The point was about giving women the power, and I think more young girls need to get that message. It worked wonders on me and even got me to stop hating on my gender. Even better, women on that show got to be FRIENDS and not merely exist to be bitchy to each other and compete for the same men. Which is another issue I have with many shows these days. You never see them forming lasting friendships in comparison to the guy love that is all over the TV.

I've also realized that this issue is a huge part of my seething rage towards Twilight. It's a gazillion steps backwards from this Woman Saves Self attitude that Joss brought to Buffy. And what's worse to consider, how would it have affected me if I read it as a young girl? I mean, now I can read it and be all "psshaw, stupid girl falling for a dumb sparkly vampire. this is poorly written!" But what would I have thought then? That the only way I can be happy is by falling in love with some attractive jerkass? That I should defer my entire life to him? I don't care what anyone says, I don't think I would have liked this book if I read it during my pre-teen years. It would have probably caused me to still hate being a girl. And that is why I get such a negative visceral reaction to that damn series. Not just the idiocy of a sparkling vampire.

Okay, I know what you must be thinking: you're just not very romantic or into mushy stuff at all, are you? You hate romance, therefore you hate the idea of a woman being weak and always deferring to a man. Well, sorry good reader, but that's not true at all. In fact, I adore good romance. In every TV show I watch, I'm normally invested in at least one romantic couple. Probably overinvested actually. I still think Jim and Pam are an adorable couple. And if Sun and Jin don't get to be a happy family by the end of Lost, I'll be extremely upset. Buffy and Angel caused me much heart-wrenching agony when I was a teenager. They just could never be, but they loved each other so much! Woe! (despite my irrational hatred of star-crossed romances, this one always got to me) And I was invested in one particular couple on BSG (more on that later), to the point where my stomach was in knots during the finale. KNOTS! So yeah, guys, I do like romance. I still watch things like Love, Actually if I just need a pick me up. But I have an issue with the unequal roles men and women tend to play in many people's interpretations of romantic stories. I don't think a man trying to change or fix a woman is particularly romantic, personally.

I drifted a bit there. Sorry. But I also think this is the reason that I like so much Sci-Fi (Syfy?!) and Fantasy these days. That is the playground for strong, realistic women. Ellen Ripley was probably the first in modern, popular science fiction. Since then we have had Sarah Connor, Dana Scully, Kira Nerys, Buffy Summers, Eowyn (shut up, I still think she's awesome), Zoe Washburne, Cordelia Chase (before everything fell apart), Kara Thrace (STARBUCK!), and so on and so on. I don't count Leia, because she often had to be rescued by the men-folk (once in a gold bikini!), even though she is awesome in her own right.

In fact, I've gotten to the point where I judge Science Fiction TV shows almost solely on what kinds of strong women they give me. I adore The Sarah Connor Chronicles, and am still crossing my fingers for some miracle regarding renewal. And I fully admit that, like, 85% of my obsession for BSG is due to the wonder that is Starbuck. I also have recently come to terms with my total girl-crush on Katee Sackhoff (plays Starbuck) because she is so consistently awesome and straightforward in just about every interview I've seen.

Now, BSG actually does have quite a bit of gender fail (and race fail as well), for being such a "feminist" TV show. I think Ron Moore has some subconscious issues with women (Even Ron's view of Starbuck is somewhat problematic, and he apparently adores her.), and especially towards the end, many of the previously kickass women just lost all their ground. They either became bland counterparts to their men, turned evil, or, um, died. With some exceptions and reversals, so I don't think that's a spoiler. Also, gods forbid that any of them be friends with each other! Part of the reason I adore Starbuck is that the men in her life are counterparts to her. To touch upon the romantic pairing I was invested in, I'm actually much more in favor of Sam/Kara rather than Lee/Kara (the fan-preferred couple) for oh so many reasons. I'd go into them now, but some of you are still working through my DVDs, and I don't want to be all spoilers in your face. Plus, that's a huge rant, which is also a rant against the fandom in general, since most people wanted Lee and Kara to get together partly so he could fix her. That may give you an idea why I hate that pairing. I wish I were making that up. But that's a posting for another time.

I really wanted to link another random person's blog, where she discusses these issues far more eloquently than I have, but alas, it has BSG spoilers. So that'll have to wait for now.

How does this relate to me now, other than my overanalyzing my favorite TV shows? Well, think about what I want to be when I, heh, grow up. FBI Agent. And as a woman, I can totally accept that I could be one. Thank you, Agent Scully. Thank you, Buffy. It's funny, actually. I was emailing this guy I kind of dated last year, where I made a joke about really wanting to be the grizzled PI, in like, film noir. He responded "yeah, I can totally imagine you as the Girl Friday type." I made sure to make it very clear to him that I didn't want to be any Girl Friday to someone else's PI. I wanted to be the PI. Me! I think maybe that was the beginning of the end for anything between us, alas. But seriously! I want to be the one in control, making the melodramatic monologues under a slowly turning fan. I'm sure there are some deep, psychological reasons for this, but whatever. It's all true and I don't think it's a bad thing.

The worst part about this is, I know some people will be grossed out by what I am saying here. Not liking problematic gender issues gets equated to being a militant feminist for some. I bit my tongue a lot during college, and totally regret that now. And since when is feminist a bad word? Wanting men and women to be treated with equal respect is something good, right? I mean, I'm glad that I no longer want to be a boy, and I have a female-empowering TV show to thank for it. So, thanks Joss. Even if I think that Dollhouse has serious issues when it comes to gender (albeit intentional, I'm sure), you may just be able to salvage it. I really want to see Echo save herself. That is, if it's renewed. (PS-How Creepy is Paul Ballard? Agent Helo is kind of freaking me out)

/Pretentious rant

Hiatus

2009-04-16T08:01:00.001-07:00

I just remembered that I had a blog at one point. Things got kind of bad, and I didn't really feel like updating for a long time.

Er, hello again internet world. Does anyone still check this? If I were to start updating again, would anyone read? I'll try to not have it just be about, like, the themes of BSG or something. However, I am thinking about starting this back up again. I guess leave a comment if you still check it out, and I'll decide from there.

This is Just Hilarious

2009-01-31T16:37:00.000-08:00

INT. DLA PIPER OFFICES--MORNING

2009-01-21T09:02:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone. I haven't really been feeling "bloggy" recently, so the entries have kind of dropped off. I have, however, been doing, um, okay, with my New Year's Resolutions so far. No fabulously well, but okay. Which is fine. They should pick up after my birthday, which was my real jumping off point. The one I never told anyone about. So here are some things that I've been doing: I am eating very well, and am now in a committed relationship with Peapod Delivery Service. I think the only things that I'll actually get from the store is better produce, since I absolutely hate that I can't choose my own. I've been cooking more, which has helped my health immensely, not to mention my wallet. I've kind of been going to the gym. I went last night, for example. The week that Chicago was in the 9th Circle of Hell was a bit of a down week for me. I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. But over all, it's been okay.

Okay, so I'm starting to get back into the swing of writing that story thingamabob. I wrote 35 pages and freaked out, basically because I felt like my style didn't sound good on the page. And that concerned me enough to take a little breather. That lasted weeks. BUT NOW, I am back. Judging by the title, I bet some of y'all can tell what I'm turning my story into. Hint: it rhymes with "mystery flipped."

For me, it just makes more sense. I like writing dialogue, as evidenced by my longwinded conversations with my credit cards and cats and my brain and various viscera. These convos aren't really the best examples of good dialogue, but I do try to make them fun to read. I actually try to get the comedic timing right, even if they're kind of strange bits of dialogue. I also tend to write how I think/speak, which contributes to my love for dialogue.

So, I'm writing a spec tv pilot based off of my idea. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, and I'm having a fabulous time. I've been rereading Jane Espenson's blog for her writing tips. [she was a writer on Buffy, and came up with some of the funniest, quirkiest episodes like "Band Candy" and "A New Man"] I'm just kind of making it up as I go, but so far, I like this format much better. And the beginning of my story actually really lends itself to this different medium. Maybe I'll get a book just so I know whether or not I'm doing technical things correctly or not. I'm already almost done with the outline (Starting Act IV) , and am getting ready for the real writing. So, uh, yay?

Let's face it: this is the medium for me. Look back on my blog entries, and you'll see one constant, I love to pick apart TV. Love it. I'm often more involved with fictional characters' lives than some real people's that I know. Sad, yet tells you something about me. THIS DAMN STORY WILL GET WRITTEN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.

So far, so good.

Another Opinion about Vampires

2009-01-14T09:40:00.000-08:00

Okay, I'm going to lay off the vampires soon, I swear. I have opinions for things other than blood-sucking creatures of the night. Really. But, for the record, I have one last thing to say right now. I have recently been enjoying the HBO series True Blood, which is from the creator of Six Feet Under, Alan Ball, and features vampires living amongst us, after they "come out of the coffin." Awesome.

Basically, the show stars Anna Paquin, Rogue from the X-Men series, as a young waitress in a small, rural swamp town in the Deep South. Her name is Sookie. Just bear with me, please; it's good--she even got a Golden Globe for her performance! Aaanyway, Sookie is actually telepathic, and constantly hears thoughts of all the creepy locals when she's doing her waitress thing, which makes her a little unstable. The locals all think she's crazy. Then a vampire walks in. They can now expose themselves to the public, because of a new synthetic blood drink (Tru Blood), created so they don't have to kill people. Sookie can't hear this vampire's thoughts, and is smitten soon thereafter. And her life, of course, gets increasingly complex. Plus people start mysteriously dying.

Now, I've been wanting to see this show for quite some time. I'll probably read the original books too. But I am very glad I saw this after reading Twilight. It's funny, actually. Many of the themes of the TV series are crazy similar to the Twilight series. I will admit that both Sookie and Bill (the main vampire) have some Mary Sue traits. The idea of telepathy that doesn't work with a love interest (although the "readers" are reversed in the two series) thereby increasing interest, a vampire and human falling in love against both of their kinds' rules, a "shapeshifter" ::coughwerewolfcough:: being the third party in a bizarrely fantastical love triangle, and so on and so on. But why do I love True Blood, and can't handle Twilight?

Sookie is, at times, a damsel in distress. Bill does try to protect her for her own good. Her blood is implied to be "special" just like Bella Swan's is. (could have something to do with her telepathy) But this doesn't make me angry, like Twilight does. Why?

Maybe it's because it plays with trope and convention, and almost uses vampirism as a metaphor for another social group experiencing prejudice trying to belong. In fact, one of the posters declaiming vampirism simply states "God Hates Fangs." Sound familiar? The reason that it's different, though, is because VAMPIRES ARE ACTUALLY SOMEWHAT DANGEROUS. And we very clearly see that vampires can be an actual threat. I mean, I know objectively that the vampires in Twilight are supposed to be a threat, because everyone says they are. I don't want to be told! I want to see how bad vampires can be. THEN let the main character make her life choice. And not have a spiffy vampire family all willing to die to protect her. Bill may be a tragic character in the vampire world, but can she hack standing up to real vampires who see her as just a "blood sack?" She actually does a pretty good job. By herself. Sookie Stackhouse is actually not a total Mary Sue, unlike Bella Swan.

I think, more than that, the reason I like this show much better is the depth and darkness of the world shown. All the characters are real people going through real things. The writing is far superior, and very bad things happen to all of these characters. Let me repeat, VERY BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO ALL OF THESE CHARACTERS. There are no easy outs, and every person does good and bad things with actual consequences. Plus it's more, um, adult in theme. Since it's an HBO show, there has to be sex. I mean, it's like part of a showrunner's contract at HBO. But, in this context, it makes total sense. Vampires, like all other monsters which come from the id, are supposed to deal with these sorts of themes. Twilight tried to sidestep it, and pay brief lip service to the fact that vampirism (okay at least in modern interpretation) is basically a metaphor for sexuality let loose. (think about how vampires kill people, and tell me that doesn't represent sex) It didn't work, because Stephanie Meyer also wanted to showcase Mormon ideals, which, to me at least, are completely incompatible with what vampires really are. Plus, why are they high school students again?

In True Blood, vampires and sex and danger and blood are all rolled into one. It's very intense and scary and at times self-destructive. A whole subculture of "fangbangers" exists, who are looked down upon by both humans and vampires. The world just seems much more, well, complete. And I like that. I like seeing a real world integrated with vampires where everyone acts real. And different. Some vampires are good when people are bad, and some vampires are bad when people are good. And sometimes you can't tell. But every character is interesting, even when you can't stand them. That's what Alan Ball is good at.

So, yeah, I'm trying to see the differences. Maybe it's the fact that the vampires are scarier (also scarier, when vampires in the True Blood universe get staked. nightmare fuel unleaded), the characters are more flawed, or the setting is more real. Maybe it's the fact that the story exists outside of just being a vehicle for star-crossed lovers. I don't know. I just respond better to this TV show. Maybe I just don't like teen girl fiction anymore? That might actually be the main reason. Hrmm.

In the meantime, check out the opening title sequence for True Blood. I've had the song stuck in my head for, like, four days. It really sets the tone of the series extremely well.

Rabbit

2009-01-01T17:45:00.000-08:00

Isn't that what these people are supposed to say at the beginning of the year? Did I make that up?

Anyway, Happy New Year to all. I hope everyone's night was eventful or at least comfortable.

Since yesterday's blog was about the trends of 2008, today I'm going to do the more traditional New Years Resolutions. And share them with you all, my loyal followers. Um, friends. I meant friends. After a review of what 2008 was all about, I realized it was about me having fun in the now. I basically just used my resources from my job and had fun with them. Got life companions in the felines. Spent way too much on nice food and DVDs and video games. I kept my life on ice, and got that fun tingly feeling from the freezing. Maybe I went a little too far with that metaphor.

Since that was the theme for '08, I've since decided that 2009 will be all about going out of my comfort zone. Instead of leisure, it will be about productivity. Instead of excess, it will be about refining myself. The projects that were begun in 2008 will be finished in 2009. And without further ado, I now present....

The Mighty List

1. To get it out of the way, the obligatory "lost weight and get in shape." Unlike regular resolutions, such as "run every single day" or "diet until I AM SKINNY," I will not phrase this in such a way that I completely ruin it the second I don't fulfill a ridiculous objective. However, I will take advantage of the gym better than in '08. Since Joel is no longer employed by the FFC, I have no excuse to wait for his sessions. I am my own Joel now. I can do it, especially since I've done it before. I just need to remind myself that I actually do like running. And I am already paving the way towards eating better. Today I put part of my bonus to good use and Peapoded it for the VERY FIRST TIME. So much nicer than hauling everything from the store. And I bought a larger quantity of healthier foods, since the normal supermarket temptation wasn't there. I'm very excited to make more split pea soup. And Tortilla Espanola from my new Tapas cookbook! Yay!

2. I will finish what I've started. I WILL FINISH WHAT I'VE STARTED. In many ways, this is the most important of my resolutions. Be it the ISIS puzzle sitting on my coffee table, the book sitting on my computer, or the life plan sitting in my head--I WILL FINISH IN 2009. This is probably one of my worst habits. The whole getting really excited about an idea and never really going through with it. Well, in this year of discomfort, I WILL. Look out, insanely hard puzzle. I will end you.

3. Be more social. I mean, I already got started with this in 2008, but I'm still clinging onto my socially awkward/antisocial ways. I've decided to start hosting more in my wee little apartment. I mean, I've got a great TV and DVD collection, so why don't I have more people over? Also, I've decided to take more chances in going out with people. I will be more spontaneous and try to go out more with new friends. I will smile more at people and strike up more conversations with strangers. I will say things that I'll instantly feel embarrassed about and regret, since those things are often the ones worth saying. I want more butterflies in my stomach.

4. Cook more and more adventurous foods! If I choose to keep up with this Peapod thing, I will definitely be more healthy/cheaper in my food options. I think I'll buy more pans and stuff this weekend. Every week a new recipe! I think that's an easy enough one to keep. Maybe I'll try to make Black Eyed Peas this weekend! For luck! (It's a Southern thing)

5. Lastly, keep in better touch with people. Call old acquaintances more regularly. Go back to Texas more frequently. I really need to be a better friend and a better person where that stuff is concerned. If I've slighted anyone (who reads this, that is), I sincerely apologize. And the excuse that I went to U of C starts to get old, now years after the fact.

6. Jump out of a plane. I'm not even kidding.

I've actually given some thought to doing a much more comprehensive 101 in 1001 list, so if I do that, I'll certainly post it here. Shit's gonna happen, yo.

A Year in Review

2008-12-31T07:59:00.000-08:00

Greetings, Internet Land! And Happy New Year's Eve! Tonight I will hopefully be having fun partying the New Year in with good friends and lots of strangers. In a New Years tradition of sorts (partly in preparation for the inevitable Resolutions) I am contemplating how 2008 has treated me.

-I started this blog at the beginning of the year. At the start, it was meant to be some sort of creative outlet, and has since turned into my ranting about the world at large. I think 2009 will bring further attempts to document the sometimes hilarious banalities of my life. And of course more arguing with my brain and credit cards. Twitter shall be its trusty sidekick.

-I was/am/will be bored at work. Gchat became a necessity.

-On the other hand, I made some great new friends.

-I watched lots of TV and movies and remembered the joys of my youth. I also read books of varying levels of quality, and still enjoy ranting about them. Vampire fiction should never be taken lightly.

-I got cats! They now run my life and I am completely beholden to satisfy their various whims. Surprisingly, I am just fine with this.

-I've joined a gym and had an on-again, off-again abusive relationship with a personal trainer. Joel has since left the gym (without telling us). I feel betrayed.

-I've cooked some: most impressive achievement was a souffle that didn't fall. Okay, it was a little undercooked in the center, but overall a fine achievement for a first try.

-I started playing my very first MMO. No, not WOW. I stopped playing for many months. Recently, I've started back up again.

-I got a new computer. There was much rejoicing.

-I started writing a book. Well, kind of. I got about 30 pages in and just stopped. The ideas are still flowing through my head, and every now and then I'll figure some plot point out when I'm waiting for the bus. It's there, just waiting for me on my flash drive. I can't hide forever.

-I drank lots of coffee. Currently, more addicted than ever.

-I went to NY for the very first time! There was much rejoicing.

-And lots of Bin 36.

-I discovered the excessively violent fun of Roller Derby.

-I ignored responsibilities, overdrew my bank account lots, mourned the loss of spontaneity, and refused to set my future up. But most importantly, I've had fun.

Now what?

Happy Holidays

2008-12-22T11:25:00.000-08:00

Look On My Works Ye Mighty And Despair!

2008-12-11T07:39:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: This entry is disgusting. For those of you do not want to hear about the tainted lungs and natural, um, issues of a sickly person, please don't read any further. Watch the linked youtube video below or something. I'll be sure to have a less unpleasant post later on about, like, panic in buying people Christmas gifts (I've bought 1! And I don't even know if it's really going to be for him!). You have been warned.

Okay, so y'all know that when I got back from NY, my body basically had had enough of this crap and completely broke down on me. I spent most of the weekend in bed, a sadsack unable to buy groceries, being tended to by the cats. And by tended to, I mean forced to play with the needy ones.

So, I finally began feeling better around Monday, aside from a death cough, which pleased the coworkers around me I'm sure. But now, even that's mostly gone away and I'm a pretty presentable person. Well, as presentable as I normally am.

This was very exciting news, because yes(!), I can finally work out again! I hadn't worked out since that disastrous Thanksgiving run, where my lungs decided to stop working on me and I couldn't finish. Not that I'd been working out as steadily as I would've liked before then. That's another story. Anyway, now I had no more excuses. My legs were ready, my lungs kind of ready, but most importantly, my mind was ready. I was going to run.

I hadn't been coughing so much, so I didn't think it was an issue. I had a decent dinner beforehand, and waited the usual amount of time before heading down to the building's (thankfully empty) weight room (timed during a commercial break of Top Chef) to watch the rest of the episode while running.

Everything was going great. I was well-hydrated and off to a great start. Ariane just won the Elimination Challenge (aside: who else thought it was hilarious that Padma tried to pretend that she and Gail really are BFF outside of the show?) much to the displeasure of Jamie and I was now running at around a 6 mph pace. Cool.

In order for me to think that any running cardio workout is actually worthwhile, I've gotten to the point where I have to run at least 5 minutes (normally 10) on 6.5 mph. This is a holdover from FBI training days (something I have been inching back towards these days) when 6.5 was the minimum pace for passing the 2 mile run part of the physical fitness test. So I put it on 6.5 and for about 2.5 minutes, it went really well.

Then it happened--my mouth began getting abnormally dry and my lungs started to feel weird. They didn't really hurt like running outside in NY, but something unnatural was happening in there. I realized that I needed to cough, and specifically needed to cough something, um, up. Now, I'm in the weight room in my building, so I can't really spit on the floor, but I really really want to finish my workout. At this point, I know that I can't run longer than 5 minutes on 6.5, and should be glad to finish even that. After those five minutes, I started cooling down and taking the speed on the treadmill back down in intervals. Then I began coughing and it was horrible.

Now I really needed to spit, but I still had five minutes left on my workout, and I was going to finish dammit. So I hold it. It's only five minutes right? Then, after 2 minutes of agony, I begin to cough again. I HAD NO CHOICE. I spit into my hand. So there I was, cooling down while holding my left hand as far away from me and the treadmill as possible. I could still make it and then go wash my hand in the small bathroom attached to the weight room. I could do it. Two minutes, I have two minutes now.

Then the most horrible combination of events happened simultaneously. I was racked with another set of awful coughs as I once more lowered the speed on the treadmill awkwardly with my right hand, an act which caused me to stumble over my feet a little. The combination of all of these things led to one of the most cartoonish moments of my life: I nearly tripped over my feet and instinctively grabbed onto the treadmill WITH BOTH HANDS, and, um, naturally my left hand slips and I pretty much fall on the treadmill. Luckily the treadmill goes off immediately, lest it kill me with the tread. Now uncontrollably coughing, I make my way to the bathroom to get paper towels to try to clean off as much as I can.

I really hope the landlady didn't see it on the surveillance cameras--there's a 75% chance that she was watching one of her weird soap operas instead of the security feed anyway. But still. Worst gym experience ever. Before then I was going to do sit ups as well, but instead I just drank lots of water and slunk back to my apartment. It was such a humiliating experience that I was glad to be working out alone. So naturally I had to share it with all of you.

Maybe there is something to this whole "running outside" thing. Hmm.

Hi

2008-12-10T13:59:00.001-08:00

I don't really have anything important to say, except I saw this ad on Youtube and wanted to share its glory.

Anything that effectively uses, but also lampoons the use of the O Fortuna part of Carmina Burana is okay by me. I mean, who doesn't get excited when movie trailers use exciting Latin chanting to promote the (action packed fighting) sequences? For anyone that questions my choice to take 8 years of Latin in my life, remember: Life just ain't epic without Latin.

Cristina Gets Meta...Again

2008-11-25T07:34:00.000-08:00

I am going to NY with Laura and Alex! This is very exciting, of course, but I still need to tie up some loose threads. Here we go.

Me: Yay, I finally know what I'm going to do with you guys when I leave!
Gus and Nubs: What do you mean? Where are you going?
Me: Oh, nowhere. Um, look, I bought y'all new mice to play with!
Gus: Stop avoiding the question--where are you going?
Me: Okay, okay, going to NY for a week. BUT, I got y'all a friend for the week. His name is Oscar and he sounds like a very nice man. He'll feed and water you and play with you and change your litter. It'll be like me, except, um, not.
Nubs: Oh, I'm going to get in so much trouble.
Me: Hmm, okay I'll tell Oscar to watch out for you.
Nubs: But look at me! Aren't I cute? Watch me run around on three legs!
Me: Aww.
Gus: I can't believe that worked. What about me? I'm not going to come out from under the bed for a week when you come back.
Me: I'll teach him the tricks of treats and laser pointer. I think you'll be okay.
Gus: But, but, but...
Me: Oh suck it up. So you don't get to play with my feet for a few days--you'll survive.
Gus: How come that one gets all the attention? I don't cause nearly as much trouble as she does.
Me: Hey! You disemboweled my bed to make yourself a cave! You're not getting off that easy. Plus Nubs can't really get in trouble too much. I mean, it's not like she's going to get into the shower while the water is running and run around the apartment AGAIN. I mean, it's not like Oscar is going to be showering here. Right?
Gus:...
Nubs:...
Me: Okay, I'm 80% sure that's not going to happen. Oscar will make sure that all your little toys are always brought out of the nooks and crannies you inevitably put them in, which I don't even do all the time.
Gus: All right, have a good time!
Nubs: Have fun! Take lots of pictures!
Mastercard: Ahem, have you forgotten about me?
Me: Oh crap. Hi.
Mastercard: Do I need to set a budget?
Me: No, no. I've got this one under control. I think.
Mastercard: Do you think, or DO YOU KNOW?
Me: I'm okay. I swear.
My brain: Oh New York is going to be so much fun! There's so much culture there! We can go to museums and wander around the neighborhoods and drink in the history!
My stomach: DUDE WE ARE GOING TO EAT SO MUCH GOOD FOOD. I AM SO EXCITED.
Mastercard: Are you sure you have this under control? Cause, dude, I can't stop this shit.
Me: I'll be okay. I mean, I can't spend too too much, right?
Mastercard: Oh, boy.
My brain: Okay, are you going to exercise? This has become a pressing concern, since Stomach has involved itself.
Me: I'm going to try my hardest. You've gotta help me, you know! This is a project for both of us.
My brain: I'll see what I can do, but you're the one that's going to have to make your feet run.
Me: Wait, isn't that y--
My brain: God this is getting too meta. I'll bring Endocrine in to help out, though. Maybe kick the Endocrine System in to make you fidgety so you'll actually run.
Endocrine: WHOATHATISSUCHAGOODIDEA. IT'SBEENTOOLONG,REALLY. WOOWOOWOO! WOONEWYORKWOO! I! FEEL! FANTASTIC!
Adrenal Gland: I AM CONSTANTLY READY.
Me: See, it'll be easy.
My brain: I worry about you sometimes. Hopefully we'll still have a job when we get back.
Me: Oh. Right. Way to harsh my buzz, brain. AGAIN.
My brain: Want me to put a fun song in your head?
Me: Whaddya got?
My brain: I want my baby back, baby back, baby back, I want my baby back, baby back, baby back...
Me: You bastard.
My brain: Just kidding. How about this? And I feel fantastic. And I never felt as good as how I do right now Except for maybe when I think of how I felt that day When I felt the way that I do right now, right now, right now.
Me: Oh that's fun. I forgive you.
My brain: :)
Mastercard: Ahem.
Me: Let's be friends okay? I won't even take Macy's out; how about that?
Macy's: But, but, we'll be in New York! THIS IS NOT FAIR.
Me: Sorry, dude. MC means more to me.
Macy's: You are so not fierce.
Me: Oh yeah, Macy's, you really know how to hurt me. Will this dialogue never end?
My brain: Dude, you know this is you just talking to yourself, right?
Me: Damn you and your logic.

I am very excited about NY! I will try to twitter all throughout NY about my crazy adventures. So it will be like all my score of followers (SCORE) will know, like, when I eat a hotdog. Man, I really need this vacation.

Argument...The Meme Told Me To

2008-11-22T14:32:00.000-08:00

Since I'm avoiding cleaning/going to the gym/calling people/making split pea soup, I was cruising random strangers' livejournals (yes, I'm creepy; I know), and came across one of these games. I decided to play, now that I have a shiny blog to do it on and am currently avoiding any kind of responsibility. So y'all are just going to have to bear with me.

RULES:1. Put Your iTunes/Windows Media Player/ETC on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
5. Put this on your journal.

1) If someone says, "Is this okay?" you say:
"Creepy Doll" [I'm apparently not very helpful. Or just really paranoid. Probably both.]
2) How would you describe yourself?
"Telescope Eyes" [HEY! My glasses are not that thick! Gee, thanks iTunes]
3) What do you like in a girl/guy?
"Parade" [This could mean one of many things...take your pick]
4) How do you feel today?
"Another Girl, Another Planet" [hmm...]
5) What is your life's purpose?
"This District Sleeps Alone Tonight" [I don't know how to feel about that]
6) What is your motto?
"Stupid Girls" [I'm kind of an asshole]
7) What do you friends think of you?
"Livin' on a Prayer" [I really wouldn't doubt it]
8) What do you think of your parents?
"I Guess You're Right" [Begrudgingly, yes]
9) What do you think about very often?
"Neighborhood #3 (Power Out)" [Hey, remember that time that the power went out in my building and I was stuck in my apartment with no water or power? Good times.]
10) What is 2+2?
"Marvelous Things" [What? Doesn't 4 give anyone else a warm and fuzzy feeling?]
11) What do you think of your best friend?
"Temptation" [First of all: HA! Second: "best friend?" I guess this was originally made for tweens. Third, um, watch out "best friend!"
12) What do you think of the person you like?
"Rebellion (Lies)" [Am I bitter? Also, lots of Arcade Fire here, iTunes. Look into that.]
13) What is your life story?
"My Evil Plan to Save the World" [YES! AMAZING! THIS THING IS PSYCHIC. So, seriously, WATCH OUT "best friend"]
14) What do you want to be when you grow up?
"Whole Wide World" [Oh my, I'm ambitious]
15) What do you think of when you see the person you like?
"Une Annee Sans Lumiere" [d'aww]
16) What will you dance to at your wedding?
"Mr. Brightside" [What will my future husband think! Also, why do I own this song?]
17) What will they play at your funeral?
"Up the Spout" [I really don't want to picture what the scenario could possibly be]
18) What is your hobby/interest?
"I Need Some Sleep" [HAHA, yeah that's about right]
19) What is your biggest fear?
"Penny's Song" [I mean, I guess she died in the end.]
20) What is your biggest secret?
"Bad Day" [This is no secret]
21) What do you think of your friends?
"Sleep (Instumental)" [Okay, okay I get it. I'm narcoleptic]
22) What song would you play during your first time having sex?
"All I Want is You" [Hilarious question, but aww nonetheless]
23) What will you post this as?
"Argument" [I have no self-satisfied response to this. Damn.]

I actually own more music than iTunes tells me I do. Really. Maybe I do need better songs.

An Interlude

2008-11-21T20:17:00.000-08:00

Omigod, I just figured out how to embed youtube videos in my blog posts, and I feel like such an idiot now. They're digging in the wrong place! (for a gratuitous nerdy reference). I just wanted to share this because people sometimes wonder what my deal is with things that have a predominantly teen girl following. While the fandom in question attracts many different breeds of viewer, this sample is very specific. Observe:

Case closed!

Rules to Kill By

2008-11-19T11:50:00.000-08:00

Hey guys, so I just wanted to share a bit of my story with y'all. This is what I've been writing for the past couple of days, and it was the funnest thing EVER. Funnest. Totally. I was a little hesitant about posting this online, because there are SPIES EVERYWHERE just waiting to steal my ideas. But whatever, this may not even make it into the book, but certainly helped me craft not only the tone I wanted, but also lay some groundwork for one of the most important aspects of the story: The Conclave of Criminal Masterminds. They also call themsevles the Neo-Anti-Federalists, because they're pretentious. Think of it as a mix between a trade union and a mafia family. They are one of the campier things about the story, and I feel good about how I'm presenting them. So, here are the rules of their organization:

Rules of the Conclave

1. Potential Neo-Anti-Federalists must have at least $100,000 in assets solely devoted to criminal empire-building; these assets must be regularly audited by the Internal Affairs minions, in order to preserve the Conclave’s high expectations of criminality.
2. To be considered a ranking member of the Conclave, a rising Criminal Mastermind must be in possession of at least five of the following:
a. Loyal Henchman, with at least fifty documented hours of plundering/torture/mayhem accrued specifically for potential Mastermind’s cause.
b. Mad scientist or inventor (unless potential Mastermind takes this duty upon himself) completely at the disposal of the applicant. Kidnapping civilian scientists for this purpose is allowable.
c. Mobilized Army of Evil, with appropriate Jungle/Space/Underwater Combat training.
d. Notarized plans for Global Domination; patent highly suggested.
e. At least one appropriate Instrument of Annihilation, in blueprints or prototype, but not test ready. The testing of any Instrument of Annihilation will be at the discretion of the Conclave as a whole.
f. A Secret Base of Criminal Operations in a discrete location, e.g. underground cave system, volcanic island, orbiting space station, Antarctic ice kingdom, etc.
g. One high-profile Super Agent nemesis, whose sole body of investigative work is dedicated to exposing and imprisoning the Mastermind in question. Must not be
viably able to do so, however. Such a condition would instantly disqualify said Mastermind.
3. Index of Villainous Notoriety must remain at a stable median level. The Mastermind must not commit too few crimes that his “villain” status be revoked, nor too many, lest he become careless with the authorities. Special dispensation regarding villainous activity for both novices and the especially perverse will be taken on a case-by-case basis.
4. Potential Masterminds are advised to craft individualized personae to best suit their overarching visions. Henchmen should also have personae complimentary to their Masterminds’. Villains are encouraged to be creative with their images, as the Conclave prides itself upon the diversity of its members.
5. Monthly tithing is required of all members. The tithe is established on a sliding scale calculated from the notoriety and assets of each individual member. A member’s tithe can theoretically vary between $500 monthly and 1/5th of any lands seized during the World Domination campaigns of the Mastermind.
6. Mandatory meetings for all Conclave members will take place monthly in the “Den of Iniquity” located under the Federal Courthouse of New Luxor City. Passwords will be provided upon membership and will be changed on a bimonthly basis. Topics during meetings relate to individual members’ campaigns as well as the insidious goals of the Conclave en bloc. Members are encouraged to bring guests or consorts, if desired.
7. Members unable to attend meetings or pay their tithes for three consecutive months (and not be imprisoned, retired, or under deep cover) will have their memberships voided and will become sworn enemies of the Conclave, under penalty of swift and ironic punishment.
8. The Conclave encourages its members to settle any disputes in the open forum of the meetings. If necessary, a mock Circle of Death can be created in the meeting space, and any residual complaints can be finalized in single-combat between Henchmen.
9. Each Mastermind in the Conclave will have an equal vote in all World Domination issues raised during meetings. Each member will also have veto power over the others. The Conclave will elect temporary commissioners to manage meetings. The leadership of the Conclave will rotate through the members on a regular basis.
10. Conclave members will retain immunity from one another in World Domination matters. If one Mastermind encroaches upon the territory of another, or otherwise violates the trust of the Conclave, he will be eligible for expulsion. If one member discovers that another is violating the rules of the Conclave, he must call a mandatory emergency meeting to report the violation.
11. Any mutated or genetically-engineered life forms used as Instruments of Annihilation must be supervised at all times. If an outbreak or escape occurs, the Conclave must be informed of the threat immediately.
12. If any external threat to the goals of the Conclave arises, e.g. an unstable free-lance villain bent upon the destruction of the world rather than its domination, members of the Conclave are given full dispensation to assist law enforcement efforts to quell the threat. Conclave members will report regularly on any information provided to the law enforcement agency, and must not compromise the integrity of the group as a whole.
13. Upon retirement, Conclave members will retain full immunity and privileges of active members, provided they do not compromise the Conclave in any way. If that is the case, the retired member will become a sworn enemy of the Conclave and will be subject to any punishment meted out by the current members.
14. No recording equipment of any kind is allowed into the sacred space of the meeting room in “The Den of Iniquity.” If any sessions are discovered to have been recorded, the treachery will be repaid with prompt retribution by the wronged parties.
15. Membership in the Conclave is highly competitive and new members must be unanimously agreed upon for admittance. Once a member has been inducted, he has equal standing with even the senior-ranking members. The Conclave was founded as an open forum for aspiring World Dominators to exchange ideas, services, and protection; however, in recent times it serves more as sounding board and neutral zone for like-minded Conqueror hopefuls. Membership also includes a free subscription to the Domination Monthly Journal and free use of the Conclave Seal in all World Ascendancy matters.

What do y'all think? I feel like I kind of lost the tone towards the end, but hopefully that's just me being overanalytical. If y'all have any feedback/suggestions please, um, holla!

2 Books; 2 Levels of Disgust

2008-11-12T09:50:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I'm taking a morning break from looking at my, well, I guess my manuscript. That sounds very formal, though, so I'll just call it book-thing. I feel like talking about other peoples' book-things.

Book 1: Twilight. I just can't stop making fun of it. I'm sorry. My rage is freshly fueled every time one of those horrible trailers comes on TV. Edward Cullen (James [eta: Pattinson, not Patterson. My bad.]) looks like a corpse, so explain to me how that is sexy. No, really, I just want to know the thought processes. I don't actually have much else to say about this other than point y'all in the direction of this amazing thing: Twilight. She (the one who drew the cartoon I linked to when I first cursed Twilight's name) wrote a chapter-by-chapter summary of the book. It's remarkably accurate. For extra giggles, read the diehard fans' responses as well. So if you've got some time to kill at wo--er, I mean home, check it out. You won't even need to read the book.

Book 2: American Psycho. Y'all know I have to talk about this one. It beats Blindness for most disturbing read by, like, a parsec. But I knew that going in, so I'll let it slide. I don't really consider myself squeamish. Blindness took me off guard, so I'll just say that's why the book freaked me out. American Psycho makes me feel like a lightweight. I actually had to steel myself to read some chapters, like getting ready to do serious weight-lifting.

It's very tricky, you see. He starts off very slow with the gore--none in the first, um, third, of the book or so. It's kind of mindnumbing, as he describes the typical yuppie boredom that dominated the 80s. It's kind of funny actually. He describes morning routines, people, and meals in excruciating detail. Yet none of the detail is actually meaningful. Every time he sees a person, he has to describe the brand names of every article of clothing. Every. Time. Meals are not described by taste, but by presentation and names of components. I never know if he can even taste the meals. Nothing really interests him and he lives life in a cloudy, rich daze, with a few oblique references to some sort of secret life.

Now, part two is where things get tricky. We start to see the murders. And they're not described as "he stabbed the bum to death with a knife." Oh no. Ellis is very good with, um, imagery. The murders escalate in intensity and duration as the book goes on. He stops flat-out murdering and begins to just torture his victims. It's incredibly disturbing. You never really get a chance to be desensitized to the actions, and since it's written in first-person, you can't ever really escape the action. You see and do everything he does. Eesh. I felt really dirty reading this on the bus; I was also extremely paranoid that someone might be reading over my shoulder. Not that anyone actually does that. I soon became afraid of any chapter that had "girl" in the title. Those were always the worst, because they mixed explicit sex and horrifying torture. Not as fun a read as you might think.

The third part is when things got really interesting. Patrick Bateman had been casually using drugs and prescription medications throughout the whole book, and completely loses it at the end. I mean, he goes batshit crazy. The murders continue increasing in intensity and also in brutality as Patrick Bateman completely decompensates. He becomes even more brutal than Dahmer and three times crazier. The tone of the book gets so paranoid and ramped up towards the end that the entire rest of the book is now ambiguous. Maybe he didn't kill all those people, maybe he did. At the end of the book, it's up to the reader to decide. Either way it was an exhausting read, but overall I recommend it. The contrast between the bored, empty life he leads, and what he chooses as an escape mechanism is very powerful. You get the impression that he just wants someone to notice who he really is rather than the preconceived image his acquaintances (he doesn't really have friends) have of him. In fact, he openly confesses to several of the murders, but nobody pays any attention.

Read it if you want a commentary on the emptiness of a life of blatant consumerism. But, don't read it if you can't handle the word "evisceration." Just trust me.

That Would be Telling

2008-11-11T11:03:00.000-08:00

Hi guys. I guess it's winter, huh? That kind of snuck up on us since that mild Halloween where I was suffocating in the trench coat.

Anyway, I've been writing like crazy, yo. Ever since I came out of the authorial closet, as it were. Was that as jerkass a statement as I think it was? No time to edit, MOVING ON! Which kind of describes my actual writing style.

I really like my ideas. I like the spin I'm putting on my world, and I'm having a hell of a time creating the campy history. There are love affairs, crazy Russians, death rays, and secret societies in this world's history. The premise is that in such a campy, over-the-top world, a person who thinks normally should be able to avoid such camp pitfalls and actually accomplish their goals, e.g. actual world domination. But playing with the campy rules of the ridiculous world will inevitably turn even the sanest person into a caricature. Or something like that. That's loosely what it's about. Hopefully the word "camp" will still have meaning after I finish this blog entry.

I'm at an awful part of the book--about 30 pages in--where the inciting incident has already happened, but hasn't really started affecting him yet. So, he's just kind of bumming around waiting for the ax to fall, still thinking he's in complete control. It's boring to write, and going to be three times more boring to read, and I know I'll have to do serious damage control on this section. Well, I'll have to do serious damage control anyway since the entire story has been written as word vomit, where I just try to rip through as much as I can; rewrites will be a necessity. Mainly I've been telling and not showing, which is an easy pitfall when you write from a character's point of view. If you can hear their thoughts, how can they show and not tell? Not at all descriptive, but I figure I can come back to that kind of thing.

I guess I'm just getting frustrated, because I know what I've been writing hasn't been, um, good. I'm still optimistic, because what I'm writing now is an unfortunate necessity, which may be trimmed or disposed of later, provided I can figure out a better way to get from Point A to Point B. It's weird to be this excited about a story, but at the same time resentful of the actual output. Hopefully I can get my act together when I get to the really fun sections of the book, which I'm actually looking forward to writing. See, I haven't actually gotten to any of the campy characters yet. Those will be the most fun, I think.

Another big pitfall is I'm writing this as part of a planned series of books. The idea is far too large to be contained in one book, and the story has fallen into three different chunks. I'm trying very hard to have something actually happen in the first book. It's far more difficult than I originally thought it would be. Right now it's set up set up set up, which can be fun (when it comes to writing histories and stuff) but is mostly just annoying.

Anyway, that's where I am now. Frustration level and all. I still really want to write this bastard book, so I guess I'll just trudge through it.

Just thought I'd vent and write something in my voice rather than the voice of a egomaniacal, resentful yuppie genius, bent on global domination. Not that being in that head hasn't been fun and all...

Creepy Creepy Video

2008-11-07T19:17:00.000-08:00

Creepy Pencil

Just found this and wanted to share, because I like to disturb all of you whenever possible. Enjoy.

Oh, if you wanted an actual blog post:

I took a two hour nap today instead of going to the gym; my priorities need to be realigned, because now that the gym is closed, I am no longer tired.

There, that should sate you. Yes, I said sate.

Yes We Can

2008-11-05T10:44:00.001-08:00

Brace yourselves, I'm about to get political. I haven't really used this space for that reason yet, and I know that everyone is probably sick of hearing about politics, so I figure today is the last day that I can really talk about what went on last night.

I am an Obama supporter. This should not come as a great shock to anyone. I got up early yesterday (well, okay, early for me) to wait in line for 45 minutes to cast my vote in a state that was going blue anyway. I was excited and a little scared. Everyone there was.

Later on, at Sidetrack, watching the states turn primary colors was very exciting indeed. Once Ohio went blue, I knew it was all over. When they pulled up the map and showed us that even then if McCain were to win every state with a slight chance of going red, he still wouldn't get enough votes, my stomach clenched. And once the projections from the Pacific came in, and Obama won by a landslide, I freaked the hell out. Hearing all of Sidetrack singing "God Bless America" was one of the coolest things I've ever experienced. McCain had a great concession speech, even though it looked like Palin was about to burst into tears at any moment.

But I want to talk about Obama's acceptance speech, and how wonderful it was. He has always preached a message of unity and acceptance, which was nice to hear again. I watched the MLK "I Have a Dream" speech before the election, and it was kind of awesome to think about. His calling on people to join in to turn our country around was inspiring, and for the first time in 8 years, I felt it could happen. For the first time in 8 years I didn't want to just ride it out and try to ignore the message of fear. Hell, I was proud to be American again, rather than apologetic on behalf of my country. Look what we did.

It's just nice to feel like you can actually do something. I don't really expect change to happen immediately. That's not the point. Obama is not the messiah. However, I think this is a very important win, not only because he's the first black president, but it's the first time in over eight years that we as a people have had enough and are willing to take back the country. Our voices matter again, and that means we get to be proud patriotic Americans, regardless of what people like Sarah Palin think. Awesome.

Add: Prop 8 passed. Wow. Legalized discrimination. Thanks America for taking one big step forward and another back. Gosh, sorry California, I wish I could've helped.

Add 2: I should just avoid Facebook from now on.
I've decided three things:
1. I don't think people understand what Marxism actually is. Note: not a synonym for communism. Also, just shut up.
2. HEY, YOU, SHUT UP ABOUT HITLER'S SPEECHES. I'm flummoxed as to how people can even think about drawing comparisons between the two of them. Disliking a person because he's well-spoken and intelligent is revolting.
3. I don't think people understand the world: if you want to leave the country because it's getting too liberal, where in the hell are you going to go? Canada? Europe? Just think about that for a second.

Okay, so that's me talking about the political sphere. Tune in tomorrow when I get back to our reguarly scheduled frivolity.

Big Day, Yo

2008-11-04T09:14:00.000-08:00

I voted, okay? However, this blog entry is not going to be about any of that. Yes, I know that today is exciting and nerve-wracking. I look forward to watching every hour of coverage tonight. I don't even want to get into this crazy dream/nightmare I had last weekend about how McCain won the election and nobody really cared.

I won't talk about that stuff now, because I need to talk about something else. This is a subject that bothered me for a while, and I am reminded of it more due to constant exposure during these times. I am referring, of course, to my love-hate relationship with the internet.

What I hate:

First of all, Internet, what's the deal with letting any kind of yahoo (see what I did there?) with a dial-up connection say whatever they want? Blah, blah First Amendment, blah. I know. But, at the very least, I'd like to see a basic spelling and grammar test before a person is able to post a comment to a blog or other public forum. This should take care of most trolls and spammers, since as a rule they seem incapable of stringing together even the most basic words into cogent arguments. And it'll make the rest of us try just a little bit harder to get our points across. Note: "Hi Freidlon7 sound like you doesn't like America.I know alot Western Europe jealouse with USA,without USA Europe is nothing . USA always help Europe in World War I & II.Sweden neutral because they are weak.Don't worry abaut my husband country just take care your own dame country because I know your country alot crime and terorist too." [big ole sic] This is not an argument. Please learn how to spellcheck, and maybe I'll listen to your opinions. Maybe.

Secondly, going off of this point, we need to eliminate anonymous comments. Nobody would ever say anything like that to a person's face, particularly a person who is better spoken with a tight grasp on actual, um, facts. The anonymity of the internet creates jerks, and sometimes I just can't handle it.

Thirdly, for the benefit of internet land, speaking in all caps isn't funny. YOU ARE YELLING. That doesn't make your point better; it just makes you more obnoxious. All caps can be used sparingly to great effect, BUT JUST NOT AS A RULE. Ahem. Also, for everyone who types out their handles like, oh, say **~~>HoTtIePrInCeSs2008<~~**: what the hell am I supposed to do with that? If all caps is yelling, I don't even know what's going on there. It is not cute. You are not instantly adorable. I have an instant appraisal of your IQ, though, however fair or unfair that may be. And enough with the ASCII art. When done well, it's cool, and on occasion funny; when done poorly, it's annoying.

Fourthly, Shock Sites. Good god, shock sites. Anyone can get to them. I won't mention any by name, but one prominent one rhymes with "flew pearls done sup." Just thinking about it squicks me out. The internet reminds me constantly that some people just ain't right.

I'm sure there are more reasons that I will inevitably remember after posting this.

But I like the Internet too!

Here, take some reasons:

1. The very idea of message boards and fan sites makes me unbelievably happy. Seeing people who share your interests from all around the world is a pretty amazing thing. I never actually post on any of these things, but I usually like to check them out to see what people are arguing about this time. Bonus points if they're well-written.

2. Internet memes are actually pretty funny for a little while. LOLCats and the like can be cute and entertaining. Sometimes people can be remarkably clever when they're not being weird and gross.

3. Dr. Horrible. That is all. (Sometimes I just find reasons to link to it)

4. I suppose the instant access to news about what's going on in the world is pretty awesome. Terrifying in some respects, but awesome.

Oh and other stuff I suppose. I got tired halfway through writing about the negatives, so I'm just not feeling this anymore. I'm sorry. The dark side of the internet has weakened me. Hey, it's gotta be doing something right, though, to be weaning me off of watching TV. I didn't turn my TV on much at all over the weekend. It felt good.

So, um, yeah. Go vote if you haven't already.

That's all.

It's the Little Things

2008-10-30T11:30:00.000-07:00

-Yesterday I went to four different costume/resale shops around the East Lakeview area. I found a red trench coat at Ragstock that was two sizes (at least) too large and was missing a prominent button. I felt like a kid playing dressup in the clothes that mom is giving away to goodwill. Today I will go to a couple more places in my desperate attempt to become the nefarious criminal mastermind Carmen Sandiego. If I am not successful, my contingency plans are either a Hello My Name Is sticker ala Oz or Three-Hole Punch Cristina. I see nothing wrong with either of those plans.

-I think I had a delightful run in with several gang members (possibly former gang members) in my elevator at 11 PM last night. I mean, I don't want to be stereotypical or anything, but they appeared to have all kinds of gang tattoos. And they seemed thuggishly inclined. Friendly, but thuggishly inclined. One of them lives in my building and drunkenly slurred something at me like "heyshryathemhrrudaday." I replied "yes, I think so." That seemed to satisfy him and he nodded to the other two. One of them had an empty tear drop tattoo under his left eye. I wonder if he killed someone. I told them to have a nice night when I got off on the 9th floor. They all cheerfully replied back. I can tell that we are going to be friends.

-Remember Josh? No? Well, I didn't either, at first. He's the one who cooked with me in, like, February. We watched Fight Club and made a souffle and then never hung out or spoke ever again. Yeah, he called me the other day, which completely confused me. I didn't even know who he was until the next day, that's how much he took me by surprise. Anyway, he claimed that he'd been trying to reach me, (bullshit) and wanted to invite me to go drinking at The Hopleaf with a bunch of other people. I wasn't really paying attention to the phone call, because I was trying to figure out what was going on when I should've been listening, but I think he said something about his leaving town soon or something. He also invited me to sushi, I think. It all happened so fast! Is it just me, or is this totally weird? Why on earth would he want to hang out with me after such a long time of absolutely no contact. And, more to the point, we had a definite conversation where we agreed to no longer hang out. Why did he keep my number? Currently perplexed.

-Speaking of Fight Club, I've decided that is part of the reason that I want to do Roller Derby. It's the closest legal, female equivalent to Fight Club. I'm not even exaggerating. Looking online, I've seen galleries dedicated to the injuries that women get from this sport, yet they get up and play through the contusions and sprains, and on occasion, breaks. Badass, indeed. "If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?" These women put themselves through so much pain, and I can't even imagine the thrill that it creates. Plus, fun personas, and a true sense of team spirit. Funnily enough, this is the only team sport that I've ever been enthusiastic about doing, and I can't even skate yet. "I am Jack's smirking revenge."

-At work, I've taken to listening to classical music on repeat as I doing/avoiding doing my work. It certainly changes the tone of the day in a much more exciting way than listening to most of what's on my iPod. Current selections are In the Hall of the Mountain King and Danse Macabre. Winter is approaching, so I may get into a Wagnerian mood next.

-Current page count for da book: 9. I never said I was a fast writer.

-I think my next DVD purchase may be Pan's Labyrinth. I'd really like to see it again, at least.

-I'm shocked I haven't watched any scary movies yet this Halloween season. SHOCKED. I even have three different Hitchcock movies from Netflix waiting for me on my coffee table. I'm sorry, awesomely freaky movies. Maybe I'll get to you around Christmas.

-Currently reading American Psycho, however, so maybe that makes up for it. Patrick Bateman makes me more afraid of the yuppies in my neighborhood than those potential gang members from the elevator.

-Shredding may be my favorite work related task ever. I like to keep the binder clips as hunting trophies. When I look at them stacked in my drawer, I sometimes relive the thrill of the shred. Is that creepy?

-Tomorrow, I'm going to wear my Vampire t-shirt to work in celebration of the Halloween casual day. It's time my coworkers found out about me once and for all.

When You are Dying, I'll Be Still Alive

2008-10-29T10:55:00.000-07:00

So, I've recently discovered the musical stylings of one Jonathan Coulton. Well, he was recommended to me, that is. Amazing, simply amazing.

I actually found the song "Still Alive" a while back on my own. That's the song playing over the end credits of the computer game Portal, which I'm actually thinking about buying, because it's apparently an amazing puzzle game. The song was written by Jonathan Coulton, and is quite hilarious. It's basically the computer congratulating you on beating at and giving you passive-aggressive warnings about how it's still alive. It's really funny, and I've never even played the game. I first found it because I saw a clip of Felicia Day, Penny from Dr. Horrible, singing it with him at ComiCon.

He tends to write songs that are about the weirdest topics, from an giant squid to a zombie attack to a surprisingly sad/touching song about Laika. Yes, the first dog in space. They're amazing. And, not just in a funny, dorky way. They're genuinely good songs, in my opinion. He does a hilarious cover of "Baby Got Back."

I guess I just wanted to share the love. Right now I've got "Still Alive" stuck in my head, and I wanted to let people know that.

You should listen to these songs. Here, have some links:

Still Alive
The Future Soon
Skullcrusher Mountain
Creepy Doll
I Crush Everything
re: Your Brains
and the touching Space Doggity

Laura Wins

2008-10-27T07:39:00.000-07:00

Okay, I think many of you are aware of the serious arm-twisting that my dear friend Laura has been giving me in the past few weeks. Ever since going with her and Eric to see Roller Derby in September, I've been interested in the sport. I mean, seriously, it's hardcore. All you really need to know is that it's a bunch of tough, heavily tattooed women on roller skates trying to kill each other. Awesome. They also have fantastically funny punny names.

Actually, let me amend this by saying that after I saw my first bout, the battle was all inside me. It seems like incredibly good fun, as well as a great release from, you know, regular life. Obviously it's lots of hard work and practice and stuff. It's not like I'm doing anything else with my free time. So, yeah, I've been going back and forth and back and forth. The arguments are mainly, "but you don't know how to skate!" and "but it looks awesome!"

I finally told myself, I said "Self, if not knowing how to skate is the only thing that's bothering you, why don't you just learn?"

So, yeah, I bought some damn skates. They're cheap and probably no good, but I figure they'd be perfect for learning how to do basic stuff. This is just enough time for me to try out come next year's tryouts in June. I like to have good, um, cushions of time to learn new skills. I think 8 months is a good time period to learn how to skate. I've even thought up a few decent names. I figure that if I'm daydreaming about this, it's probably a good thing to actually try.

See! Even now I'm talking myself into it, even though I've already invested at least minimal time and effort into this. This could end up being my new thing. Here, check out the website.

Get excited, people.

The Process Sucks

2008-10-21T08:45:00.000-07:00

Okay, since I announced that I am writing a book I haven't exactly been, um, writing. I love my idea. I love my characters. I love my world. It's the easiest thing in the world for me to plan out a story. As I've always had an overactive imagination, it's remarkably easy for me to create new realities and stuff. Some people probably think that I've been tiptoeing the line of sanity my whole life. Whenever I remember my dreams, they're never boring. I mean, my crazy imagination is the reason I get so damn into the various fandoms that I've gotten into--I fall into new worlds very easily. So y'all can understand that the planning of the book(s?), developing of the characters, and so on is great fun for me.

It's the writing that's the bitch. I forgot the horror that looking at a white screen with just a damn cursor creates. Especially when you've got so much to say, and you just don't know where to start. And it's just there blinking at you. Mocking you with it's metronome-like beats. And then you wonder if you've gotten in over your head, since this is the part that really matters. Who cares if you have an awesome story, if all you can do is stare at that cursor. So you write one line. Then two. You make the mistake of reading them. They're really bad. Who would read this garbage? So you erase it, taking each character away in a desperate attempt to win back your sanity. I know I can write. I know it's in me. You're too self-conscious now. What's a good way to introduce your main character? Waking up? No, no that's waaay too trite. How about through the eyes of other characters? No, that's just confusing when I start to tell the story from the character's POV. How about an inciting event that is the backdrop for the action, which will happen later? Eh, but where's my protagonist in all of this?

So, I take a break. I clear my head. I read. I'm exhausted. My arm hurts. No, concentrate! I manage to finally write some more, but I run into the same problems. I'm not even sure I know who this person is anymore. Why should readers care who in the hell he is, anyway? Why do I even want to do this? What am I trying to say anymore?

Hell with it. I took my laptop to Clarke's on Sunday, and I sat and wrote. That third person crap wasn't working, so I just rambled for about two pages from my protagonist's point of view regarding what he thinks of the world. And you know, that was the very first time that I got him. I actually understood what's driving him and how he sees himself. Not the most reliable narrator in the world, but there's nothing wrong with that. I finally saw what I needed to see. And no, he doesn't think like me. Not at all. His voice is more authoritative. More cocky and sure of himself. I don't necessarily share his views. But I like him, even though he's kind of a jerk. I think I'll write the story in his first-person point of view, as I've realized that it seems to be the easiest way for me. The hardest part is making sure he sounds like a guy all the time, since I'm not even going to pretend that I naturally understand how male minds work. But I can figure that part out easily enough.

Just got my second wind, guys. I'm officially excited about this again.

I Just Flew In from [insert generic city]

2008-10-16T08:19:00.000-07:00

and boy are my arms tired! rimshot

That's what some people think about stand up comedy. Either that or an endless flood of mediocre, tasteless jokes told by an overgrown, possibly drunk frat boy who has been told he's funny his entire life. He's not.

I think this is why comedy has gotten such a bad rap from the public. It's not really seen as hard work, even though I think it's probably one of the hardest performance arts out there. Think about it. Last night I wanted to cheer when Kathy Griffin called Bullshit on Sarah Palin's difficulties as a woman in politics. Try being a female stand up comic indeed.

But, I do enjoy good comedy. Always have. I went through a rather, um, uncomfortable phase when I was determined to try it. I'm glad I talked myself down, because that would probably have been humiliating to the tenth degree. Plus, I'm not really that funny in person. I do respect people that can do that for a living, though. That takes mad skills and some rhino-thick hide.

Having said that, I tried to think about what I do find funny. Like, why do I like particular comedian/iennes and make it a point to revile others. I think it has to do with self-deprecation in comedy sets. I really like people who possess the ability to make fun of themselves, as it makes them much more human and really does provide an endless font of material. Kathy Griffin does that very well. Certainly she rips into other celebrities, but makes fun of herself the most. That's cool. Plus, I think she's genuinely a very funny person. Which I've discovered not all comedians actually are.

To be honest, I think I like female comics (on the whole) more than most male comics for that very reason. I feel like guys take themselves far more seriously than women do. Way to generalize and be stereotypical, Cristina; I know. But that's what I'm getting. Maybe that's because women have to work harder, and frankly be that much funnier to get crowds. The stereotypical comment that I've heard my whole life is that women are simply not funny. Many guys actually do think this.

Okay, so not true. But maybe they have to work harder to be found funny by people that think that. Also, it makes sense that women tend to have a different kind of sense of humor than men do, and rarely do the twain meet. I mean, don't get me wrong--I like comedy from male stand ups as well. Eddie Izzard is unbelievably amazing, and if it didn't cost the soul of my first born child to get into one of his shows, I'd go. (for a really great way to kill some time at work or um, at home, because being on the internet at work is WRONG: go here) But his comedy isn't really "guy comedy." You know the kind: ranting about the old ball & chain, talking about doing really stupid shit when drunk, and generally being an asshole to people. It seems crueler somehow. Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm well aware that Kathy Griffin is an asshole to people. Certainly--it's her schtick. But not in that "guy" way. She has her reasons for being a jerk, and they make sense. She's all about taking people down, who kind of deserve it, not because she just wants to be mean. That's why celebrities hate her: she can see through them, and will let people know that.

Perhaps I'm overgeneralizing. I like lots of male comedians, and I get their jokes. George Carlin and Kathy Griffin can be enjoyed by the same people, and not just because the both say "fuck" a lot. I guess I'm getting sick of the smugness that lots of male comics bring to the table. I think, as a rule, women don't get that way, because expectations are different for them. If a woman brings down the house, you know she earned it all the way.

[ETA: This has nothing to do with comedic actors. That's something different. This is about stand-up comedy, which is probably a dying art. Different rules and different set of standards.]

Much of this has probably been fueled by the simple fact that I cannot stand Dane Cook. He's just not funny, and pretty much exemplifies how people think that "random" is funny. It's not. Stop feeding his ego, people. Maybe then people will stop paying him to be in really horrible-looking movies. Think of the children!

Maybe I'm just looking for another way to cry "Misogyny!" This is probably very unfair to lots of male comedians who have also had to rise through the trenches to get where they are now. Even Jeff Foxworthy had to work hard to perfect his "you might be a redneck" sets. I just want to see more funny women these days. I know they're out there somewhere, biting their tongues at some jerk guy who just told a really bad joke.

And if anyone thinks I'm being unfair (which I may very well be) or has any thoughts on the matter, please comment! I'm still trying to parse my own feelings about this. I probably won't even get argumentative and defensive with you!

And now, take my wife! Please!

God Hollywood, Stop Sucking So Bad

2008-10-09T10:03:00.000-07:00

I'm a creature of habit, as many of you know. I like to go home after a long day's work, play with the cats, surf the 'net (IF I EVER GET MY NEW COMPUTER), maybe pop some corn and catch up with my stories.

I have shows that I regularly watch and a few others that I'm just beginning to get into. For me, television is a necessary component in unwinding after a tiring [read:boring] day. I need something to grip me, or else I'll just slip into a stupor. Reading is great (especially for the bus rides), but sometimes I need to see the story. And there are some great ones out there.

Let me take this opportunity to thank the studios for finally paying their writers what they deserve, because some of the cleverest writing out there is on TV. I mean, it really makes sense, if you think about it: TV writers have to cram a full story into either 1 hour or 30 minutes. The dialogue has to be crisp and clever, and the story has to progress efficiently, with just enough left hanging to keep the viewer coming back for more next week. I like TV, okay.

I like certain shows, too. They may not always be the "best" shows on TV, but they normally have something fun to hook me with. Like Summer Glau. Speaking of Terminator: TSCC, I'm worried. I think they're going to cancel the show this season, because the ratings aren't that great. Okay, so it's the Terminator TV show. I get that people might think that's ridiculous. But, I actually really like it. Not only is it full of fun action sequences, but it's really secretly a heartwarming family show. With killer robots! And I fear for its safety. I really hope Fox doesn't pull the plug soon, but I think it's going to happen.

Pushing Daisies is adorable. It may push every boundary of realism, and be kind of sugary sweet, but it completely embraces it. It's so damn cute, and the stories are so bizarre and over the top that it actually really works. It's like if Tim Burton decided, "Hell with it, I'm producing something CHEERFUL." According to a headline I just read (which inspired this whole post), more people are watching Knight Rider, which is a horrific remake of a sci-fi TV show **coughbionicwomancough**. Really? That show doesn't even look fun, for all its flashy special effects. I don't think I have to worry about this show yet, but I'm more on edge than I want to be.

The Riches is officially cancelled. That really sucks, but I'm not surprised. FX didn't give it a good chance, and I think the Writer's Strike killed it, as the past season seemed really rushed and random. That's really a shame, because it was an interesting concept and I really enjoyed watching Eddie Izzard and Minnie Driver onscreen together.

Thank god for new pleasures. I'm always late in the game with certain shows, since my curiosity for them is inevitably killed by approximately 200 people ordering me to check out this particular TV show. I'm sure it's wonderful, but you sound like a crazy person. Don't you talk about "glass houses" to me! Stop it. There's a reason that I haven't actually watched The Wire yet. Anyway, I finally broke down and watched a House marathon on USA, and okay, crazy people, it's a really good procedural. And a breath of fresh air from the currently stale medical dramas and L&O. Hugh Laurie is kind of amazing, and I do have lots of fun playing "what else was he/she in?" with the guest stars. Seriously good guest stars. And did I mention Hugh Laurie? This is a good show to sit and watch if you have an hour to kill.

I'm finally watching Mad Men as well. And, AND, I watched it before it won the Emmy. Check my Twitter feed if you don't believe me. It's so good that I've got a series recording of it set up on my DVR. I don't do that for any other show. Even the shows that I actually do regularly record. Amazing cast (including the incredible Christina Hendricks AKA YoSaffBridge from Firefly), compelling scripts (Marti Noxon just joined the writing staff for anyone who might know who she is), and set/wardrobe to die for. I highly recommend it, although be warned, it's not a fast moving show, and you have to pay attention to details. I'm incredibly impressed that it actually won the Emmy, as it's not the flashiest show out there. But it certainly deserved it, in my point of view. Hollywood done good. Even though I read another headline somewhere that more people watch that horrible Scott Baio show than probably even know what Mad Men is. That's appalling, but I believe it.

Thankfully I've also got shows like The Office and 30 Rock (when it eventually comes back) to fall back on. But other than that, I can't help but think that TV is getting really, really bad. Did y'all see the previews for Kath & Kim? Yikes. Is this what the vast majority of America wants to see? Really?

Please stop taking away the shows that I do watch, in order to cater to the loutish masses.

Please.

Fine, I'll be over here waiting patiently for Dollhouse to premiere.

Costume? What Costume?

2008-10-02T11:38:00.000-07:00

I realize that it's October again, which normally means Halloween is here. The Walgreens also gave me some hints about that. I normally phone in a costume. I mean, last year's vampire wasn't exactly inspired. I don't ever really have fun with it, even that one year that I was the pimp. I think my hos had a better time, to be perfectly honest.

I think I realized my problem: they never represent me. Who I am. Blah blah Halloween is about being something not you, blah blah. But no! That's not really true, is it? Where's the fun in being a character or thing that you don't like/aren't comfortable with? I now know what I have to do: just embrace my inner geek and be done with it.

This doesn't mean that I'm going to be, like, Princess Leia or something. That's just unoriginal. I don't want to be something that everyone gets. I'd like to be something that even just a single person can come up to me and say "awesome." Isn't that the point of geekdom?

But, still, I don't want to go too crazy with it. I'm actually a pretty low-level geek, as far as my interests go. I ain't touching Star Trek, or anything else that is notorious for its Conventions.

Here are some ideas:

1. A random person living in The Village. Perhaps even a Number 2! This is actually seeming more and more like the right option. The extras on the TV show (which I am admittedly watching these days) always wear the bizarrest crap. It's all rainbow colors and strange capes, and crazy hats. The Penny Farthing Bicycle is the symbol for the village. It's pretty awesome. Also it's an amazing show, which I highly recommend. Ooh, I could also carry a blown up white balloon to represent "Rover." I really like this idea.

2. Sarah Freakin' Connor. This is basically my costume to indulge badassitude. Seriously. I could go for the insane asylum, pen-stabbing, pajama-wearing Sarah Connor. Or I could do the tank-top & ray ban military look. What props other than fake guns could I use, though? The dismembered head of a Terminator? This could be an option.

3. Kaylee Frye. Betcha thought that I would've said something related to Buffy, right? Nope. I'm not even going to try to relate in any way physically to Sarah Michelle Gellar or Alyson Hannigan. Plus, those aren't really costumes. More like nice(ish) clothes. Naw, Kaylee is a much better choice; she'll also be pretty easy to duplicate. A mixture of frontier-wear and Chinese-inspired clothing. I could even carry that umbrella that she had in Serenity (pilot, not movie). A cute choice, and maybe I'll meet some drunken Browncoats or something. Gotta show Firefly some love these days too!

4. Agent Dana Scully. I'd just wear my suit. This is a horrible idea. Let's move on.

5. Speaking of horrible, a Captain Hammer groupie. All that a Captain Hammer groupie would really need is a Captain Hammer t-shirt. Who wouldn't want a picture of Nathan Fillion on their shirt! Alternatively, I could go as one of the members of the Evil League of Evil. There were a few women, like Fury Leika or Snakebite or Tie-Die. I'm having way too much fun with this.

6. CARMEN SANDIEGO. It's all about the red trenchcoat & fedora & hilariously named henchmen. I think this one speaks for itself. I could find a miniature version of the Eiffel Tower and carry it around with me. This may be too broad, though. Awesome, but broad.

That's all that I can think of for now. Does anyone have any suggestions? I'm open to thoughts. This may be one of the first Halloweens that I actually get excited about what I'm going to go as.

The 2008 Evil Ticket

2008-09-26T12:39:00.000-07:00

In anticipation of the debate, here are a couple of articles that take another approach to interpreting the current political candidates.

Obama v. McCain

Biden v. Palin

That's it. Work exploded today, so this is the best I can do with regards to any sort of update. Good weekend everyone! Go watch the debate tonight!

Hint: It's About a "Villain"

2008-09-25T11:02:00.000-07:00

I need a new computer. Sooner would be better, as my current computer apparently does not want to be charged up anymore. I think I'm just going to take the hard drive out of the ole Dell so that I can keep my information somehow. I'm looking at the new Dell Inspiron 1525, and it seems like a decent deal. Also, it comes in cool new colors!

In other news, I'm still trying desperately to write something. I obliquely mentioned a while back that I'm kinda sorta trying to write a book. The idea seems strong right now, but for some reason the words aren't coming out onto the page properly anymore. I've outlined and thematacized and character sketched and all that fun stuff, but the actual story isn't coming out right. I think I'm overthinking things and being too perfectionist about it.

It's okay to make mistakes and suck. It's okay to make mistakes and suck.

I know that, brain! However, this is incredibly frustrating, because I've had this idea for the better part of a year now, and have developed it from a loose sketch of an idea into something which can possibly stand on its own merit. Of all things to possibly give me a creative bump, it was something in the movie D.E.B.S. I know! I sketched out my first ideas for the story on a train ride back from Peoria last Thanksgiving. Dr. Horrible is also similar theme-wise (which is maybe making me so afraid to try--damn you Joss Whedon). In fact, all this recent "Oh woe is me, I don't know what I want to do in life. OH, I know, I'll be a movie director and tell wonderful celluloid stories, yadda yadda yadda" stuff started because of the sudden, incredible desire to tell this one story. So, you know, best answer is to actually write a damn book.

I feel like I've been watching too much TV and getting into too big of a rut recently, as well. This blog isn't nearly as interesting as it should be for a 23 year old living in one of the biggest cities in the good ole US of A. My solution has been to read voraciously. So far, it's been reigniting the need to tell the story, but until recently, I really haven't had great inspiration.

The Sirens of Titan was really really great, and although Vonnegut is both quite deep and quirky as hell, his style isn't something that can inspire me in writing. It's amazing, but doesn't resonate with what I'm "writing." Twilight actually helped, in that it showed me how to not write a compelling book. I can learn bunches about proper characterization, plot, and development of a meaningful theme by looking at what Stephanie Meyer didn't do. Am I still being too mean to her book? Perhaps. Regardless of my personal anger towards it, the book is, after all, really only a poorly plotted bodice-ripper with no actual bodice ripping, and probably good for someone to read at a day on the beach. HOWEVER, if that thin read can inspire such a rabid (terrifying to even an unabashed Whedon fan) fanbase and make that much money, maybe my little idea can at least interest someone somewhere.

So now I'm reading 1984. YES! Not only is it changing my mood and making me more paranoid/ more obliged to express myself than ever before, but the themes of the book are keeping with slightly similar themes that my world will contain. Not to mention, it's a hell of a good read. Now if only my computer at home could work, so that I can actually start to get some ideas out, without the sheer paranoia that slacking off at work now creates.

Thank you, Winston Smith. Your defiant journaling has helped me to remember why I wanted to write in the first place. Maybe I can finally force myself to do it.

They Literally Sparkle. SPARKLE!

2008-09-22T11:12:00.001-07:00

Okay, here's the deal: I kind of hate Twilight. To be fair, I never really thought I'd like it, but having sat through the first book, I can honestly affirm that it's not worth the hype.

Here's what I dislike about it:

1. The protagonist never has to work for a damn thing. NEVER. She is automatically (inexplicably) popular with everyone at her new school, including the mysterious hottest boy alive (or is he?!), and she can get pretty much anything she wants with remarkably little effort. Everything just kind of happens to her, which not only makes me bored with her, but does not advance the plot in any substantial way. Also, she's kind of annoying. As in, she treats everyone/everything she encounters with disdain automatically, and never seems to treat anything with proper respect as a default. I'm okay with an unlikable protagonist. It's interesting, and can be incredibly refreshing. But, I honestly think we're supposed to like her. What's worse, we're supposed to identify with her.

2. To go along with point #1, which is really like 3 points all together, the actual conflict of the book happens 375 pages in. HOLY CRAP, THAT'S BAD. The first 3/4 was total fluff. And not even believable fluff. And, on top of that, the conflict doesn't last for more than three or four chapters. Conflict is essential in driving both character and plot, so you can tell what I mean when I say that the vast majority of the story had zero conflict. Minor instances of confrontation (both physical and psychological) are taken care of almost immediately, and rarely by the protagonist herself. Blah.

3. Okay, this is the biggest one. For me, at least. The book pretty much has Victorian ideals. Edward isn't particularly charming, and worse, has completely antiquated values that are supposed to be seen as romantic and loving. Bella Swan has just thrust a new generation of women back into the 1800s, by being a supposedly smart, independent girl (inexplicably) falling in love with a jerkish, uptight, domineering guy. I don't care that he's randomly in love with you--you don't need to be protected. PROTECTED. GOD. It really doesn't help that the character of Edward is as cold as his body temperature. You know it's a bad sign when the only words to describe Edward are adjectives like "beautiful," "Adonis-like," and "statuesque." The last one I meant to mean like an actual statue. He's actually described to be hard as stone and just as cold. Not attractive. But apt in describing his personality. Good job, Bella, for telling a new generation of women that in order to be happy, they need to devote everything they have to one beautiful guy, regardless of any actual personality match, and let him tell them what to do/ protect them, oh those gentle waifs.

4. The vampires are so freakin' lame. For example, did you know that the true reason that vampires can't go out in the sunlight is because they sparkle. Like glitter in the sun. DUDE. What the hell? And they don't seem to be particularly threatening (at least so far in the series). Edward always talks about the drawbacks of being a vampire which, so far, seem to be the painful death/rebirth. Seriously? My favorite monster deserves so much better than that.

So that's my deal. I agree with one particular review I read where the reviewer said that it basically read like fluffy fanfiction. Totally. I mean, I do understand the appeal, and that's why I'm so upset--it had potential. Vampire love stories/romantic versions of vampires/ism are totally my bread and butter. I read Anne Rice's books (before she became born-again and renounced poor Lestat) and loved them. Lestat was an amazingly romantic/tragic vampire figure, with a teenage girl following. But at least those were well-written, regardless of soft-core pornographic influences.

[ETA: Perhaps the later books are deeper/better, but I don't care to find out. The actual reviews seem to indicate that they get worse as the series goes on, and I'll go along with that.]

I have to say, reading this after watching Buffy (I KNOW, I PROMISED NOT TO TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE, BUT THIS IS RELEVANT. I'll stop yelling now...) makes me kind of uncomfortable. Buffy was a phenomenal role model for girls, even when she got all doe-eyed over attractive vampire men; this is because she always stayed true to herself and fought for her voice. It didn't matter that she is physically strong and "the chosen one," because we can identify with her personality--which is that of a very teenage girl. She goes through pain and heartache and dealing with jackass vampire boyfriends, but faces it head on and comes out stronger for it. I love Buffy for that. Bella Swan does nothing for me. I sincerely fear for girls who think that Bella Swan is a more relatable character than Buffy Summers.

To end this rant to end all rants, here is one webcomic that NAILS my thoughts on the book: Twilight Sucks.

Hee

2008-09-15T09:50:00.001-07:00

Have I mentioned recently how Tina Fey is my hero? Amazing.

I'm never going to stop wearing glasses like these.

Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

2008-09-12T09:05:00.000-07:00

Why I love The Office Woo! September 25th for the premiere! Excitement!

I still can't figure out how to embed videos from youtube in my blog posts. It's incredibly frustrating, as this post would've been much cooler if it were the actual video. Bah.

Oh, and I think I've spoiled myself as to who I think will win Project Runway this season. Since Twitter is the new thing that all the cool kids are doing these days, the guys at Project Rungay have been twittering from the Bryant Park runway show. Although, I thought I knew last season too, and changed my mind when I actually saw the episode. Maybe technology isn't the greatest thing in the world after all. I should just shut up and watch the damn show, shouldn't I?

Also, I love A Softer World. I always end up forgetting about it for the longest time, but then remember randomly, and have a wonderful time catching up in the archive. Twisted humor/touching moments at their very best.

Have a good weekend, y'all.

Media Alert!

2008-09-10T07:34:00.000-07:00

Since I know everyone is so interested in my thoughts about what I am reading/watching/making up, here's an update on stuff! Yay vague stuff!

I recently read The Sirens of Titan by Vonnegut. One of the Vonnegut books that I haven't read so far. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. This is a perfect example of how Vonnegut can create fun light-hearted fiction, with wonderful undercurrents of societal/religious commentary. Very interesting stuff. I am looking forward to rereading it, which is something I haven't gotten to say in a while. I came out feeling much better for humanity, which is always a plus.

To provide a stark contrast, I'm finally reading Twilight. Let me preface this by saying that I am already biased against the book(s), based upon particular fan reactions as well as interviews I've read. I'm reading it out of sheer curiousity, though. So far, I understand why people like it, but I also understand why I probably won't. I'm honestly trying to give it a chance, but it just may not happen. Sorry, fans! Maybe I'll secretly fall for it, but right now I'm just feeling "ehn." I'm sure I'll have a much more pretentious rant about this later.

On the silver screen, I managed to watch most of the premiere of Fringe last night. So far, I'm getting that this is a combination of The X-Files and Lost. I mean, that makes sense since it's made by the guy who created Lost. Eh, it could have potential, or just be really confusing and bad. Like the later seasons of The X-Files. No Mulder and Scully, though, so the potential of the idea of the show isn't as high. Eh, I'll try to watch it, probably DVR it, but not need to watch it live. This is what I'm guessing. Investigating supernatural events just doesn't have the same flair if it's not in the woods of Canada.

I think that's pretty much it. Project Runway tonight. I'm warming up to this season. And actually starting to like a few of the designers. Is it just me or is the female talent pool this season significantly better than the male talent pool? Certainly at this point, I think. Get ready for that move to Lifetime, everybody!

I think I need to figure out when my favorite tv shows are coming back to the air, or I'll completely miss them. I actually caught some of the new 90210 show just because it was something new on TV. THIS IS PROBLEMATIC. I need my Office fix, as well as Pushing Daisies, The Riches, and Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. And probably a few more that I'm forgetting. I can't remember what original programming felt like. Well, that isn't a reality tv show. PLEASE MAKE ME STOP WATCHING THEM.

Okay, have to go, as I am very busy and important.

Excuse Me, I Have to Wash the Tool out of My Hair

2008-08-27T15:48:00.001-07:00

Okay, so I just had a very interesting interaction at the bus stop on my way back from work. Here it is in its entirety. Italics represent my thoughts, but you could've probably figured that out for yourself. Behold how my foot sinks further and further into my mouth!

La la la. Waiting for the bus stop. Oh, that's a person I recognize. She was in my graduating class. Oh crap, what was her name? Is she one of those people who will make a point to not acknowledge me, because we both went to the U of C, or really friendly because of it? Oh god, don't look, don't look. Pretend you're looking at the street for the bus. You're not creepily observant, no siree. Oh shoot, she's coming up to me. Waving! She's waving now. What'shernamewhat'shernamewhat'shername? She's here. Quick, pretend you didn't see her until this very moment!

Me: Hi! How's it going?
Classmate I can't remember: Hi, do you remember me? We went to the University of Chicago together.

What'shernamewhat'shernamewhat'shername?

Me: Of course! How are you? I didn't see you. Liar.
Classmate I can't remember: Yeah, you're Cristina from San Antonio, right?

Crap.

Me: Um, yeah that's right...

I can't believe we don't remember her name. She was in that thing that we did before school started. She was nice. God, WHAT IS HER NAME? Why can you remember Buffy's middle name, and you're blanking on who this real person is? You're never going to be able to improvise, so you better fess up.

Me: Um, I'm really sorry, but I don't remember your...
Classmate I can't remember: Melissa.

Oh YEAH. We had that thing together.

[At this point in the narrative, the part of the Classmate I can't remember will be played by Melissa, whom I marginally remember.]

Me: Oh yeah we had uhm...
Melissa: HUM together.
Me: Right. HUM. YES! THAT'S RIGHT.

Oh, god, would you look at yourself? Why are you practically yelling at her? Overcompensate much? Oh yeah, keep gesticulating wildly, 'cause you don't look like a massive tool at all.

Me: So how are you?

You've said that like five times now, seriously. Is that my bus? Please let that be my bus.

Melissa: Good. So, are you still living in Chicago?
Me: Yeah, I work right there in that building.
Melissa: Which one?
Me: That one. The one I'm pointing at.

Okay, finally she's looking in the right place. Oh, I think she's still talking. I can't hear her. God, what if she's asking me something? Oh, she's done now. SMILE AND NOD. SMILE AND NOD.

Melissa: You went to the reunion thing a few months ago, right?
Me: Yeah, it was fun.
Melissa: Yeah, I saw you there. I wanted to say hi, but didn't get the chance to.
Me: Oh, yeah, it was crazy crowded.

Okay, now you've created an awkward silence. Quick be funny, or self-depricating, or clever. GOD, WHAT USE ARE YOU?

Melissa: Well, I have to go to the gym now. But I just wanted to say hi, because it was so nice to see a familiar face.
Me: Yes! So nice! It was really nice to see you too.

And she's walking off now. I think we just had a sitcom moment. A bad sitcom moment. You're kind of a dick. You know that, right? When's the damn bus getting here?

Additional Awesomeness

2008-08-26T09:15:00.001-07:00

As a PS other other other other thing, check it.

I just found this movie test, and it's by far one of the more creative ones I've ever played.

Here, give it a whirl: http://www.stationerymovies.com/

I originally got 14/20, which I'm pretty proud of, since I haven't seen many of the movies.

Kay, go about your business now.

OMG NEW POST

2008-08-26T07:47:00.000-07:00

I swear that I will never use "omg" again in my life. And if I do, someone please point it out, because I'm sure my look of horror will be quite amusing.

I haven't felt too talky recently, and I guess that's okay. And, yesterday, after my landlady finally informed me that my August rent check bounced (which I was expecting--also, just in time for September rent, which makes me oh-so-happy), I confirmed that yes, I will be renewing my lease. For the box. I guess I only have myself to blame, since I shut myself off during the crucial apartment finding weeks. I also really, really didn't want to actually move. I'm okay with it, but eh. Just eh. After I get the rent thing situated, I think I'm going to try to fix up the apartment to try to make it feel less dorm-like and more like a place that I can actually comfortably live in. Some organization would be nice as well, and would go a long way towards helping me feel like a real person.

In other news, Gus is turning into a dog. He now demands belly rubs. Frequently. Whenever I come home, grumbling from a long day's work, he gives me a plaintive meow and flops himself upside down on the ground. I don't really know how this started, but I really like it. He's getting to be a very sweet cat, and isn't nearly as neurotic as I thought he'd end up being. Nubs, meanwhile, is getting just plain weird, which I'm sure is my influence entirely. She now has a favorite creepy hobby: watching me brush my teeth. I swear, every morning and every evening, whenever I go to brush my teeth she tears across the apartment, jumps on the toilet, and stares at me. I'm not even exaggerating. I wonder what's so fascinating about my teeth. Maybe she's trying to tell me that I should schedule a dentist's appointment. Naw, it's probably just "Hey. You. Get me my shiny mouse from under the table." They're good people, those cats.

In other other news, WHY DON'T I OWN THIS T-SHIRT? I may have to go to the Threadless store this weekend or something. Oh, and to finish up the Buffy talk (which I'm now totally done with, by the way) I took a pretty involved Buffy personality test last week, and I'm totally Willow! A. Awesome, she's always been my favorite character, since I was, like, 12! B. I REALLY AM SO WILLOW. C. I guess this means all y'all better, uh, watch out? When I eventually snap, I'm going to SNAP. Maybe a vacation is in order.

In other other other news, I'm writing a book! Or, well, trying that is. More on this to follow, but I've got a pretty solid idea, and am now trying to get past the writer's block/horrible numbing fear of failure. Wish me luck!

Your Logic is Insane and Happenstance, Like that of a Troll

2008-08-07T12:23:00.000-07:00

I was going to write a mournful blog posting about how my apartment hates me and wants me to suffer as much as humanly possible; however, since seeing a psychic on Sunday, and having to deal with a CRAZY MAD RUSH OF WORK here, I'm pretty much over that. By the by, I totally took out my bag o' runes on Monday morning before work, and asked what the day would be like (as ya do), pulling out one rune randomly to represent what would be going on in the day. The one I took out means "thorn" and is used to represent intense struggle or conflict that a person would expect to go through. Later on at work I put in 55 files in the database (normally, I put in fewer than 5 a day) and then we got 8 MASSIVELY HIGH PRIORITY files that needed to be dealt with immediately. Needless to say, it has been a stressful situation here. I guess that reinforced my belief in what the psychic told me, cause apparently the forces of nature are trying to beat something into my head. Cool.

In other news, I finally finished my impressive marathon of Buffy the Vampire Slayer a couple of days ago. I think it had a damn good ending, and I gotta admit, I got a little misty eyed during the emotional climax. The ending was very successful in keeping with the themes that the show has reinforced since the pilot. Many fans hated the finale, but I thought it worked really well and had a wonderful emotional payoff. Afterwards, I immediately watched the commentaries on the first two episodes, and it was so crazy. The show changed so much in seven years, in terms of character development and scope, and going back to the beginning again was quite jarring. And also, quite cool. Some episodes (and seasons **cough6cough**) were misses, but overall, it's still one of the best shows I've ever seen. I know I've been heavy with the Joss love recently, but damn can that man write. In a single episode he can make you all melty with the romance, then laugh at the funny, then rip your still-happy heart out of your chest. I'm so looking forward to Dollhouse just to see what new stuff he can pull out of his magic hat. (Actually, let me say that there are some things I don't agree with in his writing--namely that nobody can ever actually be happy. I know that's how drama is created, but it seems like he's gotten too predictable about how he treats relationships; basically, once characters start being happy together, something horrible is going to happen to one of them. He can't not do it. Whatever, he's still one of the best people at crafting compelling stories, and I'll watch and enjoy anything he creates.)

As an interesting segue, I think I've made a new friend in my building. I've always been friendly with people in the building, and have had many talks in the elevator, but ever since losing both the power and the water, we have been as kin. United in some unholy war against the elements. Bitching about being unable to go to work. It's been fun. But I've chit-chatted with this girl before, and she seems pretty similar to me in general. She's on my floor, so I catch her going to the elevator sometimes, and we chat about stupid stuff. I mentioned I just rewatched all of Buffy and she got really excited. Turns out she does it pretty regularly, and sees nothing wrong with my Joss-love. I think we could be friends. If I see her again sometime soon, I may invite her to hang out, since I don't know too many people on the north side still. It would be nice to have a geeky pal who lives near me (as in down the hall!).

I'm Getting Sicker by the Hour

2008-08-01T12:47:00.000-07:00

Can y'all believe it's already August? I can't. Where has this summer gone? I didn't do anything fun outside. At all. I guess there's still time, but I am slightly disheartened by the fact I am so capable of wasting opportunities. Let's go to the zoo!

In the meanwhile, I've taken to creeping myself out at work. I've already mentioned TV Tropes, which has all sorts of trope definitions and examples from different sorts of media, as well as real life. They're usually written in a fairly entertaining manner, as well, which often leads to hours of wasted time giggling to myself in front of my computer. My coworkers probably think I'm completely insane.

And, I kind of am, as I've taken to creeping myself the hell out through certain aspects of this website called: Rule of Scary, Nightmare Fuel, Nightmare Fuel Unleaded, And I Must Scream, and the wonderful examples provided in Nightmare Valley (Uncanny Valley taken to its creepiest extreme.) The video on my Facebook page is actually one of the examples of Nightmare Fuel that I particularly enjoyed. Remember, it was made for children. Reading about them isn't bad enough to creep a person out, but lots of the examples link to Youtube clips (like the above example) and links to pictures. Plenty of quotes too. An example of Nightmare Fuel they provide is a chilling (for me at least) description of the ReDeads in The Legend of Zelda, and what they do to you. They were one of the reasons I used to have such trouble playing those games.

To make a long story short (too late!) I've been saturated in creepiness to the point where it's spilling over into my real life. When I got lunch today, I went to the Thompson Center on Lake. To get to the food court from my building, I have to go down a really slow escalator, and the air gets more stale and hot the further you go down. You have to pass through run down revolving doors to get to the food court area. My first thought when I went down the escalators was "huh, this would be a great place for a lunchtime zombie outbreak." Seriously. So many people in an underground space. Then, access to the outdoors through escalators leading through the building, which is the home base of countless businesses. You could probably infect most of downtown in a manner of hours.

Maybe I need to get outside more, is all I'm saying.

Whiny McWhinerson

2008-07-31T07:41:00.001-07:00

I've been having a not too happy summer. I don't really know why, but I've been in a funk for, like, a month. No real cause for it, but this malaise (post-college malaise perhaps? Alex?) has been settling gradually over the weeks. Maybe it's due to the fact that it's nice outside and I'm cooped up in an office building doing pointless busywork, since we've run out of meaningful busywork. Maybe it's due to the fact that I've been having more money issues than ever before. Maybe it's because my great-aunt has been slowly dying of lung cancer and just passed away last Friday.

Well, whatever the case, I've been shutting down a bit more than normal recently, and I need to cut it out. Mainly because I totally stopped working out. I haven't been pushing myself in the gym as much, and I haven't actually run in weeks. So, this has turned into a cycle of self-abuse. I feel down, so I don't want to go work out, so I don't get endorphins regularly coming in, so I get really out of shape, so I feel even worse. I've been going through endorphin withdrawal! The remedy has been Netflix and ordering in. Not good for my wallet or my health! And when I got Buffy, I've just been watching that and eating ice cream. Not that there's anything wrong with Buffy and ice cream, but I have to be active as well.

I actually realized this over the weekend, and have now managed to run my old pace on Monday and yesterday. This has been really hard to get back into, since I managed to get so out of shape. Tuesday I did some stairstepper (cop out!) and lifted a little. I'm seeing Joel on Sunday, and I'm a little scared. Not only is he going to kick my ass more than normal, but I feel bad about letting him down. I guess I've become one of those cliched people, or clichle, who wants to make her trainer proud. Damn my abusive relationship!

Also, I need to seriously clean my apartment. I wouldn't be surprised if people think I'm actually depressed from the way it looks.

Okay, so that's me. I'm already feeling better, and hopefully I'll be able to stick this one out. In the meantime, here's something happy:

Where the Hell is Matt?

I guess I'm slow on the uptake, because I'd never heard of him before this morning. That was pretty cool.

Why so Serious?

2008-07-29T07:53:00.000-07:00

Okay, saw The Dark Knight on Sunday, and you know I have to throw in my two cents, or else I'll explode much like Marlena in Cloverfield. Firstly, I mostly agree with Eric, who totally beat me in talking about this movie. So...I'll talk about other things.

Spoilers be here, so I'll do the fancy thing and change the color of the text, so you'd have to highlight them to read the spoilers. Cause I need to talk the twists and turns and gut-wrenching moments. Now, Heath Ledger really makes the movie. His Joker was pretty perfect. And I really love the message that the movie was trying to make, and the fact that the Joker was pretty secondary to the plot. Although he was set up as the primary villain, and had the most screen time (which was always awesome), he was mostly a plot device to get the real story rolling (which is mostly why the movie took so long to get going--it was like 2 movies squished together). Harvey Dent becoming Two-Face is the real focus of the story and it was pretty spectacular; mostly because we could completely understand his murderous rage because of his own disfigurement and being party to the traumatic death of the woman he (and Batman!) loved. The Joker pulled a number on him, and we feel truly bad for Dent. He was a real person, unlike the caricature that Tommy Lee Jones portrayed. And the makeup was truly, uh, icky, for lack of a better word. What were those, 5th degree burns? On one level, the Joker won. And, that's pretty cool. But on another, he lost spectacularly, and I think that was even cooler.

I'm referring to the scene with the river boats. The moment that the hardened criminal threw the detonator out of the window, so that the boatload of innocent people could be spared was pretty damn amazing to me. But, maybe I'm a sucker for moments when you realize humanity isn't as crappy as everyone thinks. It just gets me. For a movie that had so many unnecessary scenes, the emotional payoff of all the filmmakers' setup is pretty good.

Now, I'm concerned about the inevitable next movie. How can they not make a third part now with all the money being thrown at them right now? But, who can possibly top Heath Ledger as the Joker? What villain could possibly come close to that? The story as it is now is really interesting, and they set up a great plotline for the next movie, where Batman is concerned. Batman was always towing the line between good guy and bad guy, so it was nice to see a movie where Batman made too many wrong turns, and got much darker than normal--to set up the fact that he's taking the fall for a good man, whom Gotham needs as a symbol more than Batman. The next movie should be interesting. What villain could be brought in, though? Maybe they'll surprise me, but I don't see how they could possibly top that Joker, who is not only Batman's greatest foe, but was also played to perfection. I hope they do surprise me, though, because this interpretation of a comic book is pretty awesome, and I don't want to see it go out with a whimper.

Tacos and Trump Thursday

2008-07-24T11:21:00.000-07:00

I'm a couple of days late on this, but first thing's first, RIP Estelle Getty. My Golden Girls counterpart, Sophia. At this point, I can't say it better than everyone else has, so I'll just go with the now cliched "thank you for being a friend." I totally stole that from The Fug Girls and numerous other places, but whatever, it fits.

As I enjoy my taco dinner from La Cocina, I'm doing something a bit ridiculous. Out of sheer curiosity, I decided to look up the blueprints of the penthouse apartments in the still-rising Trump Tower, which has now become one of the most prominent features of the Chicago skyline. The 89th floor residence (which Donnie has set aside for himself) is particularly ridiculous. Here: Check it out. Dude. And, after a nosy bit of digging, I discovered that the cost of that penthouse is $28 million. 14,260 sq. feet. 5 bedrooms, 6 baths. 16 foot ceilings. Holy crap, Donald Trump. Damn. The only thing that's missing there is an actual library, but seriously, what Billionaires, with a capital B, have time to read, anyway? Kind of puts my crappy little studio into perspective. Not that this penthouse should put anything into perspective, since approximately .0001% of the population can even afford to step foot in it. Even in my world of make believe, I'd never be able to imagine living in a condo like that.

Buffy Update: Not that many of you care, but I'm partway through the third season now. In retrospect, I genuinely believe that the third season was probably the best one of the series. None of the episodes, so far, have been misses; in fact, some of the episodes that I've remembered and cherished for years took place in the third season. Classic Buffy at its best. The vastly tonally different episodes Anne, Band Candy, The Wish, and Amends have all been pretty spectacular, and I'm not even halfway through the season. In fact, I'd say that some of these episodes top even some of the better Firefly episodes. At least for me. That's probably due to the fact that I clearly remember watching them as a teenage girl--the exact demographic that Joss Whedon was writing for. There's just something so satisfying about watching a flawed, emotionally vulnerable girl kick so much ass--kind of makes you feel like you can do anything. Which is kinda the whole point of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, anyway. Not to mention-- VAMPIRES! SO MANY VAMPIRES! That is all.

If anything, this is helping wean me off of Bravo TV. I'll still watch Project Runway, but not as many reruns on weekends. I've got geekier things to do now.

Grr...Argh...

At the Very Least, I'd Have to Read Adorno

2008-07-22T08:06:00.000-07:00

Gather round, all ye readers, for I have discovered something amazing.

In my attempts to better understand the mechanics of the movie-going experience, I have rediscovered my interest in camp. Or rather, a need to understand why people like camp, as I'm not sure I do anymore. Sure, it's fun, but I also find glorying in campiness to be easy and a little too spiteful for a movie-watching experience. Since I miss research (seriously, I DO) and am frequently bored and brain dead at work, I decided to go into the classic UChicago databases to see if I can find any academic materials relating to the analysis of camp in movies. Well, I found some. Not too many, but enough to sate me.

However, what I did discover was the wonderful periodical entitled Cinema Journal. I know, I know, big whoop. Film students everywhere are probably cringing at my newfound joy. I don't care! Two of my favorite interests--analysis and films--together in one source! It's very academic, and probably extremely annoying to analyze film in this way, but I freakin' love it. Listen to what some of the articles are (by the way, I found these by searching "James Bond"): Birth Traumas: Parturition and Horror in "Rosemary's Baby", Feminist Enterprise? "Star Trek: The Next Generation" and the Occupation of Femininity, The Poetics of Horror: More than Meets the Eye, "Too Close for Comfort": "American Beauty" and the Incest Motif, The Metafictional Hitchcock: The Experience of Viewing and the Viewing of Experience in "Rear Window" and "Psycho" and the list goes on and on.

[ETA: I had three well thought out paragraphs after this point, but Blogger decided to have one of its spells, as I tried to publish the post, and lost them (a strange thing, because it had been saving my work regularly, even after I'd written this much). So, the remaining paragraphs have been hastily written through gritted teeth and muttered expletives. Just thought you should know what I do for you people.]

Now I know this sort of analysis often guts the movie-going experience, and seems overly pretentious to even the most annoying academics. Many times, because people often act snarky towards less, um, involved movies, in order to show off how clever they are (another reason why camp isn't so cool anymore). There is a reason why nobody wants to watch movies with U of C kids (And yeah, I know I'm being slightly hypocritical here. Shut up.). Oftentimes, I like to shut out the analytic side of my brain and enjoy a movie simply for the plot presented to me. But, I like knowing that the option is available, if I want to indulge my nerdy leanings. It's funny, but I was never into over-analysis in most of my UChicago classes; however, give me a good movie to watch and I turn into "That Kid." I know I do. I know I annoy people. I don't care. And I know that people can read waaaay too much into movies, but isn't that what entertainment is really about? I mean the fact that you can, at times, enjoy a really good movie on two different levels (at least) is just cool.

Good movies/tv shows/web series are enjoyable no matter how you see them. And, agree or disagree with the points of the above articles, but they are sure to provide interesting food for thought. Movies don't have to be brainless entertainment! Like I've ranted about before, whenever Hollywood makes us work to connect complicated points by presenting them in an entirely entertaining manner, I say that's a damn good movie. DAMN. GOOD.

It's a shame I'm no expert--Cinema Journal seems to favor individuals who can actually articulate using examples from literature, history, cinema classics etc., as opposed to my style, which is more based in gut reactions. I'd love to get into a medium where I can wax poetic on what I find interesting about some movies, and how I read into their many, many onion layers.

...

Wait a second...

Dr. Horrible? Dr. AWESOME!

2008-07-16T09:09:00.001-07:00

What, Are the Birds Going to Explode upon Impact?

2008-07-15T09:16:00.000-07:00

Before I get into the inevitable rant, I've been trying to access the Dr. Horrible website all morning, since the first part of the epic supervillain musical is supposed to be posted today. The site has been clogged by too much traffic ALL MORNING. I guess rabid Joss Whedon fans (Whedonites? Whedonians? Whedes?) are all flocking in droves. DROVES. Can't say I blame them, really. I've been pretty consistently trying to get on since I remembered the first act was going to be posted today. Ah well, I'll see it eventually, and probably geek out over it here.

On to more pressing matters. It has recently come to my attention that a particular movie, which I enjoy highly in its original form, is being remade. That's right, Alfred Hitchcock's avian thriller, The Birds, is being remade. Guess who's the Executive Producer? Go on, take a guess. Give up? MICHAEL BAY. Yeah, Mr. Let's Sacrifice Plot Development so we Can Have Big Explosions and Improbable Action. This is the guy that RUINED the X-Men franchise for me, because he changed the whole tone of the series, making it more about action and less about the social issues, which is the heart of the X-Men series. Just because it's a comic book doesn't mean you can gloss over what Stan Lee actually wanted to say with the series. GOD.

And now I'm terrified. It's bad enough that Roman Polanski's Rosemary's Baby is being remade (yeah, by Mr. Bay again as Exec Producer), but why do you have to mess with Hitchcock? Isn't he the great standard many filmmakers aspire towards? Why would you mess with perfection? CGI does not, in fact, make everything better and more realistic.

I am making a big deal over this now, because I just recently watched The Birds, and loved it. Hitchcock dealt in times where visual effects were pretty nonexistent. He had to be inventive with camera angles and real bird wrangling and puppetry and use of the generally newish green screen technology. The part that made me believe that thousands of birds were attacking a small coastal community was the incredibly impressive acting as well as the suspense Mr. Hitchcock was so wonderful at producing with his cinematography and editing. I was on the edge of my seat worrying about these people (I admit, I'd never seen it before, and purposefully never spoiled myself so I'd be surprised). That's a good movie.

Michael Bay does not deal in movies of this sort. He goes for crazy action and cheesy scripts. I'm concerned. And, who the hell is going to be the leading lady in this movie? If it's Lindsey Lohan, I quit. The reason that I wanted to see The Birds is because I read a favorable review of The Happening once, which compare it to The Birds. After watching Hitchcock's movie, I concluded that the reviewer hadn't actually seen The Birds. The beauty of Hitchcock is he doesn't explicitly show violence happen, thereby creating a certain tension with an individual and heightening imagination. He's also SO VERY GOOD at dragging suspense out, and torturing his audience. By not showing anything graphically(or very little), Hitchcock allowed audiences to work for it more, thereby getting more involved in the story and the characters. For me, The Happening did the exact opposite, which I've already ranted about previously.

This should be a lesson to filmmakers, since I feel like I'm in a position to give filmmakers advice, of course. Just because you can do it does not mean you should do it. CGI should be used to enhance plot points, not replace them. I feel like that's where lots of people go wrong, and get too excited about showing ridiculous special effects. It's one thing if the movie is merely meant to be fun and a mindless adrenaline rush (like Wanted), but The Birds has already been done well, and I just don't think it's a movie that's worth redoing, especially since I doubt it'll be more interesting than the original.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe these remakes will rock. I just wish Hollywood would go back to being original and interesting. I miss that.

Geekend Update

2008-07-14T07:26:00.000-07:00

So, I saw Wanted this Saturday, and I gotta say, it was pretty good. And by that, I mean if you forget about physics and ignore the obvious cliches. Other than that, it was loads of fun. The action was pretty constant and properly badass, and you can't ever really go wrong with Angelina Jolie in the type of role she is obviously destined to make. Two scenes in particular were egregious misuses of the laws of physics, especially for a movie that almost tries to hoodwink the audience into believing that these sorts of things could actually be possible, by maintaining a certain level of realism throughout the film. It's kind of a movie about superpowers that's trying to look like it's possible in our world, handwaved by having ordinary people perform superhuman feats simply because they trained hard. At least in The Matrix, we always saw them as existing (physically and mentally) separately from "normal people" therefore able to do things that those who haven't been awakened would be unable to do. But these all sound like criticisms, when they certainly aren't. This is my need to pick apart every movie I see, regardless of level of enjoyment. IT'S FROM A COMIC BOOK (or graphic novel, I forget). It was lots of fun with lots of triumphant "yeah!" moments, and I would certainly go see it again. Did I mention that most of it took place in the streets of Chicago? Some of it was around my office! The El had a large role in this movie, and I certainly enjoyed seeing it zooming around on its tracks. Also, Angelina Jolie= reliably awesome action.

Zelda Update: I played a little on Saturday morning and I am now up to the first dungeon; I actually have completed most of it to get the bow & arrows. I ran out of time (an important factor in Majora's Mask), so I'll have to go through the whole temple again in order to defeat the first boss and do the important stuff in the swamp available after defeating him. Next time I play, I should be through the first temple and on my way to becoming a Goron. [Apologies for those who have no idea what I'm talking about--it's not actually as geeky as it sounds. Really.]

Also, a coworker lent me all 7 seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, since I mentioned that I loved the show, but haven't watched it in years. I think she feels the need to reciprocate because I lent her The Office and got her addicted. So, that's what I did on Sunday. Eight episodes of Buffy. Eight! It was awesome. I forgot about the first season, and how rough all the characters were. Unlike Firefly, Buffy was a little rougher around the edges at first. Still, undeniably awesome and one of the better teen dramas that the WB ever had. And, once it got going, it was one of the best shows on the air period. I still believe that. Say what you will about wanting to watch a snarky teenage girl slay vampires and demons and other magical stuff, but Joss Whedon knows how to write, and Buffy was his baby. I'm plowing through the early episodes so I can get to Seasons 2-3, when it really starts getting intense. I'm going to lose my shit when they introduce characters like Spike and Faith.

So, I guess I'm having a good time with life right now. My inner geek needs walking every now and then, and right now I'm letting her loose.

And now I can't help but ponder who would win in a fight--Buffy Summers or Lara Croft?

The Ballad of the Wind Fish is Da Bomb

2008-07-11T12:25:00.000-07:00

I have a confession to make. Please bear with me, because this very personal and embarrassing. I am in love with The Legend of Zelda. Now, this is not a secret, but it's just started coming back to me, about how much I loved those games. I blame it on my coworker, who keeps regaling me with stories about how he stays up all night playing Metal Gear. He's the one getting married in a month, by the way. But, I guess through his great desire to talk about the intricate story lines of that game, I have rediscovered my own love. Of a little elf boy named Link, who wears green clothes, who runs around killing monsters with a sword and bow & arrow and hookshot. AND OCARINA! Yay!

So I plugged in the N64 last night, for the first time in years. I decided to go with Majora's Mask, the most messed up game ever invented. Awesome. I've already played through the first three days of the game, and it. was. so. much. FUN. I forgot how freaky the animation is. I mean, this is the moon (OF DOOM):

And the titular mask:

It's looking at MY SOUL.

The transformation sequences are particularly freaky, where Link changes into various creatures/peoples using different masks. It's always a really intense, with Link giving a curdling scream as we watch the obviously painful transformation. These games terrified me when I was younger, to the point where I couldn't finish certain dungeons. I know, I know--it's just a game. But, if you're saying that, you obviously haven't played through enough. This game has lots of screaming and jump moments. The scary music never helped matters! Maybe now I've grown up enough where I can play it more fully.

I mean, I'm not going to turn into one of these people:

(Although I can tell which tunic she's currently wearing to vanquish the mask. Yo, don't judge!)

Zelda just seems like an overall fun game: you get to play magical songs with the ocarina, help people to get fun prizes, and get to kill things with a sword! All in a lovely pastoral/medieval-type setting. Sigh. Legend of Zelda was my very first game (on Gameboy--I never had the original Nintendo), and currently the only 2 games I own for my N64.

Oh, this reminds me of the great IGN April Fool's Day joke from this past year. I'll be the first to admit that it totally suckered me in, and got me so excited. Here, check it out: Best Hoax Ever. Fans of the game from far and wide nearly exploded with dweeby joy and then excruciating torment. And, actually, given the reaction, they should totally make that movie. It would be extremely lucrative, and probably much better than other video games already turned into movies, like, say, Doom. I mean, it's got already got a good plot, interesting characters, and a magical world to be able to create a compelling movie. I'd go see it.

The Universe is Against Me

2008-07-09T09:39:00.000-07:00

OKAY SORRY PEOPLE--I DIDN'T KNOW THE DR HORRIBLE LINK DIDN'T WORK--IT IS FIXED NOW! GO CHECK IT OUT. NOW!

First--this is pure distilled reality tv show cliche awesomeness: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w536Alnon24.

Second--WHY IS MY CAT MESSING WITH MY HEAD? Don't let her fool you, with her little chirpy flights of fancy, and her desperate chase of the offensive shiny mice. SHE KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT SHE'S DOING. She likes to play these cute little games, where she pretends she can't walk and pulls her leg up like that one time when she had the infection, and nearly gave me a heart attack. She's a good faker, that one. Pretending not to walk, and chuckling at my deepening panic. She deserved a freakin' Oscar for yowling loudly, when I touched her stump. I was planning on going in to the vet to get more antibiotics, because, you know what, Nubs, I CARE. I care enough to put aside my financial devastation to get you your damn costly meds. I would do that for you. You, however, clearly think this is a funny game, because what do I get when I wake up in the morning? You chasing Gus. You jumping on the coffee table. You running around like a spooked Clydesdale. Well, you know what Nubs, I'M GLAD YOU HAD THOSE LAUGHS. I really am. I even called the vet today to discover my vet is no longer with them, so tomorrow I'm going to get a call from a random vet at that clinic and have to explain that my cat was JUST KIDDING.

Apparently my computer was just kidding too. I'm finishing this entry on it. On Thursday evening, I came home and found my computer cord dead, with chew marks all along it. I couldn't tell if the chewing was the reason the charger was dead or not, so I checked all the connections as well as the wall plug. I changed the plug and everything, before deciding that the cord had lived its life. I got electrical tape the next day in a vain effort to try to mend it, but it didn't seem to work. I've since been trying to deal with the fact that I couldn't have a computer until the next time I get paid, and then I'd have to shell out $70 for another new power cord for a computer that's on its death bed. But, when I came back from work today, the little green chargy light was on! What? Was it sleeping? I don't...I can't...I NEED A MOMENT HERE.

Is my apartment some freakish Lazarus Pit, where living and NOT LIVING things can heal themselves? Am I some sort of prophet? Should I set up a side business where I can let cancer patients just mill around the apartment for a few days until they feel better? Well, I'm not feeding them, I can tell you that.

Or, the more likely excuse, someone's messing with me. I'm ready for your parry, reader, and I can say that I know I'm paranoid. Sometimes paranoia is justified--like when SOMEONE IS MESSING WITH YOU. They want to make me feel crazy so they can disarm me and learn my secrets. Like--well I HAVE SECRETS OKAY.

What?

Why are you looking at me like that?

The computer broke me, okay.

Must. Contain. MANIC GLEE.

2008-07-02T10:50:00.000-07:00

I've known about this for quite some time, but I hadn't checked out the website until now. And it. is. AWESOME.

This may not be everyone's cup of tea, but it's certainly mine. Namely, chai with generous helpings of cream and sugar. Or possibly sweet iced tea with a dash of lemon. Depends how hot it is outside.

So, it is my great pleasure to present...

JOSSWHEDONPLUSDOOGIEHOWSERPLUSCAP'NTIGHTPANTSPLUSSINGINGPLUSSUPERVILLAINY

Seriously, Joss Whedon is amazing. AMAZING. At least I can probably count on Eric to geek out with me. Here's the official poster:

I Swear, This is What They Do

2008-06-30T07:48:00.001-07:00

Given my propensity for attracting random visitors to my blog, I feel the need to say no intervention is necessary. Cristina's not going to kill herself. Or continue to speak in the third person ever again. Yikes. I was doing a satire of what many young people (coughemokidscough) use blogs for. (Although saying it probably guts the joke.) It was lots of fun to write. I'm glad the nameless haiku of my unfathomable inner torment was appreciated. And now, on to more fun things!

My cats are characters, aren't they? They should have their own reality show based on their apartment adventures when I'm not around. In fact, this is what it would be like:

Exit Food Slave.

Gus: Hey, she's gone. Where do you think she goes? I don't think she gave me enough attention earlier. Why does she always pay so much more attention to you, anyway?
Nubs: Buh? I don't think she...OH SHINY MOUSE SHINY MOUSE SHINY MOUSE! I WILL GET YOU. Hey, where'd you go?
Gus: You're not so special. Just because you can't get on the bed like I can, doesn't mean she should pay more attention to you. I keep having to remind her that I'm here. She doesn't get up until 7:30 anyway, so why shouldn't she spend time scratching my ears? I've seen your ploy to get her attention, Little Miss I-Only-Have-Half-of-a-Back-Leg-so-I-Can't-Scratch-My-Own-Ear. It's all about you, isn't it? And your stupid gimpy name.
Nubs: Hey, I didn't name myself. The humans thought it would be funny. Hey, wait, where'd you go? You went into my blind spot. What have I told you about that? And, I really can't scratch my own ear! You're just too codependent. Don't project your personal issues onto me.
Gus: That's it. I'm going to go eat your food.
Nubs: NOOO! Gah! Death from below!
Gus: Grr, nooo! I will bite your tail off. I swear, I will bite it off.
Nubs: Just you try! Headlock! Headlock! I have you now! Come on, say it. Say it!
Gus: No, I won't. I won't. Aah, okay, can't breathe. Spine twisting. Okay fine, MERCY. MERCY. There, are you happy?
Nubs: Haha! I win!
Gus: You're a freak with that deathgrip. Why are you so strong?
Nubs: I'm not strong--you're just a wuss.
Gus: Shut up. Your stupid fur got all mussed up. C'mere. Lemme fix it.
Nubs: Thanks! Oh, that feels good, man. You're not coming on to me are you?
Gus: Nope. Haven't felt anything like that since we went to the vet that one time. We're just good buds.
Nubs: We have a complicated relationship, don't we?
Gus: No less so than those other cats at the first food slave's place. Hey, if we work together we can get those awesome food thingies she keeps on top of that box, which she uses to warm up her poison water. In the food room. Let's do it before she gets back.
Nubs: Okay! How do we---THERE YOU ARE! You thought you could hide from me, Shiny Mouse. But now I have you cornered. I'm going to do a waltz of victory with you around the nap stand in the middle of the room! YOU ARE MINE!
Gus: Forget it. I'm going to go take a nap in my new cave under her sleeping place. Wake me if you find out how to get from the water spout to the cold box. That's the biggest hurdle.
Nubs: Hahahahahahaha! SHINY MOUSE SHINY MOUSE SHINY MOUSE!

I could go on for hours, so I should stop now. Maybe I should try to market this to one of the networks. Bravo would only buy it if Gus were gay, but I bet Animal Planet would be interested. Hmm...imagine the possibilities!

A la Emo

2008-06-27T12:20:00.000-07:00

It's me again. Do any of you even care? Are any of you even reading this? I have just been sitting here slowly dying at my computer again, my moribund body barely summoning the willpower to get another cup of coffee. Same old weekday, I guess. The color of the text represents MY SOUL.

It's weird, sitting here in my little pod, while updating crap that nobody should ever care about. God, they're all just like drones waiting for rewards from the hive mother, who is really only keeping them around to eat them for afternoon tea. I'm the only one who knows the truth. We are all alone here. All the paralegals in their little offices, and the assistants at their little desks. Chained to the electronic pyre that we call Outlook. Pass me the torch. We're all pathetic, and sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who can tell. What's the point? I HAVE TO BLEED JUST TO KNOW I'M ALIVE.

Life is the same old crap as usual. I work in my little box, watching stupid sunbathers, who probably have never had to work a day in their lives. They're all so happy and blonde. I hate them. I used to wish that I was like them, but now I know so much about the world outside of my own selfish interests, and can't stomach the thought of living in that mindless void. Not when I've got a void of my own creation. A shell. God, I'm so alone in this dark, unfeeling, callous, sadistic, depraved world.

I wonder if they'd even notice if I didn't show up on Monday. Or if I just didn't talk for the whole day. Maybe on Mondays I can just subscribe to a code of silence. Like a monk. An apathy monk. One who will wound you with her contemptuous sneer. Of doom. Always, of doom. Nothing can be a promise, but eventual destruction. Oh, I need new clothes; I should go to American Apparel.

And now, a haiku to best express my inner anguish:

Always sturm und drang
Mindless agony swirling
constantly pained mind.

Excuse me, I have to go weep my torment away. Not that anyone cares.

Still Waters

2008-06-26T16:55:00.000-07:00

are only guaranteed to be stagnant! And usually rancid.

I've been rather repetitive and boring recently, haven't I? Sorry. One of the primary reasons for starting this blog was to be creative and fun, so I would not want to get so stabby during work hours. I guess I veered away from the mission statement for a while. And, I'm bored of talking about TV. I also got way too serious and self-reflective there, which was NEVER SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN ON THIS SPACE. Whoops!

So, I'm going to try something new, which will hopefully be interesting & entertaining for a while. I sincerely think this'll help remind everyone about how good it used to be. You know, back when my credit cards threatened to cut me in my sleep and Jose Cuervo was too much man for me.

I may do a new post as early as tomorrow (dependent on work status), so stay tuned!

PS-Don't set your expectations too high--it'll be rather gimmicky but hopefully creative enough for me and somewhat entertaining for you.

RIP, Rufus

2008-06-23T07:31:00.000-07:00

George Carlin died yesterday. While I can't honestly say that I fervently followed his stand up career, I can truly appreciate the contribution that he made to comedy. This is the man who really exemplifies the foul-mouthed comic, and made a whole act around the seven dirty words you couldn't (and, for the most part, still can't) say on TV. He got arrested for disturbing the peace, when he performed his act in Wisconsin. Who takes their kids to a stand up show? Did we learn nothing from Lenny Bruce (one of George Carlin's greatest influences)? Due to his act, rules were set in place by the FCC for censorship on television. It was a big deal.

He was the first host ever on SNL. In the first episode. That's pretty awesome, and a great start to what used to be the most subversive and irreverant and (at one point) thoughtful program on TV. Of course audiences my age know him for his role as the very excellent Rufus in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. Rad! Also, kids my age know him as Mr. Conductor (after Ringo Starr) in Shining Time Station. Sweet. I mean, how can you not love this guy? Seriously. He appeals to everyone!

Comedy lost a hero yesterday. So, for you and you alone, Mr Carlin:

SHIT
PISS
FUCK
CUNT
COCKSUCKER
MOTHERFUCKER
TITS

Hope you're still giving someone hell somewhere.

We Should Go

2008-06-18T13:12:00.000-07:00

Chicago Green City Market Chefs' Summer BBQ Festival

Stephanie will be there! Tickets are only $50!

Anyway, carry on.

Help

2008-06-17T10:58:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I have a question. How would y'all explain to your landlady that you broke your toilet seat? Seriously. Last night I was scooping kitty litter and was leaning on the toilet with my other hand. I guess I caught it just right, and the poor toilet seat was snapped off of its hinges. It's just sitting loose now on the bowl.

This kind of stuff only happens to me. I think I may just buy some superglue and try to fix it myself.

It Didn't Happen

2008-06-14T17:17:00.000-07:00

Hey, why haven't I been using labels? I can have fun with those.

Movie review Saturday! I guess. I just saw The Happening with the gang earlier today, and I can honestly say that it is one of the least entertaining movies I've seen in quite some time. Well, let me rephrase that. It was mildly entertaining, but mostly in a completely accidental way. I'd venture to say that it's the biggest Hollywood snuff film since The Passion of the Christ. It almost seemed like a poor adaptation of a somewhat clever book. The idea is actually great, and really creepy. The concept behind the movie warrants the Hitchcock comparisons that Shyamalan seems to get. However, the execution is more reminiscent of Michael Bay. Except with fewer explosions. The movie does have a few pros, however. A few. The cinematography and camera direction were actually pretty cool. I liked that he did lots of close-up shots of the characters' faces. You don't see that too much anymore, and it heightened the sheer terror of the situation. I liked the score--very creepy. I liked some of the intentional, albeit very random, jokes. I also liked that one shot with all the people on the street committing suicide with the cop's gun. I thought that was very well done and quite emotionally resonant. [ETA: Many thanks to Laura for reminding me that yet another pro of the movie was the sheer hotness of Marky Mark in the lead role. When he wasn't talking, I enjoyed his performance quite a bit. :D]

On to the cons. The script was terrible. The acting was awkward. They showed way too many of the deaths. It would have been much more successful, in my opinion, if they didn't show the people killing themselves quite as much. I couldn't watch half of the movie, and I'm not that squeamish. (Although it probably didn't help that I was nursing a hell of a hangover thanks to my coworkers) It's very obvious that M. Night Shyamalan can come up with great ideas, but is very bad at executing them. I'm now convinced that The Sixth Sense was a complete fluke. Although, I will admit that I liked Unbreakable, in a very geeky way.

What he should have focused a bit more on is the paranoia that the situation creates. He touches on it a bit, when they find that house with the inhabitants who won't let them in. But he could have done so much more with playing people off of each other. And can we talk about how much he hit us over the head with the grander messages in his works? I GET IT. It doesn't help that I just watched Pan's Labyrinth--one of the most beautiful and subtle and depressing and, in a weird way, uplifting movies I've seen in a long time. The worst part about this (from my checking out the internet forums) is that people who have deciphered the great mystery of the films take it upon themselves to criticize everyone who doesn't like these movies, and call them dumb for "not getting it." Getting a good point across by browbeating audiences does not make a movie good. I'll call this the "Crash Syndrome." Nobody tangentially insults my movie intelligence.

So, now, I'm officially done talking about that movie. I'm going to bed and sleeping off the headache.

She Exploded, FYI

2008-06-06T07:58:00.000-07:00

I think I'm just going to stop pretending, and acknowledge the fact that 85% of these postings are just my thoughts on TV and movies. I'll still try to make them entertaining, but, sorry, if you don't like the movies/shows that I'm talking about.

Last night I finally watched Cloverfield, and I REALLY LIKED IT. For those of you who don't know the premise, it's a monster attack ala Godzilla in present-day Manhattan. It's all filmed with a handheld camera to give the impression that it's just being filmed with a personal camcorder. It's AWESOME. The way they merged CGI effects of the monster and well-known New York landmarks getting destroyed on this homemade-looking footage was pretty amazing. It looked real, and the way it was filmed made viewers feel like they were also running for their lives. I'm going to be very wary of Lake Michigan from now on and will start developing a good escape strategy from the city. Let me know if any of you want to get in on the evacuation plan.

Another thing I really enjoyed--which is certainly a JJ Abrams touch was the idea of following regular people dealing with extraordinary events and focusing mostly on the emotional impact it has on them. This is the same thing that Lost excels at. I know everyone should be paying attention to the mysteries of the island and all that stuff, but I like the extreme emotions. Particularly with the Korean couple, Sun and Jin, who Margaret Cho is so fond of talking about. Their scenes normally make me cry. But anyway, this movie has lots of that too--especially as the friends start dying. The pain of losing their friends never dulls for them, no matter how frantic they are.

Also, I was surprised. I expected the movie to be more gruesome for some reason. And aside from one character who died quite horribly, we don't see too much. This is partly due to the cinematography of the film. I really like how nothing was explained--made it so much more realistic.

I'm a little surpised that I liked it this much. I'm actually considering buying it, because one can never have too many monster movies at hand. And, I guess having never been to New York, it's not going to affect me the same way that a it would for a New Yorker watching the movie. So if you're going to freak out over a monster destroying New York (the start of the madness had the monster decapitate the Statue of Liberty), you probably shouldn't watch it. And, although it doesn't sound this way, the destruction wasn't gratuitous.

Also, the viral marketing campaign for the movie was pretty good, and I'm endlessly entertaining myself reading the characters' Myspace pages during work. Yeah, I'm a dork. But I'm fine with it.

Flames

2008-06-05T08:19:00.000-07:00

on the side of my face. Breathing, breathless. Heaving breaths. Heaving...

You knew it was coming. You knew it. You knew that I couldn't hold my peace when it comes to Top Chef any longer. ESPECIALLY THIS EPISODE. So keep away if you have not seen it yet. Cause I'm 'bout to explode with Spoilery goodness.

Ready?

Are you sure?

Okay.

How much of a nailbiter was that episode? I mean, seriously? Red herrings galore! I gasped with shock and horror when Dale left Stephanie's dish out. HORROR. What a horrible way to get eliminated--due to someone else's mistake. Although she was clearly upset, she handled the situation with incredible aplomb, and came out on top because of it. Yay Stephanie! I'm rooting for you even more now! Can you even imagine if that happened to Lisa? Aside from my cheering a little (OKAY, a lot), she would scream at her sous chef, scream at the other chefs, and declare SABOTOGE to the cameras. She wouldn't be able to recover like Stephanie did.

And that's why I hate that she's still there. But I can't say anything about it, because it's clear that Antonia just choked, proving my theory that she's the Casey of this season. And that sucks, because I think she's a better chef than Bitter Face, and I would've loved nothing better than to see a showdown among the three most talented and level-headed chefs this season has had. It's a damn shame.

And I hated when Lisa demanded that Richard and Stephanie congratulate her, after Antonia emotionally left. Hey Lisa, Antonia kept talking about how much she'd invested in it and how emotional the whole process was for her. Let the other chefs mourn the loss of a good competitor, who put her whole heart into cooking for this. I get that you don't like that the other chefs don't think you deserve to still be there. I know that must suck for you. But that was incredibly uncalled for and simply spotlights the fact that you feel insecure and out of place next to these better chefs. Better being the operative word. Damn. I also didn't like that she cooked Puerto Rican food instead of her normal fare, which seems like a cheap way to appeal to the people. And it worked.

This is making me nervous. Really nervous, because these sort of insecure/angry feelings can very easily light a fire under someone like Lisa, and I really hope that she doesn't get a second wind because of it. As Colicchio says time and time again, this is Top Chef not Top Cook, and Lisa hasn't proven adequate leadership skills to be able to deal with her fellow chefs appropriately and hasn't even consistently put out good food. Some of the other winners may have been jerks in the kitchen (or life, like Ilan) but they were able to get it together and prove their worth. Consistently. She's kind of like a culinary succubus who drains better chefs of their skills/willpower, which may seem harsh, but that's what I'm getting. Even Richard and Stephanie, who are two cheftestants who never badmouth their colleagues, obviously can't stand her.

The previews for next week make it seem like a surprising outcome, so I'm a little worried about this. I swear, if she wins this competition, I'm not watching again. Okay, that was a lie, I'll still watch, but I'm TOTALLY writing an angry letter.

I AM NOT AMUSED OR ENTERTAINED BY THIS.

I'm Going to Kill that Damn Dog

2008-06-04T12:21:00.000-07:00

No, not that one. The little yippy "Chug" of my unfriendly (although, now, quite friendly) neighbors is a positive delight to the devil-dog that moved in next door on my other side. Her owners seem like nice enough folk, but the dog is obviously her own mistress in personality. For this week, every morning at 7 AM, this dog (a young beagle) barks and howls most offensively. I guess that's when they leave. My cats are very perturbed. PERTURBED. They both join me on the bed whenever the hound starts wailing, and demand my attention as a proper distraction. I feel really bad when I have to leave. The Chug is nothing compared to this cur. I don't even know how long the howling goes on for, since she's still going at it when I leave at 8:20-8:30. Surely she will drive me mad.

Annoying one, do something productive with your time, like Snoopy, who wrote mystery novels when Charlie Brown wasn't around! Don't give in to the neurotic leanings of your foredogs.

She better not interfere with the first part of the finale of Top Chef, or it will be WAR.

In other news, Netflix is eating my time. I've watched Me, You, and Everyone We Know, Mirrormask, and Eastern Promises recently. Funnily enough, or not so funnily, I liked Mirrormask the best. I'll be getting Spiderman 3, Cloverfield, and Pan's Labyrinth soon. This really is so much better than going to a video store, and I've been catching up on all of the movies I haven't gotten a chance to see yet. Yippee!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go back to hating the dog.

Where Am I? WHO AM I?!?

2008-05-30T11:58:00.000-07:00

I haven't really felt like writing anything recently. I guess I've been in a bit of a rut these days, what with watching all of the season finales of my favorite programming. How about that finale of Lost, eh? Anyone?

I've decided that TV needs more shows that are cinematic in many ways. Primarily in what Tv Tropes, a delightful website where I while away hours during my workdays, calls "Crowning Moments of Awesome." If you've seen such cinematic masterpieces such as Lord of the Rings, Sin City, 300, and Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan, you've already been saturated in them. Sometimes nauseatingly so, to the detriment of any actual plotline. They are moments when something happens when the audience goes "Wha? Did he just? NO WAY!" Or something like that. Some key lines from Crowning Moments of Awesome are "THIS IS SPARTA," "Dodge This," and "Not my daughter, you bitch." The last was a literary example, of course. They aren't subtle, but man are they fun. The pure existence of CMOA is to make a person instantly feel that the character is capable of being such a badass that we have to like him, even if we're supposed to hate him. They also get a casual viewer's adrenaline going, which is fun. One of my personal favorites is Boromir's from LoTR, when he keeps getting shot with arrows when he's protecting the hobbits, and keeps getting up and fighting. Like four times. It was mad cool.

Lost does this occasionally, and certain characters (e.g. John Locke, Mr. Eko, Benjamin Linus) are perceived as cool, because of their physical and mental perseverance, and in some cases, preternatural ability to manipulate people into doing exactly what they want. This is often the case with badass villains as Chessmasters, as opposed to heroes, who mainly concentrate on persevering when all odds are against them.

Almost all good action movies have this sort of trope, but somehow they never seem as good in TV shows. They would obviously occur more frequently in dramas, but the payoff is never quite the same. As I said before, Lost does have its share of "what the hell" moments (As seen in the most recent episode. Wow.), and I'm sure other dramas are that intense. I guess I just want to see more epic moments. Lucky for me that Joss Whedon's coming out with a new TV show.

They don't even have to be in action-based programs. I'm sure Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy can have their own set of them. Perhaps they do, and I just don't know because I refuse to watch those shows. A Mean Girl's moment when the villain(ess) manages to outwit all the heroes with careful manipulation of all of the major characters would count. That is even as dramatic as snarky witticisms during dramatic sword fights. Tv Tropes calls it a Xanatos Gambit. (You would be amazed to learn that I actually work harder than many of the other people at my workplace. By the way.)

Sigh. Why are my demands for entertainment never fully satisfied? All I want is subtle-dialogued, witty plots with suitably adrenaline pumping scenes at appropriately spaced intervals. Anyone?

God, Just Do it Already, and Stop Whining About It

2008-05-20T12:30:00.000-07:00

Is what my brain keeps yelling at me. Constantly. And I think I'm starting to agree with you, Frontal Lobe. I will just do it. I'm being very mysterious, aren't I? But you probably don't care that much about my intrigues, so I think I'll keep it built up as a bit of Hitchcockian suspense. Whatever you do, don't climb the stairs! By the way, did y'all know that Hitchcock was afraid of eggs, specifically egg yolks. Found them absolutely revolting. Strange, but true. But I digress.

But yes, this is in regard to my recent crisis of identity. It's so easy to keep your mind focused on one future, when you're in school and distracted by all sorts of readily available fascinating facts. Once you get out into the "real world" and are faced with the blinding horror of a typical entry-level job, the forgotten options start swimming in front of you. Showing off their many interesting characteristics and high salaries. It's maddening. For much of the year I've swayed between two incompatible (yet, both equally unreasonable) choices. Just when I thought I made the more sensible choice of the two, the other had to rear its extremely attractive and well-coiffed head to tempt me once more. And the bastard thing is--I don't know if I could make it in either of these two fields. Both are incredibly specialized, and both have high rates of failure. One admittedly more so.

One seems more doable, practical, and reasonable, and I've been more actively pursuing this field recently. It would involve my going to law school (and probably hating it) to get a JD, which would only serve the purpose of helping to get me into this career. Read: I don't actually want to be a lawyer. So it's probably very silly to spend that much money on getting a degree for a career that I hate. But it would be a great way to spend three years to get my act together and get a somewhat useful degree out of the process. And I know the JD would help my chances of getting that more reasonable career.

But that other one lurking in the shadows represents a whole other side of me, one that I'd forgotten existed until I was completely deprived of the ability to use my mind on a daily basis. It is the long-lost creative side that complements the practicality of the "sensible" choice. This is representative of the epic battle of my left brain vs. my right brain. The failure rate for people going into this field is astronomically high, yet I'm still very attracted to it. I've even spent some time looking up programs of study around the country for it. But the foolish thing really is, I've never done anything like it before. Yeah, I like and admire the talented professionals who pull it off well, but who's to say if I'd be any good at it. And I'm reluctant to apply to a professional school to learn the tools of the trade, because if it's a failure, I simply can't apply this knowledge to any other field. The sensible option would have been left behind long ago, irretrievable due to my zeal for the more attractive option.

But curiousity has finally killed my cat. Pending availability/costs/time constraints I think I'm going to find a basic class in Chicago for this type of study and finally, you know, learn about it. I'll test the waters (and probably take the LSAT as well, just in case) and find out what exactly I am good at. The worst thing that can happen is finding out I do like it, and am good at it, which will probably result in more hemming and hawing and freaking out over foolish life choices/eventual poverty and disgrace.

I really and truly am ridiculous. I am SO going to be famous.

I Always Did Like that Little Mouse

2008-05-19T09:56:00.000-07:00

So, I saw Prince Caspian on Friday. It was pretty good, I must say. Which is surprising, because I have been waiting for these movies to be made far longer than any other movies of the same genre. Unlike Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings, which I read as an adult (or in the case of Lord of the Rings, gave up on halfway through the last book), I actually grew up with these books and loved them dearly. In retrospect, compared to some of the other grand epics in magical worlds, C.S. Lewis kind of skimped on character development and took the easy way out with the characters and plots, using Aslan as a literal deus ex machina quite a bit. The movies are actually developing the characters far better than the books did. Having said that, one thing that Narnia has that Harry Potter is lacking is an incredible sense of majesty and wonder. The world almost seems more magical than the world of Harry Potter because of that. In Harry Potter, they're just kids who get incredibly lucky/unlucky. In Narnia, those kids are kings and queens, and earn it on the battlefield. I mean, half of the movie was devoted to Peter looking kingly while swinging a sword and shouting orders to, like, centaurs. It's an awesome thing for a child--to think that you could find a magical land in a piece of furniture and then help defeat an evil witch, and afterwards rule over the kingdom. Honestly, how cool is that?

While I was watching the movie, I felt like I was in a time warp. I remembered so much detail that I really surprised myself, since I haven't read the books in years. When the swashbuckling mouse first appeared I thought "YES! REEPICHEEP!" I was mildly surprised that I not only remembered his name, but that I was getting so excited about it. I really hope the movie does well, so they continue going with the Chronicles. I am slightly concerned how they will handle the change of casts from movie to movie, however. Part of the appeal of the first two books (especially in the most well-known first one) is the relationship between the four Pevensies, and the later books were not as popular partly due to the constant changes of main characters. I know they are making The Voyage of the Dawn Treader with Lucy and Edmund, but I don't know if they will be able to go beyond that after all the Pevensie kids have been banned from Narnia. Even I've grown fond of those four characters, and will miss the older kids in the next movie.

Which brings me to Susan. SPOILER ALERT for those who have not read the books. I've been thinking/re-reading about the plots of the books since seeing the movie on Friday, and have been remembering quite a bit of plot details. It's all a Christian allegory. I get that, and don't really have a problem with it. The books are entertaining enough that you don't feel like you're being preached to, even though it can be very obvious sometimes. Whatever, it's fine. I still love them, no matter how homicidal Philip Pullman seems to be about them. There are a few things, however, that I can't get around. The treatment of Susan, for one. The last book is basically Revelations with the destruction of Narnia and the Antichrist and stuff. Except for kids! Anyway, basically all of the human protagonists from the earlier stories are brought back to Narnia (Because they were all at a train station where a train derailed, and it killed them all. So it was a fun read!) to lead the people/creatures to a new Narnia that isn't all falling apart. The one exception is Susan, who moved to America, got into clothes and lipstick and boys. This means that she no longer believes in Narnia and Aslan and doesn't get to come back. By the way, the kids are now IN THEIR EARLY TWENTIES. I remember being offended by this as a small child. Even more so now. I mean I get it in Christian terms, but that doesn't mean that I have to like it. I actually really liked Susan--she was the sensible one. And now, first, her whole family dies in a horrible train accident, then she doesn't get to go back to Narnia because she moved to America (that godless land) and likes boys. That just sucks. I hope that if they continue making the movies, they fix that plot line. Also, C.S. Lewis was a bit sexist and passively racist, and some of the other races in the magical world where Narnia was were a little stereotypical, and kinda offensive. The Calormenes (mainly in The Horse and His Boy) were bad stereotypes of Arabs. That could be a problem these days. (Also, how "Evil Spaniard" were those Telmarines?)

All in all, though, the books were great in my six-year old eyes. These are relatively minor nitpicks that an update to the series via the movies could easily fix. I think the message is the same, and the characters could even be strengthened because of the movies. I still really like the Narnia series and am now looking forward to The Voyages of the Dawn Treader. REEPICHEEP will be featured, of course.

I'm Tweaking

2008-05-15T12:45:00.000-07:00

On ENERGY. Not just caffeine. I can handle my coffee normally, even though it has been likened to crack. I usually drink a few cups a day and have built up a nice tolerance, but today I'm a bit more twitchy and paranoid than usual. Then I realized it--I've just started taking new vitamins for people with active lifestyles (read: gym goers who want to feel even better about themselves), and because I'm a sucker, GNC totally ripped me off by getting me to buy the Vitapacks. (Part of the money crisis!) So I'm taking like 7 pills (vitamins and supplements) a day now, instead of just one. How does this relate to my current state of nervousness? The supplement package includes a natural energy enhancement! I totally forgot! It recommends that we don't drink coffee while taking these vitamins. I scoff at their health rules!

I am not giving up my coffee just because some stupid energy pills might make my heart explode. If anything, today is becoming a very productive, albeit paranoid, day. Oh and before anyone says anything, these aren't diet pills. I CHECKED FIRST, OKAY. So nobody can say that I've escalated from regular caffeine to speed. They're totally natural energy enhancers, I swear.

I had a TV post I wanted to write, but I had to abandon it due to the flightiness of my thoughts and excessive hand-twitching. Top Chef should be thoroughly examined with a steady mind.

I think I've found the one habit-forming drug that the FBI won't get all freaked out about. In fact, they probably will encourage this caffeine addiction. So there's my self-justification.

Grab Bag of Manic Glee

2008-05-12T09:38:00.000-07:00

I've been getting progressively more serious these past few weeks, huh? I should stop that. This is supposed to be a repository for trivial observations about society. Or mostly thoughts on TV and movies. Nothing serious. Here are some frivolous thoughts. TAKE THEM.

1. I'm moving floors in my company. Instead of only being surrounded by a few people, who could care less what I do or don't do with my time, I will be surrounded by lots of nosy people and my boss. She's pretty cool, but since everyone will be able to see everyone else's computers, I feel like I'm going to have to cut down on the internet time. Which really sucks, because I don't have enough real work to fill a normal day. Even a normal half-day. This will surely be what madness feels like.

2. This is creepy-sad: I can now tell the difference between the two writers of Go Fug Yourself. Heather and Jessica have very different styles of writing, and I'm starting to play a game with myself to see if I can tell which one wrote the post. FYI, Heather tends to write more flowery prose and uses longer references to soap operas and makes up elaborate plots to movies to describe the clothes; Jessica writes more like I do, i.e. more rambling with good/interesting diction coupled with occasional exasperated shouting in the form of RANDOM CAPITALIZATIONS. I officially need to find some other way to fill my time.

3. Oh, but I've been rereading the Harry Potters. This is good fun for the bus rides in the morning, since no blind people are raping each other. Not even in the last one, when Rowling could've really gone for it. I'm finishing Prisoner of Azkaban right now. Did y'all hear that the first trailer for The Half-Blood Prince will be attached to Prince Caspian? Anyone want to go?

4. Speaking of summer movies, is anyone else really excited? There are so many blockbusters/long-awaited sequels that I don't even know where to focus my attention anymore. First, shamefully, I'm really excited about Indiana Jones. I know he's like 400 years old now, and he won't even be fighting the Nazis in this, but I still want to see it. Karen Allen is coming back as Marion Ravenwood! I admit, I've been watching the old ones on TV recently, and that has been stirring up the excitement. Finally, I can see an Indiana Jones movie in the theaters! Also, coming up, X-Files: I Want to Believe in July. Awesome. I already mentioned Prince Caspian, for the Harry Potter trailer, but I'd like to see the actual movie as well. I'd still like to see Iron Man, but I'm not really feeling Speed Racer. Honestly, I think that movie will give at least one person a seizure. I can't even watch the trailer, which is why I didn't link to it. Sex and the City, eh, okay. Not exactly my thing, but I'd go see it out of curiosity, since I frequently watch the reruns before bed. Hancock also seems like it will be fun. So many movies, so few dollars. This is the real reason I need a boyfriend--to have someone to take me to movies. Yes, that is the main reason these days.

5. Oh, thank you everyone for your support of me during these dark times. A coworker just told me that she was proud of me for my first overdrawn account. I suppose it is quite the milestone. I'm like 2 seconds away from calling the IRS and demanding my government money, since I haven't gotten it yet. Is that pushy of me? At least I'm in the black again. Yikes.

6. Also, for those of you not in the know about my kitty, here's the dealio. Nubs, the cute chirpy gimp, got an infection in her, well, nub a few weeks ago. She was running a fever, couldn't walk well, and her stump hurt like hell. I took her to the emergency room, feeling like quite the negligent mother, and was informed about the state of her leg, while the vet seemed shocked that they didn't amputate the rest of the gimpy leg, since her trying to use it and its rubbing against surfaces caused the infection. I gave her the antibiotics for a week, and she felt much better. Now, she's doing fine, and her leg isn't giving her any more problems, but I have to look to the future. After consulting with Aimee, the original foster mother (who somehow feels responsible for Nubs' malady), it seems there are a few options. Amputation is the most extreme, and probably not even necessary. Nubs could have a prosthetic (bionic kitty!) or a skin graft to simulate a paw and be just fine. I think I'm just going to wait, and be mindful of the nub, because I can't afford any unnecessary expenses right about now. If she can still get on my bed, she's golden. Gus is fine for now (if a bit needy), and has not shown evidence of any sympathy pains.

7. There is no seven. I just wanted to end on a lucky number. Like those horcruxes, huh?

So This is What it Feels Like

2008-05-08T19:04:00.000-07:00

It finally happened. Turns out I should've been checking my Citibank account more diligently over the past couple of weeks. Cause I totally hit Defcon 1, like a week ago. All of the checks that I sent in were cashed at the exact same time, and the money that I had in my checking account has completely vanished. ALL OF IT.

I OVERDREW MY ACCOUNT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE YESTERDAY. I CURRENTLY HAVE NEGATIVE DOLLARS.

This is slightly terrifying. In my many years of mild poverty, I never let this happen before. There was always a cushion of money to protect me. I made sure of that. These past two weeks have been a little rough on my checkbook, what with Nubs and Bin 36 and a new computer cord, and a few other surprise purchases, which were crazy expensive. I'm afraid to look at my Mastercard, for fear of his terrible wrath. I am getting paid tomorrow, and the bulk of my bills have already been paid by now, but just barely. So I should be okay again soon. And that stimulus package should be coming very soon as well. Possibly tomorrow, if that Social Security Number schedule is right.

Still, this is very scary. This cannot happen again! I will be living more reasonably from now on, you can be sure of that. I'm actually going to cook for myself and take my own lunches in to work. I'm going to get that raise soon! So for now, I'll have to say no to Bin 36 and weekend frivolity. No more Icewine (sigh) and fancy coffees (SIGH).

Hold on, Nubs, for a little while longer! Please don't rest your stump on any surfaces that could inflame it. In fact, it may be better if you don't move at all. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR, KITTY?

Anyway, hopefully this will be better by tomorrow. Or else I may start selling my super-healthy, drug and smoke-free organs on the Black Market. What's the going rate for kidneys these days? Anybody have any mafia connections? I'm not really picky.

Most Hipster Morning EVER

2008-05-03T10:49:00.000-07:00

Apparently my cats don't want me to sleep in on Saturdays. Even more so than during the week. At 7 AM sharp, Gus decided it was time to play with my feet, which were incidentally not currently covered by my blanket. Ouch. Nubs was by my head, purring loudly and demanding attention. I know that she feels better now, because she's gotten back to running around and attacking Gus. Loudly.

When I finally dragged myself from the cozy wonderland that is my bed on a Saturday morning, I decided to go to Borders to buy Juno. I'm watching it right now--we're at the point where Mark and Juno get a little creepy. After that I went to Intelligentsia for a latte (best coffee ever!). By the way, other than the quality of coffee served, this is why Intelligentsia is a much better coffee shop than Starbucks.

In other news, my computer seems to be getting slower and slower and crotchetingly old-mannish. I should look into getting a new computer, but with all of my expenses recently, it'll be hard. I guess that's what my good ole government check will help with. Because seriously, it sucks.

Also, last night I was so excited because I wanted to watch Dexter on my computer, due to the awesomeness of Netflix. It turns out that my account has a mysterious hold on it, for no explicable reason. This is why they won't send me my movies, and apparently won't let me watch things online. I had to call, and got the most unhelpful lady ever, who had no idea why my account was on hold, and couldn't explain why nobody notified me until I tried to watch a show. Oh, and it should be fixed sometime next week. What's the point of having a 24 hour help line, if you can't fix problems until a week later? GOD. All I wanted to do was watch some entertaining TV show about a sympathetic serial killer played by Michael C Hall. Why are you screwing with me, universe? Juno's great and all, but I've seen it before.

Sorry if this wasn't entertaining; I just wanted to bitch. I'll try to think of a more interesting post for next time.

Holy Crap, It's May? When Did That Happen?

2008-05-01T09:42:00.000-07:00

Aah. Wow. Not cool. I can't believe I've been out of school for that long. I can't believe I've been working here that long. I need to quit. Like immediately. And tour the country in a broken down VW (remember that?) with my cats as my constant, unwavering companions. They won't judge the scraps we'll have to live on. Damn, that cat needs surgery! Maybe I'll kidnap a vet.

Okay, I've now slapped myself silly, and am now thinking logically. Really logically. LSAT logically. I'M GOING TO LAW SCHOOL AFTER ALL! I've decided--so it shall be. I should probably register for that test, eh? But it's nice to have my head on my shoulders again, and even if I decide not to become a lawyer, a law degree is an awful nice thing to have, plus it's a way to avoid the real world for another 3 years! MY QUARTER LIFE CRISIS HAS OFFICIALLY COME TO AN END! Well, for now. Don't you rain on my parade, brain!

I've also apparently developed some sort of psychosis. I blame the lack of coffee, since I haven't had a cup yet this morning. Can you believe that? I certainly can't.

In other news, how about that Top Chef? Even I have to admit that this season is much less exciting than previous seasons. I was much more into it last year. And, Stephanie, PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER. I AM ROOTING FOR YOU. Please don't break my heart like Tre did. At least then I had Casey to fall back on. This season, I'm at a loss for what I'd do. Is it weird that I'm starting to like Dale, though? I guess I sympathize with his obvious Napoleon Complex and other height issues. Antonia seems okay too, I guess.

SPOILER ALERT FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T WATCH TOP CHEF ON WEDNESDAYS ANYMORE. I DON'T BLAME YOU--THERE'S LITTLE POINT.

I guess last night's judging is proof that previous wins do matter. It was obvious that the judges were disgusted with Stephanie's dish. What did Padma call it? Repulsive? Some other word to that effect. Not that Padma's the most reliable judge on the panel, though. Lisa also won once before, for that controversial bacon. Mark was the only one who hadn't proved himself at that point. Goodbye, Kiwi. It was fun while it lasted. But I'm glad that Stephanie's still around. She just needs to pull it together, because she won't get too many more free passes. It was kind of fun seeing the chefs with kids. I was surprised that so many of them dealt with the kids well, and let them help quite a bit. I guess that's kind of cool. Can you imagine Hung having to deal with a child sous chef? Now, that would've been worth watching. Also, I just realized that the three on the top for the Quickfire were also on the top for the Elimination (With Antonia winning both), and the three on the bottom were on the bottom again for Elimination (With Mark going home). I don't think that's ever happened before. Cool.

Does anyone want to go to any of these Chicago restaurants that are mentioned in Top Chef? I wanted to go to Avec and Blackbird before, but now even more so. Also, Table 52? Could be fun.

Eh, what else? Oh, Nubs is better, for those of you that know her condition. It looks like it's healing, and she seems fine, if not a little uncomfortable. I need to call Aimee to discuss my options, which could be just as good as amputation.

Also, I finally broke down and got Netflix. Why do I think anyone other than me cares about this? WELL YOU SHOULD. I'm getting Dexter and I'm so excited about it. I've been wanting to watch it for quite some time, and the edited CBS version doesn't seem quite right. How can you edit a show about a serial killer, and make it CBS friendly, while retaining the core beliefs of the show? Honestly. CBS is the grandma network. Reminds me of the old MadTV spoof of the Sopranos being shown on PAX. Such a great sketch. Ooh, here it is: Sopranos on Pax. Remember PAX?

Anyway, gotta go, we have a priority or something. I'm trying to care, I swear.

Rock Me Amadeus

2008-04-25T13:45:00.000-07:00

I know, bad joke. Did anyone watch 30 Rock last night? Am I the only one who watches that show? Well, last night's episode had a hilarious send-up of Amadeus, one of my all-time favorite movies. It was brilliant. Especially the montage set to the Confutatis part of the Requiem.

I just think it's awesome that this movie is older than I am, and people still think it's joke-worthy. I hope that 30 Rock's main audience gets the joke. Add the direct references to Amadeus to talking about the Uncanny Valley with regard to video game porn, and it makes for one genius episode.

Mozart would be so proud that his legacy gets to live on in Tina Fey's brainchild. Dr. Spaceman running in slow motion through the halls of 30 Rock in a long, flowing black cape is the climax of the show for me. Brilliant. Simply brilliant.

Brava Ms. Fey; I will probably go see Baby Mama if only because of this episode.

Check it out here: Succession

Hey, Remember Village of the Damned?

2008-04-22T20:57:00.000-07:00

Just sayin'

My Love-Hate Relationship with Hollywood

2008-04-20T10:43:00.000-07:00

I had a great realization yesterday [edit: two days ago, as my computer cord completely died as I was still writing this, and now I am finishing it at work] as I watched the classic romance Underworld. Big shocker here--it's a terrible movie. Please take into account my love of all things vampiric. I realized then and there why I like some movies as opposed to disliking others. It's not a huge shock that I'm not really fond of Underworld if I actually think about it. However, vampires fighting werewolves in a movie filmed with genuinely pretty colors will probably make me shut off thinking parts of my brain, and watch it anyway.

I guess I figured out why I actually like movies, and it has nothing to do with what is considered "conventionally good." I'm getting to the point where I actually don't like many movies that win Oscars. In fact, I often like movies that are not objectively good at all (coughDEBScough). I like them if they're successful in what they mean to be. Let's go back to DEBS. It's a bad movie--cliched, bad acting, and just plain ridiculous. But I love how much the movie embraces that. It knows it's bad, and just runs with it. But in a very realistic and innocent way. The movie works, because it's got incredible heart, and simply exists to be cute. And it's successful. I guess I was surprised how much I liked the movie, because it is just so bad, and I'm supposed to be a snob. But you know what? I can't handle traditional romantic-comedies anymore. They're just way too formulaic, and for movies which are supposed to just be fun, the formula makes them kinda dull and boring. It takes me out of the world. I really disliked Knocked Up, and not because of the quasi-feminist rants against it (Katherine Heigl biting the hand that fed her). I just never believed it. The movie never grabbed me, and I really wasn't rooting for the leads. This is my main issue with the Judd Apatow movies--they do have good gags, but I can never relate to the characters. I'm sure other people can, and do relate to these characters, but me not so much. The only one I really liked was The 40 Year Old Virgin, and that's probably due to Steve Carell and Catherine Keener. I really love Steve Carell, because he always adds a really nice innocence to all of his characters--even in their most jackass moments.

Oh, and I hated Wedding Crashers. Sorry, I did. It was just annoying and one-note (also, went waaay too far with jokes, which is another pet-peeve), and COMPLETELY UNBELIEVABLE. Sorry, fans, it just didn't work for me.

My main issue with many of the movies that win Oscars is very similar. Like many of the blockbuster romantic-comedies, it's almost like Hollywood tells us we have to like these movies because of their subject matters and "big ticket celebrities." Big dramas are supposed to be intense and amazing, because of their huge budgets and overpaid celebrities. Attach Steven Spielberg or Ron Howard, and the chances of the movie being nominated have been tripled. That's just dumb. I'm sorry. I've noticed that the big wins recently have either been for movies that I have no desire to see, or movies that I don't think are as good as others in the year. The most salient example for me is Crash vs. Brokeback Mountain. Crash just didn't do it for me. I don't really know what it was about the movie--the intensity of subject matter that verged on preachy, the intertwined story-lines that were a little too coincidental, or the general self-satisfaction of the filmmakers, evident in the storytelling. It's like the director is saying "if you don't like this movie, you obviously don't understand it, so we can make it as over-the-top as we want. Screw subtlety. Racist." Traffic and Syriana were both similar. Intense and controversial subject matters with big-name celebrities and directors, a few good performances, but kinda ridiculous (and convoluted) plots. Just because it deals with a serious issue does not mean it's actually a great movie. Brokeback Mountain, on the other hand, is a wonderfully subtle movie for all the spoofs and controversies surrounding it. Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal acted the hell out of the movie. So did Michelle Williams and even Anne Hathaway. Ang Lee directed it wonderfully, and the plot and dialogue were actually believable to me. I admit, I cried at the end. It got to me the way that a good movie should, by making me feel for the characters and live with them in their world. I never got the world of Crash. I just think Brokeback Mountain was a better overall movie. And this has nothing to do with my support of gay rights--I am no more supportive of gay rights than I am anti-racism (or anti-drugs, etc). So don't go there.

Whatever happened to subtlety? I mean this in terms of cast of characters, plot, and direction. Some of my favorite movies are bit more "out there" in terms of plot, but the things that keep them simple are the acting and relationships between the characters. Juno may have pissed me off a little, in terms of unbelievable dialogue (Aaron Sorkin, I'm also looking at you with this.), but the movie had such incredible heart that I still love it deeply. I felt for all the characters, and I thought it had a wonderful message. Homeskillets aside.

Joss Whedon is masterful at this, even though all of his shows have involved quite a bit of suspension of belief. Buffy had a wonderful message and was acted well by all the characters, with appropriate drama and lightness to draw me into that fantastical world. It may have gotten a bit too intense, but I still felt drawn to each and every one of the characters. Even Firefly, in its all-too short run, managed to draw me into the (complicated) world, and the lives of each of the main characters. Pretty impressive, Joss. Alan Ball is guilty of making his worlds (American Beauty, Six Feet Under, etc.) too overly dramatic, and a bit heavy-handed. But I still feel for the characters, even if I hate most of them at the time. They're usually well-acted, and involve simple moments that really make me feel for the characters. Six Feet Under goes between drama of annoyingly soap opera proportions, and simple little moments that are absolutely beautiful. I've already mentioned this (I think), but the final montage of the last episode was probably the most beautiful ten minutes of TV that I've ever seen. So it was worth the over-the-top intensity. I cry every time.

So yeah, while watching crappy Underworld, I realized where my cinematic priorities lay. Stop holding our hands, Hollywood! We don't need red flags to tell us where we should pay more attention, and big gags to tell us when to laugh. We don't need convoluted plots to make us think about deep issues, or big-name celebrities to make movies funny. Trust the people to think for themselves. Or is that too much to ask for?

I Have Atrocious Posture

2008-04-18T11:28:00.000-07:00

Seriously. Why did nobody ever tell me this before? I knew that I didn't have a supermodel's gait, but I never realized just how bad it was. Dude, I'm all Quasimodo up in here. Like I do for everything else wrong in my life, I blame my job. Even though this condition predated my current employment. I'm a sloucher while reading bl--I mean, working diligently for my company. (Performance Reviews are coming up.) I'm a total low-rider, and often end up slouching so far down that my pod-mates can't even see me. I liken it to a turtle, which when confronted with the vast emptiness of being, ducks into its cozy little shell, thereby postponing the eventual ennui that takes all like-minded reptiles. Or something like that. I'm running from Corporate Life by slouching in my seat and refusing to tuck in my shirt. I know, it's been established, I am a rebel. The true irony is my initial excitement over these new ergonomic chairs, which are supposed to help our posture.

I realized this when I was at the gym, and noticed that I looked a little frumpier than I should be. I was majorly slouching, and when I pulled myself together (and up), looked a little better. I kinda walk like an old lady, and I NEED TO STOP IT NOW. Seriously, this posture does nothing for my body type/size, so I need to get it together. I give any of you full permission to rap me across the knuckles with a ruler, or whatever else the nuns are doing to the kids who slouch.

And now, I am off to the 16th floor. They're trying out this new hot drinks machine, which has really good flavors and stuff. The fake cappuccinos actually resemble cappuccinos. At least physically. I'm probably going to go with a Milky Way (TM) mochaccino (poor man's cafe mocha) or chococcino (fancy way to say hot chocolate). Any machine that includes flavors such as Kona coffee blend is okay by me.

Utensils Down, Hands Up!

2008-04-17T09:11:00.000-07:00

Y'all totally know that I'm just dying to say that at dinner one of these days.

But, oh my life is richer in innumerable ways because of Top Chef. And this season is certainly, uh, interesting. I mean, I see the talent there (Shut up you! I can couch-judge if I want to.), and of course, Chicago is a great city for this show to be in. They're also doing a pretty good job showing the stereotypically well-known sides of Chicago, and I gotta admit, I would've gone to that Bears game if I knew that the Top Chef contestants would be there. You think I'm joking?

Okay, but lots of these cheftestants are kinda starting to grate on me. Even Jen last episode had me rolling my eyes and making snarky asides (to the cats, of course), and I was all for the lesbians! Seriously, in that one talking head moment, when she was talking about her great love Zoi and how hard this is now, and how angry and sad she is, and how Spike should probably be dead now, she was totally CRYING. I mean, CRYING. Zoi's not dead! I really don't think that's what happens to cheftestants that have to pack their knives and go. Although, that would be a fun twist. Oh Jen, Zoi's just not as good at surviving in that environment as you are. You don't need to remind us that she's the love of your life, and all that stuff WHILE CRYING. Come on. I know you'll miss her, but sack up! I'm glad and all that you won that Quick Fire, but dedicating the tailgating dish to Zoi's Greek roots was a little much. Shouldn't you have like the ultimate bragging rights with her now? You made it further than she did in one of the hardest cooking competitions on TV. Make the competition fun for you! WHICH MEANS STOP WHINING ABOUT HER. YOU WILL SEE HER SOON ENOUGH. GOD. Okay, rant over now.

But, yeah, Spike is kind of a jerk. And by kind of, I mean I want to kick him in his rat face. Wow, I'm a little saucy today. I think I'll roll with it for the rest of the day. These cheftestants seem much less, uh, diplomatic than last season's bunch. Last season, we only really had Howie and Joey to deal with, while now we have Dale, Lisa, Spike, Andrew, and to a lesser extent Antonia. Wow. They may cook better(well, that's what Bravo keeps cramming down our throats), but damn are they immature, the multitude of cussing aside. The explosion last week in the Stew Room may have been good TV, but it was crotch-grabbing, chair-kicking, drunken-slurring drama. And, that's a little too much for me to handle. Even in high school.

But, hell, I still enjoy it. The challenges may be a bit more gimmicky than previous seasons', but this last challenge (including the beer pairing Quickfire) was straight-cooking. And I liked it more than challenges in the past. [Edit: What I meant was cooking with no frills or frippery attached--just plain ole "which food tastes best." I did not mean to imply anything about sexual orientation or heterosexual cooking habits. I'm an Equal Opportunity viewer--and didn't I just mention how I was all about the lesbians? But, yeah, I guess this was a particularly straight challenge, now that you mention it, Rhetorical Critic.]

Also, I just discovered this website: Amuse-Biatch. It's like if Go Fug Yourself and Project Rungay realized they were madly in love, had a secret love-child, and reared it on nothing but Top Chef. The site isn't really as detailed as I would normally like, but it's got appropriate snark and research about all the people involved in the show. It's made with love.

This has been a very Top Chefy post. I really didn't mean for it to be--I had other things to talk about. I guess all that Jennifer drama made me forget what else I wanted to mention. Huh. Eh, it must not have been as important as railing against dramatic chefs on the TV.

Happy Thursday!

A Startling Peek into My Everyday Mind via Dinosaur Comics

2008-04-16T14:24:00.001-07:00

I know Lia will approve.

What Have You Done Today to Make You Feel Proud?

2008-04-16T11:19:00.000-07:00

I chose Subway instead of Mexican food! That's me for the day! Oh, is getting spinach leaves and cucumber on a tuna sandwich really that weird? It's actually healthier than going with plain ole Iceberg, which I really can't handle anymore. For some reason, every time I order this sandwich, at least one person will give me a sideways look of mild to moderate abject horror. Oh, come on, lady--like your banana peppers, red onions, and black olives don't gross me out.

But yay for Biggest Loser finale last night! Finally a female Biggest Loser! Congratulations Ali! This is a lot of exclamation marks! Here's a few more!!!! But seriously, it was kind of awesome seeing how everyone did--Ali ended up losing 48% of her original body weight, and now doesn't seem to have any fat on her at all. She really ended up earning that $250,000. Another shocking "oh, my god" moment was with Bernie--he was the little guy in the competition, and he ended up winning the $100,000 that the contestant who play from home compete for. Another Jillian trainee! Not all the contestants ended up skinny, but they all looked so much better than before. This is actually a TV show that really does save lives! That's my justification for watching it. So yeah, Jillian has still won every single year she has faced off against Bob--her trainees just want it more, I guess.

So after that I went to the gym, even though my arms were still killing me from Sunday. Oh, did I mention that I'm like one step away from doing real pull-ups? I'm very proud of this. Joel made us do exercises on the squat rack, where we hang from the bar and try to pull ourselves up using mostly our upper body strength, although we can cheat and use our legs if we need to. When we get to the top, we're supposed to pick our feet us as best we can (if we're able to at all) and slowly lower ourselves down. It's hardcore (yes, I'm a girl). Joel made a big deal out of the fact that he doesn't expect us to pick our feet up yet, but we should try anyway. Guess what, guys. I picked them up! And then he made me do more. Yeah, I know I'm impressive. But it turns out of the three of us, I'm the one with the most upper body strength--although this could be due to the fact that I've trained with Joel more frequently and more recently than the other two have. I learned this when he made us do fake pushups (where we get a rest after we do one and lay on the ground for a second), and I was done with them like half a minute before the other girls were. I forget about girls sometimes. I don't do enough cardio, though, and it's killing me right now. This is why I'm not progressing as well as I'd like. So, my new resolution is to run EVERY DAY. It can happen. Starting....now!

Uh, what else? Oh yeah, I saw these earlier today:

X-Files 2 is now officially cemented in my mind. Scully has long hair! The truth is still out there! I'm actually really excited about this. I think I'm unleashing my inner geek more and more these days. And I kinda like it.

And now I'm off to yet another pointless meeting! See y'all later.

Well, I Know I'm an Elitist

2008-04-15T09:05:00.000-07:00

But that's beside the point.

Kay, I've been avoiding talking about politics, but it seems that (today especially) everywhere I turn, I am reminded of every new scandal that happens, and I've actually got opinions.

It shouldn't surprise anyone that I am an Obama supporter. I have been for quite some time. I honestly believe that he is what's best for this country right now. When I first heard about the new "scandalous comments" that Obama made last week, I couldn't believe that the media was making such an enormous deal out of it. At first. Then I remembered the way it was in high school for me. I was surrounded by people, who right now are probably very insulted with Obama, calling him unpatriotic and probably agreeing with McCain and Hillary. Well, probably more McCain, because I know they won't vote for that woman. I know these people, who would make a big deal out of it. They fell hook line and sinker for Bush. I remember being appalled, after someone told me that my teacher (who registered as a conscientious objector during Vietnam) was cowardly, Un-American, and should've been forced to fight. He spewed venom at me for even implying that I agreed with my teacher. These people exist, and I used to be surrounded by them.

And, guess what. They're bitter about the goverment, and cling on to their little issues, and yes, their guns. Remember how Texan I am? Obama is 100% correct. Hands down. And you know what? America needs to hear this. I'm sorry. We don't need candidates who pretend that everything's perfect in America, and all the blue collar and rural folks are perfectly happy with everything, and haven't been totally screwed by the government time and time again. There are very real reasons why rural America goes Red (as well as being stereotypically racist, homophobic, misogynistic, etc), and perhaps it wasn't prudent for him to point them out, but he was being honest and not worrying about the problematic nature of his words. These people vote contrary to what's economically beneficial for them, because of the social issues. Remember the last elections? (FYI This is why Huckabee scared the crap out of me) And, he was trying to explain why those voters might be frustrated. He really doesn't play the same political game as Hillary.

And McCain and Hillary saying this makes Obama elitist is the biggest political spin I've heard in a while. It's demeaning for those two candidates to try to make themselves more in touch with the common people than Barack Obama. Hillary is trying to make herself seem like a good ole country gal, which Obama was right to speak out against.

I guess these comments broke my usual stoic calm about the political climate in this country. I'm just so tired of saying "oh, come on" anytime Hillary tries to challenge him. Usually because of the way she challenges him.

But, I'm not exactly a person who needs much convincing. And, even I seem to be buying into the hype about turning his little comments into something much bigger than they were intended to be. Come on people, can we at least try to focus on real issues? People need to stop being offended, and look at the candidate who will do the best for the whole country, and not those who try to pander to everyone's limited points of view.

Anyone want to move to Europe?

God, I'm being too deep these days. I need to get back to writing about dumb things. Oh, the live finale of The Biggest Loser is on tonight. I'll probably talk about that tomorrow.

Kinda Sorta an Oaky Afterbirth

2008-04-12T06:04:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I've been pretty sick these past few days. I thought that it was a remarkable coincidence since I just got sick when I got these cats, and I really don't get sick too many times in one year. Really not more than once. I was really worried that I was allergic to the cats, but I seem to be getting better, and my contact with the cats isn't lessening. So I guess that's a good sign.

But the World Has turned UPSIDE DOWN while I was incapacitated. First, as I was starting to get sick, Lifetime bought Project Runway?!?!? Is this true? How could anyone let this happen? I AM NOT GOING TO WATCH LIFETIME. Isn't Project Runway one of the quintessential Bravo TV shows? Why would Lifetime be a better choice? I feel like the show is never going to be the same. Who will watch it now? ALSO--just in--Nina Garcia has been fired from her position as the fashion director of ELLE magazine! What does this mean? Will ELLE still be involved with Project Runway? Will Nina Garcia? Who will give the really mean commentaries? I AM DISTRAUGHT.

In other news--The Office is back! Yay! I enjoyed Thursday's episode, but in the way that the first Christmas episode was enjoyable. Totally awkward and uncomfortable, and made me feel bad for like, half of the characters. But in that wonderful Office way. I forgot how much I missed Pam, Jim, Michael, Dwight, Angela etc...until I saw them again on Thursday night. I'm now excited for the rest of this season.

And, for some inexplicable reason, I am currently watching Full House. I blame the illness. It's so 90s. The hair, the clothes, the jokes. The acting is so terrible! It's strange to think that I used to watch this show all the time, and thought it was a good show. Oh, how we grow.

KLKDKSLFJDKITTIESLKAJFKJLDS!!!

2008-04-07T12:03:00.000-07:00

So, it's official. I'm now a bona fide cat owner. Yesterday I got two cats from Chicago Animal Care & Control, and they're awesome.

MEET MY CATS:

Nubs (F-4 months). She is quite possibly the friendliest kitty that I've ever known, and is very demanding of both my and Gus' attention. Her name is because she only has three paws, and one little nub. I don't think I'll ever get over watching her walk around the place--it's adorable! She has a horrible sense of balance, but manages very well in spite of it. She can jump on pretty much anything in my apartment. She clearly loves the Scratch Lounge, as well as the beads hanging on my closet door.

Gus (M-4 months). I like to think of Gus as me in cat form. He's very laid back when he's comfortable, but skittish as hell when anyone makes a sudden move. Gus spends much of his time under the bed. He and I are becoming better friends, partly due to the magic of the laser pointer. He goes crazy over it, while Nubs is more like "whatever." He also likes my little mice and the ball with a bell in it.

Last night I went to bed very carefully, to not jostle Gus from his resting place at the end of my bed. I woke up at 3 AM, and the first thing I saw was Nubs' face in my face, purring loudly, with Gus playing aggressively with my feet. I think this means that I am a real cat owner. I was also very proud that both of them found the litter box with no problems.

Now I have to go, because I think Nubs is going to knock over my printer.

COME VISIT MY KITTIES.

PS-I totally took a personal day today to "make sure they got settled." Mostly, I've just watched them play on my bed, and tried to get the black cat hair off of my white couch.

You Must Have This Much of a Sense of Humor to Read this Blog

2008-04-04T11:35:00.001-07:00

Or, you know, know me. Whatev. (Nota bene: I have never kicked a dog, nor will I ever kick a dog. Nor a cat. Not even a pigeon. I'm just not that kind of person; and yes, I have owned and loved MANY pets in my life with many different temperaments and dispositions, so I think I can handle it. I will, however, kick a human. GLADLY. FYI.)

Okay, that's over. I am very appreciative of everyone's enthusiasm, advice, and support regarding this matter--I have decided to get a cat, and I feel that it will perfectly compliment my lifestyle. So this weekend I shall head to the pound and pick out a lifemate. I will try to avoid giving him/her an overtly geeky name, but you never know with me. I'm not really sure what materials I need to bring with me, and I'll clear it with my landlady beforehand, although she'll hardly mind. I guess on Saturday I'll go to Petsmart, and prepare for the cat's arrival, by picking up a litter box, litter, food, bowls, and fun toys. This is going to be a good weekend.

Hmm...what else? My quarter-life crisis is coming to a close. I'm ending up where I began again, and have started furiously working out and checking USAJobs daily. Guess what I've decided to do again! Anyway, I'm excited, and am glad that my life seems more on track. Am thinking of using some contacts that I completely forgot about until a couple of days ago. Get excited, people! I mean, I assume you're all thrilled hearing about my vacillations of career choices already.

I am so excited that the damn supermodel show is finally over. I was doing a grueling running session last night while watching the finale, so I couldn't yell at the TV without the entire gym thinking I'm nuts. But can I just say: YAY HOLLY! AMERICA (Well, Bravo audiences) CHOSE WELL! I'm a little amazed, but she really was the best choice. By far. Even though "supermodel" is a little bit of a stretch, wouldn't you say?

Mastercard: What did I tell you about McDonald's?
Cristina's Brain: I'M SORRY, OKAY! I JUST WANTED SOME NUGGETS! STOP JUDGING ME!
Mastercard: You better drag your ass to the gym is all. Macy's won't stop bitching about getting new clothes, so you better do something about that.
Cristina's Brain: I'll go tonight, but it does close early on Fridays....
Mastercard: Don't even try to get out of it. I'll wake up CTA, and he KNOW'S EVERYTHING ABOUT WHERE YOU'RE GOING AND WHAT YOU'RE DOING. I will rain down fire and brimstone on you if you skip out to take the 146 downtown to get Ghirardelli's.
Cristina's Brain: Yes, sir.

In other news, Krav Maga? Thoughts? I think it would be a very good idea for me to learn this.

Happy Friday! I will keep all of you updated on the cat front as soon as I make headway.

I Live in Dog City

2008-04-01T11:02:00.000-07:00

I REALLY WANT A DOG! Living in my apartment building is a little like torture, because one thing that I really miss about life in San Antonio is the dogs. No joke, it seems like EVERY person in my apartment building has a dog. At least one, or some other type of adorable animal! And it doesn't really help that my nice neighbors (not the unfriendly ones) got an adorable new kitty, which I can hear mewing when I unlock my door in the afternoons. I always see these adorable puppies trotting along on the way to their walks, and it makes me so wistful. Yesterday I saw one of my building mates being pulled along by her pug, which prompted me to say "I've always wanted one of those!" She said "Oh you should get one! They're great and I tell everyone to get one." GAH!

Now, I've been resisting this urge for many practical reasons. I live in a shoebox, and that is unfair to most kinds of dogs--especially the ones that I really want (Mastiff, Bloodhound, Rottweiler e.g.). I work 9-5, and the call of nature waits for no white collar worker. I have a white couch--no explanation needed. I don't have much space, even for me. A cat would be much more practical, and I would love it just as much as any dog. SO WHY CAN'T I STOP THINKING ABOUT GETTING A DOG?

I did a little research today, and discovered that there are some breeds of dogs that can handle apartment life--even small apartment life. (n.b. my apartment building is exclusively studios and one-bedrooms, and I do have one of the larger studio options) The first one which caught my eye is the forlorn Basset Hound. Like a shorter, squatter Bloodhound, this dog is simply adorable. They are also magnificent scent hounds & trackers, and I do like my dogs to be functional. If I ever get kidnapped, I can count on my loyal friend to lead the way towards my rescue! They don't require much space to live in, because they are very inactive most of the time. All they require is a good walk twice daily. I can do that! I also really like the idea of having a hound, so that I can "release the hound." I crack myself up.

Another contender is the fresh-faced Beagle. A Snoopy dog! These are also scent hounds, and are apparently incredibly intelligent. This is the breed of dog that dialed 911 in 2006, which was a headlining news story for, like, three weeks straight. Dude, I need that dog! It's better than that "I've-Fallen-and-I-Can't-Get-Up" button! The only issue is that these dogs are more active. They can handle being in an apartment, but it needs to be a larger one, so that they can frolic and play, and presumably train for rescue missions. Shoot.

And now we come to the clownish Pug. Now, I used to think these dogs were ugly. They're too wrinkly, with bug eyes and underbites. But how wrong was I?! These dogs are probably the sweetest and happiest-looking animals EVER. I've never met a Pug that didn't look like it was loving life. I'd rather have a happy puppy than one who seems to be suffering from extreme melancholia. I'm the melancholic one in the family! Me! And I hear that Pugs are extremely good apartment dogs.

There are countless other examples of dogs I could get. The Miniature Pinscher is a practical small apartment dog, and it doesn't seem as high-strung and kickable as other toy breeds. So, I guess it'd doable. I keep talking about all these very distinct breeds, but I'll probably go to the Anti-Cruelty Society or the like to pick up a pet; not only will that save me hundreds of dollars, but it's much better to get an animal that really needs a home. It'll be a bonus if I could find me a hound or hound-mix there, though.

Having said all that, I'll probably end up getting a cat. And I'll love it. I'm just a dog person, and will look forward to having a lifestyle that could better compliment it. I just need something soon, because my TV is not a good roommate. An animal is a much better distraction.

Other things:
-My quarter-life crisis is starting to clear up, and I'm ending up back where I began.
-I really, really hate wind.
-Tacos are one of the greatest culinary inventions in the world. Especially from La Cocina.
-Oh yeah, Happy April Fools! (But the dog thing wasn't a joke. Not that it would've been a great practical joke. Never mind. Forget that I said anything.)

Random Rankings: Round 1 Sudden Death Match (Hee hee)

2008-03-31T09:16:00.000-07:00

In the Spirit of March Madness (I don't really know why I capitalized "spirit" just then, maybe as in "Spirit of Christmas Past." Just go with it.), I have decided to start ranking things every now and then, mostly as a go-to blog when I've got writer's block or am being too boring. That sounds very vague doesn't it? Well, that's the point! I am vague! These rankings will be between anything! ANYTHING! Imagine the possibilities! Mostly I will focus on matchups between different products/concepts/technologies/creatures, etc. that are often grouped together in people's minds. You'll get the drift. I'll just give my own two cents, and apply my limited life-view to determine what I think is the "better" of the two. (NOTE: This is likely to cause debate even with the most trivial of pairs, and oh yes, I will be very trivial. Oftentimes I will be tongue-in-cheek or morbidly biased, but I will honestly try to be as objective as possible. Or not. ) This will be in the same vein as the Great Latke-Hamantash Debate, but hopefully even more trivial! Let the games begin!

For this inaugural post, let me start with an easy pairing. Well, easy for me:

VAMPIRE VS. WEREWOLF

If you know me, then you should know where I stand on this. But let's all pretend I'm capable of objectivity. Let's start with the origins of both of these creatures, whose myths can be traced back hundreds of years, and appear in many different cultures.

Similar myths have existed since the early Mesopotamians, but the traditional Anne Rice-esque vampire has only been known since the early 1800s, in Southeastern Europe with countless slight variations. Historical figures associated with vampirism have been Vlad Tepes (Vlad the Impaler--influence for Dracula), Gilles de Rais, and Countess Elizabeth Bathory. The werewolf has been around just as long, but in its current form it can be recognized even in Ancient Greek myth. In one tale, Lycaon, a brash king, was transformed into a wolf as a penalty for eating human flesh, and the tale spread from there. The tales of the Úlfhéðnar, or Berserkers, in Norse mythology are very similar to that of traditional werewolves, in that they wore only the pelts of wolves and bears into battle and would almost be transformed into animals, and were the most formidable warriors because of it. Now, let's see where these origin myths have ended up.

Vampires today bring forth images of savage, yet charismatic undead nobility, who need to satisfy their hunger for human blood, while still living with the trappings of royalty. Werewolves are thought to be poor, unlucky everymen, who get bitten by werewolves, and are doomed to transform every full moon into wild, uncontrollable creatures. To compare: vampires are considered the epitome of excess, as most historical figures associated with vampirism are royalty, whose insatiable bloodlust or longing for eternal life/youth/beauty caused them to commit unspeakable crimes; many myths agree that to become a vampire, a person has to will it--to drink the blood of a vampire. Werewolves are everymen transformed into beasts through no fault of their own, the epitome of the id unleashed. Werewolves inspire much more pity and pathos, because they are just having a really bad day. They didn't ask to get turned into werewolves, and now some stupid monster hunter is coming after them with silver bullets in his sniper rifle. That sucks, eternally-damned wolf-creatures--sorry! And, because I refuse to feel sorry for my monsters (sack up Wolfman!), the point goes to vampires. Vampires:1 Werewolves:0.

To be even shallower, let's turn to Buffy (see above examples). Now, Buffy specifically hunted vampires. The show was Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But because I watched this when I was a teenage girl, I looked at the show through the lens of "which guy would I like to date?" Angel or Oz is the representative example of this epic debate. Yes, Angel is hot. Yes, he is dark and brooding and wonderful. Yes, he is over 200 years old and has a really cool tattoo. But, I'd still totally date Oz. I mean, he's played by Seth Green! I'd even lock him in his cage for those 3 days of the month and hang out, while he's being a creepy wolf-man. This point goes to werewolves. Vampires:1 Werewolves: 1.

It's getting difficult now. We're tied up. I could go through countless examples of how these two creatures differ and how modern media paints them. I could compare google entries, and medical disorders attributed to both creatures. I could think about religion's impact on the genesis of these monsters, and get all philosophical. I could list all the actors who have played vampires and werewolves. However, considering this is a post regarding evil creatures, who hunt humans, I'll consider the tie-breaker in this fashion: which would I rather die to. Now, I don't particularly want to die to either, but if given a choice I would think about it in the following way:

-Death 1: (the first time I wrote this, it ended up sounding like an, uh, Anne Rice novel [read: kinda soft-core pornish], so I'm being much more abstract now) Random pale, handsome and well-dressed stranger, who I could meet anywhere entrances me and leads me away from the pack. We would probably end up somewhere comfortable, where I would drink entirely too much wine. I die in his arms, while I fade away in an uncomfortable but not excruciating manner, as he drinks from my jugular. At least he was hot.
-Death 2: During a full moon, I go camping in the woods with my closest friends. One by one we get picked off by a wild animal. We find the bodies mangled and half-eaten, with their last looks of horror still etched on their faces. My last vision will be seeing a huge man-beast lumbering towards me, with foul blood and flesh smeared on its face. I will die in incredible pain, after it rips an arm off and starts eating it in front of me.

Gosh, which would I choose? I think the winner is obvious. Vampires are more humane, people! Seriously! If you had to die, I hope you'd make the right choice, and go for a nice, slow bloodletting. And if you're really nice, and so inclined, you could get turned and hunt in the night with a really hot new friend.

VAMPIRE FOR THE WIN! CONGRATULATIONS UNDEAD NETHER-THING!

I mean, come on, it should be obvious guys...

I Shall Call It RadishGate 2008

2008-03-27T12:01:00.000-07:00

Hello, vast government conspiracies, my old friends. It's been a while. I know I haven't been paying attention to you in recent years, and you've been relegated to passing thoughts, while I am watching old episodes of The X-Files. But our past is a deep and sordid one, and I feel I must acknowledge that now. Gone are the days when your crazier proponents would get on national TV and scream about government coverups with plots of complicated intrigue. When The X-Files was actually on the air and people went crazy over such intelligent Fox Television programming such as Alien Autopsy and Conspiracy Theory: Did We Land on the Moon?, that was your moment to really shine and recruit new crazies. I salute the efforts of your glory days.

(IMPORTANT NOTE: This blogger, herself, does not personally believe in any sort of incredibly fascinating, vast governmental conspiracy. She is not advocating the belief of said intrigue. This post is 100% entertainment value. This blog post should not personally reflect on the character of the author, and should not reflect on her thoughts regarding our federal government. This blogger would now like to take this opportunity to salute the fine efforts of the brave governmental workers, who toil long hours for little pay to bring evildoers to justice and protect our national security, while having to deal with the more, uh, paranoid members of our society. Got that?)

Having said that, let's talk a little about government conspiracy. I randomly came across this article today: The 70 Greatest Conspiracies of All Time Sampler. I'm really not a big fan of the JFK conspiracy or even UFO cover ups, to be perfectly honest. Those theorists try too hard to connect information, which by itself is plausible, into some great web of government lies. They're just really die-hard fact checkers, who try so very, very hard to make all their theories line up, by looking at vast quantities of data. That grows tiresome for me. I much prefer the total wackadoos.

That's why the only article, which sparked enough interest for me to actually read it was the last one: "The Internet: Tool of Satan." Now THAT'S my kind of crazy. Did you know that The Illuminati were behind the internet? I know, right. That's pretty impressive, Unproven Ancient Secret Society Bent on Global Domination. Good for you. The reasons why They started this crazy fad called the internet run the gamut from spying on us, to drugging us, and, most impressively, to HAILING SATAN. I didn't realize I did that every time I checked my email. The things you learn every day. Gosh.

Seriously, where do they come up with these things? I'm really curious. Do you need a PhD to spout some of this crazy? How do they "research" this? I really want to know. If not, I'm totally going to dedicate as much effort as I can reasonably muster to creating new, much more interesting conspiracies.

Like, for example, did you know that for the past (oh let's say) 50 years, an unidentified paramilitary organization has been systematically feeding the global commercial turnip crops with a powerful mind-controlling chemical, and whenever you eat a turnip, or even the turnip leaves(!), you will unconsciously (and probably in your sleep, just for good measure) send sensitive personal information, like your SSN or ATM PIN to a predetermined internet address, that they planted in your mind with the turnip juice! I am very serious. In fact, this may have spread to other root vegetables, which may be farmed in close proximity to the infected turnips. Sure, why not. I would probably be able to publish this in some sort of magazine, worthy of the likes of The Lone Gunmen. In fact, I'd probably get at least one person who believes me. My ultimate goal, of course, would be mass hysteria. In time.

Now, you may think to yourself, you crafty reader you, that this sounds very similar to my arch-nemesis, Scientology. To that I say, NO, and am now quite insulted by your inferences. My goal is not to earn money or convince incredibly stupid celebrities to jump on couches. I just want to come up with one little ridiculous and wacky theory, that someone, somewhere, with little coersion on my part, will unequivocably agree with. Is that too much to ask for? I'm not creating Xenu here, people. Even I have my limits.

So please, spread the turnip word.